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PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2019 11:28 am 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 177
LESSON 44
URGE CONTROL: MY CORE IDENTITY
A. Describe the role a healthy core identity will provide
1. I will be honest with others and myself
2. What I do on the outside is what I am on the inside
3. I will make healthy decisions on handling life's decisions
B. Describe the role that value-based experiences will play in developing my core identity
1. I will respect myself more
2. I can be myself as who I am and not what others want me to be
3. I will not be in fear of making unhealthy decisions
4. I will gain respect from others
C. Examine my current core Identity
1. I am more aware of my feelings and actions when I am around other people
2. I have developed some boundaries around my values that help me make healthy decisions
3. If I make a destructive decision I feel guilty and shame and it motivates me me not to repeat the poor decision again
4. If I am caught in making a bad decision I will evaluate where I went wrong and work at correcting
the problem


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:33 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 177
Lesson 45
URGE CONTROL: ISOLATING THE EMOTION
Map a compulsive Ritual
On a previous compulsive chain every morning for a couple weeks I would look out my bathroom window hoping to see a women two doors down from my home that sometimes puts on her make up in the nude with her blinds open.
- I was hoping to see her in the nude (Anticipation)
- When I looked this one morning she was putting on her make up in the nude (Excitement) (Visual)
- I started touching myself to in cress the excitement (increased excitement)
- My wife is in the attached room asleep, I was afraid she would wake up and catch me (fear)
- My wife did wake and did'n catch me but I had to stop watching the women (relived), (frustrated)
- My wife left for work and I started fantasizing (fantasizing)
- I stared masturbating slowly ( excitement) (anticipation)
- I started using lotion to increase the sensations (higher excitement)
- I had an orgasm (satisfaction) (completion)
Point of no return
- seeing the women in the nude


Last edited by Recovery on Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:17 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 177
.


Last edited by Recovery on Sat May 02, 2020 2:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2020 1:51 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 177
LESSON 46
URGE CONTROL: ISOLATING THE DECISION
From previous compulsive ritual, I am to identify the element immediately preceding the point of no return:
In this situation I would look out my upstairs bathroom window around 5 am every morning hoping to see a female neighbor putting on her make up in the nude. I have seen her in the past doing this. I would do this every morning. I would fantasize about it before I got out of bed with my wife sleeping next to me, I would start getting aroused just thinking about it. Before I look out the window I worry about my wife would catch me. This adds fear but also intensify my excitement too. Then I stop before I look out the window because if I do this, it is the point of no return. It would have led me to masturbate.
I realize that this would break a few of my values. My value of not lusting. my value of not masturbating and my value of cheating on my wife even in a fantasize. After I make this decision I feel proud of my self for not acting on my impulses and also holding to my values.


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PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2020 2:51 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 177
LESSON 47
PRACTICAL URGE AWARENESS
1) Envision different realistic scenarios I may encounter compulsive urge in the future and document them. (in each of them)
a) Identify how I will know when the urge will begin
b) Identify the point of no return
c) When I would create the break
(Do this exercise in my head)
2) Anticipate the emotion with each urge, isolate the emotions from my core identity and prepare myself to make a value based decision.
(do this in my head)
3) Choose one and put in my recovery thread
I practiced 6 different situations that could possible happen regarding a compulsive urge.

The one situation that has happened in the past and could happen again if I am not prepared:
My wife and I go to a family function at her adult daughter's home. Her family are Hispanic and as the party goes on during the evening the men start drinking strong alcohol and they all start talking Spanish which I don't understand the language. My wife will only drink one glass of wine but she will be talking Spanish also and I usually only drink one or two glasses of wine.
At most I usually get bored after about 3 hours. At this point I want to drink more wine and I start paying more attention to what the women are doing and what the are wearing. This could led to me to start lusting.
1. The urge will begin when I start getting bored and it is also around 3 hours I have been at the party.
2. The point of no return will be when I start watching what the women are wearing.
3. The break is to leave the party at this time.
The emotion involved is getting bored. My core identity is not to lust. So when I get bored and I want to lust. I make the decision to leave the party and by doing that it enforces my core identity and also my value


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