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PostPosted: Sat Jul 08, 2017 1:56 pm 
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Posts: 181
its a while since I posted. I have worked successfully and enjoyably at meeting new friends, working in a local social group. I enjoyed using my skills in helping at meetings and coming to better decisions. I am planning to run another small group with a friend. This is new for me to use my initiative but it is something I am interested in. I am doing a bit more sport again with a friend. A lot of the social activities are improving. mentally I am more relaxed. But I know that I can be tempted to use porn. I don't want to. I have a lot of good things to loose. I remind my self of that. As Kenzo wrote, "there is nothing to glorify" about porn. I think that was the quote. I am nervous about maintaining my success. I'll remind that I want a good life.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 09, 2017 6:44 am 
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Hi all, I have begun looking at lesson 60, avoiding slips by visualisation. It seems to offer support and strategies for my continuing to cope with temptation to act out and building a healthy life, with problem solving. I have to be quick, as I am posting before I go for a walk with a friend. More later.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2017 5:48 am 
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Posts: 181
preliminary work on lesson 60.
prior to expected trigger.
I am at home, after evening meal, wife leaves me alone on P.C.
I am a student and generously able to acknowledge that I do not know the answer to this situation.
Allow I will be tempted and that I am not sure what to do.
I am likely to feel at first, tired, stressed, bit overwhelmed by after effects (emotions) from too many emotional events. Difficult to relax. because I also feel excited by prospect of secretly A.O. “wired” good word for it. I will keep these feelings to my self, secretly hoping to “A.O. a bit.”

BOUNDARY
I will not use the p.c. when I am alone after 8. p.m. I will keep a connecting door open. I will not be fooled by “good” reasons to go on line. e.g for spiritual information ( I can find that somewhere else) It is never that urgent. Information for studying, or other dishonest reasons.
I will ask my self WHY NOW ?


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2017 5:54 am 
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Joined: Thu May 09, 2013 3:40 pm
Posts: 181
Hi all, Just to add to the post I have made. I have still given in to scanning sites on YouTube, briefly, a minute or so, when stressed and not prepared well enough. Other parts of my life are going well, I continue to take part in sport with friends, and I am involved with a couple of new community groups. As I make friends and spend time doing activities I see as worthwhile, using my social skills, I feel much brighter and happier. All the best in your recovery.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 7:50 am 
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Joined: Thu May 09, 2013 3:40 pm
Posts: 181
Hi, I have just completed a review of my values. Choosing those that are most important to me. They are placed at the top of the list. I have managed to use my values to develop a life that is more the one I want. I am working and able to find practical ways to implement my values. For example by, meeting new people, meditation group, and social groups around art. I am working on Lesson 31, to make sure that I am spending my time in living my most important values. I am using a diary to organise time when I do activities that fit my values most. I hope this is clear.

MY VALUES 28TH AUGUST 2017-08-28

I am free (of addiction)
I am loving
I use my energy to grow as a person
I am loving and helpful to my partner, family and friends, and self.
I am enthusiastic and committed to my spiritual practice.
I am honest with my self and others
I strengthen and support my creativity.
My recovery is my first priority.
I recover as an act of love towards my inner child.
I am present and deal with life’s problems as they arise.
I love my self.
I am emotionally and sexually intimate with my partner.
I confide in my partner.
I work to create a mutually supportive relationship.
I gradually confide more in people that I find I can trust.
I contribute to the good of my community and the wider world.
I enjoy regular contact with my friends.
I accept and enjoy my feelings. All of them.
I eat healthily.
I exercise regularly.
I look after my health body and mind.
I support my partner to be healthy.
All the best with your recoveries, any comments welcome.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 1:20 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 09, 2013 3:40 pm
Posts: 181
Hi All, another slip. A big one five hours looking at porn. Depressing. Not devastating. I am not being so self blaming or shaming. I do take it seriously. As we all know, words are not enough. But I have just seen a new therapist, who understands my experiences. He is not soft. he will not provide me with THE answer. He will help. I genuinely don't want to carry on slipping and wasting my life. All the best.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 5:47 am 
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Joined: Thu May 09, 2013 3:40 pm
Posts: 181
Hi all, I am feeling irritable, probably tired, and lethargic. I am aiming to read on this site each day and post more spontaneously. tired is a warning sign. I need some rest, but also to watch out for tiredness leading to compulsive acting out. Some thoughts from my therapy session. e.g. that I have a secret part to my life, has hit home and I am trying to keep my communication open with my wife. I have volunteered to run a new discussion group locally, which is a big step, in that I am using my initiative. Still practicing urge awareness and management daily. This is the gradual work. I remind my self it will be worthwhile, which I believe. The alternative is to slip up, or give up and recovery would be much more difficult. Each slip makes recovery harder. I don't want to go down that path. All the best in your recovery


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2017 5:08 am 
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Posts: 181
I have jut read some posts, e.g. Semperfi, which I found helpful. Reading about the development of my vision, again. I feel distant from it, and what it means, but I will work on fulfilling it in practical ways. My partner is away this evening. She is disabling the p.c. before she goes. I know this is not ideal. I should be depending on my discipline not to a.o. But for a week or so, that's what I need. I will need to be responsible for my actions. Some positive steps socially in my life. But I am still too much alone. I can contact a friend. I have already planned a walk with her. And a trip to the theatre. I am still using urge management skills. So may be things are going in the right direction ? I think so.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2017 5:38 am 
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Posts: 181
I have had a good session with my counsellor. What stayed with me was the idea that a chemical withdrawal was contributing to my regular slips. Which have been happening about once a month. Perhaps stress has not been the main contributor to my slips ? This idea does seem to fit and I recognise my concentration and thinking and I feel more anxious when I am "due" a slip. Life seems to have settled down a bit. Some good social activities, so I'll carry on, keeping my awareness sharp. The other idea was that I would have to manage my addiction for the rest of my life. This sounds daunting, but I think I can still have a positive enjoyable life. That's the point of this site isn't it ? All the best for your recovery.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2017 5:52 am 
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Posts: 181
I have just read DBAck's resent post about lesson 60. I am attempting to take it in. and digest it. I can see it is important and relevant to my previous post.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:07 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Hi Green leaves,

Hope you've been doing well on the recovery so far.

Quote:
Still practicing urge awareness and management daily. This is the gradual work. I remind my self it will be worthwhile, which I believe. The alternative is to slip up, or give up and recovery would be much more difficult. Each slip makes recovery harder. I don't want to go down that path.


The monitoring and awareness is a huge part to recovery so keep on spending time to check in with yourself every once in a while. Although slips are not ideal, it is also important to access them after it happens. When we know what and why it happens, we can better prepare ourselves the next time the emotions are flagged out again.

All the best on your recovery!

:g:


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2017 8:58 am 
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Posts: 181
Hi Healzen, thanks for your advice and encouragement. I have started to see a counsellor who is very helpful. Despite this I slipped again. Watched a film with nudity and then mb. (lasted about 20minutes) I am disappointed. I was complacent as my wife had disabled the p.c. so I thought I was safe. I used t.v. instead. My self monitoring and awareness was not accurate enough. I think also I manage about a month then the withdrawal kicks in and I give in. I don't intend to do that this month. My plan is to check in each day with my self by writing how I feel. Read on line every other day. And keep up my self awareness. All the best.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 11, 2017 10:36 am 
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Joined: Thu May 09, 2013 3:40 pm
Posts: 181
Hi, It is a while since I posted. my recovery has been going well. I have been working with my therapist to understand that the stress I feel regularly each month is withdrawal from porn use not just stress. This has helped and I have been porn free for a few months. Recently I have watched an adult movie. This does not help me, although it has not led to a relapse. Eating too much, "comfort eating." I am trying to muster motivation to reduce my diet. Good wishes in your recovery.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 11, 2017 10:45 am 
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Joined: Thu May 09, 2013 3:40 pm
Posts: 181
Hi, I have just read AndrewWA,s post and Kenzo,s comment. I agree on both counts. it good to have AW on this site and he may not need to post. WA,S post shows me how in touch with is feelings he is, to pick up on a small resentment. I am not that sensitive yet. But I think my over eating is an expression of resentment, As if I am saying to my self. " I don't deserve or want any discomfort" That's my addictive voice. As I know discomfort can only be postponed at a price. Good to be back. I'll keep writing off line to be aware of my feelings.


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