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 Post subject: weekly monitoring
PostPosted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:03 pm 
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Thank you, Coach Monica

Pro-active focus for weekly monitoring :(June 22 – June 29)

Daily monitoring

"Today, I am going to look for opportunities to change the pattern of defensive reaction to C’s sharing of feelings which I perceive to be threatening. Instead, I will offer a sympathetic response.â€ÂÂ


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 3:02 pm 
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Recognizing Unhealthy Recovery Patterns

Take a look at some of the more common patterns that are seen in those workshop participants who tend not to succeed in their efforts to permanently change their destructive behavior patterns.

Four Common Patterns Seen in Workshop Participants

I don’t think my recovery pattern has fallen into categories 1 & 2 sometimes I have kept going with commitment to the workshop and the concept of recovery with blind faith with bursts of enthusiasm and commitment (after periods of slippage and complacency) which wane and repeat but I haven’t ‘program hopped’ or felt myself too critical of the workshop or its principles. There have been times of hopelessness and rationialisation about my compulsive behaviour but I seem to be presently seeing through those states.

Not group three though maybe there are glimmers of strong self-motivation and connection with my own sense of health.

One way or another Group 4 is the pattern that most closely fits though I think it’s inexperience and a tendency to confusion that have led to some of the problems.

Those Who Will Continue to Struggle With Relapse


Their motivation for recovery comes from an attempt to appease others (e.g. to save a relationship; to deflect attention from the behaviors)

The uncovering of this problem and C’s reaction to it has added a certain imperative to the situation which I would probably never faced if left to my own devices. On the other hand, whilst I wasn’t racked with guilt all the time I often wanted not to be so enslaved to my sexual compulsions.

They minimize their behavior (e.g. "It's not how it seems"; "It's not that big of a deal.")

I minimize or rationalise when I feel overwhelmed or helpless.

They believe that they are uniquely defective and/or damaged as human beings

This has come up for me sometimes/often.

They suspect that they will never be able to overcome their urges, and so their goals are to establish the appearance of change, rather than to pursue actual change.

Urges have seem overwhelming at times, up until a month ago, and it was very difficult to imagine a life without the sexual patterns I had fallen into.

Those Who Will Occasionally Struggle with Relapse


They often jump from addiction to addiction, and are particularly susceptible to hyper-religiosity and hyper-recovery. They put out fires by refocusing on other areas of their life. When these areas involve compulsive behavior--their use of addiction to manage their lives continues.

Well, yes, but not extreme addiction replacement.

They tend to confuse addiction recovery with general mental health issues--creating a hypersensitivity to all of the emotions that they experience. Depression, anxiety, anger--they are all tightly related to "recovery" and an imbalance in one often leads to an imbalance in the other.

Mmmm, a maybe on this one.

They consistently measure the success of their recovery through abstinence, rather than emotional stability and personal satisfaction.

Yes, this is a tendency although I have taken on board that days of fulfillment and progress towards health are more important than abstinence day-counting.

They continue to identify themselves with their addiction and cannot imagine a life without such an association.


It has been difficult to envision a life without objectification and addiction but much less so lately.


Last edited by Mr.Natural on Mon Jun 29, 2009 4:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Exercise 13
PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:54 pm 
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Exercise 13
I. Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to a healthy recovery. Post these observations into your Recovery Thread and/or Recovery Manager.

Those who make the transition from recovery to health tend to exhibit the following traits:

Early Recovery: "Understanding/Recognizing the Behavior"
• In early recovery, extremely negative emotions are the norm: especially as they relate to depression, anxiety, hopelessness and suicide.

Still occasionally experience the first three - depression, anxiety, hopelessness

• In early recovery, they tend to experience relief in having their behaviors understood, and immediately seek understanding in all areas of their life. Unfortunately, this tends to overwhelm them, distract them, etc., but it is fairly common...and a good sign that their desire to change is sincere.

Sometimes, leading to lack of focus and excursions to different areas.

• In early recovery, significant others tend to experience these individuals as very needy, pathetic, "lost souls".

Yes, sometimes, a lost soul


Middle Recovery : "Actual Recovery"

Finally, and for the most part, this is where I seem to be.


Late Recovery : "From Recovery to Health"
Late recovery makes sense but I’m not there yet.
• They have complete confidence in their ability to manage their life and are moving forward with their dreams in a rational, planned manner.
• They no longer avoid "trigger situations" as they have developed the skills necessary to make confident, healthy choices in just about any situation they may face.
• They tend to see their past as something rather unbelievable. They are sometimes able to achieve distant emotional connections with those behaviors, but can no longer visualize a situation where the pleasure they once achieved would be worth the risk of all they would lose inside themselves. Except at this stage, those thoughts are actually felt, rather than intellectualized. They will not be able to comprehend a situation where such a risk would ever be taken.
• They have developed the ability to produce the same emotional stimulation from value-based actions as they once derived solely from impulse-based actions.
• They will have eliminated all previous connections to their recovery, except that which will be included in their ongoing plan for a continuing evaluation and assessment of their life. They will no longer associate themselves with addiction, but with health.
• Significant others tend to experience people who have made this transition with greater respect and admiration then they ever had previously for the person. Additionally, trust and closeness in the relationship will take on a very real quality. One that has never actually been present previously--only assumed. The partner's believing in the "recovery" will no longer be a matter of crossing their fingers and hoping, but of having no doubt.

II. Consider the values that surround both your healthy and unhealthy patterns. Are they consistent with your current prioritized values? If yes, wonderful. If not, how might this awareness alter how you are currently perceiving/managing your recovery? Share your thoughts in the community forum.


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 Post subject: Lesson 13 part II
PostPosted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 2:42 am 
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Lesson 13 part II

II. Consider the values that surround both your healthy and unhealthy patterns. Are they consistent with your current prioritized values? If yes, wonderful. If not, how might this awareness alter how you are currently perceiving/managing your recovery? Share your thoughts in the community forum.

The healthy recovery patterns broadly tie in with my prioritized values. The unhealthy patterns are indicative of a half-hearted approach, a lack of commitment of connection to embracing health. The parts of me that felt overwhelmed by change and couldn’t envision what a healthy, fulfilled life would feel like without addiction. They are the parts of me that look backwards and don’t want to take responsibility for shaping a new approach to my emotions.


Last edited by Mr.Natural on Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:19 am 
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Pro-active daily monitoring

Last weeks monitoring didn't work out too well ([i] I am going to look for opportunities to change the pattern of defensive reaction to C’s sharing of feelings which I perceive to be threatening. Instead, I will offer a sympathetic response.â€ÂÂ


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 12:11 am 
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Exercise 15
I. Take a minute to review what you have learned over the past two weeks. Of what you have learned so far, think of one example of how you have actively integrated that information into your day-to-day life. Share this in your personal thread.

One of the main things that I have learned from RN is that sexual fixations and compulsions erode and replace other values but that with commitment this can be changed.

For example, one of my values is artistic creativity. C kindly bought me a new camera for my birthday several months ago and I signed up for a 10 week beginner’s course at the local college. My previous camera had been gathering dust and I had never quite got around to using it with any commitment. I struggled to attend the course regularly giving workload and other excuses not to go but I felt such pride and excitement at my achievements by the end of the course and the tutor seemed genuinely impressed and felt I had a natural talent. (suspecting I had been to art college in my youth etc.)

This is one example of identifying a value in my life and then taking steps to nurture it until it becomes a natural part of my life which opens up new possibilities. It’s also very good for my self-esteem. A win-win situation.

One of my major patterns to overcome is actually believing I can change (being open to change is another value I have prioritized) and that these small steps (which involve putting aside immediate gratification) can actually help build a more fulfilling and healthy life.

(June 08 post)

I. Take a minute to review what you have learned over the past two weeks. Of what you have learned so far, think of one example of how you have actively integrated that information into your day-to-day life. Share this in your personal thread.

I can see now that I need not be constantly at the mercy of past habituation and sexual compulsivity and that there are other ways to deal with uncomfortable emotions without acting out. I can also envisage a life without the pull of the ‘over stimulation’ and excitement that p and mb offered, that in daily life intimacy and honesty offer a much deeper level of satisfaction than the chaos of acting out.

I wasn’t consciously aware of how sexual release and drug use were so similar in their effects.

It is a revelation to share this previously secret part of myself with C and discuss it openly. Physical and emotional intimacy with my wife have improved a great deal since working on recovery and it has been rewarding for both of us. Honesty and discussions about emotions and looking at healthy ways to express and deal with them are an example of how I have actively integrated the information in my daily life. Being accountable for my actions to my wife has also been positive.

In other areas of life, after the initial chaos of early recovery, I have found that my focus at work and productivity have increased a great deal. At the same time, I don’t sense that I am using work as a distraction or that I’m at risk of becoming a ‘workaholic’ - there is a growing feeling of integrity in this and other areas of my life.

During the lessons, and in this case particularly from reading the books by Carnes, I was disturbed to see how dysfunctional my emotional and sexual life is. I don’t want to exaggerate my past sexual acting-out, it was pretty low level stuff in many ways, but I seem to tick almost all the boxes for emotional mismanagement and dysfunction. Alarming. Despite the ‘pain’ of the last few months C and I have agreed that the insights around these areas of our lives (that we both used to avoid) have been very valuable and ‘worth it’.


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 Post subject: Lesson 15 & 16
PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:55 am 
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Lesson 15 & 16 brought out a bit of a ramble:

[i]• “As you gain a more functional awareness of compulsive behavior, you will begin to see the true nature of your addiction. You will be able to isolate the behavior itself from your identity--a requirement for effective urge control. You will begin to see that sexual addiction did not just happen through fate and/or genetics, but that it developed quite naturally and quite logically through your own lack of effective life management skills.â€ÂÂ


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 10:08 pm 
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Pro-active daily monitoring

(increased daily monitoring for this week – 8/7/09 – 15/07/09)

1. Was I aware of my overall emotional balance and motivation today?
2. Did I pro-actively seek out opportunities to engage in creative work or a time of relaxation (gardening, photography, computer design?)
3. Did I actively engage with recovery workshop and personalized recovery skills?
4. Was I honest with myself and C about urges?
5. Was I satisfied with the work I did today and did I use my time responsibly?
6. Did I take steps to choose healthy eating options and exercise
a. Take vitamins?
7. Did I remind myself and implement my action plans related to rebuilding my relationship and trust with C today?

Weekly monitoring: (8/7/09 – 15/07/09)

Question #1: Over the past seven days, from what areas of my life did I derive the majority of my meaning and fulfillment?

Time spent with C relaxing and doing practical things, discussions around recovery and personal feedback, photography class and feedback on photos, taking photos, time in the countryside, enjoying the warm weather, shopping, cooking, daily cleaning, organizing work schedule. Swimming when possible. Intimacy exercises were also enjoyable. Catching up with accounts. Discussions with CSAT

Question #2: Over the past seven days, where did the majority of my energy go? As in, was there chronic stress/pressure I had to manage? Were there any major traumatic events? Any intense emotional events?

Very extreme sense of pressure in my business – most self-created from having to deal with a client who has challenging requests. Conscious this week of too much worry around business but also that I need to put in more effort in some areas – marketing, for example. I am a sort of ‘get the product out there and let it find its own level’ sort of person. I think people are intelligent and curious, but you have play all sorts of marketing games to try to sell stuff to one another these days … apparently. There are smug imbeciles who can advise you on how to do this.

Question #3: Given the meaning that I derived this week and the events I had to manage--how well did I do in maintaining emotional balance through healthy means? Were there times when my life management skills were inadequate and I ended up turning to artificial means (e.g. compulsive behavior?)

• Overall, could do better here to manage my life.

Question #4: Looking ahead to the next seven days, are there any significant events that I need to prepare for, so that I am not caught off guard? Deadlines, reunions, holidays, dates, etc.

• Realistic planning ahead time management generally so that I am not caught of balance through lack of simple planning.

~ # ~

Proactive action plans for making amends and rebuilding the relationship

Rebuilding relationship with C

- Put my arms around her and tell her I love her once a day
- Look for ways to affirm and make C feel cherished and valued
- Let C know that I am committed and faithful to our relationship
- Treat with respect during conversations - this means no signs of frustration, rants and (undue) swearing directed at C (also see agreed healing contract).
- Look for ways to value the time we spend together (sitting on same sofa, intimacy exercises, planning massage evenings, looking for other imaginative ways to enrich time together

(Practical)
- Asking if help is needed with tasks or organization (daily)
- Plan excursions and holiday ideas with C - excursions or eating out once a week
- Look at practical areas of our life that can be improved - meal plans, shopping budget, garden and household tasks that we can work together on
- Look after the home environment and take care of her physical needs (eg. making food, cleaning)
- Outline my plans for the day as far as I can reasonability predict


Rebuilding Trust

I will, as outlined in my pro-active action plan,

-On a daily basis, offer to discuss how you feel in yourself, about us and about my progress or lack of in recovery. Also, ask if you have any specific concerns that need to be addressed without delay.

- Report to you where I am with the lessons (what lesson I am working on etc.) and any struggles or areas that I would value your input on. With RN in particular, I need to show evidence of where I am with the lessons and do so in an un-defensive and open way. Also, be open to feedback on same.

- Report, in detail, and with complete honesty any: urges, difficult situations, borderline activity on my part (scanning issues, undue focusing and looking for stimulation from real people or images). In other words, All behaviour that could be seen as indulging my addiction or indicating complacency.

- Show serious progress with integrating daily and weekly monitoring, that I am doing it for myself in order to regain integrity, emotional maturity and to show C that out relationship is valuable to me

If I do not adhere to the above C has the right to implement consequences from the healing contract without tolerating complaint or intimidating behaviour from me.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 1:26 pm 
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Exercise 17

New additions, July 09, in blue.

I. Consider a particular compulsive ritual that you have engaged in. Identify the elements of this ritual and post them in your recovery thread. It is important that you understand the principles involved in identifying the stimulating elements of compulsive rituals...so if you are not comfortable with this concept, ask questions! Also, recognize that the elements listed above are not the only elements associated with compulsive behavior. And so, you will want to identify those elements that are specifically related to YOUR compulsive behavior.

(originally posted June 08)

I. Consider a particular compulsive ritual that you have engaged in. Identify the elements of this ritual and post them in your recovery thread. It is important that you understand the principles involved in identifying the stimulating elements of compulsive rituals...so if you are not comfortable with this concept, ask questions! Also, recognize that the elements listed above are not the only elements associated with compulsive behavior. And so, you will want to identify those elements that are specifically related to YOUR compulsive behavior.

Sensory – self-stimulation, touching - not so much smell or sound. Sight – huge trigger – I’m very visual stimulated

Sight and touch uppermost elements – smell and sound secondary or optional.

Fantasy – fantasizing that I was involved in the sexual scene I was watching although fantasy not necessarily a big part of the ritual – I’m unclear about the fantasy part at the moment and how I was thinking.

I would revise this and say fantasy was a large part of the ritual, certainly increased the intensity and escapist trance.


Danger – slightly hyper alert, aware for possible disturbances to the ritual, this may have intensified my concentration and been a part of the ritual. Again, danger didn’t seem to play a big part of the rituals.

Thrill of indulging in primal, sort of taboo, behaviour and the risk of being caught and the unacceptability of it may have added intensity?

Suspense – Suspense and anticipation in searching for the most stimulating images – changing genres and scenarios and following links/clips to find the ‘right’ ones to orgasm to.

Pretty much. Suspense definitely added to the rituals.


Accomplishment – concentration, most satisfying parts of the ritual achieved (right images, scenarios, right body types found) not too long or short a session, orgasm. Feeling of accomplishment and brief basking in chemical high. If the parts leading up to orgasm were not achieved satisfactorily (because of outside disturbance or lack of right images) orgasm still achieved but I may have planned and acted out later in the day.

Yes.

Power – spurious sense of power from being able to access images and sexual scenarios and fantasizing of my involvement I them. Deluded sense of having power over women (sexually) that tended not to happen in day-to-day life. Power to have what I wanted and chose in virtual world.

Not sure how much power was involved, I don’t think this fits comfortably, I really don’t have power fantasies, certainly not anything extreme. Power to get my perceived needs met?


Past – shyness with women, exposed to porn at age 5 or 6 onwards but didn’t really understand. I didn’t have many female figures in my life when I was young. 10,11,12 years old regularly sort-out magazine porn and television nude scenes. More enthusiasm than my friends but not necessarily abnormal for that age, didn’t transition well to real intimate relationships, porn came to represent what I imagined sex to be which paradoxically made it more difficult to have real relationships. Graduated to more graphic material. Magazines were unsatisfying, videos more often chosen.

Past – self-nurturing to compensate for perceived lack in childhood?

Poly addictions – Almost always smoking during and after p sessions, sometimes used amphetamines & alchohol and sex together in the past to increase intensity.

Yes. Smoking made the ritual more complete and focused.

Orgasm – Rituals were always goal orientated towards orgasm.

Habituation – amazing how these behaviors become ingrained in the unconscious – so that even the closing of the door as my wife went to work would trigger a Pavlovian response and the almost inevitable start of a session. At some stage too in adolescence (not sure of the exact age) it changed form being an occasional healthy part of physical exploration into being a daily habit.

Habituation pushed for more varied and extreme images to keep the same level of intensity.


Intensity – Sex has always been a very charged area for me so I guess the concentration and physical arousal involved in thinking/fantasizing about sex were very intense and pleasurable and addictive compared to mundane states of mind.

Alternated intensity with rest – too little intensity (waiting for clips to laod etc.) decreased stimulation.


Time - If a porn sessions got out of hand and went on for an hour or more I started to feel guilty and ashamed, I was aware of the time I was wasting on such a sad activity. Before this workshop I just thought the sessions were all about orgasm but I can see how the lead up and being physically aroused (and all the feelings that went along with that) were a major part of it. A p or mb session was a predictable and reliable way to escape states of mind and feelings.

Time was a big element of the rituals – sometimes I just wanted to be in that escapist, pleaseurable space and once the ritual had started it was like the stop-watch had been clicked and an alternative, intensely exiting and sensual space was available. When rituals went on too long and there was frustration at not being able to find satisfying visuals then intensity decreased.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 11, 2009 2:32 pm 
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Exercise 18

Consider one of your own compulsive rituals. Identify circumstances when each of the three filters (time, habituation and intensity) have come into play. Make sure that you understand each filter to the point where you are able to identify them as a ritual is being performed. Post these personal examples in your recovery thread.

[color=darkblue]This example from the lesson struck me:

â€ÂÂ


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 2:00 pm 
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(Originally posted July 08)

1) Examine your addiction and the role(s) that it has played in your life to date. Look across your life span and identify the progression of the addiction, the sustainment of it, the absence of it and/or the stifling of it. Look at the major transitions that you have experienced (childhood to prepubescent teen; prepubescent teen through teenager; teenager through young adulthood; young adulthood through adulthood; explore also any major traumas that you have endured (parental divorce, sexual abuse, moving to a new school or neighborhood, etc.) and identify the role that addiction (or the rituals that eventually developed into an addiction) played in helping you through that time period.

Your goal is to develop a fluid understanding of just how these patterns progressed from early sparks (harmless fantasy, etc.) to an eventual wildfire (e.g. addiction).

(this is a bit garbled, sorry)
Q1: At 9, 10, 11 years old porn started to become a fascination but I had other values and interests in life. Adolescence hit and the fascination became stronger with magazine swapping and regular mb sessions and fantasizing about women. However, until 14 or 15 years of age I still had many friends and other interests in life that I was whole heartedly into. Smoking and mb became a regular thing from 15/16 years of age and I also became prone to depression and feeling oppressed by situations rather than optimistic. I went to a very high-achieving school and I wasn’t really cut-out for an academic life.

Early examples I remember of an escalation with sexual acting-out - I used to enjoy fishing and often spent all day by the river by myself, at a certain stage I stated taking cigarettes with me and also on one or two occasions guiltily masturbated during the day somewhere secluded but in the open. At 16/17 I had a girlfriend but I would often stay up after she went to bed and masturbate to softcore porn or nudity on tv. I also started recording ‘choice’ parts of films and dramas on video so that I basically had a video of softcore clips to watch (censorship was pretty stringent in the UK at this time). Difficult to sort out natural adolescent hormones from addiction but at some stage I started to become compulsive around sex and it started to take up more and more of my thinking and motivation until it became so ingrained that it seemed as much of a daily necessity as eating and drinking. Between the ages of 16 - 20 I felt isolated from other people and didn’t have a lot of comfort and support from my family - I felt a bit adrift and was trying to extract as much hope and fulfillment from the career I was training in all the while acknowledging a background depression and sense that I was becoming socially isolated. This was a stark contrast to my school years where I often had many friends, and had confidence.

What role did addictions play during these times? What role was mb playing during my adolescence? On the one hand I had healthy sexual feelings and physiology, where and why did I start to become obsessive about this?? I am struggling to understand this clearly. Despite my parents divorce at an early age I was a happy and confident boy but school was stressful, I think it must have been my way of coping with real-world stressors that kept me engaged in escapist rituals. Leaving school, being shy around women, low self-esteem around women, transitioning to a role as an adult (probably a lot of self-imposed pressure there..) the sale of the family home shortly after leaving school. Feeling overwhelmed and with dented confidence. I don’t think I ever went more than five days without some sort of sexual acting out.

Having developed these escapist and comforting rituals (together with a hair-trigger reaction to sex and nudity) I guess that any sort of pressure in the real world will likely throw me back into acting out rather than wholeheartedly taking steps to address situations. This has kept me locked in a cycle of behaviour with destructive consequences to myself (in terms of personal growth and fulfillment etc.) and with tangible destructive consequences in my relationships.

2) Look to future transitions in your life. Divorce. Death of a partner. Death of your parents. Death of a child. Loss of a job. Retirement. Having another child. Empty-nest syndrome. Consider many different situations that you will possibly face in the remaining years of your life. Situations that could potentially cause major instability to an otherwise balanced, fulfilling life. Explore the role(s) that addiction could play in helping you to manage these times. What would it feel like for addiction to come back into your life? Would it be a rapid collapse or a subtle progression? What signs would you look for? What actions would you take?

Having just written the above it is pretty obvious to me that these sorts of transitions and events could easily throw me back on acting out behaviour, either with drugs or sex. Rather than seeking counseling, talking to friends or having some sort of plan in place to deal with the anticipated emotions. It would likely be a subtle progression interspersed with binges and followed by disgust and vain commitments to stopping. Early signs would (if I were single for example) be a creeping rationalisation around acting out, that itÂ’s ok to find an outlet for my sexual needs and itÂ’s not doing harm to anyone. Also, becoming socially isolated rather than reaching out to people.

(Jully 09)
I think this is still valid, but since writing this a year ago I am in a better place. I have started seeing a therapist who is very supportive and who I would feel comfortable contacting in crisis. Urge control and the feeling that recovery has ‘taken’ in some areas of my life (I feel there is an alternative to acting out now) would also help. I think the biggest threat to recovery is the tendency to give up on myself, to abdicate responsibility and take the easy way out, lose sight of my vision.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 3:36 pm 
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Difficult few weeks with C and me having swine flu. I feel like I have lost my 'spark' with recovery at the moment and I need to get back or I get very off balance behaviourly.

Pro-active daily monitoring (July 17 – 24th)

1. Did I pro-actively seek out opportunities to engage in creative work (gardening, photography, computer design?)
2. How would I describe my overall emotional balance and motivation today?
3. Did I actively engage with recovery workshop and personalized recovery skills?
4. Was I honest with myself and C about urges?
5. Was I satisfied with the work I did today and did I use my time responsibly?
6. Did I choose healthy eating options
o Take vitamins?
7. Did I look for opportunities to take exercise? (Walk with C, swimming, dog walk alone while C is at work?)
8. Did I make C feel cherished and valued today?
o Hugs, discussions, honesty, recovery progress?
9. Was I passive or active in building recovery skills today?

Question #1: Over the past seven days, from what areas of my life did I derive the majority of my meaning and fulfillment.
Time spent with C (cooking, watching tv. Dog walking) Time in the countryside Gardening . Swimming three mornings of the week.
Question #2: Over the past seven days, where did the majority of my energy go? As in, was there chronic stress/pressure I had to manage? Were there any major traumatic events? Any intense emotional events?
• No major traumas, recovering form flu most of the week
• Time management in general - internet down in this part of town for several days which disrupted work – stressfull thinking about work
Question #3: Given the meaning that I derived this week and the events I had to manage--how well did I do in maintaining emotional balance through healthy means? Were there times when my life management skills were inadequate and I ended up turning to artificial means (e.g. compulsive behavior?)
• Overeating is still an issue – procrastinating? Smoking too much.
Question #4: Looking ahead to the next seven days, are there any significant events that I need to prepare for, so that I am not caught off guard? Deadlines, reunions, holidays, dates, etc.
• Organising work schedule and whether two take on new projects and how these will affect other jobs with difficult client.


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 Post subject: lesson 20
PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 4:15 pm 
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Exercise 20
19/7/09


C. List one recovery goal that you have and break it down into as many smaller, measurable tasks as necessary for you to manage it successfully. If you find this difficult, then you are probably starting off with too general of a recovery goal. Make it specific.

Recovery goal: Complete the workshop by November 1st and feel I have actively stabilized in the transition to health

• Complete 3 – 4 lessons per week rather than the minimum 2
• Update my vision and values when I feel they need working on in order to feel connected to a positive vision of my life.
• Update proactive action plans as necessary
• Continue daily focused monitoring to strengthen selected values
• Continue weekly monitoring
• Continue fortnightly CSAT appointments

( June 08)
Exercise Twenty


A. What large goals have you attempted in your life and failed? Why do you suppose you failed?

I can’t really think of one, not because I have been successful at everything I have pursued but because I have often not really tried!

Example: First career - I trained I an occupation which I developed some talent for, after 4 or more years of training I decided to have a break from it and have only ever practice it professionally for less than a year after training. I failed at this career because I was too arrogant to bother very much with the exams and started to rebel against the normality of an ordinary job and aspirations that required commitment and hard work, I had a growing interest in alcohol and drugs, I felt emotionally unstable and depressed and didn’t know how to deal with it. My values were unsteady and easily diluted and I had lost sight of a long term vision of how I wanted my life to be.

B. What large goals have you attempted in your life and succeeded? Why do you suppose you were able to succeed?

Example: Starting a business. I was able to succeed for some of the following reasons -

Focus, commitment, tenacity, research, not giving up, determination to overcome obstacles and find solutions, intuition, asking for help and advise from people with more experience, honesty and fair practice, a desire to improve the quality of the business as I gained more experience, re-assessing and looking for ways forward. I had a fairly clear perception of what a successful business should be like and I could aim for it.

C. List one recovery goal that you have and break it down into as many smaller, measurable tasks as necessary for you to manage it successfully. If you find this difficult, then you are probably starting off with too general of a recovery goal. Make it specific.

I know it looks lame but after mulling it over and considering other goals that my limited imagination could provide I decided I genuinely want the same goal as the exercise example:

Goal: I want to have ongoing awareness of monitoring and have completed the recovery workshop by December 3rd 2008.
I am not trying to force myself into a corner with this but it’s realistic goal that will keep me on track and it is measurable - approx 3 lessons a week, or more if they happen. This strengthens values that I have: regaining the trust of C, integrity, emotional maturity, organizing and planning to achieve goals, accepting responsibility and a number of other goals which aim towards a transition to health.


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