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PostPosted: Mon Dec 11, 2017 12:37 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2017 8:18 pm
Posts: 59
Step 1 Take Inventory of Your Current Sexual Values
Your first step in redeveloping healthy sexual values is to brainstorm a list of all sexually-related values that you currently hold. Don't worry about how socially acceptable this list may be, nor concern yourself with whether a particular value is healthy or unhealthy. Your goal here is only to identify your current thoughts/attitudes relating to your own sexuality.
Some Examples:
Women want to have sex when they are physically attracted to someone
I am insecure about the size of my penis
Sex is my way of showing people I love them
I sometimes wonder if I might be gay
Masturbation is dirty and wrong
Masturbation is a normal, healthy behavior
If my partner isn't satisfying me sexually, I have the right to look elsewhere
Forced sex is okay if the person isn't harmed
I need to make my partner orgasm for sex to be successful
If a romantic partner won't have sex with me, there's something wrong with the relationship
I sometimes have sex when I don't feel like it
I need to orgasm at least once a day to feel normal
Once I am aroused, I must orgasm
There is no age limit with romantic love
Women get excited at the sight of my genitals
Deep down, most women love to be dominated
Love is enough to overcome anything in a relationship
Anal sex is disgusting
I don't like when men touch my breasts
I have a hard time telling my sexual partner that something they are doing is uncomfortable
My sex drive is unusually strong
Sex should be for love, not entertainment
Sex is always wrong outside of marriage
It is okay to fake orgasms
It is my wife's duty to sexually satisfy me
I do not like performing oral sex on my partner
To be effective, your list should have hundreds of statements and should be completed over the course of several days — an hour or two at a time. These statements do not need to be categorized; may possibly conflict with other statements in your list; and do not even need to make sense to anyone but you. There are no right or wrong answers — only a representation of your current sexual beliefs. The only way that you can go 'wrong' is by not putting forth the effort to thoroughly examine your current sexual beliefs. Or, by documenting what you think your beliefs should be, as opposed to what they actually are.

masturbation is a means of relief
masturbation is a means of reward

to be continued

PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2018 1:33 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2017 8:18 pm
Posts: 59
...after some time away, I'm back.
Ive started to attend Sexaholics Anonymous meetings ...and considering the 12 steps. 'Considering' becuase I con't quite get my head around the christian aspect - having no faith at all... My thoughts are just making a start.

PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2018 2:59 am 
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 282
Hi New and welcome back.

Your post resonated with me because I had spent years trying to find a way of accessing support for SA and the only thing that seemed to be available was a 12 steps approach. Like you, I am not a particularly religious person and whilst the fear of God may work for some people I know that it would not work for me. Almost by accident I came across RN and was relieved that there was no religious angle to it. The fact that it was logical in its structure and teaching was also appealing to me. It is obviously up to you to decide whether 12 steps or RN or both will help you with your recovery.

I have had a quick flick through your thread though and up until the point of you stopping last year you seemed to be doing really well and had broken the back of the workshop. I see that there was some changes in your home life then which perhaps caused a distraction but it struck me that RN appeared to be helping you up to that point. Can I please suggest that you re-read your first post from March last year so that you can remind yourself of the mental state you were in back then and your drivers for having joined RN? I sense that you know that RN holds the key for you to recover otherwise why would you have chosen to post yesterday? From personal experience, complacency is our biggest enemy and if we are able to keep the commitment to working through the lessons going then we both know that we can fully recover here if we choose to.

Good luck with the deliberations and I hope that you make the right choice and that I can see you get back on track soon.


"Should you fail to permanently recover from your addiction, it will be due to your inability to fully commit to recovery"

PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:36 am 

Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2017 8:18 pm
Posts: 59
thanks for your comments - many changes have occurred sense last posting. I found SA wasn't for me. I couldn't resolve the idea of not taking responsibility for my actions and life - rather than handing over to God/or equivalent.

I'm currently reading Rational Recovery -

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