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PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 4:26 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 43:

http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/w_urgeassessment.php

Well, when i read trough this lesson, i become aware that i am far away from
my early recovery. Lets bring this workshop to an end. And permanently close
door to addiction.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 5:00 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 44:

A) My core identity forms my traits, defines what i like and what not. What brings me fulfilling moments and what not.
My values are defined by this core identity. I have to live in a way that this values are fulfilled. In a way that filfills me.
Then i have enough "points" to reach accomplishment. And to manage crisis, so there is no need to compensate
with artificial stimulation. This is necessary to maintain a healthy life.

B) At the moment my addiction is still part of my identity. That means, at least some decisions are based on
immediate gratification which on the short term is good, but in the long term brings destruction and instability.
The fulfilment hast to come more and more from value based decision making, learned by value based experiences.

C) I removed a lot of addiction elements from my identity. But there are still some vulnerable elements i have to address. Improving the values based decision making and gaining more emotional stability. Become more emotional mature. But i made already siginificant improvements the last months. When i engage in activitiy that is destructive, the decision is not value based but based on remaining addictive elements of my identity. The consequences are disappointment.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 7:22 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3853
Location: UK
Hello Sunbeam
Quote:
Lets bring this workshop to an end. And permanently close
door to addiction.

its been a while
but lets do it now
but be aware that completing the workshop does not permanently close the door to addiction
it shows you the new you how to do it but only if you ingrain the essence of the lessons into your everyday thinking and living
looking forwards to your continued and regular posts

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 26, 2014 5:35 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 45:

A.) I use my earlier documented ritual "Erotic Chat"
Element 1: I am alone, no friends and bored
Element 2: Begin thinking about erotic chat
Element 3: Began going in the chat and looking if a suitable girl is there (Element: Suspense)
Element 4: Started talking with the girl, and then started to talk about her body/genitals (Elements: Suspense, Fantasy)
Element 5: Tried to get the girl to exchange naked pictures (Elements: Suspense, Sensory)
Element 6: Added masturbation for more stimualtion (Elements: Sensory)
Element 7: Closed the session with orgasm (Elements: Orgasm, Accomplishment)

Identifying the emotions that are produced by each element of the ritual:
Element 1: frustration, disappointment, anxiety
Element 2: mild comfort
Element 3: excitement, achievement
Element 4: suspense, success, excitement
Element 5: more success, comfort
Element 6: excitement, comfort, guilt/shame
Element 7: extreme comfort, complete peace, success, serenity relief, pleasure

C.) The point of no return is element 4, when i have found a girl in the chat.

D.) This is the element 3, going into a chat with the purpose of a erotic chat.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2014 2:32 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 46:

A.) We use again the compulsive chain "Erotic Chat".
New Elements:
Element 4: Leaving the chat and going through the priorized values list.
Element 5: Applying elements of proactive action plans, like cleaning up, going shopping.
Element 6: When the mood has changed to a better state, communicate with friends, preferably face to face.
Element 7: Stay busy by continue working on proactive action plans. Not fucussing on one value, but adressing
several values the next days.

B.) I have noticed this at other "soft addictions", like eating sweets. When the subconscious mind wants me to
consume a high dose of sugar, lets say a coke, then even a small dose of sugar, say a piece of chocolate brings
enough stimulation that stops all demand for more sugar. Another option is, do do nothing. Not eating sugar
and withstanding the urge shows soon that emotions are finite: The urge is gone.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 03, 2015 6:35 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 47:

1.) Realistic scenarios where i may encounter a compulsive urge:
- When i am bored
- Emotional instability because of stress, e.g. from work
- Emotional instability because of crisis that drain a lot of energy (friends dropping me)
- When i am in complacency mode and there objectify women
- When i lie in bed and am awake

2.)
I choose "complacency mode" here:
Likely begin of ritual: When i start to fantasize about extreme sexuality.
Likely PONR: When i have found extreme sexual material in the net
Create the break: When i experience the urge to look for extreme material

Anticipated emotions with that particular ritual:
- Immediate relief, suspense, excitement, success, extreme comfort, pleasure
Isolating this emotions from 'core identity':
- This emotions have to be achieved by value based decision making. I know that
this emotions are then much lower in their intensity but i know that weaning of from
those rituals long enough bring here big improvements by getting rid of emotional
numbness.
Preparing myself to make a values-based decision:
I don't react with 'what feels right' at this moment, i will assess where i am in regards
to my values, my balance, my priorities, my emotions and will take action in relation
to my values, priorities and goals. I don't fear temporary emotional discomfort.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 4:02 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 48:

The important thing here for me is actively seeking.
Actively seeking to develop two or three areas of my life. Every day.
To strengthen these areas.


Last edited by sunbeam on Thu Jan 08, 2015 4:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 4:03 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 49:

Have done my Sexual Health Assessment right now. It was funny to fill it out.
But at the end there was a error message - the submit did not work. Maybe someone
should fix this technical problem.

I will continue my health monitoring III the next 6 weeks, then switch to health monitoring iv.


Last edited by sunbeam on Sun Mar 01, 2015 5:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 4:58 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 50:

A.) There remains temporarily an uncomfortable feeling because values based decision making is no "right now" thing.
But i know that long term goals are satisfied with this value based decision making and so on a personal growth.

B.) The consequences here are a "quick fix" of emotional imbalance and a relief and feeling very comfortable - temporarily. This jeopardizes long term goals and stability and the problems come back as soon as my drug
is away again.

C.) Emotion based means sooner or later compulsive, that means that addiction ingrains back in my core identity.
It wipes out my emotional power and the emotional numbness brings me to consider values as worthless.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:26 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 51:

A.) I choose my earlier ritual "Erotic Chat".
The point where i should begin considering options is Element 2 (Begin thinking about erotic chat)
and worst, at Element 3 (Began going in the chat and looking if a suitable girl is there).
Reasonable options are:
#1 Complete the ritual. Having an erotic chat and then masturbate and orgasm.
#2 Going in the chat and talking about non-erotic things, just for communication and then leave again.
#3 Interrupting the ritual and switching to another (e.g. searching for erotic pictures).
#4 Not going in the chat and, instead talk with friends via email, phone or whatsapp.
#5 Going through my priorized values list, interpreting the emotions that bring me to think about erotic chat

B.)
#1 No longer an option: conflicts with my boundaries of a healthy life.
#2 Remains an option, value communication, but dangerous.
#3 No longer an option: conflicts with my boundaries of a healthy life.
#4 Remains an option, value time management, value maturity, value emotional control
#5 Remains an option, value personal growth, value maturity, value emotional control

In case of a value conflict, i would choose the option that provides long term stability and health.

C.) Anticipated consequences:
#2
Act: emotional satisfaction, reduced sleep, possibility to relapse
Not Act: temporary increase in feeling uncomfortable (emotional imbalance due to bored, complacent)
Act, being discovered: slight emotional chaos
Act, remain secret: emotional satisfaction, reduced sleep, possibility to relapse

#4:
Act: emotional satisfaction if successful, personal growth,
Not Act: temporary increase in feeling uncomfortable (emotional imbalance due to bored, complacent)
Act, being discovered: Same as Act
Act, remain secret: Same as Act

#5:
Same as #4


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 6:08 pm 
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Posts: 126
Lesson 52:

I choose as an example a situation in my self-employment:
Customer wanted me to do things that are not good for my future self-employment.
I said no several times, and because of my no he was not able to get lots of subsidies.
At the end, he blamed me, because of me, he has thrown a lot of money out of the window.

Playing out emotions/feelings would bring me to cry because of this unfair manipulation
and tell him directly that his behavior is absolutely selfish.

The solely value based decision was to ignore emotional discomfort and just continue
with the project. Switching issue to next project steps and so on. The purpose of a customer
is to satisfy his needs and earn money by doing this. And not playing the nice guy.

Reasonable options:
#1 Fulfill the will of customer although it breaks my boundaries (value integrity)
#2 Start a dispute with customer that his unfair manipulation is not ok (maintaining value integrity by strong emotional reactions; emotional relief) and risking to lose customer for future projects (jeopardizing the value pursuing my career as self-employed engineer).
#3 Ignore the customer's will because it violates my boundaries (boundary of value integrity maintained), and
go on with the project (strengthening the value pursuing my career as self-employed engineer).

As mapping out this example, i realized that here is in addition a value conflict of two values, not only the choice
of immediate emotional relief versus value based decision making.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 5:27 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 53:

A.) Masturbation is against my values when i use it for fixing emotional imbalance,
for example caused by being bored or when i can't sleep.
Masturbation is within my values, when i use it for rewiring - get the feeling back
how my body reacts to imagination of a naked woman for example.

However, i want to rewire back to the real deal, not to my hand.

B.) Common value conflicts involving sexual and/or romantic behavior i found myself engaged in:
- When i am in complacency mode i start to objectify women. This conflicts with value integrity, taking care about myself, Personal growth, development,
- When i try to talk with women about sexuality i have no relationship with. This violates the boundaries of others, the value integrity


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 6:17 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 54:

A.) A girl i am friendly to suspicted someone else for a damage i was responsible for.
Because honesty is a important value for me, i told her that i was the one that is
responsible. The negative consequences that resulted were that she was disappointed,
i lost some of the admiration she gave me and some trust was lost, too.

B.) A lot of months ago, i saw a link to the report of a naked beach on a news site.
I watched the report. I justified my decision to watch with "it is no porn, just going naked".
The relief was wonderful when i watched all those no-porn nudity. I felt excited and
accomplishment.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 5:19 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 55:

Nothing to write here at the moment.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 10:12 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 10:26 am
Posts: 1806
Sunbeam -

I'm just going through some different threads, at random, to see how different guys are doing. From my review of your work, it looks like you're knocking it out of the park, with very little coaching/mentor feedback. Great work on your part!

Do you have any specific questions I can help answer? Do you feel like you're getting the hang of the lessons? That is to say, are you successful in integrating the lessons into your life outside of the workshop?

Let me know if I can help, in any way.

Keep moving forward,
Tim


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