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PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 8:04 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:07 pm
Posts: 16
Lesson 1

A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:
1) actively committing yourself to change
2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
3) allowing yourself time to change.
Consider where you feel you are in relation to each of these recovery keys? Briefly share your thoughts in your Recovery Thread.

1. Im ready to recover now. I am utterly sick of living the way that I have been living and I just want to live a healthy life now. I am ready to apply myself 100%, no excuses, no bullshit. Its time to work towards being healthy.

2. I fully accept that I've ended up in this position. I'm not ashamed or guilty. It is what it is and its time to move past it onto a healthy lifestyle.

3. Each day at a time. As long as I put the work in then the time will pass and I'll begin to get better.

B. Beyond an active commitment to change, another important factor in determining your ultimate success is your motivation. Look deep inside and list ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life. Don't stop at three or four obvious ones, really examine your life and what is important to you. Phrase these in the positive. For example: " I don't want to keep deceiving my wife" would serve you better if written like "I want to be honest and transparent with my wife". Positive statements have much more power in our mindset than negative ones. List these in your recovery thread.

1. To feel at ease, content and happy again
2. To feel calm and collected
3. To regain my self esteem and self confidence
4. To clear my mind so I can think and recall clearly
5. To spring out of bed and have that motivation for life back
6. To learn to handle life properly in a healthy way
7. To reach my full potential
8. To see who I really am
9. To connect with people
10. To have a healthy relationship
11. I want to work towards my goals and not hold myself back.
12. I want to deal with challenges, obstacles and stress in a healthy way in order to improve myself


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 8:32 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3589
Location: UK
RDS
Quote:
Im ready to recover now. I am utterly sick of living the way that I have been living and I just want to live a healthy life now. I am ready to apply myself 100%, no excuses, no bullshit. Its time to work towards being healthy.

:g:
so welcome to RN
if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change are generally solid as they are positive and about you
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 7:11 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:07 pm
Posts: 16
Personal Vision

I want to be career driven again. I enjoy learning and studying and I’m now approaching a point where I will have to choose what to do in this area. If I dedicate myself then I know I am capable of succeeding in this area. I know the route I’d like to head down but I’ve neglected it for a while now. I enjoy being challenged, succeeding and pushing myself.

I want to develop deep and meaningful relationships with friends and family. I want to allow myself to become vulnerable in a romantic relationship with someone and to build trust, intimacy and love with that person.

I want to be physically fit. Ive noticed I am becoming unhealthy and unhappy with my physical health recently. I care about being in the best shape I can be in. Its important to me that I take care of myself.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 7:22 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:07 pm
Posts: 16
Values

1. Being dedicated
2. Building meaningful relationships
3. Staying active
4. Being dependable
5. Being reliable
6. Taking care of myself
7. Pursuing a career
8. Striving for excellence
9. Physical health
10. Sexual intimacy
11. Integrity
12. Personal Independence
13. Improving my social interactions
14. Intellectual growth and communication
15. Communicating feelings
16. Feeling happy and content
17. Friendship
18. Personal growth and development
19. Self-discipline
20. Being a leader
21. Bringing joy to others
22. Continuously improving
23. Love
24. Being financially stable
25. Reaching my full potential
26. Being mature
27. Being mindful
28. Freedom
29. Sense of humour
30. Being responsible
31. Being respected
32. Appreciating others
33. Being studious
34. Working hard

Dark Side
1. Escaping work and responsibility
2. Being bored
3. Relieving stress
4. Lack of self-discipline
5. Coping mechanism


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 7:49 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:07 pm
Posts: 16
Prioritised Values

1. Being dedicated
2. Building meaningful relationships
3. Staying active
4. Pursuing a career
5. Taking care of myself
6. Being dependable
7. Being reliable
8. Physical health
9. Striving for excellence
10. Improving my social interactions
11. Communicating feelings
12. Sexual intimacy
13. Integrity
14. Personal Independence
15. Intellectual growth and communication
16. Feeling happy and content
17. Friendship
18. Sense of humour
19. Personal growth and development
20. Self-discipline
21. Being a leader
22. Bringing joy to others
23. Continuously improving
24. Love
25. Being financially stable
26. Reaching my full potential
27. Being mature
28. Being mindful
29. Freedom
30. Being responsible
31. Being respected
32. Appreciating others
33. Being studious
34. Working hard


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:10 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:07 pm
Posts: 16
Lesson 5

My choice of university course was driven by my career and dedication value as well as some others. I would still make the same choice today. I made the right choice at the time.

Majority of the jobs and work experience I have pursued have aligned with the same values and goals as above and were the correct choices to make. I believe I have identified a practical values list the I will be able to work with in the forthcoming.

Top 15 values

1. Being dedicated
2. Building meaningful relationships
3. Staying active
4. Pursuing a career
5. Taking care of myself
6. Being dependable
7. Being reliable
8. Physical health
9. Striving for excellence
10. Improving my social interactions
11. Communicating feelings
12. Sexual intimacy
13. Integrity
14. Personal Independence
15. Intellectual growth and communication


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 12:59 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:07 pm
Posts: 16
Lesson 6

Being dedicated
- Each day do at least one thing to further my goals
- Accept that some days this will not be possible if doing other healthy things
- Understand that this will be difficult at first to get used to
- Quality over quantity

Physical health
- Focus on my physical health each day
- Exercise 3/4 days a week
- Track what I am eating each day and avoid junk food
- Accept that their will be times where I eat junk food and that is ok

Building meaningful relationships
- Make an effort to talk to friends and family
- Answer with proper sentences and not one word answers
- Understand sometimes I will be alone and thats ok


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2017 4:00 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:07 pm
Posts: 16
Lesson 7

Pursuing a career
- Focus on my goals at university
- Work a little everyday to learn new things
- Find jobs that I am interested in and apply
- Understand that I can change my mind if I realise I do not enjoy the route I have chosen
- Accept that you have to start at the bottom and work up
- Network

Being dependable
- Respond to peoples emails/calls/texts
- Volunteer to help people
- Go the extra mile for people to show I care
- Realise I also need time for myself and not get carried away with helping others

Improving my social interactions
- Ask friends about their lives and not shying away
- Ask friends to take part in activities with me rather than being passive
- Open up about what I enjoy doing

Communicating feelings
- Tell people how I feel
- Realise it’s ok to tell friends and family my feelings
- Express interest in those I wish to further a relationship with
- Let people see the real me by sharing thoughts and feelings

Sexual intimacy
- Pursue meaningful relationships
- Do not chase meaningless sex as a form of intimacy
- realise sex does not equal love
- Spend time getting to know someone
-
Integrity
- Actively committing to goals by making manageable plans
- Not trying to start too many things at once
- Realise small changes each day add up to big changes later
- Begin things I will finish

Intellectual growth and communication
- Focus on learning new skills and gaining more knowledge
- practice my communication skills regularly


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 4:40 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:07 pm
Posts: 16
Lesson 10

1. I don't think I am deceiving anyone in my life.

2. N/A

3. N/A

4. I don't have anything stashed anywhere. I do however use porn and will list this;
Internet - searching for porn sites
iPhone - downloading apps that lead to porn use such as reddit and tinder.

5. N/A

6. Bedroom and the internet is where I act out my compulsive behaviour.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 22, 2018 5:47 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:07 pm
Posts: 16
Lesson 12

I thought I identified with a number of patterns in the ‘occasional struggle with relapse” category which I have identified below.

They often attempt to convince others of their recovery by offering their "new identity" as proof. - This is certainly something I have been guilty of doing but I have realised its futile and have not been doing that much lately.

Relapse triggers are feared, and so their lives continue to be altered as a result of addiction. - I admit that I worry about relapsing and not being able to handle it. Perhaps I should examine that I have answered the previous lessons as honestly as I can in order to address this.

They continue to identify themselves with their addiction and cannot imagine a life without such an association. - I do feel like I struggle to imagine what life will be like once I no longer deal with this unhealthy addiction. I have been trying lately to understand that it won’t always be like this and I think slowly I’m beginning to accept it.

They consistently measure the success of their recovery through abstinence, rather than emotional stability and personal satisfaction. - I was definitely guilty of this in the past but the past couple of months I have no longer been doing this. I understand it is about living in a healthy way and not abstaining.

Other patterns I would identify in myself:

Sometimes if I become stressed I will deliberately procrastinate and do no work. I’ll then stay in my room and browse the internet telling myself I won’t look at porn. There have been a couple of times this has happened and I know full well where its about to end up but rather than looking at my value and vision I decide to neglect them for a moment.

There have been other patterns that I can identify from my past that I have worked on and are no longer standing in the way of a healthy life so I won’t mention them here as they aren’t current.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 23, 2018 4:32 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3589
Location: UK
Hi

Quote:
Sometimes if I become stressed I will deliberately procrastinate and do no work. I’ll then stay in my room and browse the internet telling myself I won’t look at porn. There have been a couple of times this has happened and I know full well where its about to end up but rather than looking at my value and vision I decide to neglect them for a moment
.
:no:
and you know that does not help
why stay on the computer
go for a walk
look at the sky
call a friend
exercise
anything that acts as a braking break

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:33 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:07 pm
Posts: 16
Lesson 13

I definitely feel I identify more with the early recovery at this point. Ones to note are

In early recovery, individuals often experience significant doubts relating to their ability to change - Its difficult to imagine a life without this since it has been this way for such a long time.

In early recovery, they tend to experience relief in having their behaviours understood, and immediately seek understanding in all areas of their life. Unfortunately, this tends to overwhelm them, distract them, etc., but it is fairly common...and a good sign that their desire to change is sincere.

In early recovery, they perceive "powerlessness" as "helplessness" and "desperation".

Their motivation to recover comes from the desire to live a life that they can be proud of, rather than a desire to create the illusion of a life that they can be proud of.

I have also been focusing on many of my values that I identified earlier. Not all of them though so there is room for improvement.

The unhealthy patterns do not match my values list which is why I am moving away from them and replacing them with healthy patterns.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 5:37 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 222
Hi RDS,

I have been interested to read your posts to date and personally feel that you have got off to a good start.

In my opinion, you might find some benefit from having another look at your Vision created in Lesson 2. You will come to appreciate as the lessons proceed that your Vision and Values form the cornerstones of recovery and you will no doubt find that the better that these are formulated from an early stage, the easier they are to work with and refer to as you proceed. You may find it helpful to look at the Vision "How To" Exercises: Part 1 posted by CoachMel at the top of the Self-Help Recovery Threads which gives some helpful guidance on how to formulate a sound Vision. I received similar feedback early on in my recovery and felt that I really benefited from looking at my Vision again and CoachMel's post was of real help. In particular the part that resonated with me was picturing someone at my funeral making a series of statements about how I had led my life which outlined a number of positive areas that I was able to be proud of. That then helped me to work backwards to determine how I wished the Vision of my life and aspirations to be shaped. So you may find a little finessing might help so you end up with something that covers the core areas of your life but is also concise and punchy enough to make it an easy point of reference.

I will leave it to you as to whether you take on board this feedback in the constructive manner in which it is intended, or not as you see fit. Either way, I wish you luck on your journey and look forward to reading your future posts.

_________________
L2R

"Should you fail to permanently recover from your addiction, it will be due to your inability to fully commit to recovery"


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:57 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:07 pm
Posts: 16
Hi LearningToRun,

Thank you for your comment. its good to know other people are reading this and taking an interest. The other day I signed on to have a look at my vision because I have been slipping up lately and I had the realisation its because my vision wasn't totally accurate. I found it a strange coincidence that there was a comment regarding my vision but it is very much welcome.
I have changed my vision and writing this new one gave me a feeling of excitement and relief in a way that I could resonate fully with what I had written and I wasn't writing something that I felt was expected of me.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:59 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:07 pm
Posts: 16
Lesson 2 (again)

Personal Vision

I love public speaking. After giving a speech or presentation I feel fantastic, I love entertaining people this way and if nothing stood in my way I would be a comedian/entertainer. The nerves I feel before presenting are like a fire in my stomach and the feeling after feels like the greatest sense of accomplishment I’ve experienced. I would want people to remember me as someone who could light up a room with their personality and someone that everyone wants to be around and hear what I have to say. Making others laugh fills me with a complete sense of joy and fulfilment that nothing else seems to do. At my funeral I’d want people to laugh at all the memories I was able to create with them when they think of the joy that we had. I want them to say that I was reliable, trustworthy and had a sense of integrity. I want people to know that they could depend on me. They would know that I was genuine with what I said and how I acted and that I truly enjoyed spending time with them.

As a child I was confident and outgoing, I developed into a sort of ‘natural leader’ role which I would like to get back rather than feeling guilty and shameful. I would also talk to everyone as a child but also stopped doing that so would love to begin doing it again and find out as much as I can about people. When I was a child I always said that I wanted to be a doctor, I can’t quite remember where this came from but I don’t feel like I want to do that anymore but I have being saying it for so many years that I felt embarrassed or stupid if I starting telling everyone I had changed my mind. I can finally admit I don’t want to be a doctor. I feel like my last vision isn’t accurate as I was still thinking about medicine and trying to convince myself that is who I wanted to be. At school I definitely enjoyed the sciences and maths more than other subjects but I was always looking for a chance to talk with classmates and essentially be the ‘class clown’. I still feel at university that i’d rather spend my time talking and making others laugh than learning the material.

I still want to develop deep and meaningful relationships with others and to open up to them. Since writing that the first time I have definitely been improving in this area as well as improving my physical fitness. Developing meaningful relationships and improving fitness are still something I visualise in my life and are important to me.


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