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 Post subject: Month 1; Week 1; Day 2
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:58 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
Month1; Week 1; Day 2

Create a vision that you would feel comfortable committing yourself to pursue.

1st and foremost is to not take my wife for granted. Then not take myself so seriously. Most of my life has been about me and in doing so, I’ve made poor, unhealthy choices – emotionally immature choices. Moving forward I see myself evolving into a man who takes responsibility for his (my) actions. My actions will show a change in who I am. I release all the angers of my past & the consequences of those angers.

I am committed to repairing my relationship with my wife. Above all else, being totally open and honest with her in all ways. Sharing with her, each day, my thoughts and feelings. To be more supportive than I have been in the past.

I am committed to being there for my children and grandchildren. To be more giving and sharing of myself. To be and show caring about their lives. To be more active in their lives than I have been in the past.

I am committed to be more appreciative of my family, friends, co-workers and strangers. We learn lessons from everyone we meet. I am learning to value those lessons more each day. I am committed to setting boundaries as to what is acceptable & not acceptable! And finally, I am committed to being trustworthy. To trust others and to trust myself. Trusting myself to make healthy choices. To live a life I can be proud of, a life full of love joy and happiness.


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 Post subject: Month 1; Week 1; Day 3
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 3:00 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 1; Day 3

My values list.
1. Living with integrity
2. Living with compassion
3. Sharing my true self with the world around me
4. Strengthening my role as a partner
5. Strengthening my role as a brother to
6. Strengthening my role as a coworker
7. Being an inspiration to others
8. Being dedicated
9. Showing appreciation towards other
10. Being tenacious in my pursuit of (add pursuit)
11. Being charitable, giving
12. Enhancing my spiritual awareness
13. Bringing joy to others
14. Providing quality in my work
15. Establishing competence in my field
16. Being respected as a professional by others
17. Being playful
18. Staying active
19. Being dependable
20. Being reliable
21. Working as part of a team
22. Honesty
23. Humbleness
24. Sense of humor
25. Sense of responsibility
26. Being considerate of others
27. Being considerate of myself
28. Putting otherÂ’s needs before my own
29. Taking care of myself
30. Being a role model for my family
31. Being a role model for others
32. Loving others
33. Being loved by others
34. Being challenged; overcoming challenges
35. Developing emotional maturity
36. Creativity
37. Striving for excellence
38. Establishing financial freedom
39. Overcoming/surviving personal struggles
40. Physical health
41. Being a teacher/mentor
42. Sexual intimacy
43. Experiencing euphoria
44. Feeling appreciated
45. Feeling masculine
46. Feeling empowered
47. Passionate about life
48. Developing sustained friendships
49. Encouraging my wife's independence
50. Being respected
51. Being judged trustworthy
52. Feeling unconditional love
53. Indulging in creative inspiration, development
54. Developing patience
55. Sharing my true self with the world around me
56. Connected to my own feelings
57. Resourcefulness
58. Appreciating natural beauty/nature
59. Integrity
60. Connecting to purpose, meaning of life
61. Organization
62. Instilling healthy values in my kids
63. Experiencing uniqueness
64. Improving my social interactions
65. Being a leader
66. Sexual intimacy
67. Building things
68. Intellectual growth, debate, communication
69. Communicating feelings
70. Experienced in conflict resolution
71. Taking care of others in need
72. Feeling happy and content
73. Accepting responsibility for living my life
74. Be known as truthful and honest
75. Sense of accomplishment
76. Friendship
77. Forgiveness
78. Realistic
79. Personal growth, development
80. Respecting Mother Earth
81. Open-minded to the beliefs and values of others, tolerance
82. Self-discipline
83. Taking pride in myself
84. Setting acceptable boundaries
85. Improving the way I communicate with my wife


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 Post subject: Month 1; Week1; Day 5
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 3:59 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 1; Day 4
Take a snap shot of where you are at this point in your life and put each of the values in order. Remember that values change. Priorities change. Think only in the moment that you are prioritizing.



69. 01. Communicating feelings
86. 02. Improving the way I communicate with my wife
84. 03. Setting acceptable boundaries
85. 04. Personal growth, development
79. 05. Sexual intimacy
39. 06. Overcoming/surviving personal struggles
35. 07.Developing emotional maturity
56. 08. Connected to my own feelings
74. 09. Be known as truthful and honest
12. 10. Enhancing my spiritual awareness
9. 11. Showing appreciation towards others
73. 12. Accepting responsibility for living my life
1. 13. Living with integrity
25. 14. Sense of responsibility
21. 15. Working as part of a team
16. Living with compassion
17. Sharing my true self with the world around me
18.Strengthening my role as a partner
18. Strengthening my role as a brother to
19. Strengthening my role as a coworker
20. Being an inspiration to others
21. Being dedicated
22. Being tenacious in my pursuit of (add pursuit)
23. Being charitable, giving
24. Bringing joy to others
25. Providing quality in my work
26. Establishing competence in my field
27. Being respected as a professional by others
28. Being playful
29. Staying active
30. Being dependable
31. Being reliable
32. Honesty
33. Humbleness
34. Sense of humor
35. Being considerate of others
36. Being considerate of myself
37. Putting otherÂ’s needs before my own
38. Taking care of myself
39. Being a role model for my family
40. Being a role model for others
41. Loving others
42. Being loved by others
43. Being challenged; overcoming challenges
44. Creativity
45. Striving for excellence
46. Establishing financial freedom
47. Physical health
48. Being a teacher/mentor
49. Experiencing euphoria
50. Feeling appreciated
51. Feeling masculine
52. Feeling empowered
53. Passionate about life
54. Developing sustained friendships
55. Encouraging my wife's independence
56. Being respected
57. Being judged trustworthy
58. Feeling unconditional love
59. Indulging in creative inspiration, development
60. Developing patience
61. Sharing my true self with the world around me
62. Resourcefulness
63. Appreciating natural beauty/nature
64. Integrity
65. Connecting to purpose, meaning of life
66. Organization
67. Instilling healthy values in my kids
68. Experiencing uniqueness
69. Improving my social interactions
70. Being a leader
71. Building things
72. Intellectual growth, debate, communication
73. Experienced in conflict resolution
74. Taking care of others in need
75. Feeling happy and content
76. Sense of accomplishment
77. Friendship
78. Forgiveness
79. Realistic
80. Respecting Mother Earth
81. Open-minded to the beliefs and values of others, tolerance
82. Self-discipline
83. Taking pride in myself


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 Post subject: Month 1; Week1; Day 5
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:00 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 1; Day 5
Take the top fifteen values that you have listed and post them in your recovery thread.
01. Communicating feelings
02. Improving the way I communicate with my wife
03. Setting acceptable boundaries
04. Personal growth, development
05. Sexual intimacy
06. Overcoming/surviving personal struggles
07.Developing emotional maturity
08. Connected to my own feelings
09. Be known as truthful and honest
10. Enhancing my spiritual awareness
11. Showing appreciation towards others
12. Accepting responsibility for living my life
13. Living with integrity
14. Sense of responsibility
15. Working as part of a team


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 Post subject: Month 1; Week 1; Day 6
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:27 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 1; Day 6
Of the top fifteen values on your prioritized values list, choose three and post them into your recovery thread.
1. Improving the way I communicate with my wife.
A. Be open and honest
B. Let it be ok to share emotions, vulnerability & feelings
C. Communicate daily / actively participate
2. Sexual intimacy with my wife
A. Explore/experience sexual activity as a time of fun
B. Don’t put pressure on myself to perform – relax with it
C. Explore initiation / acceptance rituals together
3. Setting acceptable boundaries
A. Excuse myself from uncomfortable situations
B. Monitor my language & the language of others – off color jokes, etc.
C. Be aware of my surroundings daily


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 Post subject: Month 1; Week 1; Day 7
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:59 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 1; Day 7
Develop initial action plans for the remaining top priority values.
1.Developing emotional maturity
A. recognize it as it happens (immaturity)
B. be calm & reassess the situation
C. be an adult
2.Accepting responsibility for living my life
A. own up to mistakes
B. continue to make honest evaluations
3.Be known as truthful & honest
A. must be honest & truthful daily
B. examine self if you canÂ’t be
4.Improving my social interactions
A. be keenly aware of my surroundings
B. accept social invitations whenever possible
C. relax and be yourself
5.Stressing my role as a partner to my wife
A. do thing together
B. develop teamwork
C. communicate
6.Connected to my own feelings
A. acknowledge what I am feeling
B. communicate those feelings / share them
7.Communicate feelings
A. donÂ’t over think the outcome (it may surprise you)
B. stand up for yourself – don’t be fearful
C. be true to yourself
8.Showing appreciation towards others
A. be honest and sincere


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 3:50 am 
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Recovery Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:32 pm
Posts: 4572
Please tell me you didn't do all six of these lessons in a matter of two hours. Please?! :oops:

Either way, what you have shared is pretty good. I think that the vision needs to evolve over the coming months...and the proactive action plans can be a bit more thought-out, but that is being picky. The biggest concern is for the practicalness of your top fifteen values...as many of the very top do not provide much potential value. They are more like goals to be achieved. Specifically, #1 and #2 seem more like values that you are trying to acknowledge because they have been stated as being important to your wife. So you are overcompensating a bit. To show my point, is it really more important to you to communicate feelings than it is to experience intimacy? Or to overcome your personal obstacles? Is it really more important to you to set acceptable boundaries than it is to experience spirituality? Or honesty? Or to accept full responsibility for your life?

Obviously, many of these overlap and it is hard sometimes to differentiate which is a value, which is a goal...and which is a subset of another value. That's okay. At this point, we are just learning the processes involved with building and sustaining a healthy life...the values themselves are variables.

What you have done here is enough to move forward, for sure. But do return to your top values every now and update them to match your evolving perceptions.

_________________
Jon Marsh
Recovery Coach
RecoveryNation.com


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 2:03 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
I didn't do these in 2 hours. I've been working on them off line and hadn't had the chance to post them. We had some issues going from dial up to high speed internet.

Thanks for your comments. I'll look at the list again and give it some deeper thought. Thanks you.


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 Post subject: Month 1; Week 2; Day 2
PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 3:56 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 2; Day 2

Ask yourself the following: “If my partner did the things that I have doneÂâ€â€


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 Post subject: Month 1; Week 2; Day 3
PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 4:06 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 2; Day 3

Make a list of places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior. List these items and their locations in your recovery thread.

While I no longer have a stash anywhere, IÂ’ll list the places I did have them.

File cabinet in my home office. Magazine basket by my chair. Desk file cabinet. Out in my workshop. Nightstand drawer. Dresser drawer.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:23 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 2; Day 4

Assessing Your Compulsive Behavior

Fantasies: IÂ’d fantasize watching porn, during sex and people-watching. There would be a great deal of visual/sensory behavior.
Most often my triggers would be porn, stress, feeling unappreciated, anger, movies, visual attraction and social situations.

Masturbation: IÂ’d masturbate using oils and creams. IÂ’d get a real high from orgasmÂ’s. Fantasy and porn were usually involved. Most often again, my triggers would be porn, stress, anger, visual attractions and social situations.

Boundaries Frequently Violated by Masturbation: IÂ’d have low self esteem, no intimacy with my wife, and lots of wasted time.

Pornography: I was stimulated by magazines, x rated movies, r-rated movies, catalogs, internet, etc. IÂ’d have my favorites, slow-mo and freeze frame. IÂ’d achieve orgasm.

Boundaries Frequently Violated by Pornography: IÂ’d have low self esteem, no intimacy with my wife, lots of wasted time and IÂ’d still be angry.

I just didnÂ’t have a clue or wanted to believe I had a problem with addiction. IÂ’m feeling really sad right now and disgusted with myself. IÂ’ve blamed my wife and others for my problems and just continued on with this awful addiction.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:38 pm 
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Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 2; Day 5

Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to an unhealthy recovery.

IÂ’d have to say it would be my thought patterns. The trigger here might be a sexy tv commercial or suggestive tv show. While I know thatÂ’s a trigger, my thoughts would linger on those imagesÂ…Â…fantasizing. Having said that, I am acutely aware of my thought processes and I do my best to not linger on those images. Is it working? Most of the time it is. I am making progress.

I was in my old haunting grounds today – due to work and after I got home I realized I had no thoughts of the porn shops I used to go to. I shared my excitement over this with my wife. She was happy for me.
This was the first time I hadnÂ’t burdened myself with thinking about where I was & how I used to visit those shops. Change my thinking, change my life.


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 Post subject: Month 1; Week 2: Day 6
PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:56 pm 
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Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 2; Day 6

Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to a healthy recovery.

While I no longer seek “trigger areasÂâ€Â


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 Post subject: Month 1; Week 2; Day 7
PostPosted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 6:56 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 2; Day 7

Develop Your Daily Monitoring List.

1. Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today?
2. Did I engage in any compulsive behavior today?
o If yes, did I maintain an awareness of the elements involved?
o Did I create a break as soon as I became aware of that ritual?
o If no, did I roleplay a past or possible future compulsive ritual to ingrain confidence in my ability to manage these rituals?
3. Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today?
4. Was I connected to my feelings today?
5. Was I truthful in everything I shared with my wife today?
6. Did I improve my social interactions today?
7. Did I show integrity in my actions today?
8. Did I maintain acceptable boundaries today?
9. Did I overcome personal struggles today?
10. Did I roleplay at least one reactive action plan today – emotional maturity?
11. How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment?


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 Post subject: Month 1; Week 3; Day 1
PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 3:39 pm 
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Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 3; Day 1

Take a minute to review what you have learned over the past two weeks. Of what you have learned so far, think of one example of how you have actively integrated that information into your day-to-day life.

Of all the values, being honest, has been the most difficult. It has been the hardest challenge for me. Even outside my “additive lifeÂâ€Â


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