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 Post subject: Hope
PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2018 12:01 pm 

Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 12:39 am
Posts: 12
I felt compelled to post today to share my story and to bring this forum back to life.

I am 3 months past D- day. These have been the longest months, weeks, and days of my life. After D-Day I was devastated and in a really dark place. I could only feel sorry for myself and hopeless. I felt so hopeless. I recall even thinking of just ending it all. That seemed at the moment the only way to end the pain. I'm so blessed and glad I fought through those dark times
I am still on this journey to healing. But I am hopeful again. This hope does not come from anything my SA husband does or doesn't do. I have reignited my spiritual relationship and for me, this has been the most healing. I also read everything. I read on hear and read anything else I could find. This allowed me to see other women who found happiness whether recovering their marriages or starting a new life after. My spirituality reminded me I am not alone and that God will help me through this. Reading helped me see and come to not fear all the unknown. If I stay in this marriage it will take a lot of work, from both me and my husband, but if we both do the work we can have intimacy and love. If we divorce it's not the end of the world. There is so much wonderful things in my life.

My husband and I are living separated as of now. These past few months have been difficult, but I am so proud of where I am now. I wake up and I have hope. I have hope that no matter what happens or what other's do, my life is worth living. I love my career. I love my family and friends and have come to realize just how supportive and loved I am. I love how it smells out now that fall is here. I love hearing the word of the Lord at church. I love my coffee. I love trying new foods and places. I love connected with others. I love life!

I know I still have a long journey to go. But I'm not afraid anymore. And that in itself is so powerful. I hope you all can find hope again. Whatever that means for you.
I'd love to hear from others on their journey. :)

 Post subject: Re: Hope
PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2018 10:17 am 

Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2011 4:31 am
Posts: 330
Welcome to RN. It has given me much hope too. It took me a lot longer than you did to find reasons to feel good about living and to feel gratitude. But it is thanks to RN that I learned about self-care and trusting myself.

If you see my recovery lessons, you will see I have been through a roller-coaster for years. The journey continues now that my Current Guy (who I've been partiners with for 22 years now) is in the hospital now that his addictions have taken a serious toll on his health.

He says he wants to live healthily. I do believe him, but wonder if he's finally ready to live differently now, or is it just another phase before he reverts back to his very unhealthy living?

What I DO know is that I have changed -- I only want to be in a healthy relationship with him, and if he goes back to unhealthy living I do not want to continue. I want to be happy and I now realize I can't be happy in a relationship with someone who is not basically living healthy. It has taken me a long time to get to this point emotionally and to really establish boundaries of what is acceptable. Now that I have, all I have to do is commit to living up to them.

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