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PostPosted: Sun Feb 07, 2021 7:19 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2021 5:21 am
Posts: 18
I’ve start recovery workshop two weeks ago.

Little story of myself.I am student at college,21years old.
I have start journey of “pron” when I was around 10years old.Well it’s not actual pron,I just found out some other function of back massager that feels better than massage my back.I was living with my grandpa when I was in primary school,afterwards I moved to live with my parents.That is when I start to change,Instead of seek for pictures in magazines or television,computer is more efficient.That is the first time I known high speed internet pron.I become more shy,less smiles,less confident.I discover it several years latter,and I think it is due pron,because I cannot control myself away from it,I felt shame.So I decide to change,My first goal is not masturbate for a month,from several days to a week to two week.After many attempts,I did it.I remember the feeling of accomplishment,I proved myself.I thought it was enough,if I can control it,then I can do it occasionally.But I didn’t know I was addicted to it,things don’t changes as I expected to,problems remain.Last year,I’ve read “your brain on pron”,knowing how pron is changing my brain,I decide to quit it.Then I found recoverynation,I will recover and live a healthy life.
Hope all of you recover.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 08, 2021 2:26 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 264
Hi Chaochaos,
Welcome to RN.
You have a long and searching path ahead of you, but I can guarantee if you stick with it you will find a way to a healthy life. :w:

We recommend that you complete about 3 lessons a week, although some take longer.
Take your time, it is not a race. ( I appreciate that you may have done all these lessons over a period of time before you could post)
If you have any questions post them in the community Support Forum.
There are coaches and mentors here to guide you if required, it is also of benefit to reads other threads, you will find that you are not alone!

Good luck :g:

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 09, 2021 11:02 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2021 5:21 am
Posts: 18
Lesson 1 Exercises:
A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:
1) actively committing yourself to change
I commit myself to change.I want to be better,utilize my full potential.I have never give up on this,although I realize I fall in to recovery cycle but I will get out of it.I have done two months nofap before I found out recoverynation.Now,with help of recoverynation I can find right way.

2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
I realized guilt or shame are not a source of motivation,so I cast away it.I accept excuses I might have during recovery (Give up now,I am not strong enough to end addiction,after I done more workshop I could start again),and refuse those thoughts,cause I know I will be stronger now If I do so.

3) allowing yourself time to change
I will build a healthy foundation,invest in myself.The more I invest,the more changes I make.I wil be patient.

B. Look deep inside and list ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life.
1.I want be proud of myself,decision I make life I lived.
2.Utilized my full potential,be best of myself of all possibilities that exists.
3.Take charge of my life.Having more choices in my life.
4.Intimacy with others, sharing trust with my friends.
5. I want to enjoy long term achievements (have realistic objectives and in this way reach my aims/interests/dreams).
6.I want to have a clear mind,so I know how to make right decisions in my life.
7.I wise I have positive thinking all the time,do things because I want to do.
8.Do decisions base on my values.
9. Respect my love for the unique women that she is.
10.Living a peaceful and meaningful life.
11.I want to be more energetic.
12.Growing and learning everyday,becomes stronger and stronger.
13.I want to be more confident by understand more about myself.
14.I want to have a healthy body and healthy mind.
15.I want people who I can influence be happy no matter is he or she with me or not.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 13, 2021 3:30 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2021 5:21 am
Posts: 18
Lesson 2
My vision:
In my funeral,people who I love and who love me have come.
My wife talked about our stories.my son and daughter talked about how I be a good father.My friends talked about my good values and achievements.People who I helped talked about good things I done.
The moment I taken my last breath I reviewed my whole life.
When I was 21,I work hard at university,after I graduated then I found a good job,starting living independently.I developed personalities and values that the man I want to become have.Then I married my wife and start my own business. I was happy and content.There are problems in my life,but I bravely faced it,and solved it.Then we had kids,that’s the first time I felt responsibility and happiness of be a father.Rest of my life I constantly develop depth in my values,my spiritual and my career.I was pretty good at my habits,music,sports.I have seen many views,tried many things,helped many people.
So I think my life was pretty good,then I closed my eyes.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 13, 2021 2:49 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4026
Location: UK
Hi Cha
not a bad start to your journey well done :g:
and not a bad life's vision to boot
however

Quote:
they talked about how I be a good father. my good values and achievements.good things I done.


perhaps some detail including what how when etc might give more focus and thus a better foundation to one of the corner stones for recovery?


Quote:
So I think my life was pretty good,

it can be, but you need to make it so and rid yourself of those unhealthy compulsions
keep up the good work RN is rooting for you

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2021 1:11 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2021 5:21 am
Posts: 18
Kenzo wrote:
Hi Cha
not a bad start to your journey well done :g:
and not a bad life's vision to boot
however

Quote:
they talked about how I be a good father. my good values and achievements.good things I done.


perhaps some detail including what how when etc might give more focus and thus a better foundation to one of the corner stones for recovery?


Quote:
So I think my life was pretty good,

it can be, but you need to make it so and rid yourself of those unhealthy compulsions
keep up the good work RN is rooting for you

Hi Kenzo
Thank you for your advise:).I will add more details on my vison and keep working with RN.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2021 1:27 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2021 5:21 am
Posts: 18
Lesson 12 Exercise:
I. Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to an unhealthy recovery. Post these observations into your Recovery Thread and/or Recovery Manager.
Quote:
They tend to analyze the risk/reward benefits of what they are being asked to do, before making the decision to do it. At least later in the workshop.

I been lazy,and forget why I am I doing there.
Quote:
This is not to say that they have been insincere or have failed...not at all. Only that such behavior is common with this group. And the reasons for the behavior...laziness, monotonous, boredom, "getting nothing tangible in return", incorrect anticipation of why the exercise is being requested...these are the wrinkles that will need to be identified and smoothed out before that final transition is made.

More pain more gain,and it doesn't have to be pain
Quote:
They often jump from addiction to addiction, and are particularly susceptible to hyper-religiosity and hyper-recovery. They put out fires by refocusing on other areas of their life. When these areas involve compulsive behavior — their use of addiction to manage their lives continues.

I smoke to manage streesors.
Quote:
They believe that they are defective in the sense that their emotions, urges, impulses, etc. are experienced with much more intensity than "normal people". And this puts them at a disadvantage for living a "normal life".

Actually is,but I will pay more effort to remain a balance
Quote:
They perceive "powerlessness" not as absolute powerlessness over their life, but a limited powerlessness over their urges.

Quote:
Relapse triggers are feared, and so their lives continue to be altered as a result of addiction.

Many things can stiil be a trigger for me


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2021 3:07 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2021 5:21 am
Posts: 18
Lesson 13 Exercises:
I. Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to a healthy recovery. Post these observations into your Recovery Thread and/or Recovery Manager.
Quote:
They have accepted that they have struggled with certain immoral behaviors that contradicted their values, but realize that what matters is what they are doing, not what they did. They realize that no successful recovery ever took place by changing the past, only by changing the present.

Quote:
Their motivation to recover comes from the desire to live a life that they can be proud of, rather than a desire to create the illusion of a life that they can be proud of.

Quote:
They make decisions based on what they believe is the right thing to do, rather than on what they think they can get away with. They know that whether these decisions end up being the right ones or not is irrelevant. That all that matters is that they were made with the right intentions in mind.

Quote:
They are not focused on controlling/ending their past behavioral patterns, but on developing new patterns that will take the place of those related to the addiction.

I am currently developing values and activity that is replacing addiction.
Quote:
They perceive "powerlessness" as a temporary term that more accurately describes their lack of skills in managing their urges.

Quote:
They recognize that the feelings that they are experiencing are the same feelings that others deal with every day in many different situations. That they are not "defective", but "deficient".

Quote:
They identify their future with a healthy person that once used addiction to manage their life; not as an addict that is managing their life with healthy behavior.

Quote:
They see their lives as a continuous process of growth and development, rather than an episodic book of starts and stops. (e.g. "When I was addicted" "After I recovered").

All shall pass
Quote:
They will take a long, hard look at anything associated with their destructive past, and will voluntarily make the decision to remove these objects from their life. This refers to pornography, internet accounts, etc. It does not necessarily refer to affairs where real feelings were experienced/exchanged.

I remind myself everyday about why am I doing this,what is I really want.
Quote:
They tend to have an emotional relapse in terms of the consequences that they have effected on others — especially those closest to them. This frequently triggers true remorse, temporary depression, temporary helplessness — but is soon resolved with a commitment to making it up to people in other, more healthy ways.

Quote:
In early recovery, they often "test the waters" of recovery by attempting recovery for a few days, then acting out. Attempting recovery for a few weeks, then acting out. Attempting recovery for a few months, then acting out. A weaning behavior similar to a toddler giving up a security blanket


II. Consider the values that surround both your healthy and unhealthy patterns. Are they consistent with your current prioritized values? If yes, wonderful. If not, how might this awareness alter how you are currently perceiving/managing your recovery? Share your thoughts in the community forum.
That are consistent with my current prioritized values:
love,meaning,autonomy,social acceptance,healthy,identity,self respect,order,personal growth,wisdom,self discipline,feeling happy and content,realistic,connecting purpose meaning of life,being tenacious in my pursuit of study.

In unhealthy recovery,

Lazziness,fear,powerlessness,


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2021 4:58 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2021 5:21 am
Posts: 18
Lesson 15 Exercises:
I. Take a minute to review what you have learned over the past two weeks. Of what you have learned so far, think of one example of how you have actively integrated that information into your day-to-day life. Share this in your personal thread.

I learned concept of addictions means,Now I am engaging more healthy behavior eg. reading,play guitar,meditating. to replace addictions and other things I do but don't bring me positive feeling,like gaming or watching video that I don't even care.
Those changes enhanced my value.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2021 10:03 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2021 5:21 am
Posts: 18
Lesson 16 Exercise:
I. Consider the POSITIVE role that addiction has played in your life. What purposes has it served (think short-term, not long)?
It managed my emotion instantly and provide me way to escape from reality to relax and I receive a lot of dopamine by doing it.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2021 2:13 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2021 5:21 am
Posts: 18
Lesson 17 Exercise:
I. Consider a particular compulsive ritual that you have engaged in. Identify the elements of this ritual and post them in your recovery thread. It is important that you understand the principles involved in identifying the stimulating elements of compulsive rituals...so if you are not comfortable with this concept, ask questions! Also, recognize that the elements listed above are not the only elements associated with compulsive behavior. And so, you will want to identify those elements that are specifically related to YOUR compulsive behavior.

Ritual: masturbating with pron or novel.
I. Sensory Stimulation
Touch: masturbating with hand.
sight: very important,usually with pron,comic picture.
sound: not crucial.

sensory stimulation is mainly focused on touch and visual.

Fantasy
—imagery fantasy:sometime 3-5 second sexual fantasies that occur.
_imagine having sex with character in pron.
_other fantasy that is not relate to sexual.

Suspense
—will I find best pron to finish this masturbation.

Poly-addictions
—I smoke when I feel anxiety no matter is urge of acting out or other stressors in life,I am using meditation to replace smoking.

orgasm
_ important in masturbating
_some time delayed orgasm in real sex with partner.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2021 8:00 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2021 5:21 am
Posts: 18
II. Consider one of your own compulsive rituals. Identify circumstances when each of the three filters (time, habituation and intensity) have come into play. Make sure that you understand each filter to the point where you are able to identify them as a ritual is being performed. Post these personal examples in your recovery thread.

Time:
sensory-desensitize
Fantasy-spend more time on fantasy in normal life
poly-addiction-more smoke
orgasm-take more time

Intensity:
sensory-more intense stimulation
Fantasy-more extreme fantasies with more material(novel,comic,picture, pron)
suspense-expecting higher "quality" material

Habituation
sensory-certain website
fantasy-preference characteristic
orgasm-able to delay orgasm


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2021 11:29 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2021 5:21 am
Posts: 18
Lesson 19 Exercise:
There is no written exercise associated with this lesson. Instead, there is only a call to deepen your awareness of how you go about deriving stimulation in your day-to-day life. For the rest of today...and for all of tomorrow...become 'hyper-aware' of the healthy and unhealthy rituals that you engage in — as you are engaging in them.

Because you will not be held externally accountable for what you are being asked to do, it will be easy to chalk this up as a 'break' from having to do anything further with this lesson. That would be a very big mistake. Your success will be defined by the skill you will develop in personal awareness. So please, do exactly as you're being asked here: become hyper-aware of all rituals you engage in over the next few days. Do not limit this awareness to sexually compulsive rituals... or even to compulsive rituals. Explore all of your actions for their 'ritualistic' nature. Brushing your teeth. Eating. Driving to work. Become conscious of your thoughts/feelings as you complete these rituals.

Feel free to share any insights in your recovery thread, but you do not have to.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2021 12:33 am 
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Lesson 20 Exercise:
This exercise may take you twenty minutes or it may take you twenty days. The value in it will be found in the clarity that you are able to achieve in defining the roles that addiction has played/can still play in your life.

You are now tasked with applying what you have learned to your own addiction. There are two ways of approaching this:

1) Examine your addiction and the role(s) that it has played in your life to date. Look across your life span and identify the progression of the addiction, the sustainment of it, the absence of it and/or the stifling of it. Look at the major transitions that you have experienced (childhood to prepubescent teen; prepubescent teen through teenager; teenager through young adulthood; young adulthood through adulthood; explore also any major traumas that you have endured (parental divorce, sexual abuse, moving to a new school or neighborhood, etc.) and identify the role that addiction (or the rituals that eventually developed into an addiction) played in helping you through that time period.


I cannot remember the exact year I start my addiction(masturbation and fantasy),but it was very young around 10 years old,I remember I first start fantasy about on a character on anime,there was a electronic massager in home,I found out it feel comfortable to put on other place,many years latter I known that is a type of masturbation.
I think I was addict to it when I was a teen.I wasn't able to control myself when I am without that electronic massager,I remember once I went back home after a travel,the first thing I did is to found that massager and use it.There are many other crazy things I did because of addiction.
Now go back time,when I was a child I was lived with my grandpa,I was a happy smart and extroversion kid,I don't have many memory about my childhood,but from pictures of that time and stories about me that my mother told me I can see that.I was happy in my childhood,but may be it is because of I am not with my parent I still feel lonely some time,I start using fantasy and masturbation to manage my life and kill time.
Then around 12 years old moved to live with my parents and changed a school, I remember there was a change in personality during this time, become introvert and shy,less interaction with people,I hardly connect with my best friend in childhood.I think I used addiction to manage those needs of socializing,
when I was around 14 my parents divorced,be honest I wasn't very emotional back in that time,because I rarely see my father,I think there is lack of father's love in my life,but my mother really did a great job of brought me up.
I think I have used addiction to manage many aspect of my life, my socialization,my studying,my relationship,it become a fundamental part of my life,sometime I really don't have motivation doing of any other things.
So when I was a teenager through young adulthood,I known there is something wrong with my compulsory behaviour.I decide to manage my compulsory behaviour, I failed numerous time, but once I did clean for a month,I felt a sense of accomplishment.After that I compromised with it,I start to control frequency of my behaviour,but things is not all getting better all at once,because I didn't realize I was addict to it.
I still have problems in decision making,socialization and motivation.
I had a tough time during first year in university,I wasn't good at my study and merely had any friend in university,I think addiction played a role in helping me though that time,even I don't want to.After that period of time I made some friends, things became better.
In second year,I read a book"pron on your brain",knows my situation is addiction and principles behind it,then I did many research known better about my compulsory behaviour,I decide to quit my addiction.
Then I found RN,It show me a clear way of how I recover and live a healthy life.Thanks to all coach,people who make RN and other member of RN.
I have made some progress,I have done twice one month and once two month clean in past 7 month.I known I need to do more,invest more to recover in future.
I had some tough time during past year after I decide to quit addiction.I had a girlfriend in that period of time and I don't known how to create in intimacy between her,and at same time I repel her but cannot leave her. I said many words that hurt her,I felt sorry.I was depressed and went to therapy.But it didn't helped,in the end that relationship is over.I think it is caused by there is fantasy in mind about the perfect one,and I was without addiction to manage my emotion,so I transfer support into relationship and made a conflict and made my emotion is out of balance.
After this I realize my ability to create intimacy between people is weak,I felt separate from others even my family and closest friend.And this is caused by addiction,because I used addiction as value instead of create connection with others.I connected to my friend only when I am out of balance and really need help.
Now I am starting to use my values to support me,do more meaningful things to replace addiction.I am in a relationship now and it's good,she is supporting me,but I am not over depend on this relationship like last one.
I believe there will always opportunities to change myself,and it's now.
My family worry about me,because of my health and mental condition in past year.And I am in second year of university,important year,a year later I might go into society and work.I want to change myself, full utilize my potentials.I known I will reject immediate gratification and take pain in short run to achieve long term happiness.
My uncle told me:"only myself can achieve myself." That is I will do in every moment.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2021 1:15 am 
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2) Look to future transitions in your life. Divorce. Death of a partner. Death of your parents. Death of a child. Loss of a job. Retirement. Having another child. Empty-nest syndrome. Consider many different situations that you will possibly face in the remaining years of your life. Situations that could potentially cause major instability to an otherwise balanced, fulfilling life. Explore the role(s) that addiction could play in helping you to manage these times. What would it feel like for addiction to come back into your life? Would it be a rapid collapse or a subtle progression? What signs would you look for? What actions would you take?

Addiction has already had a big impact on my past.It changed my personality and gives me shame,loneliness,depression and I need addiction to cope with all this problems it brought to me.Addiction is like usury,once I borrowed,interest add up until I can't repay,then I need to borrow again to pay back previous debt.
I will end this circle.
If I am still addicted,I certainly cannot full focus on my study,I might unable to graduate or end up a bad grade,find a bad job,poor connection with others,still need addiction to manage my life.It should be a better,happy and content life without addiction.
whenever I felt my life is out of balance,the signs are my emotion is imbalance,I will re balance my emotion first with health activity,remind me alert of addiction,seek for help from others.
Now I am currently continuing study on workshop of recovery,I will full invest in every exercise to get a solid value foundation,and face every challenge in life.


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