He Danced Alone
A Look Inside the Mind of a Sex/Love Addict
As a partner, it is hard to grasp the true nature of sexual addiction by reading an expert's textbook. You may gain a better understanding of the nuts and bolts of addiction, but that knowledge will often ring hollow when applying it to the personal devastation that you have experienced. Additionally, it is nearly impossible to piece together a timeline of all of your partner's illogical, irrational actions in hopes of better understanding why your life has been devastated in such a way.
With this in mind, Recovery Nation offers partners free access to He Danced Alone — Jonathan Marsh's raw, autobiographical look into the heart and mind of a sex/love addict. Hopefully, by seeing the progressive nature of sexual addiction in the life of another...by seeing the illogical patterns displayed in someone you can be objective with...you will be more apt to understand the true nature of addiction in your own partner. More importantly, you will have better prepared yourself to grasp the reality that there is nothing you could have done that would have changed the inevitability of your partner's downfall. That it was not the quality of your love, the strength of your relationship or even the personal integrity of your partner that led to this downfall, it was the pattern of addiction...plain and simple.
Some things to keep in mind as you read:
1) I struggled with a fairly severe addiction that spanned much of my late teen and early adult years. Most people who engage in sexually compulsive behavior do not reach the level of compulsion that I did. That does not mean that the potential consequences of their behavior is any less of a threat. Compulsive masturbation can be just as devastating to a marriage as an affair. Pornography just as debilitating as stalking.
2) Some people develop addictions that are far more severe than mine ever was. Why I share this is because you may not be able to tell based solely on what you have discovered to date...or what your partner tells you. Nobody...NOBODY...ever knew of my sexual addiction until I voluntarily shared it my desire to change. As you come to see how severe that addiction became, you will likely gain some insight into just how masterful sexually compulsive people can be at manuipulating the perceptions of others.
3) While being offered to educate partners, there are some circumstances where it would be beneficial for those with severe addictions to read this. Especially when those individuals are holding on to the mistaken belief that what they are experiencing is unique; or that it is a fate they have little control over. The changes that I have made to my life over the past eighteen plus years have been real. And while I don't pretend to live a perfect life, and I certainly do not espouse to be anyone's moral role model (save for my children)...I have not struggled with any of these patterns throughout this time. Could I fully relapse tomorrow? No. But give me three or four months of overwhelming stress and the possibility exists that I could have a collapse in how I manage my life. But that is not the point. The point is, even if I did collapse tomorrow...I still have eighteen years of living a relatively healthy, values-based life that I would not have experienced should I have embraced those that told me 'once an addict; always an addict'. For those who are struggling with a severe addiction...read He Danced Alone...and then contact me. Let's talk.
Warning: He Danced Alone is a graphic representation of Jonathan's sexual and emotional development from the beginning of the addiction to it's rather extreme height. Then, it summarizes the awareness that took place as he transitioned away from addiction and recovery towards a healthy life.
It is NOT intended for those in recovery to read — except for those with extreme addictions who believe that their addictions are unique. That what they are experiencing is a fate beyond their control.
It is NOT intended as a measurement tool to gauge the severity of another's addiction. Each addiction, even when the behavior goes no further than compulsive masturbation — has the potential to absolutely devastate a person's life. Many people's lives. If any sexually and/or romantically compulsive behavior is creating difficulty in the stability and fulfillment of someone's life, that alone is enough to seek help.
To read He Danced Alone, click here.