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PostPosted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 7:10 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:25 am
Posts: 131
Hello eveyone. I'm new here, but you all know why I'm here. I have
decided to try the recovery lessons and I will post my thoughts here.
Writeing is not my strong point so there may not be so many words
but what's written here will be from my heart.

A, I am aware of my tendency to go into a new challenge with a strong
commitment only to see that commitment weaken soon after. I don't
enter into these recovery lessons lightly though. I have know about
this site for quite some time and it is only now that I feel ready to
fully commit myself to active recovery, rather than waiting or hopeing
for change.

B, I no longer wish to lead a double life.
I am not willing to hide anymore.
I want to make better use of my time.
I want to use my energy in more creative ways.
I am no longer willing to be complacent in the face of distructive habits.
I would like to relate to people in a more clear way (Not possible when
your mind is clouded by thoghts of shame and lust).
I want to focus on offering the many gifts I have to offer.
I am no longer willing to support something that is a cause of harm and
unhappyness in this world.
I want to have a more fullfiling marriage based on love and integrity
and be the husband that my wife deserves.
I want to take full responsability for my life.
I want to live my true potential.
I want to change my life.
I want to live each day in love and integrity rather than fear and shame

C,The last excercise was very powerful. I see the innocence in my eyes
and it is confermation that it is time to be free again. I don't want to
wait another day, month, year to begin. It's now or never.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 12:15 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:25 am
Posts: 131
My vision. Taking full responibility is the first thing for me. Taking responsability for my life here and now, as it is, this is the only place from which I can begin to implement any form of positive change. To live in integrity and stay true to my deepest longing which is, to find peace within myself. To live in integrity means to no longer be complacent in the face of my habits and closures. It is time to finaly stop and meet the desperation, fear and longing that I have tryed to avoid threw the acting out of my addictive tendencies.

To develope practices, lifestyle habits and activities that support me in becoming more mature in my handeling of my emotions. Eating a good diet, less or no alcohol. Meditation, breath excercises, Yoga, Tai chi, will all be supportive to my system during this time of change. Walking in Nature, Excercise, spending time with people who share the same desire for personal growth will also be supportive. Reading spiritual books, books that help form a connection with the deeper parts of my being, wil also be of great support.

To develope deeper clarity, love and intemacy in my marriage. To be the man that my wife deserves. Deep, emotionally mature, grounded, knowing my purpose and living it with love and integrity. To fully commit to my marriage and the growth with that and to say yes to life as a married man nomatter what challenges may arise. And to prepare myself as best I can for the ultimate joy and challenge of becoming a Dad.

I work in a supporting role. Guideing people threw the challenges that life
throws at them. One area where I have not yet been able to offer my support is in this area of this addiction. I have not yet closed the door on it myself so it would be like the blind leading the blind. I am ready to close the door now and one day, I would like to think I could offer myself in support to others who have this addiction. That is my wish.

I will commit fully to my work and give myself fully. I will become the best that I can become. It is time to really give the gifts I have to give to the world. I will begin to write my book. The book that I know I must
write before I leave this earth. I will commit myself fully to this.

I am also determined to be financially successful, it's time. I want to provide for my wife, and future family with a beautiful home. I will make sure that they never go without.

I will develope the relationships I have with the people I love the most. My family, my closest friends. And I will enjoy relating to them knowing
that I am hideing nothing and that I am living my true path whilst witholding nothing.

I feel like I could write so much more.... Maybe a book, but as I have said, writing (and spelling) are not my greatest strenghs. I will end it
here for now and perhaps add more if it feels right.
Thankyou all for reading and for being here.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:33 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:25 am
Posts: 131
Living true integrity.
Being transparent.
To come to peace within myself.
To devote time to anything that supports my spiritual path.
To read more.
To attend teachings and events that support personal growth.
To exercise more.
To eat healthy food.
To take good care of my Body.
To deepen the sexual intemacy with my self and my wife.
To deepn intemacy on all levels of our relating.
To live knowing that I hide nothing.
To be real on all levels.
To embrace the challenges of life with honesty and love.
Humour. Being able to laugh at myself.
To develope my work and be the best that I can be.
Commitment.
Clarity.
Love.
Responsability.
Depth.
To be a role model for my future children.
To be a success financially.
To develope self worth, self knowledge.
To write my book.
To grow in maturity.
To develope a capacity to face my emotions of shame and self loathing.
To be free..... Really, truely.
To be a true friend to myself and everyone I meet.
To be the husband my wife deserves. Honest, trustable and true.
To develope my friendships with the people I love most.
To make ammends to any harm I have done.
To fully aknowledge my mortality. This body will die.
To be selfless.
To be a teacher, in whatever form that takes.
To live my life as an example.
To give something back to the world.
To make a difference in whatever way I can, nomatter how small or big.
To Love myself... Truely.
To love others.... Truely.
To banish any self doubt.
To respect my own limits.
To be gentle to myself and others.
To finish any unfinished business.
To be more organised, disaplined.
To use my time productively.
To honour my commitments.
To stay grounded and clear in love, work and play.
To not settle for mediocrity.
To empower myself.
To receive and be open to feedback from friends and others.
To listen better.


Dark side values.

To escape.
To experience pleasure.
To releave stress.
To experiment with different fantasies.
To hide.
To avoid commitment.
To get excitement.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 8:53 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:25 am
Posts: 131
I would like invite people to offer any feedback that they feel would be benificial. Constructive feedback only please.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 9:48 am 
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Recovery Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:32 pm
Posts: 4572
re: "Writeing is not my strong point so there may not be so many words
but what's written here will be from my heart."

If this is shared sincerely (and not as a preparation for excusing yourself from a lack of effort), then you can ask no more from yourself. What we need to do is to get inside your heart and mind...no matter how it is communicated. So if what you share is sincere, then you are communicating it perfectly.

re: "follow-up"

No worries about your communication skills. I just read the remaining posts and you have done an excellent job. Your values are well thought out and personal; your vision is specific. This is an excellent beginning.

_________________
Jon Marsh
Recovery Coach
RecoveryNation.com


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 10:41 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:25 am
Posts: 131
Thankyou for your feedback Jon. Much appreciated. It is sincere what I say. Although I have taken an unexpected break and I feel that I should have posted something on here to announce that. I guess I'lll use this oversight as a lesson in the ways I need to take responsability.
I have no intention of quiting Recover Nation.
My values prioritised

To come to peace within myself.
To live my true integrity.
To be Transparent.
To be a true friend to myself and everyone I meet.
To be the husband that my wife deserves. Honest, trustable and true.
To embrace lifes challenges with honesty and love.
To develope my work and be the best I can be.
To take good care of my body.
To stay grounded and clear in love work and play.
To make a difference in whatever way I can. No matter how big or small.
To grow in maturity.
To develope a capacity to face my emotions of shame and self loathing.
To be gentle to myself and others.
To attend teachings, events and activities that support my spiritual path and personal growth.
To deepen the intemacy within my marriage. On all levels.
To take responsability.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 5:40 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:25 am
Posts: 131
Here is my refined list of my top 15 values.

I have taken some of my old values out. Not because they are not values that are true to me, but because they cross over/are similer to other values that say more or less the same. It has been good to refine the list down to a really clear 15.

I have also included two values that seem dominent in my life now. These values are 1,To have thrills, pleasure and excitement. And 2, To escape or loose myself. Up until now I have used sex, porn and fantasy to try to satisfy these values. Now it becomes clear to me that there may be other ways to satisfy them. For example I may be able to have thrills, pleasure and excitment through activities such as snow boarding. I may be able to escape and loose myself by spending time in places of wild nature, mountains, etc.

I have ben as honest as possible in making this list. And I invite constructive feedback from anyone who sees anything lacking, dishonest, or any points for further consideration.

To come to peace within myself.
To be Transparent (not lead a double life).
To be a true friend to myself and everyone I meet.
To develope my work and be the best I can be.
To give my gifts fully.
To live in full allignment with my outer and inner purpose.
To take good care of my body.
To stay grounded and clear in love work and play.
To grow in maturity on all levels.
To attend teachings, events and activities that support my spiritual path and personal growth/awakening.
To deepen the intemacy within my marriage. On all levels.
To be finacially successful.
To take responsability
To have humour/laughter in my life.
To have thrills, pleasure and excitement.
To escape or loose myself.


Last edited by munkfish on Sun Aug 03, 2008 8:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:08 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:25 am
Posts: 131
Here are my proactive action plans for my 3 less complex values. I would not call them lesser values because they are still very important to me.

1, To take care of my body.

Eat healthy nutritious food at regular times.
Do Yoga and breathing excercises every morning/evening.
Take my herbal suppliments.
Engage in activities that promote inner calm. Such as, walking in
nature, and meditation.
Reduce Alcohol and Sugar consumption.
Drink plenty of water.
Get enough sleep.

2,To have humour and laughter in my life.

Spend more time with the friends and family who bring out the
humorous side of my personality.
Watch my favourite televison comedys.
Learn to laugh at myself more (in a good way :-)

3, To escape or loose myself.

Walking in isolated natural places i.e. Mountains.
Watching good movies.
Engaging in creative activities that are enjoyable to me. Such as
drawing or sculpting.
Reading and writing.
Singing.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 3:22 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:25 am
Posts: 131
Here is the start of my proactive action plans for my remaining values.

1. To come to Peace within myself.

Investigate the validity of any disturbing/stressful beliefs and self talk.

Read spiritual books that point to peace within myself.

Continue my commitment to this workshop.

Call friends who share the same purpose (especially at times when there is
an apparent absence of peace. The times when I am more likely to act out)

Do Yoga, breathing excercises and meditation on a daily basis.

Spend time in the company of my elders, guides and mentors, whenever
possible.

To know that true peace doesn't come with a quick fix. In order to have
peace within myself I may also need to face the pain within myself.


2. To be Transparent (not lead a double life).

Honesty on all levels (starting with honesty to myself).

Make amends or finish and business, things that need to be said (as I
write this I feel a sense of needing to be gentle with myself. Sometimes
in the past I pushed myself to make amends. This was a mistake!).

Monitor my conversation with others. Is this really me? Or am I trying to
influence what they think of me. Am I really being myself?

To realise that being transparent, being myself, may not always be easy.

To honour my values and purpose in the face of possible rejection or
ridicule (what I fear most).

To be myself, my true self.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 9:40 am 
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Recovery Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:32 pm
Posts: 4572
re: "Although I have taken an unexpected break and I feel that I should have posted something on here to announce that."

Make this really clear inside your head. This is your recovery. It is yours to embrace as the catalyst for actively moving into the next phase of your life. It is yours to neglect, allowing known obstacles and threats to emerge unchallenged. You can take months to instill this foundation; or you can take years. You can fully implement a transition to health; or you can choose to only implement parts--thus insuring that you will always have addiction and addiction recovery to fall back on as a distraction to your life. My point: this recovery is yours and yours alone. You don't and SHOULDN'T answer to anybody in relation to the path you choose. This is fully your responsibility and priviledge. Or burden, should you see it as such. As for everyone else? They are left with the consequences of how active your path has been.

I hope you understand what I am saying, because it is not to make you question your commitment. It is to put your recovery in the proper perspective. That being, there are certain inevitables to ending addiction. Generally, the insights and skills needed to begin this ending take about two to three months to build. You have the choice of rushing through it in a few weeks--and thus, perhaps gain some intellectual understanding but without a foundation to integrate that learning into. Or, you can take years and years--allowing known obstacles (with known solutions) to distract you. Or, you can make a personal commitment--a personal investment--to your own life. Without excuse.

And so, break when you need to. Stop when you must. Continue when you feel like it. It is all a part of your unique recovery path. Just make sure that you embrace all of the consequences for the decisions you make on this recovery path--the good and the not.

Why am I sharing all of this with overkill? Because it is important that you adopt the concept that you are the composer of your life. If you ever find yourself completing lessons because you feel pressured to--you have lost your way on a healthy recovery path. If you ever feel like you are letting others down because you are not completing lessons--you have lost your way on a healthy recovery path. Recovery--true recovery--is a priviledge that you offer yourself. It is internal. Eternal. It affects you and your loved ones...and the people that you have impacted/will impact over your remaining years. Recognize it as such. Recognize that crossroads you are now at for the rest of your life. And then do what you feel needs to be done.

_________________
Jon Marsh
Recovery Coach
RecoveryNation.com


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 4:01 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:25 am
Posts: 131
Thanks for your feedback Jon. It's clear, cristal clear. I took that break because I needed that much time before I continued. Not more, not less.
In doing so I honoured myself. When I started this workshop I had in mind to progress as fast as possible, but I soon saw that would be less than effective in the that I would not be able to really build my recovery platform if I rushed. I am happy that I can take this at my own pace. I am committed and determined, my vision and values feel strong and true, and I am here. Feels good.

It's my recovery, my privillage, and my gift to myself.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 5:52 am 
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Posts: 131
3.To be a true friend to myself and everyone I meet.

For everyone I meet.

Respond to challenging people out of clarity and openess rather than out of defensive reaction.

Become a better listener.

Committ fully to this workshop. My capacity to meet people as a true friend will be greatly incresed as I become more honest with myself.

I will not re-enforce peoples negative beliefs about themselves or others. Instead I will listen to them and meet them where they're at.

To offer feedback from a place of openess. Not out of a 'I'm right and you're wrong' standpoint. The meaning of my communication will usually be the response I get.

To say Yes when I mean Yes and No when I mean No.

To be honest.


For Myself.

To honour where I'm at (not pretending myself beyond my own evolution).

To receive feedback from my family friends and others.

To honour my committments to myself. i.e. Committing to this workshop.

To be gentle with myself (to be loveing and compassionate towards myself if I mess up. Rather than beating myself up).

To question any of my distructive or stressful thinking about myself and others.

To live my purpose on all levels.

To say Yes when I mean Yes and say No when I mean No.

To be honest.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 8:48 am 
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Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:25 am
Posts: 131
4. To develope my work and be the best I can be.

Attend skills/training courses when possible.

Attend retreats and workshops that are aimed at empowering/awakening myself.

Integrate any insights, recognitions into my work.

Meet or talk with people who also work in a supporting role. Share and exchange ideas, recieve feedback, do excercises together.

Make sure that I am walking my talk (honesty is absolutly key here).

Arrange regular sessions with my mentor to discuss my work and how I might improve my effectivness.

Realise my limits as a therapist (I can only speak from my recognition and experience. Not from abstract theory or ideology).

Learn from any mistakes.

Committ fullly to this workshop.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 4:58 am 
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5. To give my gifts fully.

To do whatever I'm doing well. Be it cooking a meal for myself and my wife, feeding the cat. Whatever it is, nomatter how mundain.

To be present in whatever I do. Not useing this moment (out of stress) as a means to get to the next moment, like I'm running on a treadmill.

To committ fully to this workshop.

To realise that my gifts may not be appreciated and to keep giving anyway.


6.To live in full alignment with my inner and outer purpose.


To support myself/recieve support in whatever way needed for me to come to peace in myself.

To commit fully to this workshop.

Take care of business. ie. If something needs doing, do it.

Spend time with my teachers, mentors and guides.

Honesty to myself and others.

Question my actions. Is this action in alignment with my purpose? Or is it contributing to unconciousness?

Question any stressful beliefs and stories about myself and others.

To face my emotions as best I can instead of ignoring/escaping them.

To walk my walk for my own integrity, clarity. Not for what others think of me.

To be more disciplined. No longer settle for complacency in the face of habit.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:46 am 
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Last night I asked my wife how my addiction to pornograph had affected her. I was interested to see what the investigation would find because I have always had 100% transparency with her. I told her about my addiction to pornography only 2 days after I met her. I knew already that she would be my wife and I wanted to start as I meant to go on, with honesty.

She has never made a story out of it. She has seen my willingness to change and to grow in my potential and has always felt that my addiction would come to an end. My addiction never interfeared with our sex life. I never thought of or fantasized about pornstars/other woman whilst making love with her. Our sex life has always been good.

What we did see last night was how my shame and distrust of myself had put up a wall between us. And at times she said she had felt a lack of connection with me. She also felt that I was not really present for her at times and that my distrust in myself had made her feel less trusting of me. She also felt my pain at the fact that I was living at something less than my full potential and this also had an effect on her.

She said that she had never stopped loving me dispite this pain and the way it had effected our marriage. This touched me deeply. I told her that I was sorry for the negitivity that my addiction had bought into our marriage and I promised to do everything I could to make sure that I put this addiction behind me, for good. She reminded me that I must do it for myself only. And that is why I am doing this workshop.

I feel so lucky to have a wife who is so clear. She has always seperated me from my addiction. She knows that I am a good person, a good person who has an illness and is doing everything he can to recover. She loves me unconditionaly and it is through her love that I, now begin to love myself again and in that I know that my recovery has begun.


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