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PostPosted: Sat Jan 03, 2015 6:35 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 47:

1.) Realistic scenarios where i may encounter a compulsive urge:
- When i am bored
- Emotional instability because of stress, e.g. from work
- Emotional instability because of crisis that drain a lot of energy (friends dropping me)
- When i am in complacency mode and there objectify women
- When i lie in bed and am awake

2.)
I choose "complacency mode" here:
Likely begin of ritual: When i start to fantasize about extreme sexuality.
Likely PONR: When i have found extreme sexual material in the net
Create the break: When i experience the urge to look for extreme material

Anticipated emotions with that particular ritual:
- Immediate relief, suspense, excitement, success, extreme comfort, pleasure
Isolating this emotions from 'core identity':
- This emotions have to be achieved by value based decision making. I know that
this emotions are then much lower in their intensity but i know that weaning of from
those rituals long enough bring here big improvements by getting rid of emotional
numbness.
Preparing myself to make a values-based decision:
I don't react with 'what feels right' at this moment, i will assess where i am in regards
to my values, my balance, my priorities, my emotions and will take action in relation
to my values, priorities and goals. I don't fear temporary emotional discomfort.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 4:02 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 48:

The important thing here for me is actively seeking.
Actively seeking to develop two or three areas of my life. Every day.
To strengthen these areas.


Last edited by sunbeam on Thu Jan 08, 2015 4:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 4:03 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 49:

Have done my Sexual Health Assessment right now. It was funny to fill it out.
But at the end there was a error message - the submit did not work. Maybe someone
should fix this technical problem.

I will continue my health monitoring III the next 6 weeks, then switch to health monitoring iv.


Last edited by sunbeam on Sun Mar 01, 2015 5:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 4:58 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 50:

A.) There remains temporarily an uncomfortable feeling because values based decision making is no "right now" thing.
But i know that long term goals are satisfied with this value based decision making and so on a personal growth.

B.) The consequences here are a "quick fix" of emotional imbalance and a relief and feeling very comfortable - temporarily. This jeopardizes long term goals and stability and the problems come back as soon as my drug
is away again.

C.) Emotion based means sooner or later compulsive, that means that addiction ingrains back in my core identity.
It wipes out my emotional power and the emotional numbness brings me to consider values as worthless.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:26 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 51:

A.) I choose my earlier ritual "Erotic Chat".
The point where i should begin considering options is Element 2 (Begin thinking about erotic chat)
and worst, at Element 3 (Began going in the chat and looking if a suitable girl is there).
Reasonable options are:
#1 Complete the ritual. Having an erotic chat and then masturbate and orgasm.
#2 Going in the chat and talking about non-erotic things, just for communication and then leave again.
#3 Interrupting the ritual and switching to another (e.g. searching for erotic pictures).
#4 Not going in the chat and, instead talk with friends via email, phone or whatsapp.
#5 Going through my priorized values list, interpreting the emotions that bring me to think about erotic chat

B.)
#1 No longer an option: conflicts with my boundaries of a healthy life.
#2 Remains an option, value communication, but dangerous.
#3 No longer an option: conflicts with my boundaries of a healthy life.
#4 Remains an option, value time management, value maturity, value emotional control
#5 Remains an option, value personal growth, value maturity, value emotional control

In case of a value conflict, i would choose the option that provides long term stability and health.

C.) Anticipated consequences:
#2
Act: emotional satisfaction, reduced sleep, possibility to relapse
Not Act: temporary increase in feeling uncomfortable (emotional imbalance due to bored, complacent)
Act, being discovered: slight emotional chaos
Act, remain secret: emotional satisfaction, reduced sleep, possibility to relapse

#4:
Act: emotional satisfaction if successful, personal growth,
Not Act: temporary increase in feeling uncomfortable (emotional imbalance due to bored, complacent)
Act, being discovered: Same as Act
Act, remain secret: Same as Act

#5:
Same as #4


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 6:08 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 52:

I choose as an example a situation in my self-employment:
Customer wanted me to do things that are not good for my future self-employment.
I said no several times, and because of my no he was not able to get lots of subsidies.
At the end, he blamed me, because of me, he has thrown a lot of money out of the window.

Playing out emotions/feelings would bring me to cry because of this unfair manipulation
and tell him directly that his behavior is absolutely selfish.

The solely value based decision was to ignore emotional discomfort and just continue
with the project. Switching issue to next project steps and so on. The purpose of a customer
is to satisfy his needs and earn money by doing this. And not playing the nice guy.

Reasonable options:
#1 Fulfill the will of customer although it breaks my boundaries (value integrity)
#2 Start a dispute with customer that his unfair manipulation is not ok (maintaining value integrity by strong emotional reactions; emotional relief) and risking to lose customer for future projects (jeopardizing the value pursuing my career as self-employed engineer).
#3 Ignore the customer's will because it violates my boundaries (boundary of value integrity maintained), and
go on with the project (strengthening the value pursuing my career as self-employed engineer).

As mapping out this example, i realized that here is in addition a value conflict of two values, not only the choice
of immediate emotional relief versus value based decision making.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 5:27 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 53:

A.) Masturbation is against my values when i use it for fixing emotional imbalance,
for example caused by being bored or when i can't sleep.
Masturbation is within my values, when i use it for rewiring - get the feeling back
how my body reacts to imagination of a naked woman for example.

However, i want to rewire back to the real deal, not to my hand.

B.) Common value conflicts involving sexual and/or romantic behavior i found myself engaged in:
- When i am in complacency mode i start to objectify women. This conflicts with value integrity, taking care about myself, Personal growth, development,
- When i try to talk with women about sexuality i have no relationship with. This violates the boundaries of others, the value integrity


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 6:17 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 54:

A.) A girl i am friendly to suspicted someone else for a damage i was responsible for.
Because honesty is a important value for me, i told her that i was the one that is
responsible. The negative consequences that resulted were that she was disappointed,
i lost some of the admiration she gave me and some trust was lost, too.

B.) A lot of months ago, i saw a link to the report of a naked beach on a news site.
I watched the report. I justified my decision to watch with "it is no porn, just going naked".
The relief was wonderful when i watched all those no-porn nudity. I felt excited and
accomplishment.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 5:19 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 55:

Nothing to write here at the moment.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 10:12 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 10:26 am
Posts: 1806
Sunbeam -

I'm just going through some different threads, at random, to see how different guys are doing. From my review of your work, it looks like you're knocking it out of the park, with very little coaching/mentor feedback. Great work on your part!

Do you have any specific questions I can help answer? Do you feel like you're getting the hang of the lessons? That is to say, are you successful in integrating the lessons into your life outside of the workshop?

Let me know if I can help, in any way.

Keep moving forward,
Tim


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 5:52 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 56:

Nothing to write here at the moment.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 3:10 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 57:

1.)
I am working on a project and progress slows down, new problems arise,
solutions that seemed to work show up that they don't work and project needs
much more work than expected. This is producing a lot of emotional imbalance.
I go in a internet community and seek for new female women and start to chat
with them. If a response comes, i feel happy and intensify the chat, talk with her
about vacations, her life, her job and so on. Later i escalate more, ask her for
her number, "just for whatsapp", and sometimes date the woman.

The problem here is, that my "search and find" principle, i used at my porn
time, comes here to play again, here without erotic content. The seach and
find (finding a woman online to chat with) releases lots of good emotions and
serves as a immediate gratification. I want to get rid of this chat acquaintances
and improve my real life environment.

2.)
A realistic other option would be:
After feeling this emotional imbalance i have to interrupt work. Gaining emotional
distance and let the emotions settle down. So i could go for a walk and talk with
people i meet, go swimming and so on.
Emotions are always finite.

3.)
When doing this chat thing, it leads to emotional relief. But using immediate gratification
here brings some mood swings and scattered mind back, not as intense as in my
acute withdrawal phase but for improving my life, i need to get rid of this.

When going for a walk, then the problems of my work circle in my mind for some time.
But it brings me a much clearer mind and no mood swings.

4.)
Option #1: Violates my values of integrity; no longer an option.

Option #2: value integrity; it remains an option
So i would choose #2.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 5:19 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 58:

My recovery is going well. Thoughts are slowing, urges diminishing
Action plan:
Recovery is going well.
Mood swings settled down, scattered mind is gone, i am very attentive to environment
and urges are diminishing, motivation for change is high.

Actions to take:
- Continue the daily balanced to-do list with short term goals and lower rewarding long term todos.
- Remember that all emotions are temporary and in a state of flux
- Be wary of measuring progress based on feelings. Use objective criteria as the foundation of measuring progress.
- Continue weekly self-assessment for the first three months of this transition to ensure that i recognize potential problems before they develop into unmanagable crisis
- After three months, re-assess progress and motivation for following through with a complete transition from addiction to health
- Take care to have enough variety in life and enough fun (dancing, going out with friends)

Likely mindgames i play to abandon value based decision making:
- Objectifying women and fantasize about big breasts etc.
- Switching to complacency mode

I come across an unexpected trigger (online community, non-erotic chat)
Actions to take:
To identify that every trigger has both short- and log-term consequences that must be considered
before decisions are made as to how to act. Considering only short-term consequences (only harmful
if i relapse) is an unhealthy, immature way of managing my life.

Likely mindgames i play to abandon value based decision making:
- Thinking about clicking through the profiles in a online community
- Thinking about going in a chat "just for a normal talk and curiosity"

I find myself actively engaged in a destructive behavior/pattern of behaviors
Actions to take:
- When i find myself engaging in such behavior, the first thing i will do is to stop it.
- Remove all links, break all ties, eliminate all connection to this behavior.
- I will write out how this behavior re-emerged into my life to see if there are patterns to watch for break
downs in my life management skills that need to be addressed
- If there are consequences that stem from this relapse, i will accept them with my head held high and then move
forward once more.

Likely mindgames i play to abandon value based decision making:
- Thinking: "It's just one more time"
- Thinking: "Now i have left addiction behind and can now start again with online erotica"

While i am not acting out, i regognize that my life is becoming increasingly stressed (e.g. project deadlines missed)
Actions to take:
- Recognize that my life is in jeopardy of running out of control and that actions needs to be taken
- Forgive myself for not being perfect
- Review my current priorized values list
- Review my activities with my current long term goals
- Repriorize values/goals as needed
- Develop a resonable short term goals list that will help me to regain focus and stability

Likely mindgames i play to abandon value based decision making:
- Thinking about online chat/communities for immediate stress relief
- Scattered mind and mood swings

I anticipate the presence of a known trigger in a future activity (erotic pictures from festival)
Actions to take:
- Review my own boundaries to ensure that i do not allow this behavior to cross those boundaries.
- Roleplay the most common anticipated situations and how i will deal with them in a way that promotes my values
- Ingrain the notion that i will not act in a way that jeopardizes my health

Likely mindgames i play to abandon value based decision making:
- Thinking like: "i will only watch the pictures from the festival i visited to recall memories"


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 10:18 am 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 59:

Nothing to write here at the moment.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 6:45 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 127
Lesson 60:

1.) Developing a plan:
#1 Prior to a Expected Triggering Event
1: Be aware that i am not yet prepared to handle the situation. Not emotional mature enough
2: Construct an action plan for the situation i will engage in.
3: Validate this action plan with someone i care about
4: Roleplay this scenario in my mind again and again and again

#2 Prior to a Spontaneous Triggering Event
1: Begin fantasizing on a regular basis - but to learn rather than to be stimulated.
2: Fantasize often
3: Begin with the most common triggers
4: Develop action plans

#3 On the Experience of an Urge
1: Act immediately following the recognition of an urge before the compulsive trance sets in.
2: Isolate your emotions and separate them from core identity. Having always in mind that emotions
are always finite in intensity and time.
3: Engaging in my action plan for this trigger. If i do not have one then i will create one. Ensure that
absolute honesty was engaged in determining options/consequences.
4: Accept the consequences for whatever actions i decided to take. If i acted in a healthy way, embrace
the success. If you act in a destructive way, embrace the responsibility.

#4 On the Discovery of Being “Off-Track”
1: Regaining stability by regaining balance in my life. This has to be done by a recommitment to
recovery. But willpower is a limited resource, so this can only be the start.
2: Evaluating and updating my values. And so, getting initial clues where i struggled in relation to
life management.
3: Updating and refining my goals and refocus on them.
4: Develop a three day time management schedule and follow it to regain stability.
5: Map out the progression of the relapse to find out what went wrong.
6: Analyze the relapse - look for triggers and situations where tools could have been used to help.
7: Assess the signs of a relapse

#5 On Schedule
1: Signs of when i am struggling to manage my life:
- Mood swings and endless inner role playing where fights with my enemies happen.
- Complacency mode
- When i want to bite in my finger.
- When i start to speak to myself.
2: List of major life events that would likely create a significant emotional imbalance in my life:
- Losing a family member
- Losing my job/my self-employment ending unsuccessful.
- Being totally alone
- Severe trouble/battle with enemies that cost me friendships
3: Action plan for when i determine that i am struggling with life management/emotions:
- Making a daily plan of what to do and executing it.
- Going through action plans and assessing my situation.
- Returning to value based decision making
4. I will review my life and this list as suggested.

2.) Re-Examining Motivators of first lesson:
Well, all that was written there is still motivating me. And it feels so good to have reached
a lot of this motivators in the meantime - but i have to move on.
Pixel erotica will never again damage my life.
I will use the rest of my life useful and meaningful.
I want to have a life where i can be proud of.


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