Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Thu Feb 20, 2020 12:57 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 61 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Sat Aug 22, 2015 8:42 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:51 pm
Posts: 57
Hello everyone, im PeacefulZero. I am a 20 year old college student, going to a university for Computer Science. A few weeks ago i was introduced to this site and began working through the first 2 lessons, the second one i just finished today. I recently made my account so ill post what i have gotten done so far

Lesson 1
1. Active commitment to change
- I would say i have not been fully invested in my commitment to change. I have purchased books to read, planned hobbies to do instead of indulging in my addiction, but procrastination seems to prevail more often than not. And with the procrastination comes the boredom which leads me to relapse. So i need to just get up and Do these things whether i want to or not.

2.Not allowing guilt or shame to sabotage commitment
- There are times where i think back to the past and wish things could of been done differently, but for the most part i realize whats done is done and its not to late to make up for that lost time.

3.Allowing myself time to change
- With how i started my addiction at such an early age i have no doubt its not going to be a quick process. I'll take as much time as is needed to fully overcome my addiction completely, even if it takes years i want to completely heal the wound as opposed to apply medicine and bandaging it time and time again.

My Reasons why i want to permanently change my life
1. I want to be able to wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and an eagerness to start the day.
2. I want to be able to build meaningful relationships and friendships with other people
3. I want my self image/esteem to become more positive
4. I want to push myself to not settle for mediocrity
5. I want to stop procrastinating on everything that i do
6. I want to find my passions and actively pursue them
7. I want to form better habits to be healthy and productive
8. I want to change how i view women and how i act towards them
9. I want to be able to enjoy the little things in life and not rush through things
10. I want to be able to experience new things, or rather to try new things despite my fear of them.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Aug 22, 2015 9:31 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:51 pm
Posts: 57
Lesson 2
My Vision of the future: I kind of split my vision into 3 separate parts

1. I want to find and pursue a career in which i love whatever it is that i am doing. For as long as i can remember i never had any passion for anything in a career sense, no direction for what i wanted to do. i assumed that since i liked playing video games that i should pursue making video games, but there may be other things that i might enjoy doing and be good at doing. I want to find a career where i can wake up in the morning excited to make one more step, learn one more thing towards reaching that career. I want to find a career where no matter how depressed i am or how sick my body is I know that i can sit down and work on a mini project for myself and keep building up that project everyday for hours on end not with the sole purpose of getting money off it but just because i LIKE doing it, because it makes me happy doing it. A Career that i find fun and engaging, where no matter what anyone believes i know deep in my heart i love doing it despite any shortcoming it may have or how quick or slow its pay off may be in the future.

2. I want to become a Man of integrity, a man who doesnt let fear keep him from finding new experiences that may very well bring him happiness and a feeling of accomplishment. A man who is not afraid to be vulnerable, who instead of just waiting on the sidelines loathing anyone who doesnt try to get to know him is willing to at least try to make conversations with people, willing to try to make friends, and ask a girl out. Willing to Take the initiative in the things important to him and thing the things he feels need to be done.

3. As cliche as it may sound i want to find love, a woman that i can share happiness and experiences with for as long as i am on this earth. I have numbed myself so much with my addiction that i have never felt "love" for anyone outside of my family, no butterflies or anything of the sort. The only thing i have felt is lust. Instead of looking at girls with an interest to get to know them better, their values, interests and passions, hell looking at them as Human Beings with a heart and soul with their own worries. Instead of all that all i saw were their breasts and ass, they were essentially "faceless" to me if that makes any sense. I want to be able to see women as Human beings and actually get to know them for who they really are instead of just wanting sex. Along those same lines i want to find out what qualities i like and value in a woman.To build a meaningful relationship with a women to the point where she is not just my partner but my best friend as well. A relationship based on what lies in our souls, not behind masks, facades, and hidden intent.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Sep 02, 2015 6:26 pm 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3850
Location: UK
Hello Peaceful
and welcome to RN
if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change are generally solid as they are positive and about you
you vision appears to be narrow probably due to your age and the distraction of addiction so perhaps review this before moving on
generally :g: :g:
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 7:58 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:51 pm
Posts: 57
Thanks for the feedback kenzo, I'll try to broaden out my vision a bit :sat:


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 5:33 pm 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3850
Location: UK
PZ
you wrote
Quote:
Active commitment to change
- I would say i have not been fully invested in my commitment to change. I have purchased books to read, planned hobbies to do instead of indulging in my addiction, but procrastination seems to prevail more often than not. And with the procrastination comes the boredom which leads me to relapse. So i need to just get up and Do these things whether i want to or not.


I suggest that you prove it
not to me or this community but to yourself
do you want recovery?

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 9:24 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:51 pm
Posts: 57
Your right Kenzo, there are alot of things I need to prove to myself and work on.
Before I post up Lesson 3 id like to revise my vision as now i feel i can express it a bit more clearly.

Integrity
- In the future I would like to have more pride in who i am and what i like to do. In these past few weeks I have been back at college I've noticed I am ashamed of alot of things that i should be ashamed of. I feel a tension in my body and mind when i read manga in public or practice guitar in my thin walled apartment, a thought in the back of my head afraid that people will prejudge me if they see or hear me doing these things. Even here on Recovery Nation i feel i've kind of played it safe with how i word things and get that same apprehension every time i post something. I'd like to one day stop being so self conscious and weary of everything i do around people and to not be afraid to show the true me flaws and all. To be able to have conversations of people not worrying "oh damn i said something stupid, their probably never gonna want to talk to me again", to be able to speak with confidence and clarity even when talking about random stupid stuff. In the future this weight will be lifted from my shoulders and i think ill enjoy interacting with people and being in public alot more as a result and i'll be able to have a genuine smile instead of a forced smile whenever i'm out and about.

Honesty
- Simply put i want to be a more honest man. Compared to in the past i suppose i have improved on this but dishonesty still shows its ugly face every now and again. Usually its small lies and white lies "have you played that game, seen that movie, read that book?" "haha yeah i have, it was great". The Lying comes so easy, i rarely even think about it or feel bad about it. It sickens me how easy it is for me to do it, how i use it as a coping mechanism to avoid lulls in conversation and consequences. So in the future i dont want to toss my honesty out the window, whether it be small or big things doesnt matter i dont want to feel that shame anymore. I dont think this is solely a product of my addiction but it needs to be fixed all the same.

Health/Nutrition
- My porn addiction made me quite nonchalant and uncaring with how i treated my body and how much i ate each day. In the future I want to instead be striving to be in the best shape i can be in, every week if not every day. Right now i am alot more skinny than I'd like to be at 127 pounds, getting various cramps and aches due to developing a abnormal spine from sitting around all day. Yet very rarely do i take measures to try to fix these problems, and when i do i never stick with it. I want to make a habit of exercising every day; whether its just jogging, martial arts, weight lifting, or a combination of two, i want to be doing SOMETHING though to establish and keep the habit. Afterwards i want to eat well and hydrate properly instead of just grabbing whatever is easier to consume. I will be cooking REAL food instead of just getting fast food 5 to 6 days a week for lunch and dinner and i will reach my weight goal of 175 pounds.

Work/Habits
- In the future I hope I will have a desire to achieve something through work and I will have the right habits to stick with it and make it efficient and enjoyable. For the longest time I have had a very vague idea of what i wanted to be in this world, i still have issues being specific with it. I think that by trying new things though I'll get to know myself again, find out what i like and dislike and that will transfer to what jobs id want to partake in. However these past few months I tried to implement too many habits at once for me and ended up procrastinating on ALL of them, very rarely did i do half of what i planned to do through the day. So for now i will focus on 7 habits
Exercise
Meditation
School Work/ Studying
Daily Reading
Recovery Nation
Socializing
Learning how to play guitar
I plan to do each of these for at least 30 minutes, for 60 - 90 days. In the future I Believe i'll have alot more than 7 habits added to my life and as a result ill have a clear idea of what jobs options i want to pursue within my major, or outside of my major should it not fit my interests.

Relationships
- In the future i will be able to establish genuine relationships with women and people in general. My addiction has left me feeling indifferent towards women in real life, in favor of women on porn site and google. I'm slowly starting to get that feeling of attraction back but i lack self confidence and the social skills necessary to make friends, let alone try to get a girlfriend. In time i will make an attempt to talk with people in my classes and strangers i see around campus every opportunity that i get. I will be that person who comes over and has a conversation with someone just based on genuine curiosity, not with the intent of manipulation or expecting anything in return, To be the person i've wished would appear in my life so many times before. And maybe just maybe i can make someone elses day a bit less bleak and more tolerable. In terms of women i will get to know them as human beings, what are their likes and dislikes, interests, passions, motivations to get up in the morning, instead of just focusing on their....well extremities lol. To be able to feel that warmth in my heart that comes from knowing a person, and them knowing you back.


Last edited by PeacefulZero on Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 9:46 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:51 pm
Posts: 57
Lesson 3
My Values:
1. Integrity
2. Honesty
3. Commitment to self improvement
4. Social acceptance
5. Self Respect
6. Being Genuine
7. Being Honorable
8. Being Dependable
9. Taking care of myself
10. Having Empathy
11. Being more Competitive
12. Being Creative
13. Giving work 100% effort
14. Developing Relationships
15. Acquiring Knowledge
16. Appreciating the little things
17. Feeling masculine
18. Health
19. Vulnerability
20. Social Improvement
21. Taking the initiative
22. Communicating feelings
23. Self Discipline
24. Feeling accomplishment
25. Feeling Happiness
26. Bringing joy to others
27. Treating others fairly
28. Being true to myself
29. Sense of responsibility
30. Enhancing spiritual awareness
31. Overcoming personal struggles
32. Loving others
33. Being loved by others
34. Developing emotional maturity
35. Sense of humor
36. Passion
37. Living Humbly
38. Being trustworthy
39. Being good with money
40. Connection to my own feelings
41. Helping others
42. Feeling sexually desired
43. Adaptability
44. Maintaining healthy living environment
45. Having fun
46. Spending time with family/friends
47. Being more punctual
48. Being open minded
49. Being less cynical
50. Having faith/trust in others

Negative Values
1. Complacency
2. Self Loathing
3. Immaturity
4. Stubbornness
5. Dishonesty
6. Criticizing others
7. Being Cynical
8. Fear
9. Not seeking help
10. Pushing people away


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 10:53 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:51 pm
Posts: 57
Lesson 4
Prioritization of values
1.Being proud of who i am and what i like/dislike and not being afraid to show the true me in public
2.Being able to say no more often and set boundaries, instead of going along with things i may not feel like doing or dont have the time to do
3.Being more Genuine with my actions and recognizing my intentions of those actions
4.Taking Responsibility for myself and the consequences of my actions
5.Being more honest towards the people i hold dear and others
6.Put more effort into pursing my passions and potential passions
7.Being more of a dependable person and keeping any promises that i make
8.Becoming physically healthy and eating foods that will help me be productive and less sleepy during the day
9.Being more caring and friendly towards those i hold dear
10.Facing my fears and leaving my comfort zone to try to gain new experiences
11.Putting more effort into trying to develop new relationships and friendships
12.Doing more things that make me feel happy, but not overdoing them for hours on end
13.Taking the Initiative towards the things that i want to do or feel i should do
14.Being able to communicate my feelings and intentions accurately and confidently
15.Spending more time with my family and friends for fun, not just when i want something from them.
16.Being more determined with my actions and putting forth more effort into my tasks
17.Appreciating the little things that i encounter throughout the day that make me smile or my day less stressful
18.Being Honorable in any competitions i participate in or challenges i face
19.Making more of an effort to acquire knowledge about topics of interest and what i dont understand
20.Spending my time more wisely each day instead of getting carried away or wasting it away
21.Being more competitive and putting more energy into the things that i do
22.Committing to improving some aspect of my life everyday
23.Being able to show my sense of humor out in public instead of always being reserved
24.Paying more attention to how i feel about situations instead of waving my feelings off
25.Taking care of myself and my needs as a human being
26.Being more thoughtful with what i spend money on, no more impulsive buying
27.Treating others with respect
28.Being more willing to give new things a chance
29.Being more kind to myself
30.Developing emotional maturity and not letting my emotions control my actions
31 Being more positive about situations
32.Putting more effort into maintaining a clean house
33.Vulnerability
34.Giving work 100%
35. Social Acceptance
36.Putting more effort into keeping up with my martial art
37.Feeling Masculine
38.Feeling Sexually Desired
39.Treating others fairly
40.Being more Punctual
41.Living humbly
42.Adaptability
43.Being more
44.Building physical strength
45.Being Creative
46.Being less cynical
47.Maintaining healthy living environment
48.Being Organized
49.Trusting in others
50.Being Steadfast in my goals


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 9:37 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:51 pm
Posts: 57
Lesson 5
1.Being proud of who i am and what i like/dislike and not being afraid to show the true me in public
2.Being able to say no more often and set boundaries, instead of going along with things i may not feel like doing or dont have the time to do
3.Being more Genuine with my actions and recognizing my intentions of those actions
4.Taking Responsibility for myself and the consequences of my actions
5.Being more honest towards the people i hold dear and others
6.Put more effort into pursing my passions and potential passions
7.Being more of a dependable person and keeping any promises that i make
8.Becoming physically healthy and eating foods that will help me be productive and less sleepy during the day
9.Being more caring and friendly towards those i hold dear
10.Facing my fears and leaving my comfort zone to try to gain new experiences
11.Putting more effort into trying to develop new relationships and friendships
12.Doing more things that make me feel happy, but not overdoing them for hours on end
13.Taking the Initiative towards the things that i want to do or feel i should do
14.Being able to communicate my feelings and intentions accurately and confidently
15.Spending more time with my family and friends for fun, not just when i want something from them.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:58 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:51 pm
Posts: 57
Lesson 6 proactive action plans pt 1

Developing relationships and Friendships (Socializing)
At College:
-Greet my fellow classmates before class (try to smile more)
-Try to initiate conversation instead of waiting for others to maybe do it
-Try to ask open ended questions and get to know the person
In General:
-Spend more time outside the apartment
-look into possible events and clubs that are on campus
-Having more open body language, look around your environment and at people instead of always in a book or phone
-loosen up and be yourself

Not Overdoing anything
-Instead of watching netflix for 3 hours, watch for 1 hour then go do something else away from the TV
-Instead of playing 4 different video games throughout the day, maybe pick 1 or 2 games to play 1 hour each
-Have break sessions when studying for classes. study for an hour have a 15 min break to stand up and walk around, then get back to it.

Becoming Physically healthy and eating more
-Try to always exercise in the morning for at least 30 min
-Make sure to have protein powder after exercise session
-Make sure to have at least 6 glasses of water throughout the day
-Eat more fiber with meals [fruits, vegetables]
-Have more filling meals (at least 300+ calories)
-Have healthier snacks
-Eat less processed food or fast food and try to cook more


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Oct 22, 2015 12:59 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:51 pm
Posts: 57
Lesson 7 Proactive plans part 2
Developing relationships and Friendships (Socializing)
At College:
-Greet my fellow classmates before class (try to smile more)
-Try to initiate conversation instead of waiting for others to maybe do it
-Try to ask open ended questions and get to know the person
In General:
-Spend more time outside the apartment
-look into possible events and clubs that are on campus
-Having more open body language, look around your environment and at people instead of always in a book or phone
-loosen up and be yourself
-Keep Gradual process in mind, don't rush things. It takes time to make real friends.
-Don't be afraid of rejection, whether in the attempt to advance a friendship or asking a girl out on a date. Don't take the rejection personally and move on

Not Overdoing anything
-Instead of watching netflix for 3 hours, watch for 1 hour then go do something else away from the TV
-Instead of playing 4 different video games throughout the day, maybe pick 1 or 2 games to play 1 hour each
-Have break sessions when studying for classes. study for an hour have a 15 min break to stand up and walk around, then get back to it.
-On days where you feel you have no idea what you want to do, try making a checklist of things to do for the morning, afternoon, and evening with time estimates for how long the activity should be

Becoming Physically healthy and eating more
Exercise
-Try to always exercise in the morning for at least 30 min
-Make sure to have protein powder after exercise session
-Keep a workout sheet to write on during each exercise session, write what your goal was how many reps you did, and for how long
Nutrition
-Make sure to have at least 6 glasses of water throughout the day
-Eat more fiber with meals [fruits, vegetables]
-Have more filling meals (at least 300+ calories)
-Have healthier snacks
-Eat less processed food or fast food and try to cook more


Being Proud of who i am (social anxiety)
Internal
- When in heavy crowds on the way to class make sure to keep steady breaths
- Have positive thinking, if something bad happens try to see the good of the situation
- Don't be in a hurry, walk at a slow comfortable pace on your way to class
- Clear your head and observe the environment, not everyone who passes is looking at you or is thinking badly of you
- Don't be afraid to ask questions or for help when it is needed
- Don't beat yourself up when you fail at something, you'll get better each time you said thing
External
- Don't be afraid to stand out clothing wise, wear your flat bill cap or a particular shirt when you feel like it
- Spend more time in public doing things you like to do [drawing, reading, gaming], get used to being out in public without thinking your the center of everyone's attention

Being more Genuine
- Recognize when you are doing things with an ulterior motive, reevaluate said thing so that it is not deceptive. Make sure your doing things for the right reasons
- When you feel something is not right or correct, ask questions and speak your mind.
- When you feel like you don't want to do something, politely turn the person down instead of going along with it every time
- Take chances and do things you have been putting off, don't take criticism and mistakes personally. Learn from them and try to improve
- Relax around others, talk to people if you feel like talking
- Smile and laugh when you find something to be funny

Taking Responsibility for myself
-Getting your priorities straight. While you should try to make friends in college, the main priority and to get a good degree and graduate.
-Make sure you study in advance before a test, dont cram
-Make an effort to go to free tutoring when possible, will help with more difficult classes and give insight into any loop holes your methods may have
-Make sure you complete everything you want to complete before you go to sleep

Being more honest towards people
-Think before you speak. Take a 10-15 second pause when you feel the urge to lie and let the urge dissipate
-Don't lie to parents about grades in particular classes, or going to tutoring
-Don't lie about small stuff like having seen certain movies, games, etc

Putting forth more effort into potential passions
-Make sure your working towards something you have wanted to do everyday for at least 30 minutes
-Research things, find things that may interest you and make a list. Pick out the ones you want to try and leave the others for another time
-Make sure to spend money reasonably, plan out what passion you want to focus on trying and plan purchases. No impulsive buying
-Ask around to see if a particular passion has a club on campus
-give the passion time, try it out for more than a month to see if it is something you really want to invest time into
-Ask for feedback when doing a particular passion

Being more of a Dependable Person
-Keep any promises made
-Make sure all work that needs to be completed is complete
-Don't try to always take the easy way out

Leaving my Comfort zone
-Do activities that interest you, with company or without
-Go out for dinner at a restaurant by yourself
-explore the area around off campus and see if there are any places you'd like to check out
-Get better at driving by visiting relatives
-Visit events or clubs that interest you, go there with the intent of having a good time, not of just making friends
-visit the REC center if possible and practice krav maga or jogging in public
-Try to make conversation with people in class


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2015 10:15 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:51 pm
Posts: 57
Lesson 10
Items and locations
1 porn dvd - in closet
4 porn sites - internet history and bookmarks
bottle of lubricant - in closet
1 porn-based game - in my videos folder
1 hentai manga - on bookshelf hidden behind other books

people
Former classmates - Hannah, Bridgette, Samantha, Rebecca, Megan
celebrities - movie actresses such as amy smart, Hallie berry
various porn actresses - point of view scenes

Places
Internet - porn surfing
Apartment - masturbation and fantasizing


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2016 11:05 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:51 pm
Posts: 57
Hello everyone, this is PeacefulZero. In liu trying to focus on my schoolwork as well as figure out what i want to do with my life i ended up taking a long hiatus from Recovery Nation. I felt that even though i was completing workshop lessons, I was not putting forth my full effort into them because of my own aloofness and constant procrastination. My goals, my passions, my dreams, pretty much my identity was a mystery to me and frankly a good portion of them still are. However now that i've done some soul searching and alot of introspection i now feel better equipped to undertake the lessons and express myself better.

I'm going to be restarting right from the beginning of the workshop with my Goal being to do a lesson at least 2 days of the week (most likely the same days i exercise on), however i will probably write down my lessons first before i post them up into my thread. This way i can work away from my laptop and hopefully procrastinate less. I hope that soon i can find a way to keep my depression in check as well, as that may factor into the quality of my posts as well.

If anyone reads my stuff I hope you all are still growing stronger and more mindful of your thoughts and actions while your bringing some balance to your life. Keep up the fight and be honest with yourself. Take care and Peace out


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 5:04 am 
Offline
General Mentor

Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:47 pm
Posts: 694
Hi there, PeacefulZero, and welcome back!

I salute your intention of starting over, however I must warn you against starting over too many times and not allowing yourself to gain the necessary skills and insights presented later in the workshop. I think that in this case your prolonged absence and your soul searching do call for a restart. Procrastination and complacency are commonplace among RN participants, they relate to certain lack of skills and direction in one's life and doing the workshop addresses all these issues, so you are in good hands while you push your way forward.

Something from your earlier work I would like to comment on:
Quote:
Even here on Recovery Nation i feel i've kind of played it safe with how i word things and get that same apprehension every time i post something. I'd like to one day stop being so self conscious and weary of everything i do around people and to not be afraid to show the true me flaws and all. To be able to have conversations of people not worrying "oh damn i said something stupid, their probably never gonna want to talk to me again", to be able to speak with confidence and clarity even when talking about random stupid stuff. In the future this weight will be lifted from my shoulders and i think ill enjoy interacting with people and being in public alot more as a result and i'll be able to have a genuine smile instead of a forced smile whenever i'm out and about.

Being self conscious is an extremely powerful skill you really need ... My guess is that now you use this skill for self-protection instead of self-awareness. A shift needs to happen in your perception that would free you from wanting to please others/make a favorable impression onto others and replace it by wanting to please yourself, wanting to impress yourself, wanting to feel proud of yourself and motivate yourself to do what it takes to like yourself. This is linked to the issue of self-worth. Right now it sounds like you derive self-worth externally, if others approve and accept you. You need to derive self-worth internally, from you liking yourself, irrespective what other people think. That can only happen if you uncover your values and start living by them. They will become the standard you will measure yourself against, not other people's opinions. From what you wrote so far I see you've worked out many of these things on your own. For me internal self-worth proved to be a process of introspection, of getting to know myself, allowing myself to see the areas I did not like so much and committing to setting them right. In all this process, I got to spend time with myself so I started to mend the relationship with myself and respect myself, my opinions and feelings. I realized I care less about what people think of me but I care a lot about what I think cause at the end of the day I need to live with myself, not with them.

Looking forward to reading your posts,
Ursula

_________________
"A wholehearted attention feels like the nurturing presence that I always wished I had in a parent. Now I am free to be there for myself in a way that I assumed I needed from someone else." Tara Bennett-Goleman, Emotional Alchemy


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 6:56 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:51 pm
Posts: 57
Thanks for the reply Ursula. From what you described of Self Consciousness it is definitely something i need to work on. The past few weeks this is something I have become a little bit more aware of, noticing when i was trying to please someone or when i dont enjoy being around someone or doing a particular activity. My habits of pleasing or avoiding something feels automatic sometimes so i hope i can improve as i learn more about myself and through practice as. I think my fear of being vulnerable and leaving my comfort zone attributes to it a bit so i will probably need to make headway with those too.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 61 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 11 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group