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PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2016 8:46 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 9:52 am
Posts: 98
Location: Ger
Kenzo wrote:
your recovery, your values, your boundaries, your life
without that all else is insignificant


This really reminds me of one quote from the earlier stages, if I recall it correctly. "follow your life vision with passion, but don't let your life vision be your passion".

I often get lost in the thought "should I do x or y?", but I guess I should focus more on "does this make me the person I want to be or not?". I can try different things all I want, when the time is right. No need to make things complicated.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2017 3:20 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 9:52 am
Posts: 98
Location: Ger
So I finished re-reading all my notes and learnings. I'm glad that I did that, because I deepened some insights and gained a few new perspectives, I wouldn't have gained otherwise. But I obviously feel a bit guilty for laying off the last stage for so long. I try to accept it as it is and move forward. I used the beginning of this New Year to adjust my current monitoring tools and tried to fit them better into my life. I also started to use some technical tools again, like different smartphone apps. Overall I feel decluttered but still on the brink of instability. I chose January to be a huge self-care months. I laid off all stressful activities. I go to work, try to be positive and mindful and when I get home I do thinks that focus on myself. Trying to sprinkle some social interaction in there, every now and then but I feel like social responsibilities are another strain right now. I'm thankful for support and having someone to talk to, but I don't feel the need to go out that much right now.

Anyway, looking forward to share my insights from the last stage in the coming weeks. Oh and I had some new thoughts about values and boundaries, that I wanted to post here, in case I forget:

I was (and still am) looking for a better understanding what values are in general. And while many great posts here helped me a lot and while I kind of get it, I still think to mechanical about them. But this shift in my thinking helped me. I think values and boundaries are mostly the same, or to put it into better words, they're obviously intertwined. You can't objectively state if something is a value or a boundary, in many cases. Let's say one of your values is honesty. Than "I don't want to lie" is a boundary of this value, isn't it? But it could be a value on its own, it depends on how you define it. I think values are the idealistic spectrum of "how I want to be/how I want to lead my life/how I want to do things". Sure the workshop talks aboud idealistic and practical values, but in the end I think, the more you move towards practical stuff, the more it's a boundary. Not that this distinction really matters, both are just words to describe a certain thing, but it works for me. For example, the action plans created in Stage 1. Their aim is to strengthen our top values, by stating different actions and patterns, that we deem to make a positive change. So in the end those are boundaries, aren't they?! To put it bluntly - I want to be "value" so I do/enact "boundary". Some times it's really interchangeble. I think some times one value can be another values boundary and vice versa. So let's stay with honesty as an example. And to life your value of honesty, you might state a boundary like "I want to carry myself as an authentic person". It's kind of a value on it's on, the value of authentity, but it's also about how you could enact the value of honesty and protect it.

So I think in the end it's all about the "who?" [Who do I want to be? Who am I? etc.] when you're talking values. And all about the "how?" [How do I want to do it? How can I ensure my growth? How do I maintain it?] when it comes to boundaries. And the big "what?" [What do I want to do? What do I prioritize? What can I do?] is kind of the bridge between them, where thinks become more and more fluid.

And where do you get the content for those things? You fill them with your ideas, dreams, aspirations, needs, wishes, visions and beliefs.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 4:48 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 9:52 am
Posts: 98
Location: Ger
Just wanted to take some time to make another update. I'm currently re-doing my Life Vision and Action Plans. I created a Trelloboard for this, which is an amazing tool to set this up. But it obviously takes some time to really reconsider what I want. I realized, that in the last year I reached many of my initial goals (like starting a new job and moving to another place). So right now it's time to adjust what I want and how I want it.

Lesson 60a
Nevertheless, I try to work on the lessons as well. I'm a bit torn, since I still haven't finished lesson 60 completely, but I want to take my time to really figure out some action plans that work for me. And working on my vision at the same time eats up most of my focus. Anyway, I took the time to translate my first action plan, for a known triggering event:

- I monitor upcoming events for known triggers. From time to time I use my list of problematic events, to check my scheduled events.
- I realize,that I'm not mature enough to handle the situation without any preparation. I take it as an opportunity to grow and use my values.
- I make a plan, that contains specific actions how I want to handle the situation. I include possible mindgames I might play and irrational thoughts, that I might face.
- I try to take the situation into the open. I don't have a person I can talk about my plans in detail but I know that it helps, to just tell someone what I'm going to do. Destroying the secrecy by facing reality is an important step.
- I roleplay that scenario in my head. I try different ways and scenarios, in which the temptation may comes. Every time I fantasize I allow myself to act on my action plan. Afterwards I evaluate the positive consequences


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2017 2:44 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 9:52 am
Posts: 98
Location: Ger
Hey guys, it's me again. I'm still going on. Currently I'm on sick leave, since I have bad sinus infection. Nonetheless I try working on my recovery and rebuilding my life. I've experienced a lot instability in the past weeks and months and although I gained a lot of amazing insights I still struggled to really put them into action. I occassionally slipped and fell back in old behaviours, while I exceeded my expectations in other areas (which lead me to believe, that everything is under control). I still follow the path I layed out in my first post this year. I realized that I had to big expectations on what I can possibly to in regards to the workshop. So I began to distinct more between doing workshop related tasks and recovery in general. I realized that in the end it's about what works and not about ticking off lessons. I do know that I should finish the workshop asap, since I'm so close to finishing it. But my time is limited and currently I think there are thinks that are more important.

I'm still working on my life vision. It is a great experience to take what I have written a year ago and see what I've reached, what has changed and what I want to do different. For the technical interested, I'm building my vision in Trello which is a great tool for this. So I'm currently working on creating idealistic visions in every important area of my life and then I derive certain specific goals to make this come true, with specific actions. Still takes some time though. But I think it's more important to remodel this basic foundation before I touch up other areas of recovery. I think the first lesson of the last stage stated, that those lessons aren't really new knowledge but more about applying the workshop in practical terms. And while I think this is extremely important I feel like there's stuff that needs improvement before I move on (like my life vision or proactive actionplans). So I'm currently focusing on my tools and how I can apply them to my current life.

Another big thing I'm doing right now is the evaluation of my situation. I try to understand what lead me to this kind of relapse. I realized that my life split up. There was a part that was doing fine, actually doing great. And another one, that didn't cared, that just did whatever felt right and thought "well, tomorrow I'll do better". So I really dig deep and work on those action plans and insights that are necessary to take responsibility for this.

I could go on forever but my headache is killing me and it's hard to write in english right now. I just wanted to let you guys know how things are going. I wish I could share all of my insights with you but it's just too much. I'm filling many pages with my thoughts right now.


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PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2017 2:10 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 9:52 am
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Location: Ger
I just wanted to make a short update. Many things have happened in the last months, that lead to my inactivity here. I did not fell of the wagon, although I had some hard times inbetween. But I also took a vacation that really lightened my mood and made me appreciate many things more, like friendliness in strangers. So anyway, I've started another therapy so I don't find as much time to update my thread. I'm still standing in the last stage, but that doesn't mean I'm not doing anything - I know that I should finish it all for good sooner or later, but right now I feel like I need the more practical tools from the workshop. I'm still finetuning my life vision. And I'm working more on my rituals, ie. I try to map them out more than before and I generally use more of the mechanical tools right now. This is a great help but it also takes a lot of time. And I'm currently searching for more balance in general. I realized how much stress some of my recovery efforts created. Not that I slack around nowadays but I think striving for health is worthless, when you don't give yourself in the here and now (not from recovery itself, but from constantly reading, thinking and writing about certain things).

I really want to finish the last lessons and post them here (but like I said before, translating takes a lot time as well). Just thought it would be nice to give an update and to keep track, what I'm currently doing.


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PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2017 5:05 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3944
Location: UK
Hello AX

Quote:
I've started another therapy so I don't find as much time to update my thread.

I should finish it all for good sooner or later, but right now I feel like I need the more practical tools from the workshop.


I really want to finish the last lessons and post them here (but like I said before, translating takes a lot time as well).


I always believed in using every useful tool in the box, so if it works for you, that is great
the programme and its community are there for you when you feel the time is right

viel Glück mein Freund

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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