Partner's Workshop: Stage Four; Lesson Two

Personal Daily Monitoring

One of the first practical tools you will be developing is a Daily Monitoring assessment. The purpose of this assessment is two-fold:

1) To shift any power you may be giving others (like your partner's addiction and/or recovery) over your own health to the reality that your health is dependent solely on your skill in deriving meaning and purpose from managing the challenges of your own life.


2) To lay the foundation for a more advanced tool that will allow you to regain this focus should you lose it down the road.

A few notes about your daily monitoring. The areas that you are monitoring are intended to help you re-establish a healthy, intrinsic foundation for managing your life. At this stage (over the next thirty days), what you monitor should be empowering and positive. "I will not secretly check-up on my partner's behavior" is an example of a poor area of your life to monitor because it is based on limiting behavior that is destructive. Restated with empowerment, might read something like, "When faced with opportunities to indulge in a compulsive urge to monitor my partner, did I remember that such behavior actually hurts me and violates my own boundaries? If so, did I choose to act based on my values and not my emotions?"

Additionally, what you monitor should be open-ended as opposed to goal-oriented. For instance, 'I will set aside thirty minutes to do yoga.' is a goal-oriented task. 'I will look for opportunities to enhance my physical and mental well-being' is open-ended.

Exercise Twenty-Six

A. Review the following daily assessment, changing the content (as necessary), but not the number of questions:

1. Did I take full responsibility for managing my own life today?
2. Did I engage in any behavior that was in direct conflict with my vision?
3. Were any of my boundaries violated today? If so, did I act to protect them?
4. Did I take time today just for myself (to nurture relaxation, creativity, independence, etc.)
4a. If not, how many days has it been since I have?
5. Did I derive meaning from at least three areas of my life today?
6. Add one additional area of your life to monitor here.
7. Add one additional area of your life to monitor here.

B. For the next thirty days, complete the assessment right before going to bed. Spend no more than five minutes in this review. There is no need to track this monitoring, just make it a priority.

C. At the end of thirty consecutive days, you should recognize that what it is you are monitoring has become ingrained. This will allow you to move on to the next phase of Daily Monitoring — which is more of an 'as needed' phase that is discussed further in the later lessons on managing instability.

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