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PostPosted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 11:28 pm 
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1) actively committing yourself to change:
I have always wanted to change, but have never truly tried to change. I now realize that this is an addiction. I cannot recover by watching from the sidelines any more than an obese person can lose weight by reading a diet book and believing that they are over-weight. I am ready to work passionately.


2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change; and 3) allowing yourself time to change.

I saw a psychologist during the last time I tried to stop. I left her office after the first appointment feeling the deepest shame and guilt that I had ever experienced in my life. I was so repelled by these feelings that I tried to rationalize my actions. I simply could not accept that I was a monster. When I saw her the next time (which turned out to be my last visit to her office) she was amazed at the degree of reflection and “successÂâ€Â


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 9:52 pm 
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I have jotted down two versions of my vision. The first is the condensed version that I believe I could actually memorize and use daily, the second which contains a longer list of values that I did not want to lose sight of.

The Vision (Short Form)

Every night, when going to bed I will ask myself: did I make the best of the opportunities that this day presented?

•Was I honest with myself and others and did I treat them as I would like them to treat me?
•Did I nourish my body, mind and soul with positive thoughts and actions?
•In falling short, did I search my heart for the best solution?
•Did I act in accordance with the things I know to be right?
•Was I patient and understanding?
•Did I express my love to my family in a way they might understand of feel?
•Did I reflect on spirituality, god or the wonder of life?
•Did my actions today bring me closer towards a better, stronger more fulfilling future?

If I do not know the answers to these questions, I will not be afraid to ask others for help. If I answer these questions honestly, I will be able to die knowing that at the very least I knew what needed to be done. If I wake up the next day, I will passionately use this new day as an opportunity to improve anything that presented with need.


The Vision (Long Form)

Every night, when going to bed I will ask myself: did I make the best of the opportunities that this day presented?

For myself
•Did I eat well and take care of my body?
•Did I treat myself with respect and honesty?
•If I fell short, did I search my heart for the best solution?
•Did I act with integrity, or take short-cuts?
•Did I have a chance to grow and did I make the most of that chance?
•Did I act in accordance with the things I know to be right?

For people I love
•Did I treat them as I would like them to treat me?
•Was I honest with the ones I love, or did I try to hide or lie?
•Did I look deeply into the eyes of my loved ones and communicate with them at every opportunity?
•Was I patient and understanding?
•Did I express my love for them in a way they might understand of feel?
•Did I help them achieve their goals?
•Did I help my son grow towards independence?

For the rest of world
•Did I stop to help a stranger in need?
•Did I treat others with humility and respect?
•Did I reflect on spirituality, god or the wonder of life?
•Did my actions today bring me closer towards a better, stronger more fulfilling future?

If I do not know the answers to these questions, I will not be afraid to ask others for help. If I answer these questions honestly, I will be able to die knowing that at the very least I knew what needed to be done. If I wake up the next day, I will passionately use this new day as an opportunity to improve anything that presented with need.


Last edited by CoachNortherndad on Sun Jan 13, 2008 8:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 10:19 pm 
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Northern Dad: I am in my second week here, and part of my recovery is to seek out a newbie and share some of my knowledge with them.


The single most important thing that I have learned so far is to establish good values for yourself. The path that this recovery will take you is a path of replacing addictive, compulsive, and degrading values with wholesome, loving and valid values. I have been in and out of counseling and can tell you with absolute honesty that this is the best approach I have found. Instead of digging deep into my childhood to find the one instant that made me who I am (which never happened), I am focusing on finding out what is good for my family, my wife, myself and my career.

These first two weeks are difficult, but keep with it. Good luck.


I am a norther dad as well :D Hope it's not a cold one this year.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 3:30 am 
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re: "I cannot recover by watching from the sidelines any more than an obese person can lose weight by reading a diet book..."

I like that you relate this to weight...as there are a lot of similarities. With weight loss, the equation is simple: you expend more calories than you take in...you lose weight. It is an absolute. The goal is to learn the right amount of energy to take in (food)...to maintain a healthy weight based on your activity. With recovery, the equation is the same...but calories and activity is replaced with emotions and values. The goal is to learn to use the right amount of values to help sustain emotional health. Empty calories (e.g. junk food) in dieting are like artificial stimulation in recovery (e.g. compulsive rituals). They may allow you to feel good temporarily, but they are destructive to your ultimate goals.

Another similarity between the two is in the motivation/effort to change existing patterns. Millions of people want to lose weight. That path to doing so is simple...and the weight loss assured. So then, why don't they? It is because the desire to lose weight is an ideal that they have...not something that they are willing to invest themselves in. Those who do lose that weight...do so through their commitment to not just learn what they have to do...but to actually do it. Sexual addiction recovery is the same. Many hold the ideal of being sexually healthy. There is a definitive path established that will guarantee this health...but only a handful actually commit themselves to doing so.

re: "I am not afraid of the shame and guilt that I feel this time any more than I would hide from the pain of a broken limb or cut."

That is an amazingly powerful statement. Anyone who is willing to voluntarily expose themselves to shame, pain, etc., is ready to make real change in their life.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 8:30 pm 
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I had a few moments to myself today and reflected on my vision once again...The following words popped into my brain and I jotted them down.

All you truly have at the end of the day is your life, what you did with it and who you shared it with.
(I know that this statement is not a measurable goal as it is written, however it captures the essense of my beliefs)

The elements of this statement

My Health:
•Set goals that promote growth or maintenance of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well being
•Use goals as compass for my actions and relationships


My Relationships:
•Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
•Express your love daily to the people who mean the most to you
•Respect other people in both their differences from you and similarities to you
•Take care of yourself, respect yourself or you will not be able to love others
•Take care of others who are in need



My Actions:
•Watch out: leave no room for complacency
•Plan: use discipline and focus
•Balance mind and heart in decisions, be efficient but do not take shabby short-cuts
•Use honesty and integrity and base decisions on positive constructive values that promote growth
•Act decisively with passion and determination
•Find help if you don’t know the answer
•Be accountable and reflect to see if there might have been a better way


This vision is a bit more linear sequential than the last one, and I'm not sure which one I like more. I imagine I'll be calling on my vision in the same manner that a good company takes direction from its mission statement (perhaps I'm making an incorrect assumption here).


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 Post subject: Values List
PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:05 pm 
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A) Positive Values (See also the post above that contains a second look at my vision)

1. Self-respect: I will take pride in myself, the decisions that I make and the life that I am living
2. Safety/Survival: Maintaining patterns that promote life and avoid death/debilitation
3. Integrating religion into my day-to-day life
4. Being tenacious in my pursuit of intellectual depth and spiritual awareness
5. Being playful
6. Staying active, walking, mountain biking and enjoying whatever keeps me moving
7. Develop and convey a good sense of humor towards life, myself and others
8. Be responsible for my thoughts and actions
9. Being considerate of myself and others in all I do
10. Putting otherÂ’s needs before my own
11. Taking care of myself physically, mentally and spiritually
12. Being challenged; overcoming challenges
13. Developing emotional maturity
14. Being more sexually intimate with my wife
15. Feeling appreciated by the ones I love
16. Feeling passionate about life
17. Pursuing a reason for my existence through spirituality and self-awareness
18. Security: Taking steps to ensure that my family and I feel physically, emotionally and financially secure
19. Health: Maintaining optimum physical and mental health
20. Identity: Feeling that you are a unique, special and valuable person in the world
21. Integrity: Being proud of who you are in the eyes of others
22. Intimacy: Sharing a special trust and vulnerability with another human being
23. Love: Experiencing the three types of critical love: self-love, parental love and social love
24. Social Acceptance: Having the ability to initiate/maintain healthy relationships with others
25. Sharing my true self with the world around me
26. Strengthening my role as a partner to My wife
27. Strengthening my role as a son
28. Strengthening my role as a sibling to my brother and sisters
29. Strengthening my role as a teacher to my students
30. Being an inspiration to others
31. Being charitable, giving
32. Bringing joy to others
33. Being considerate of others
34. Being a role model for my family
35. Loving others
36. Being loved by others
37. Being respected
38. Providing quality in my work
39. Establishing competence in my field as a teacher
40. Living with integrity
41. Living with compassion
42. Being dedicated
43. Being dependable
44. Being reliable
45. Working as part of a team
46. Honesty
47. Humbleness
48. Creativity
49. Living an adventurous life
50. Striving for excellence
51. Order: Having an organized plan for your life, even if that plan includes spontaneity
52. Feeling unconditional love
53. Indulging in creative inspiration, development
54. Developing patience
55. Living a humble life
56. Nurturing childrenÂ’s creativity/maturation
57. Resourcefulness
58. Appreciating and experiencing nature and the wisdom, inspiration and spirituality it brings
59. Acting with integrity
60. Instilling healthy values in my kids
61. Curiosity: to look at the world with the curiosity and wonder of a childÂ’s eyes
62. Fidelity: being true to my wife in every way
63. Taking care of others in need
64. Feeling happy and content
65. Accepting responsibility for living my life
66. Be known as truthful and honest
67. Sense of accomplishment in my daily tasks and relationships
68. Feeling challenged and working towards overcoming those challenges
69. Developing friendship with people I meet and growing with old friends
70. Forgiveness: forgiving myself and others and also to be forgiven by others
71. Being realistic: to accurately assess opportunities and dangers
72. Open-minded to the beliefs and values of others, tolerance to ideas that I do not embrace as my own
73. Self-discipline, focus, determination and passion in all I do
74. Raising a healthy childÂ…to overcome autism and achieve independence
75. Guiding, teaching, role modeling for my children

B) Addictive values
1. Instant gratification
2. Making my perception of people more shallow, one dimensional and physical
3. Infidelity in my thoughts takes me farther away from my wife and who I want to be in the partnership
4. Actions that progressively erode my emotional and spiritual health
5. Decreased physical intimacy with my wife
6. Disassociation with other loved ones
7. Increased shame and lower self esteem
8. Deceit: Lying and hiding the truth from loved ones
9. Depression: taking a step farther into depression each time I act out
10. Destroying the opportunity for my child to develop normal sexual health
11. Losing confidence of myself as a role model for my son
12. Losing my ability to love my wife as deeply and look into her eyes
13. Selfishness and an inability to reach out to others
14. Overall lowering of my standards and a decrease in my spirituality


Last edited by CoachNortherndad on Sun Jan 13, 2008 8:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 12:15 am 
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re: "I imagine I'll be calling on my vision in the same manner that a good company takes direction from its mission statement (perhaps I'm making an incorrect assumption here)"

No, that is pretty much on the money. :wink: That is why it is so important to really be able to see these values as they would be applied within your day-to-day life. And by the way, I love what you did with the statement you have adopted. ANYTHING within this workshop can be...and should be...adjusted if it helps you grasp things better. That this is not a measurable goal is a mere zit on a fleas butt in terms of importance...if you can otherwise grasp this statement and apply it as an active tool in helping you to manage your life.

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RecoveryNation.com


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 Post subject: Prioritized Vlaues List
PostPosted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 10:22 pm 
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Just when I thought I was finished prioritizing my list...I went on to Day 5. As I read about value congruency, I realized that I had not truly listed all of my sexual values as I should have. Jon told me on Thursday that I needed to integrate my sexual values into my entire being. Reading day 5 made me realize that I had not listed many of the values at all, but had only listed the "bi-products" of the sexual junk food I had been consuming...

Anyway, here is my revised and prioritized list.

My Sexual Values
( :?: ...not sure if this is important, but I found myself being surprised that they were not all piled up at the bottom of my list)

2. Strengthening my role as a partner to My wife in our physical, emotional and mental communication.
3. Experience true intimacy and share a special trust and vulnerability with another human being
5. Fidelity: be true to my wife in every thought and action
6. Love: Experiencing the three types of critical love: self-love, parental love and social love and expressing them daily to the people who mean the most to me
60.Experiencing an emotional connection with My wife before during and after love-making
61. Experiencing physical pleasure during love-making
62.Helping my wife achieve pleasure during love making and taking time to observe her pleasure
63.To experience heightened sexual arousal when the probability of being “caughtÂâ€Â


Last edited by CoachNortherndad on Sun Jan 13, 2008 9:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: M1W1D5 - Top Values
PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 4:15 pm 
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I found it quite difficult to get my list down to the top 15 but I did my best. Is it O.K. to post my top 18 values? I already pared it down a bit by creating a few run-on sentences that combine discrete thoughts...I could probably go even further by combining more of them, I'm just not sure that this is a good idea. I believe that the list captures the key areas that mean the most to me, physical, mental and spiritual health, family, integrity, creativity, connection with nature, belief in process etc. I would love to hear any thoughts. Here they are:


Top 15 values:
1. Health: Taking care of myself physically, mentally and spiritually
2. Strengthening my role as a partner to my wife in our physical, emotional and mental communication.
3. Experience true intimacy and share a special trust and vulnerability with my wife
4. Integrity: Act on my convictions sincerely, completely and incorruptibly
5. Fidelity: be true to my wife in every thought and action
6. Love: Experiencing the three types of critical love: self-love, parental love and social love and expressing them daily to the people who mean the most to me
7. Being a better father, raising a healthy child to become as independent and whole as possible
8. Sharing my time with my family whenever possible and developing new, exciting and meaningful ways for us to interact
9. Setting and monitoring goals that promote growth or maintenance of my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well being
10. Do unto others as I would have them do unto me each time I interact with another human being
11. To apply self-discipline, focus and determination and proportionate amounts of time and energy on all of my activities from the trivial to the most important
12. Use honesty and integrity and base decisions on positive constructive values that promote growth and to be efficient but not allow shabby short-cuts
13. To seek help when I donÂ’t know the answer, be accountable for my thoughts and actions and always take the time to reflect and see if there might have been a better way
14. Making time in my life to pursue activities and hobbies that are creative, physically or mentally challenging and develop skills that I take pride in
15. To reduce the “clutterÂâ€Â


Last edited by CoachNortherndad on Sun Jan 13, 2008 9:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 1:11 am 
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re: "Is it O.K. to post my top 18 values?"

no, this is three too many. No one can build a healthy foundation with 18 top values...but 15...that's doable.

And yes, I am being sarcastic! As long as you realize the role that these top values have in helping you to form the great majority of your life management challenges and in forming your healthy identity...you can have as many as you want. Well, as many as you can consciously connect to. HOWEVER...historically...the magic number is 6-8 active values being pursued over the course of any given week. Too few and you are vulnerable to crisis, trauma and/or emotional imbalance; too many and you lack the depth needed to derive meaning from those values.

I very much like your work to date. Thoughtful and sincere. And best of all, you are not sitting back waiting for me to tell you what to do...rather, you are adjusting what you do based on your own evolving awareness. Perfect.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 11:00 pm 
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Being a better father, raising a healthy child to become as independent and whole as possible

Sharing and Loving
• To delight in the wonderful simplicity and purity of his being.
• Keep him safe and let him know that his parents will always be there to protect him.
• Share creative interests with him such as woodworking, art and music.
• Play with him for at least one hour each day.
• Take him outside for walks, bike rides, camp fires etc. several times per week.
• Share my love and respect for nature with him.
• Love him unconditionally.

Learning
• Work with my wife to learn more about autism and implement more learning strategies into my son’s life.
• Let my son be my teacher and listen when he gives me subtle clues as to how to be a better teacher, parent or human being.
• Let him be the leader when opportunity suits and to follow him into his wondrous world.
• To learn who he really is and what he is truly capable of.

Leading and Teaching
• Always make learning or interacting with me fun.
• Be sensitive to his personal strengths and weaknesses.
• Always reinforce his success in a way that he understands, be it a hug, a smile, or words of praise…He must always be aware of and take pride in his success.
• Always teach or lead at his level…neither underestimating his abilities nor setting expectations that are too high for him to achieve.
• Be patient and kind if he does not understand or show progress.
• Try as many times and as many ways as I can think of to reach him and to never blame him if he fails to understand, but to rather be critical and evaluative of my approach.
• Help him academically with math, English etc. at least 5 times per week.
• Provide him with opportunities to learn non-academic skills such as swimming, skating, cooking, music, outdoor survival etc. whenever the opportunity exists.
• Incorporate principles from RDI, ABA and Floor Time into daily activities and interactions.
• Never hold him too close and stifle him, but always strive for his independence.
• Be a good role model and to always seek areas where I can grow personally in order to be a better role model in the future.





Sharing my time with my family whenever possible and developing new, exciting and meaningful ways for us to interact

At Home
• Set aside at least 3 hours a day to be together with my family (preferably as a unit rather than in dyads) to cook, eat, play or do any shared activities.
• Actively seek out new activities that are fun for all and share in old favourites.
• In the summer, play basketball, wash the car, run through a sprinkler etc. with My wife and My son.
• In the winter, go tobogganing, skating, build snow forts, get My son to help me with the snow blower etc. and do not let the weather hold us back.
• Go out for campfire adventures at least every other month.
• Sleep in an air mattress and bean bag fort every other month even though no one really sleeps and the adults inevitably wake up with sore backs.
• Eat out at least once a week, but not more than three times a week.
• Be “withÂâ€Â


Last edited by CoachNortherndad on Sun Jan 13, 2008 9:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 11:15 pm 
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Well, here is my list of action plans...It is a bit of a work in progress. To organize them better in my brain, I have clumped them into 6 categories.

1. Health:
2. Accountability, Decision Making and Reflection
3. Relationship with my wife
4. Relationship with my son / family
5. Relationships in General
6. Leisure Time, Personal Growth and Hobbies


This post will be a work in progress...and I have now finished two thirds of them. I will keep on editing this post as I complete more values. Here they are:

Health:

1. Taking care of myself physically, mentally and spiritually

Physical Health
    • Get out and do physical activities whenever possible. Make mountain biking, hiking and other outdoor pursuits a priority.
    • Do not fear hazards, but only engage in calculated risks where the gains far outweigh the possible harm.
    • Go out and enjoy different weather conditions. See them as opportunities to experience the full breadth of physical sensations.
    • Make push-ups, sit-ups and stretching a part of my daily routine.
    • Do not over exert myself when I am sick or need to heal from a physical injury. Take the necessary steps needed to recover.
    • Take the time to prepare and eat healthy meals every day.
    • Take an extra moment to taste the food I eat.
    • Do not forget to relax and enjoy resting.
    • Act with confidence, stand tall and take pride in my health.
Mental Health
    • Take time at work to appreciate and expand on the mental challenges that teaching brings.
    • Be an innovator at work and at home…always seek a better way to get something done.
    • Take courses, professional development, workshops etc. in order to never stop being a student or a learner.
    • Take time to learn from my son, my wife, nature, anyone or anything that shows me something new.
Spiritual / Emotional Health
    • Always have a bird feeder or some other means of bringing nature a bit closer to my life.
    • Take time each night to reflect on the day’s events and communicate with God through prayer and meditation
    • Read spiritual or inspirational books whenever time permits
    • Take time to be awe-struck by the world we live in.


2. Setting and monitoring goals that promote growth or maintenance of my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well being

[list]• Plan for a balanced life; do not sacrifice the integrity of any physical, mental, emotional or spiritual value in order to promote growth in another.
• Assess my physical health regularly and set goals that ideally promote growth or at the very least maintain my personal level of health.
• Actively plan ways to be mentally active in the future (e.g. times when work is more routine, at home, later in life etc.).
• Do not ignore or suppress emotional discomfort. Listen to my feelings to determine if I need help, comfort from others or solitude.
• Plan to check in with god frequently. Ask myself if my “inner hippieÂâ€Â


Last edited by CoachNortherndad on Wed Jan 23, 2008 3:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: M1W2D2
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 10:56 pm 
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These are some of the things I might expect from my spouse had she done the things I had done.


    1. That my partner takes the time each day to see themselves through my eyesÂ…empathy begins here.
    2. That complete honesty without omissions and distortions is delivered in portions that I determine at times of my choosing. My partner has lost their right to feel threatened or uncomfortable with my questions.
    3. That my partner should learn as much about my healing process as they learn about their own recovery.
    4. That my partner takes responsibility for their actions and makes their recovery their highest priority, but also puts my needs right beside them. My partner did this to me and I deserve their support in my healing.
    5. That my partner be patient.
    6. That they give me space when I need space, company when I need company.
    7. That they do not set expectations on my actions, words or thoughtsÂ…I did not cause this and I have a right to grieve and heal on my own terms.
    8. That my needs for privacy or publicity be respected.
    9. That they recognize that my needs are not their needs and that I need to be treated with respect and tenderness each day.
    10. That they take time to ask what my needs really areÂ…I may not have the same needs every day.
    11. That I need to set boundaries to find safety and control over my life.
    12. That my partner does not have the right to lay any blame or guilt on my actions, but that they find the strength to understand that my soul has been deeply wounded by their actions and that I have a right to be less than tactful in the things I say.
    13. That I will not baby-sit them or lead them through their recovery.
    14. That my partner listens to me more than they talk about themselves.


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 Post subject: M1W2D3 Absolute Honesty
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 11:12 pm 
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III. I. Make a list of all the places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior. List these items and their locations in your Recovery Manager and/or Recovery Thread. If you are uncomfortable sharing this in the forum, email the list to me directly.

    1. Files have been deleted from memory stick and all hard drives etc, but could still be retrieved by file recovery software
    2. My mind

V. Make a list of all the places where you go to act out your sexually/romantically compulsive behavior:

    1. Home on the Internet
    2. Home on file sharing software
    3. Home from images stored on DVDÂ’s CDÂ’s and other storage devices
    4. Home on TV / DVD recorder
    5. Out of town at corner store, magazine shop etc.
    6. Out of town at adult video store
    7. In car to look at porn on my laptop when home is unavailable
    8. Using my laptop when out of town
    9. DVD Players or TV in hotel room (and conceivably pay per view although this has not occurred yet
    10. Masterbating in the bathroom


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 11:00 pm 
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Assessing Unhealthy Recovery Patterns

Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to an unhealthy recovery. Post these observations into your Recovery Thread and/or Recovery Manager.

Patterns that I recognize in recoveries to date that have not been successful have included

• Quitting for the benefit of others.
    eg. I will quit this habit because it upsets my wife. This was my primary motivator the first 2-3 times I tried to quit. I went right back to the activity because it was still ok with me so long as she never found out.
• Blocking the source of access to pornography.
    eg. Get monitoring software to ensure that my wife is aware of everything that I do on the computer. This has seemed to have the opposite to the desired effect. I did not re-offend on that computer, but I was much more enticed when a new way to access porn became available. I also think that my mind is more stimulated when creativity is involved in fabricating systems of access and concealment of porn.
• Extreme ultimatums.
    e.g. My wife told me that if she catches me one more time, our marriage is over. This was the case the 4Â’th time I was caught. Although I was fully aware of the consequences, and sincerely wanted to quit for my benefit as well as the ones I loved it seemed to fail on three fronts. I know that viewing porn and masturbating for me often follows a pattern of anxiety that leads to release through orgasm. I think that the heightened level of risk also raised my anxiety even higher and made the reinforcement of the orgasm even stronger. My increased attempts at emotional detachment also made porn seem even bigger and more taboo and made my mind focus on it even more (how could I stay away from it, why did I still want it, how could I avoid it, IÂ’m tortured by itÂ…maybe if I just had a little lookÂ…etc.). It removed my ability to ask anyone for help and made me work even harder to keep it hidden. If I tell my wife that I used porn again or if she finds out I called the psychologist, she will assume that I am using again and our marriage will be overÂ…I better just fight this on my own and not let anyone know about it.
• Allowing myself to masturbate.
    I believe that masturbation is tightly linked to pornography and is one of the main reasons that I seek out porn. I always had a large archive of images and videos in my head, but they became fuzzy over time. Masturbating to fantasies of images I had seen in the past always led me back to replenishing these images with new and fresh ones.

• Thinking that I’m more intelligent than I really am
    Eg. Two years ago, after seeing my psychologist for my first session, I learned everything I needed to know about getting rid of my addiction. I fabricated my own solution that day that I thought was simply brilliant. I felt pretty clever, but failed miserably.

• Wanting to put the past behind me and get on with my life
    Failed attempts 1-4 took this approachÂ…I donÂ’t like thinking about this stuff. I canÂ’t be hooked on porn; IÂ’m a much better person than that. This time IÂ’ll just try harder and it will never happen again. PhewÂ…whatÂ’s for dinner?

• Failing to look at the big picture
    I did not consider that other facets of my life are linked to, share similarities with or are affected by pornography and masturbation. Until now, I considered stopping porn from entering my life as my only goal. It did not dawn on me that other issues like emotions, systems I use to resolve them and numerous other obsessive patterns and compulsions that do not directly involve porn likely play a part in the development of or recovery from my addiction.


Last edited by CoachNortherndad on Sun Jan 13, 2008 9:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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