Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Thu Dec 05, 2019 9:26 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 88 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2019 1:56 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 12

Unhealthy recovery patterns

In general I believe that I mainly fit into group three. I try to read the lessons carefully and complete the exercises. But I think I am currently not walking the extra mile. But I also think that this time I am doing something differently compared to my last attempts. I am much more focused on really understanding the lessons. I think I am actually spending more time thinking about the workshop than I did before. So maybe I am slowly transitioning to group four. Furthermore, my goals and expectations are more realistic this time. This makes the recovery process a lot easier.

Unhealthy patters I recognized:
  • I sometimes think to myself that my addiction is not that big of a deal. I then try to convince myself that it is a big deal and what my addictive behavior did to myself. But this thought still keeps popping up.
  • "Though it is also an "on again/off again" recovery pattern, the "on again" is most frequently triggered by their own guilt and shame for returning to the behaviors, rather than being caught engaging in such behavior." This fits quite well to my past behavior.
  • I think I tend to 'jump' from addiction to addiction. There have been times were I invested a lot of my time and energy in single, 'good' areas of my life that replaced my addiction in that moment. But currently this is not the case.
  • "They believe that they are defective in the sense that their emotions, urges, impulses, etc. are experienced with much more intensity than "normal people". And this puts them at a disadvantage for living a "normal life"." This fits quite well too.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2019 9:25 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 13

Healthy recover patterns

  • "In early recovery, individuals often experience significant doubts relating to their ability to change." This is true for myself. I already failed a couple of times and this lets me doubt my ability to change.
  • "In early recovery, they tend to explore many different trigger situations to see how well they can handle themselves. To see "how far they have come"." This is certainly true for myself. But I find this quite dangerous.
  • "In early recovery, they tend to experience relief in having their behaviors understood, and immediately seek understanding in all areas of their life."

  • "They have accepted that they have struggled with certain immoral behaviors that contradicted their values, but realize that what matters is what they are doing, not what they did. They realize that no successful recovery ever took place by changing the past, only by changing the present."
  • "Their motivation to recover comes from the desire to live a life that they can be proud of, rather than a desire to create the illusion of a life that they can be proud of."
  • "Relapse triggers are experienced not as a threat, but an opportunity."
  • "They will take a long, hard look at anything associated with their destructive past, and will voluntarily make the decision to remove these objects from their life."


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:46 am 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3844
Location: UK
Hello U
Quote:
I try to read the lessons carefully and complete the exercises. But I think I am currently not walking the extra mile.


so why are you choosing not to go the whole hog?
perhaps fear?

health is not to be feared, addiction is to be feared

Strive for what you want go for it grasp it and deserve it
choose wisely

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 09, 2019 10:48 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 14

Daily monitoring list

  1. Did I spend quality time to be successful in my studies?
  2. Have I been completely honest with my partner today?
  3. Did I focus on work in the office or did I do personal stuff to avoid working?
  4. Did I set specific goals at work?
  5. Have I been a kind coworker today?
  6. Did I spend time to be physically fit today?
  7. Did I spend my free time doing things I value?
  8. Did I avoid drinking sugary drinks during lunch?


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 09, 2019 12:51 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Quote:
Hello U
Quote:
I try to read the lessons carefully and complete the exercises. But I think I am currently not walking the extra mile.


so why are you choosing not to go the whole hog?
perhaps fear?

health is not to be feared, addiction is to be feared

Strive for what you want go for it grasp it and deserve it
choose wisely


Hello Kenzo,

I think fear is involved in this but I am not sure. I am spending a lot of time on this workshop but I still have a life to live. This kind of keeps me from spending more time and going extra miles. I will think about this a little longer.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Aug 10, 2019 3:07 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 15

What I have learned in the last two weeks

I have learned that it is possible to change my behavior with the right tools and motivation in place. It is important to have a well defined set of values in place in order to make reasonable decisions in life. Furthermore, it is important to have different areas in life that I draw meaning from and want to develop in depth. This guarantees a solid foundation that keeps me from falling back into a meaningless life. My emotions should not be my primary factor in making decisions, my values are.

Moreover, I have learned that it is important to keep the momentum to finish this workshop. Therefore, I am trying to do something connected to this workshop and my recovery every single day.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2019 4:25 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 16

The example with the two students at the beginning of the lesson really resonated with me. Not that I was a good student but until recently I only focused on very few, limited values. And as soon as something happened that prevented me from getting any 'satisfaction' from that specific value I was unable to manage my life... This example was defiantly an eye-opener.

Positive role of addition

  • it helped me to forget my real 'problems' in life
  • it helped me to kill time
  • it helped me to not think about real life, instead I could live in a fantasy world (PC games, movies, youtube, porn...)
  • it gave me some kind of comfort


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:29 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 17

Thinking about this is a little bit uncomfortable. Thinking about the details and emotions evolved in my compulsive behavior creates an urge to return to this behavior. But I think my values are in place to stop me from slipping so easily.

Anyway, here are the ingredients to my cookie

  • Sensory stimulation
    • Sight: watching porn
    • Touch: masturbating
    • Sound: listening to women in porn
  • Fantasy: Imagining being one of the actors. I think porn is some kind of fantasy. The scenes are just acts.
  • Suspense: Looking for the 'right' porn clip/scene. Waiting for something arousing to happen. Not reaching orgasm immediately.
  • Accomplishment: Finally finding the 'right' porn clip/scene. Reaching orgasm.
  • Orgasm
  • Novelty: Seeing something new, a new kind of porn scene, new porn actress.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:48 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 18

Filters

  • Time: looking for the 'perfect' porn clip, not masturbating right away, trying not to orgasm too soon.
  • Intensity: starting to use sex toys while masturbating
  • Habituation: looking for more extreme porn scenes


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2019 2:09 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
A couple of days ago I think I got close to a slip/relapse. I became quite nervous at work (without any rational reason) and caught myself starting to browse on the internet during work (this is something I want to avoid and has no value for me). I noticed this right away and an internal alarm went on and I went home. I remembered that there are some critical point in recovery that I need to expect. So I went to the workshop to read about this again (http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... ations.php).

After that I just sat alone on the couch and thought about my thoughts at that moment: "What do I want to do? What makes me happy?" And the answer was very clear that I want to do something from my list of values and defiantly do not want to waste my time anymore. At that moment something change inside of me. It is now much more simple to continue here and in life. I am quite sure that I know what I value and this makes me very happy.

Lesson 20

The role my addiction has played in the past

  1. As a child (in elementary school) I started to play a lot of computer games and watched a lot of TV. I think this is were addictive behavior started in my life. When I came home from school the first thing I did was to start the PC and play games. I can't remember what exactly I felt back then. I guess in computer games one gets a feeling of success very fast without much effort. And this feels good. I was a very shy child and spending a lot of my time in PC games helped me to not get in stressful situation with others.
  2. At some point in my youth I began to masturbate and soon discovered internet porn while being alone. This actually kept me from playing games and watching TV all day since it felt even better. The first thing after school was now to watch porn and masturbate.
  3. I was an exchange student for a couple of weeks and discovered youtube with friends. We started watching a lot of funny videos and it was just enjoyable.
  4. A critical change came after high school when I moved out and started to go to university. I was now always alone in my apartment and no one could disturb me while doing whatever I wanted. But I was motivated to be a good student and, therefore, I decided to quit playing PC games and watching TV. This was actually not that difficult. I had no TV and had a terrible PC. But I did not use this extra time to study or to have fun with friends. I then had more time to spend watching youtube videos and porn as a substitution. It did not feel wrong at that time. I think a lot of my friends had a similar life. But now it seems very unhealthy and sad. My taste in porn changed constantly to get new stimulation. But again I did not realize that this behavior does not make me happy in the long run.
  5. I then found my perfect partner. I got sexually active in real life. This did not work out too well at first but eventually it worked. I then discovered a youtube video describing the effects that too much internet porn can have on the mind. Then I realized that I should change. I tried to stop watching porn (without any program or so) and failed after a few days. I then had no motivation left to change and continued with youtube and internet porn.
  6. I moved and had a long-distance relationship with my partner. This was not easy but it worked out. I then thought I have less sex so I should masturbate more often and watch more porn. This thought process seems now ridiculous. But I think during that time the internet kept me from feeling bad about the long-distance relationship and being alone. During this time I consciously used porn and masturbation to make me feel happy during sad times.
  7. During my master studies I had the opportunity to do something great and write an exceptional master thesis. But instead of spending a reasonable amount of time into pursuing this opportunity I got lost on youtube and internet porn again. This was one of the many wake up calls. I had an opportunity to do something exceptional but chose to waste my time with meaningless videos.
  8. I then moved in with my partner and started working. I began to find out what I wanted to do with my life but could not move forward since the addiction used up to much time and resources. I then started this on-off-recovery process. During that time I had some bad relapses which again kept me from pursuing my goals and using my potential.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2019 2:02 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 21

A. What large goals have you attempted in your life and failed? Why do you suppose you failed?

My large goal was to write a specific computer program. But I stopped working on this project a long time ago. I think I failed because the goal was not specific enough. Furthermore, I should have split this large task into many smaller ones. A deadline would probably have been helpful. After some time the motivation to continue vanished. (I spent my time pursuing my addiction.)

B. What large goals have you attempted in your life and succeeded? Why do you suppose you were able to succeed?

This year I finished my first cycling marathon. There was a fixed date when this marathon would take place. Therefore, I had some pressure to not skip training. I was motivated to finish the event since I told a lot of friends in advance about my goal and did not want to tell them that I failed. I set my training goals in advance for each week and had a plan how to achieve my goal. I was lucky that it was sunny every time I wanted to train outside.

C. One recovery goal

  • Finishing my math exam on Sep. 14 with a very good grade
    • Spend at least 90 min. per day to study
    • Work through the lectures
      • Finish #4 today
      • Finish #5 on Aug. 22
      • Finish #6 on Aug. 28
      • Finish #7 on Sep. 04
    • Repeat everything including the exercises, excluding the proofs
      • Look at additional exercises


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2019 6:07 am 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3844
Location: UK
Man you are on fire
:g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g:
all great progress, but please do be aware that as progress slows and it always does, do not allow that to disappoint you

you are seeing improvements and these make you happy and increase contentment
but beware complacency
good job my friend long let your journey continue

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Sep 03, 2019 1:57 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Hello,

I was on vacation for the last two weeks. Therefore, I did not continue the workshop. But now the journey continues.

Lesson 22

Ritual
watching porn with masturbation

Primary elements involved
sensory (Touch), sensory (Sight), sensory (Sound), Fantasy, Suspense, Accomplishment, Orgasm

Values assigned
Suspense: 3
Accomplishment: 3
Touch: 2
Sight: 1
Sound: 1
Fantasy: 2
Orgasm: 2

Filters applied
Suspense:
Time - increases stimulation until a certain time limit, 9
Intensity - directly related to time past from last time watching porn and expecting something novel, 9
Habituation - 8

Accomplishment:
Time - the longer the session goes on the better the feeling of accomplishment by not reaching orgasm too soon 8
Intensity - 4
Habituation - 2

Touch:
Time - long stimulation increases sensitivity until a certain point 10
Intensity - starting to use sex toys to increase pleasure, 8
Habituation - 1

Sight:
Time - 1
Intensity - 1
Habituation - 1

Sound:
Time - 1
Intensity - 1
Habituation - 1

Fantasy:
Time - 5
Intensity - 3
Habituation - 2

Orgasm:
Time - trying not to orgasm too early 5
Intensity - 9
Habituation - 3

Total number: 31.1


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2019 2:18 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 23

The role of measuring compulsive rituals

Measuring the compulsive rituals helps me to understand the simple reason for my behavior. Isolating the emotions from the ritual let's me see the actual physical behavior which seems quite uninteresting on its own. Understanding the ritual removes the 'magic' from the ritual.

Knowing each element of the chain could help breaking the habit efficiently. Furthermore, it helps identifying the moment when I am about to engage in a ritual which is important in preventing going backwards.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Sep 05, 2019 10:24 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 24

Wheel of sexual compulsive behavior (in general)

  • Orgasm
  • Suspense
  • Accomplishment
  • Fantasy
  • Touch
  • Sight
  • Poly-Addictions
  • Danger

Major Rituals

  1. Ritual 1
    • Being alone in the flat for the weekend (feeling pressure to do something meaningful)
    • Starting the computer or playing with smartphone out of habit (already feeling guilt or shame)
    • Starting to search something interesting on the internet (youtube, google,...) (feeling better if something nice is found)
    • Realizing that I already wasted a lot of time (guilt and shame increases)
    • Trying to stop watching youtube videos but failing (even more guilt and shame)
    • Actively deciding not to do something differently than browsing on the internet for the next hour or so (huge relieve of pressure)
    • Getting bored by usual internet content (feeling disappointed)
    • Starting to think about porn (feeling guilt)
    • Thinking about what new interesting videos I would find on porn sites (getting euphoric)
    • Going to porn site (feeling quite calm and happy)
    • Get inspired by recommended videos (getting curious)
    • Starting to look for the perfect video (getting excited)
    • Finding an good video to masturbate to (accomplishment)
    • Masturbating and orgasm (accomplishment)
    • Erasing browser history (guilt and accomplishment that there is no prove)
  2. Ritual 2
    • Having a set back at work (feeling dissapointed)
    • Starting to browse the internet for a few minutes at work(feeling guilt)
    • Continuing to watch youtube videos or online news (guilt increases, a little danger getting caught)
    • Realizing that I am wasting time at work (guilt)
    • Thinking about leaving early to be alone at home to watch porn and masturbate (feeling excited)
    • Telling myself that I will be productive tomorrow (releasing pressure)
    • Continuing to browse on the internet (feeling calm)
    • Actually leaving work later than usual since I forgot about the time (accomplishment)
    • Meeting partner at home and hoping that she stays so that I would not watch porn (feeling powerless against addiction)
    • Sometimes she has plans and leaves (getting excited that I might watch porn)
    • It takes her a lot of time to finally leave (getting impatient and angry)
    • She finally leaves (feeling relieved)
    • Telling myself that it is late and I do not have to do something meaningful (feeling relieved)
    • Starting to look at porn (getting excited)
    • Looking for the perfect video before partner returns (suspense, danger)
    • Finding a good video (accomplishment)
    • Masturbation and orgasm (accomplishment)
    • Erasing browser history (feeling guilt and accomplishment that there is no prove)
  3. Ritual 3
    • Having accomplished something (feeling proud, satisfied)
    • Thinking that I deserve a break and can browse on the internet (huge internal conflict)
    • Starting to go on youtube or to watching a move (feeling a little bit of guilt)
    • Getting triggered by a movie scene and thinking about porn (getting excited)
    • Knowing that I will watch porn and masturbate soon (suspense)
    • Starting to watch porn (guilt increases)
    • Looking for the right movie (suspense)
    • Finding a good movie (accomplishment)
    • Masturbating and orgasm (accomplishment)
    • Erasing browser history (feeling guilt and accomplishment that there is no prove)


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 88 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group