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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 4:23 am 

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 60 Exercise:
1. Develop a Plan
Engaging in these five actions will ensure that you maintain the most efficient skills for preventing relapse. Develop a plan that is unique to you. Post this plan on your Recovery Thread.
2. Motivators
A fundamental of early recovery is to establish a list of positive motivators that can be used to sustain one's focus and energy throughout the transition to health. Go back and examine your own motivators (Lesson One) — note those that continue to motivate you today and those that have lost their intensity. You will almost universally conclude that it is the positive motivators that have survived the crisis. Those based on negativity and fear (e.g. I don't want to lose my marriage; I hate who I have become) tend to lose their ability to motivate as the initial crisis wanes.

I. Create an ongoing list of signs/symptoms of when you are struggling to manage your life. Note that you are not asked for the times you act out...but instead, a more general approach is necessary.
-when there is ongoing disharmony in my family or due to communication breakdown,
-when I fail at achieving certain milestones in my life,
-when there are major transitions to life, new job or postings or birth/death,
-when i generally feel bored or complacent about life.

II. Create an ongoing list of major life events/triggers that would likely create a significant emotional imbalance in your life.
-life/death of a love one
-new job responsibilities
-new family responsibilities
-financial instabilities

III. Create an action plan for what you will do should you determine that you are currently struggling to mange your life/emotions.
-daily awareness on how my emotional balance is like
-check on whether I have managed to keep my actions within my allowed boundaries
-am I taking any chances on my own values?
-am I still true and honest to what I want to live as?

III. For the first six months, review your life/this list weekly, adding to it as appropriate. Ensure that you engage in an honest, objective review
-Week 1: when I begin to fantasize, instead of creating an appropriate action plan to counter the emotional imbalance I sometimes indulge in the fantasy and feel like reliving the emotional intensities again. I have to remind myself of the reason why I am here in the first place. Who do I really want to be and what are the consequences of the actions that I have taken in the past? Even though the intense feeling is fleetingly good, the aftermath of it is not something that I can be proud of. I need to continue working on strengthening my values and motivations.
-Week 2: been feeling unwell for the past week and hence libido is lower. Note to self that health is one of the most important part of life that is often taken for granted. Hence, abusing it in the way that I used to is something that I will never engage in again future. My wife is also in constant communication with me over the past week and it feels good to know that the efforts to rebuild our communication over the past year has worked well. My brother is also facing a crises after recent affair being made known to family. I will try to see if I can recommend recovery nation to him at an appropriate time.
-Week 3: still not fully recovered from my illness and am appreciating the efforts from my wife to give me as much rest as possible when I am at home. Reflecting on my brother's incident, it seems like sexual compulsion/addiction has a way making us blind to what really matters and this lack of awareness is why the workshops here are very helpful. The separate identity that has been built over time can only be rooted out when we look at our values and seek for an honest and fulfilling life.
-Week 4: recovered mostly from illness but passed the bug to rest of the family. Physical intimacy between wife and I dipped due to sickness and thus more emotional imbalance is felt. A few slips possibly happened while I fantasized about past sexual experiences and intensified my compulsion. Did not act out by masturbation but feel that I need to keep myself more in check as the scales are starting to tip again. Either way, glad that I am more in control of myself and the compulsions now.
In lesson 63 exercise, it so happens that there is a timely reminder on daily monitoring and assessing my weekly monitoring. Hence for the coming week my daily monitoring will be focused on the value of establishing communication and intimacy with my wife.
-Week 5: Generally a better week passed by with more awareness and conscious effort to keep communications going with wife. I have decided to unblock and delete my past contact from phone as there is no longer a need to fear being in contact again. Triggers are also better managed as I see all individuals with a better sense of perspective and avoid objectifying them whenever possible. Busy but fulfilling weekend and i'm planning to restart on a meditation and exercising routine for a better physical and emotional being.
-Week 6: Been falling into and out of illness recently and it might be due to work environment. Hopefully this will pass soon as it really feels lousy to be physically out of sync for so long. I want to be able to exercise and be physically active again. In the same line of thought, RN is a platform that allows me to continue exercising my awareness and emotional balance so that I do not slip or relapse into compulsion or addiction so that I stay true to myself and what I value in life. For that, I am thankful.
- Week 7: Just back from seeing counselor and am glad to affirm my recovery with good progress from RN as well. Not an entirely rosy week though, whole family down with virus and chores needs to be done still. Good to know that with communication there is more mutual understanding of expectations and not bottled up unhappiness with my wife. Looking forward to more celebrations and time spent with family this weekend.
- Week 8: Finally back in good health for the family and hoping it stays this way. Relatively less stressful week but also slight boredom in the activities. Realized that it is easy to view sites that has sexual implications or content and equally easy to access apps and other materials that promotes sexual dating. I had a near slip but the action plan was put into good use. I am more confident in handling my compulsions now and also surer that I am on the right path to recovery.
- Week 9: More awareness and action plans keep myself in check this week. I am better able to handle situations and urges in general. Also working on better health with more exercised and physical activities. Minor disagreements at home but not too stressful to the point that it cannot be communicated and consensus achieved. Emotional balance is enhanced by meditation practices most of the week at the beginning of the day. Looking forward to a relaxing weekend.
- Week 10: A relatively more stressful week at work and feel lesser time to interact with my loved ones. However, glad to be able to still find time to do some exercises and meditate to keep tab on being aware of my emotional balance. Just completed lesson 69 on making amends and will take the next week to reflect on some of the points mentioned there. Hopefully, I will be able to now face the previous shame and guilt with more positivity and take steps to make amends not only with myself but to those that have been hurt by my actions in the past. Ego can take a step back and it is time to take down the walls and be sincere in my actions.
- Week 11: Stress continues to build up at work, leaving less time available for other areas of recreation and self care. Awareness continues at a good level though, with constant meditation and mindfulness of well being. Lack of sleep is causing some disruption to physical well being but effort is put into taking more vitamins and boosting immunity. Note to self, find time to do more stuff to unwind over the weekends and if possible try to sleep in more. Just completed lesson seventy, and it is great to know that guilt and shame no longer threatens me but serves as a tool to maintain my awareness of what goes on in my mind.
- Week 12: The week passed by pretty fast with work piling up. Stress has kind of normalised and kept at bay with exercise and meditation. New opportunites at work seems to open up options for my future in career. This is exciting and interesting all at once. Looking forward to the week ahead and will continue to maintain awareness just as Lesson 71 mentions.
- Week 13: A couple of slips happened in the week and I know that there is a need to reassess my monitoring as well as raise my alarm on what action plans needs to be taken. Had a wet dream about previous fantasy and know that this probably means that my subconscious mind is dwelling on the past. Felt really uneasy about it thereafter and did more regular meditation sessions to raise self awareness. Good quotes from reflection this week:" Wisdom comes from the courage that you have to let go and not dwell on the past of what could have or should have been, and living fully in the present".
-Week 14: Being a really intense week with the feeling that things are getting a little overwhelming both at work and at home. Am aware that there is more unhappiness over emotions and am trying to address them one at a time. Really careful about not letting slips take place and having more action plans in place will help in that. Either way I am not going to do anything to sabotage the recovery that I have achieved so far and definitely not gonna ruin my life again with any of the emotion based actions for a quick fix. Mindfulness and awareness of both what I am thinking of and what I am doing with the thinking is very important.
-Week 15: It has been a slightly less intense week, and I have just gone to see my counselor for a chat yesterday. It feels good to know that what has been learnt and practiced in RN is showing up as healthy recovery even during times that are tough for me. I really appreciate and know that the recovery is real and it is really up to me to make the change for the better. Being true to who I am and want to become, the past is memory and I can work on rebuilding my life ahead. My weekly monitoring might not be regularly recorded from now on but I will still make the effort to consciously remain aware of my emotions and choices that I make.

IV. For the following six months, review your life/this list on a monthly basis.
Month 1: It has been a while since i last posted but nonetheless I will make an effort to put in my monthly monitoring here. It seems like i have gone into slips, though they are not to the point of infidelity but still definitely pass the boundaries of values that I have set for myself. The ease at which slips can happen without conscious decision-making skills is so real and I really need to be more aware and reset my action plans and checks so that it is constantly with me. The consequences are damaging and it is very easy to spiral back the slippery slide of the past. Note to self: It has taken a long time to build up the resilience against compulsion, but it can also be very easy to crash them if I am not careful enough. Thankful that RN has helped me be more resolute in my decision for a real, honest and truthful self.

V. Continue to adjust the time between your reviews accordingly, but always schedule a review at least once a quarter.

Last edited by healzen on Sat Dec 02, 2017 10:09 pm, edited 14 times in total.

PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 6:51 pm 

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 62 Exercise:
Develop three-five 'most-likely' scenarios where you might face relapse. Role play (in your head or with someone you trust) how you will manage these situations.
Explore one unlikely situation where you might face relapse. A situation that you couldn't possibly prepare for. Will your Relapse Plan allow you to manage it? Why or why not?

Scenarios have been role played and managed.
My relapse plan should be able to help me manage in most situations unless i am under the influence of certain drugs or intoxicated with alcohol.
Hence, I would continue to minimise chances of exposure to those places with such elements as much as possible.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2017 4:57 am 

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 64 Exercise:
Take today to envision where you are in your transition to health. What skills do you feel you have worked hard to develop? What skills need additional work? Explore your attitude in regards to whether or not 'addiction' is a part of you; or merely a pattern that developed in your life. Explore your awareness as to the role that your compulsive rituals played...and what it would mean should they return. Explore how you would respond? Explore your confidence level in that response. Explore your overall balance and much of your life is spent 'fighting urges, managing urges, acting out, engaging in recovery activities, etc.' versus how much of your life is spent just living. Assess your identity for hyper-sexuality. How prevalent is it? Assess your value system. How efficient are you in using it to make decisions, achieve balance, etc.?
Share any significant observations (from the questions listed above or others) in your Recovery Thread.

I feel that the best thing about working on this path of self recovery in RN is that it systematically and clearly tells us about some of the blindspots that we have been missing out in compulsive acts and allows us to see what needs to be built or rebuild to regain a healthy life again. The skills that I have worked hard to develop are my values and monitoring to be a lot more aware now than I used to be before in compulsive urges and acting out. More work would probably need to be done in the area of roleplay and preparing myself for future possible slips. I would be much more confident now to turn down any compulsive triggers or to at least not let myself go past the point of no return in my previous rituals. I definitely have more time to focus and spend in living my life than fighting urges now as I feel more in control of my own past compulsions. I do not see my past anymore with shame and guilt and can rationalise why there had been compulsions or hyper-sexuality. Like this lesson mentioned,
You will know what it is like to live a life that you can proudly share with others, rather than secretly hide from them.

and I am happy with how RN has strengthened me mentally and emotionally to be a better individual.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 10, 2017 7:45 pm 

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 65 Exercise:
a) Envision your "life after addiction/life after recovery".
b) Compare it to the vision that you began back in Lesson Two of the workshop.
c) They should be nearly identical. Are they?

a) My life after recovery should be one that I can remain true to who I am and what I value. I do not need to live in the shame and guilt that has been built up from my previous life in addiction. In that way, I will be able to build better communication and relationship with those who truly matter to me, like my wife, children and my mum. Upon recovery, I will also be able to maintain health both physically and mentally with the strength to achieve more for my life than before.

b) Lesson 2: I want to use the remainder of my life to develop depth in the following areas:
- To deepen my knowledge and relationship with god and have true faith to surrender myself to god
- To care and love my family for who they are as we grow and devote quality time and energy with them
- To live and love myself more by doing things that connects to my values and interests (nature, hobbies, travel etc) and keeping myself as healthy as possible (eg. exercise, diet, stress management) for myself and my loved ones
- To develop empathy and serve the larger community by using my resources, skills and knowledge to help others in need
- To learn about life and take the time to reflect about it

c) In essence they are the same though I will need to also consider the areas where religion and serving the bigger community as well after I am able to take care of myself and those around me.

Using the knowledge that, no matter what happens — the trivial, the painful and the awesome — I will embrace it and act in a manner that best represents the person that I am inside.

PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2017 11:57 pm 

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 66 Exercise:
a) Consider your perspective towards potential triggers when you were in early recovery. Consider your perspective now. How has this changed?
b) List five potential triggers for you — that may lead you into a compulsive crisis. How can you shift your perspective of each so that they are not only NOT a threat to your values, but you can actually use these triggers to strengthen those values?

I did this exercise but computer logged out and wiped out the data so am summarising again.
a) I used to be type three in the recovery process but am now moving into type four of actual recovery.
Trigger 1: See something online or in print that is sexually arousing.
Arousal is a part of being human. Acknowledge that and tell someone i love after that and see what are their views on that.

Trigger 2: See someone attractive in close vicinity or in media.
Looks are only one part of a person. An individual is made up of so many facets. Acknowledge that a good looking person is just like an artiste or model, they present themselves as that but also have their personalities, roles and lives to lead.

Trigger 3: Meet a sexual contact from the past.
The past is a part of who I am today, so acknowledge that I have grown in recovery process. If confronted, tell that person that I no longer wish to be associated with the past compulsion and am in recovery.

Trigger 4: Triggered by objects of fetish or fantasy.
Recognize that objects do not have thoughts or feelings. Any feelings that is associated with these objects is through personal experiences and thoughts. If used in other context or situations, these objects might no longer have this association.

Trigger 5: Memories of past flashback due to boredom, stress or out-of-sync.
Identify action plan to take. Communicate with a loved one or friends on feelings and get support from them. If they are unavailable, use activities like exercise or meditation to fill in or reduce anxiety before seeking them again.

With these plans and actions, i will grow stronger in my values and emerge stronger in recovery. :g:

PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 7:52 pm 

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 67 Exercise:
a) List the most likely behavior that you will need to monitor for potential 'switching' and/or compulsivity now that the sexual rituals have subsided.
b) Are these listed anywhere on your weekly monitoring so that you can objectively assess them?

a) I think the most likely behavior that I need to monitor for potential compulsivity will be either porn (which is also currently in my relapse action plans) or mobile gaming/chatting.
b) I have been monitoring this for some time since the earlier phase of the workshops. It seems like these are forms of distractions I go to when I feel bored but not something that is compulsive or I feel that I have no control over. I will continue to see if there are any other potential poly-addictions or switching that I might not be aware of in my weekly monitoring.

PostPosted: Sat Jul 01, 2017 2:26 am 

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 68 Exercise:
a) Map out your own anger rituals in the same way you did your sexual rituals long ago. Look for patterns in relating to your partner, coworkers, friends, yourself...where anger is triggered and you find it difficult to disengage from that anger.
b) Can you identify the elements of these rituals where you actively intensify the stimulation that is experienced?
c) Do you think that 'creating a break' upon the awareness of these anger rituals will allow you to slow the situation enough to allow your values to take over? Why or why not?

a) I would see myself more as a passive aggressive person. Anger will come in a more implosive manner. Ritual as given below:
- Do not agree with point of view from others
- Not disagree immediately or directly but turns away from conversation
- If confronted, give a non committal answer
- Might think a lot of reasons for being against point of view but not airing them
- If it does get aired, usually will be more emotional than rational

b) The overthinking and not airing views might intensify the anger and stimulation.

Yes, it is important to realise that a lot of times the anger can be easily dispelled through proper communication and sharing of thoughts. And of course having time to think a while and not just jump into things will also prevent us from being too defensive and see things more objectively sometimes. Ultimately, most issues can be resolved without the intensity of anger and in fact more effectively so.

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