Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Fri Apr 03, 2020 6:40 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 67 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 8:03 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Exercise Fourteen
I. Develop your Daily Monitoring list. Construct it in some sort of word processing document (Word, Notepad, Wordpad, etc.) so that you may update it as needed. Post this list into your Recovery Thread.
Note: If you are in personal coaching, your Coach will help you build this in Session II. It will then be converted to an online form so that they can assist you in accountability. Please have your initial monitoring plan ready for review by that second session.
II. For the next two weeks, select a particular time each day (typically, right before going to bed or, just after awakening) and complete this monitoring. It is not intended as a checklist to measure your success/failure. It exists instead to provide you with ongoing focus and awareness. And, to establish a mechanical monitoring process that will eventually become an internalized, natural monitoring process.
Remember: Spend no more than five minutes in reviewing your Daily Monitoring each day. While it may seem beneficial to spend fifteen minutes or more going over your behavior...this has historically proved to be destructive in the long run. You are establishing a pattern of monitoring that should be quick and natural. Not drawn-out and complex. Also, remember that this list will evolve as you evolve. If you require the same item on your list for more than thirty days in a row...and you have not either 1) ingrained that issue as an area to monitor internally; or, 2) resolved the issue...then you are doing something wrong. Post the issue in the community forum for assistance.

1. Did I engage in any compulsive behaviour today?
• If yes, did I maintain an awareness of the elements involved?
• Did I create a break as soon as I became aware of that ritual?
• If no, did I role play a past or possible future compulsive ritual to ingrain confidence in my ability to manage these rituals?
2. Did I communicate meaningfully with god today? For how long?
3. Did I count my blessings today?
• If yes, how many are there?
• If not, are there any that I can remember?
4. Was I truthful in everything I shared with my wife today?
5. How much time did I spend with my child today?
• Was it quality time for each of us?
• Did I remember to fully invest myself in the moment?
6. Did I roleplay at least one reactive action plan today?
7. Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today?
• If not, how many days has it been since I have?
8. Did I engage in at least one personal hobby for myself today?
• If not, how many days has it been since I have?
9. Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today?
10. Did I follow through with everything that I said I was going to do today?
• If not, what am I going to do about it and how soon?
11. Did I mention to anyone about what I might be stressed/ unhappy about today?
• If not, how many days has it been since and when do I intend to do so?
12. How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment?


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2016 10:45 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 15 Exercises:
I. Take a minute to review what you have learned over the past two weeks. Of what you have learned so far, think of one example of how you have actively integrated that information into your day-to-day life. Share this in your personal thread.

In the last two weeks, I have become more aware of the triggers for my stressors and what gets me into a more compulsive behaviour. With my daily health monitoring check, I am also able to align my fundamental priorities and values and not be so easily swayed into going into a compulsive ritual just simply because I want to 'escape' from reality and find a virtual outlet for myself.
I am now more ready to let myself not build up upon those thoughts or feelings that I used to associate with wanting sexual or physical release. I also do my best in sharing my daily activities and important details with my loved ones and believe that absolute honesty is what helps build upon a healthy and happy relationship. Even though I have not fully transitioned to healthy recovery yet, I know that as long as I continue to put in the effort and be aware of my thoughts and feelings I will be able to get there with the help of the workshops.
Really thankful for the workshops so far. I will continue to do what I can to become a healthier me. :g:


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Jul 09, 2016 8:37 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 16 Exercise:
I. Consider the POSITIVE role that addiction has played in your life. What purposes has it served (think short-term, not long)?
Understanding the functional role of your addiction is important in removing the power, mystery and fear from that addiction — to begin seeing it in terms of practicality, rather than as some kind of supernatural fate or disease that you are doomed to suffer.
Share a few positive aspects of your addiction in your recovery thread.

There are a few positive things that has seemed to come out from my compulsion in the past though they are not sustaining:
-Able to relieve certain amount of stress
-Able to feel that I have control over certain issues
-Regaining balance in my emotional turmoil
-Not reactive to situations directly that might hurt others
-Feel that I am a worthy individual
-Overcome certain failures and setbacks temporarily
-Feel masculine
-Feel sexually desired

* To say the truth, this exercise is scary as it seems to be justifying myself for my compulsive behaviour in the past. It might have been the reasons for relapse in the past too. But I know that I am already beyond such reasons for relapse now and am determined to make a healthy recovery. And I thank God for that. :w:


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2016 8:36 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 17 Exercise:
I. Consider a particular compulsive ritual that you have engaged in. Identify the elements of this ritual and post them in your recovery thread. It is important that you understand the principles involved in identifying the stimulating elements of compulsive rituals...so if you are not comfortable with this concept, ask questions! Also, recognize that the elements listed above are not the only elements associated with compulsive behavior. And so, you will want to identify those elements that are specifically related to YOUR compulsive behavior.

My compulsive ritual:

1) Sensory stimulation:
sight- going online for chats and checking on the requests and demands for sexual needs of others
sound- porn websites simultaneously switched on to arouse other senses
touch- slight arousal of the crotch region to stimulate myself while chatting,sometimes masturbation occurs if porn video is good

2) Fantasy: imagery fantasy mostly with the cast of the porn videos or previous sexual encounters

3) Suspense: waiting to chance upon someone who can fulfill my sexual fantasies online. upon contact and agreement to meet with someone online, waiting for messsages via whatsapp or SMS. Thinking about the possible acts to perform together in the bedroom.

4) Past: replaying images of previous rape and sexual encounters by others

5) Power: placing myself under the power of others (masochism) and fetish for others to dominate me in uniform

6) Poly-addictions: fetish with leather, shoes and boots for those who dominate me in the sexual act

7) Accomplishment/ Orgasm: Feeling of temporary euphoria when sexual high is reached during roleplay or orgasm

8) Danger: being hurt during roleplay and being discovered by family members when they call

Quote:
"What good is baking your favorite cookies, if you don't get to eat them (or see others enjoy them)?" The answer is, there is some pleasure derived from the baking itself, but you baked those cookies with a goal in mind — for someone to eat them — and until that happens, the pleasure obtained will be short-lived.


I will keep this quote well in mind. :g:


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Jul 23, 2016 9:15 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 18 Exercise:
II. Consider one of your own compulsive rituals. Identify circumstances when each of the three filters (time, habituation and intensity) have come into play. Make sure that you understand each filter to the point where you are able to identify them as a ritual is being performed. Post these personal examples in your recovery thread.

Time:
Before actual sexual act is performed, can be days or hours hunting for the person online to meet sexual fantasy. The time taken while searching enhances the thoughts of fantasy.
While waiting for the sexual partners to message, and while waiting for their places to be ready, suspense and time can make the emotional yearning of roleplay even stronger.
While performing the roleplay, the longer the session and the slower it is being performed the more stimulating the experience. It can take up to hours before the actual orgasm is reached.

Intensity:
At the beginning, online porn was sufficient to satisfy the fantasies played out in the mind. Subsequently, objects have to be used to further stimulate the genitals like lube or clothing. Subsequently, they are only satisfied by actual sexual experiences with others and further intensified when roleplay was being used like when the sexual partners are dressed in uniform and boots.

Habituation:
As with intensity, habituation is conversely used. When porn was not enough to sustain an orgasm high, the ritual was changed to using online chats for 'real time, real person' experience. When one sensory stimulation was not sufficient, other fetish like uniform and boots were used to enhance that. When meeting up with other people, changes were also requested like blindfold etc to make the experience different or more stimulating.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 9:01 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 19 Exercise:
There is no written exercise associated with this lesson. Instead, there is only a call to deepen your awareness of how you go about deriving stimulation in your day-to-day life. For the rest of today...and for all of tomorrow...become 'hyper-aware' of the healthy and unhealthy rituals that you engage in — as you are engaging in them.
Because you will not be held externally accountable for what you are being asked to do, it will be easy to chalk this up as a 'break' from having to do anything further with this lesson. That would be a very big mistake. Your success will be defined by the skill you will develop in personal awareness. So please, do exactly as you're being asked here: become hyper-aware of all rituals you engage in over the next few days. Do not limit this awareness to sexually compulsive rituals... or even to compulsive rituals. Explore all of your actions for their 'ritualistic' nature. Brushing your teeth. Eating. Driving to work. Become conscious of your thoughts/feelings as you complete these rituals.
Feel free to share any insights in your recovery thread, but you do not have to.

I spent yesterday being hyper aware of my rituals and habits. From the time that I wake up, I realised that my mind is very active and busy with all the things I need to do at work. I also need to give myself some sort of affirmation and self confidence that the day is going to be a good one and I will be able to take on the stressors at work. I look into the mirror and tell myself that I am looking good and everything is going to be fine for today. When I am driving to work, I will be observing things and people along the roads. I will observe more details of people who look good or scenery that is pretty. When I reach my workplace, I am pretty much into the work mode where I focus my time and energy to get things done for the day. My mind seldom drift off into other thoughts or fantasies during that time. At the end of the workday, I will usually wind down and have a chat with colleagues or friends before heading home. After that it is time to head home and spend some time with family and do some things that will help me unwind like listening to songs and watching TV. This is a typical day in my life.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2016 9:28 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 20 Exercise:
This exercise may take you twenty minutes or it may take you twenty days. The value in it will be found in the clarity that you are able to achieve in defining the roles that addiction has played/can still play in your life.
You are now tasked with applying what you have learned to your own addiction. There are two ways of approaching this:
1) Examine your addiction and the role(s) that it has played in your life to date. Look across your life span and identify the progression of the addiction, the sustainment of it, the absence of it and/or the stifling of it. Look at the major transitions that you have experienced (childhood to prepubescent teen; prepubescent teen through teenager; teenager through young adulthood; young adulthood through adulthood; explore also any major traumas that you have endured (parental divorce, sexual abuse, moving to a new school or neighborhood, etc.) and identify the role that addiction (or the rituals that eventually developed into an addiction) played in helping you through that time period.
Your goal is to develop a fluid understanding of just how these patterns progressed from early sparks (harmless fantasy, etc.) to an eventual wildfire (e.g. addiction).
2) Look to future transitions in your life. Divorce. Death of a partner. Death of your parents. Death of a child. Loss of a job. Retirement. Having another child. Empty-nest syndrome. Consider many different situations that you will possibly face in the remaining years of your life. Situations that could potentially cause major instability to an otherwise balanced, fulfilling life. Explore the role(s) that addiction could play in helping you to manage these times. What would it feel like for addiction to come back into your life? Would it be a rapid collapse or a subtle progression? What signs would you look for? What actions would you take?

1) My foray into sexual exploration and compulsions have started since i was a teenager. I remember as a child I was pretty carefree and had childhood sweethearts and romances with girls and exchanged letters and love tokens with one another. There was an incident during my childhood that might have lowered my self confidence in manhood when a stranger woman stripped down my pants in public and I was being shamed for a reason I cannot remember. My brothers stood by me and helped me out during that incident but I might have lowered sense of self esteem since then. I remember that when I started to go into pornography and chats online, it appeared to be wrong for me to be looking at girls who flash their tits and vulvas as i was starting to go into a relationship with other females in college. I then started to look at masturbation videos of guys and hence started compulsive rituals of using these for my own sexual release. Then there was the chat rooms that I will visit out of curiousity and boredom to chat and find out what people were seeking in the virtual world. I subsequently got sucked further into the invitations and sharing of information and explored having meet up with random guys who expressed interest in my physical being and wanted to explore sex too. There were events in my life that caused me to take long abstinence from the rituals and they were the times when I really tried to quit the addiction like when I got married with my wife and when we had our child. However, the relapses came along when the stresses in life became unbearable to me and I seem to seek an escape from my responsibilities and duties as a husband, son and father. The shame and guilt when my wife found out about my compulsions and sexual encounters the first time was immense and I really wanted to erase all the contacts and start over anew. However, when the birth of my child and death of my father coincided at around the same period of time it became really bad emotionally and again I relapsed into my sexual compulsions. I am now at the stage where my wife has issued the ultimatum and I am fully aware of the consequences as well as damage that this compulsive rituals have caused. I really hope that through this workshop i will be more aware of what I want to achieve in this life and work towards it.

2) The previous major event that caused a relapse for me was the birth of my first child and the death of my father. I did not fully understand the impact of it and only upon reflection now do I see that I used my compulsive rituals as a form of relieve and escape from the sorrows and pressures that I felt from work and family. I would expect future life events to be as stressful, if not more and the compulsive rituals could again become a way that I manage these stressful times. For example the death of another family member or the lost of job etc. It would probably feel like it is an easy way to escape back into the compulsive rituals and get instant relieve from stress and maybe boredom when they happen. I am not sure if the impact would be subtle or acute but it would probably depend on the situation itself. I would think that if my wife were to pass away suddenly leaving me with my young child it would be devastating for me. However, I will need to look out for signs that I am returning back to my old compulsive rituals and use my other values to guide me through. I will need to strengthen my resilience and look at how I can examine the core of my well being to be who I truly value myself to be. One of the things that I should also keep a lookout for is to get support immediately from those that I can talk to and understand my past. For example, my family and my loved ones. In one of my recent dreams, I remember vividly that there was someone who tried to shame and put me down but I stood firm against him and felt dignified after that. I suppose that is the life that I want to live until the day that I die so that I can hold my head up high and not be belittled anymore.be proud of who I am.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2016 9:58 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 21 exercise:
A. What large goals have you attempted in your life and failed? Why do you suppose you failed?
B. What large goals have you attempted in your life and succeeded? Why do you suppose you were able to succeed?
C. List one recovery goal that you have and break it down into as many smaller, measurable tasks as necessary for you to manage it successfully. If you find this difficult, then you are probably starting off with too general of a recovery goal. Make it specific

A) I have failed in the completion of my pursuit of a higher degree previously. I think that I have not been focused enough on achieving it and always seem to procrastinate on meeting deadlines that were set. The other difficulties include not getting enough help from others and not communicating sufficiently with my professor on the requirements of the final thesis.

B) I have succeeded in getting my dream job in an organisation that I would like to work with. Since the time I was an undergraduate I have been keen in joining the organisation and also tried to find out more about it. I did my research on the job scope and requirements. Although it was not the first job that I landed up with, I persisted to find out whether there was an opportunity there and finally seized the opportunity once it was available and put in hard work to prepare for the interview.

C) One recovery goal that I have is to complete the entire workshop in recovery nation by August 2017. I am currently slowing down on my workshop progress and I want to continue to complete at least 1 workshop exercise per week. So with with about 50 workshops to go, I am planning to complete the course in 1 year. I would also continue to work on meetings with my psychologist around once a month. It would also be my goal to be free of any sexual misconduct during this period of time and improve communications with my wife by finding 2 hours of time to talk about our issues or visions together alone every week.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2016 8:17 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 22 Exercise:
1. Consider a very simple ritual that you have engaged in.
2. Identify three or four elements of that ritual (e.g. physical sensory stimulation; danger; orgasm; accomplishment).
3. For each element, assign a relative number for the amount of stimulation you think you derive from this particular element. These numbers are relevant only to you and in relation to other elements that you experience.
4. For each element, consider the effects of each of the three filters on the stimulation derived from that element. Does it increase the stimulation? Decrease the stimulation? Have no effect? Have a mixed effect (as in, sometimes it increases, other times it decreases)?.
5. Share the above in your personal recovery thread.

Ritual Measured:
Watching porn and masturbating

Primary Elements Involved:
Sensory (Visual); Sensory (touch); Fantasy; Past; Orgasm

Values assigned:
Sensory Visual: 3
Fantasy: 2
Past: 2
Sensory (touch): 1
Orgasm: 1

Filters applied:

Sensory (Visual):
*Time — Progressively increases the stimulation to a point; then significantly decreases after orgasm. At it's height, this filter would be an '8'.
*Intensity — Depending on the scene, when it coincides with fantasy or past experience, this filter can reach '8'
*Habituation — The more I watch, the less turned on I get. '3'

Fantasy:
*Time — Increases stimulation; no time limit '4'
*Intensity — Directly related to concentration; the better I can concentrate, the more intense the stimulation '5'
*Habituation — As fantasies get 'played out', they decrease the overall stimulation that fantasy produces. I respond by expanding those fantasies. '3'

Past:
*Time — The more I can relate to past experience the more turn on i get. No real effect with time '2'
*Intensity — Increases as I focus more on the past experiences '8'
*Habituation — No real effect as it depends on how much i can relate to the past '1'

Sensory (touch):
*Time — Progressively increases the stimulation to a point; then significantly decreases after orgasm. At it's height, this filter would be an '8'.
*Intensity — This can be paced with the scene of the porn video. At it's peak, this filter can reach '8'
*Habituation — After more times of masturbation, I get less turned on. '2'

Orgasm:
*Time — Occurs spontaneously; leaves spontaneously; no control over length of orgasm '2'
*Intensity — Increases overall intensity of urge; created some frustration when goal is not reached '7'
*Habituation — No real effect '1'


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2016 8:32 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 23 Exercise:
In your recovery thread, share a brief summary of what practical uses the skill of measuring compulsive rituals can have in your recovery. Don't just copy the headings of this lesson, take a minute to see how you can practically use this information in YOUR life.

Over the course of this workshop, I begin to see the way that it has been useful in first managing my impulses based on my values and then slowly working towards recovery by recognising the behavioural patterns in the compulsive rituals.
It is important that I have realised that abstinence and urge control only forms part of this recovery as it is a means of avoidance and might lead to relapse if the awareness of the compulsive rituals are not around. It is thus crucial to know the elements that are present in each of the compulsive rituals that lead to my 'acting out' subsequently and this is where the measurements of each ingredient comes in. By being more aware of the levels of sensitiveness and emotional tags that I have with the rituals, I will be able to understand the stages that lead me towards a compulsive behaviour even before the 'acting out' stage happens.
In essence, it is the reflection of this self awareness in measuring compulsive rituals that will help me to see my real self more accurately as it was previously masked in a 'package' known as 'emotional instability'. By breaking down the steps in the past rituals, I see myself clearly for each intention and act I have and why I have done it. I suppose the next thing to ask after this is whether it actually aligns to the values that I have and if it is something that I want. If the act or intention is something that is potentially destructive or not aligned to my values, then it is important to know and not cause myself further regret down the road.


I like this quote from this lesson:
Quote:
It is this ability that will allow you to set up a direct connection between your actions, your decisions and the emotional consequences that result from those decisions.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2016 7:31 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 24 Exercise:
I. Create your own Wheel of Sexual Compulsion that is more closely related to your behavior. This can be done by simply listing the cumulative elements involved in your compulsive behavior. This shouldn't take you more than five minutes. List these elements (associated with no particular ritual — but more your addiction in general) in your recovery thread.
II. Choose a real-life example of EVERY major sexual ritual that you engage in (these should be compulsive rituals, not healthy) and break each down into their smallest elements (based on the elements identified in your wheel of sexual compulsion).
Most people will identify two to four such Major Rituals. If you can identify with more than five such rituals, just list the most common five.
To be successful in your transition to health, you will need to master your ability to identify not only these elements, but also to recognize the role that they play in stimulating you. Don't settle for anything less than mastery here.

I. Wheel of sexual compulsion:
- Sensory (visual, touch, audio, taste, smell)
- Danger (of being found out secret acts)
- Suspense (anticipation of fantasies being realised)
- Fantasy (main triggers for 'acting out')
- Power (feel good of being dominated/ submission)
- Orgasm (the punch or high of sexual rituals)
- Accomplishment (having 'succeeded' in achieving fantasy or rituals)
- Past (previous sexual encounters or experiences spur further exploration)
- Poly-addictions (fetish like uniform and leather, S&M etc)

II. Sexual rituals:

1) Masturbation via watching porn
- feel stressed or bored and urge for sexual release
- fantasize about past encounters or experiences
- may be triggered by something online (articles or pictures)
- make sure no one else is around (home or office)
- start private browser and search for porn videos
- get turned on by visual and audio coming from porn website/ videos
- start to masturbate and touch while fantasising about being a part of the scene in video
- orgasm at the most exciting part of the video while reliving past memories
- feel accomplished and start to clean up (physically and online)

2) Searching for sexual partners online/ via app
- triggered by voyeurism or fetish and past experience
- try to recreate fantasy by looking for someone online or in contact list
- make sure no one else is around the computer or mobile phone
- start private browser and chat site or messaging
- state intentions clearly about sexual preference and fantasy
- do not reveal personal identity other than exchange of photos for chance of meet up
- get turned on when chat partner matches person who can fulfil sexual fantasy
- arrange to meet up and exchange contacts
- anticipate meeting the person and feel accomplished in finding sexual partner

3) Acting out fantasy with sexual partners
- suspense and danger building up to the meeting with partner
- ensure no one else knows about this meetup (mute phone or chat on mobile)
- get turned on with messages via phone contact and look forward to realising fantasy
- try to get partner to describe more about what to act out together when meetup takes place
- finally meet up with partner (accomplishment)
- realising sexual fantasy or fetish with help from partner
- get turned on when acting out on sexual fantasies
- climax when orgasm is reached by either party
- feel accomplished and relaxed
- clean up takes place (physically wash up and erase contact on mobile)

4) Ritual of meeting up past contact
- tried to erase past contact due to guilt and shame of acting out
- surprised when past contact messages or tries to contact/ initiates contact due to stress or boredom
- feels nervous and apprehensive about meeting
- tries to reject sexual advances from contact/ unsure about contacting again
- contact relives past experience and creates opportunity of acting out of fantasy again
- gets more turned on as images of past experiences flash in mind
- brain triggers suspense and danger elements to fuel chance of meetup
- mixed feelings about meeting but more certain to arrange an appropriate time and place to meet again
- more exchanges of messages to keep up the past experiences and desire to meet gets stronger
- finally finds the chance to meet again and act out fantasy
- all sensory is engaged during the act out and feels good for the moment
- orgasm may be achieved or not depending on level of shame or guilt concurrently
- feel good for the moment fades off and more guilt and shame takes over
- tries to erase contact or distance away from contact again


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Sep 04, 2016 5:40 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 25 Exercise:
I. Develop your own compulsive ritual. Make this relatively simple. List the primary elements in a similar fashion as exampled above in Compulsive Ritual: Exhibitionism. Post this ritual and its elements in your recovery thread.

Ritual:

- Feel bored or stressed up with an urge to get sexual release. (trigger)
- Look at possible means of getting sexual release without being found out (masturbation, meetup, view porn etc)
- Set up environment to be available and ready for communication (laptop, mobile device)
- Start on the sensory stimulation (videos or masturbation) or texting to get contacts [PoNR]
- Start to feel anxious about establishing this form of 'outlet'
- Need to be sexually satisfied in some ways (orgasm, fetish, fantasy roleplay etc)
- Feel temporal relieve from end of ritual and shame and guilt sets in. (end of ritual)
- Start on cleaning up on any possible forms of evidence (physical or on device)
- More guilt and shame sets in as past starts to replay in mind.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Sep 10, 2016 8:31 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 26 Exercise:
In the previous exercise, you were asked to label the elements involved with a particular ritual. In this exercise, you will be delving deeper into your awareness of that ritual. Here, you are asked to 'map out' one of your rituals. Make sure that you choose a specific ritual that you have engaged in (as in, last Thursday before work, I looked at porn); rather than a general compulsive behavior (as in, in the past, I looked at porn).
The main difference between what you did in the previous exercise and this is that you are no longer listing the elements of the ritual. Instead, you are listing the behavior associated with that element. For example, in the past exercise, it was sufficient to label a voyeuristic ritual with the element 'sensory stimulation — visual'. No longer. From this point forward, all rituals should be identified in terms of the specific thoughts/behaviors associated with the elements. And so, today, your 'element' will read something like this: "I would focus my eyes on her and inconspicuously follow her around the store."
Post this more advanced ritual in your recovery thread.

When I look at a man (stranger) of 15 to 55 years age whether in functions,meetings,while driving, traveling,shopping, pictures of men in books,magazines,movies etc the following elements are noticed.

1) I look at their physique and clothes.
2) I look at their footwear.
3) I find them attractive and secretly continue to look at them.
4) If I am able to spare time, I will continue to follow them physically.
5) I get turned on while thinking about them being naked.
6) I look at their crotch region to see if they are turned on or have a huge bulge.
7) My mind starts thinking about having sex with them.
8) I imagine them in boots, uniform or executive wear and how good they will look in them.
9) I try to get closer to them physically and prevent them from finding out.
10) I think about them dominating me physically and having sex together.
11) I feel the urge to masturbate and find a chance to do so (toilet, discrete place in park etc).
12) If I am not able to masturbate or achieve orgasm, I will go home to masturbate or find another chance to fulfill the fantasy (through another ritual like watching porn or chatting in online forums or apps).

I like the analogy in this exercise of how recovery is like taking medication for an illness and how choosing the right medicine is like:
Quote:
...you are able to make rational decisions as to whether or not the side effects of addiction are worth the temporary relief it provides
:g:


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2016 3:29 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 27 Exercise:
Provide an example of two compulsive chains in your life. The first chain should be where multiple rituals are engaged in simultaneously — thus enhancing the overall amount of stimulation derived from the behavior. The second should be an example of how you have strung together several rituals back-to-back and thus, extended the stimulation you were deriving. Post these examples in your recovery thread.

First chain:
- Engage in rituals of voyeurism and masturbation simultaneously
- Search for online videos or live cams for people to chat with
- at the same time use touch, smell or taste to enhance stimulation (eg. leather boots, silky shorts etc)
- using chat with virtual online partners to satisfy fantasy and thoughts of roleplay
- masturbate while watching and listening to porn site videos and try to orgasm when characters do the same
- heighten stimulation by holding back and slowing down masturbation just before orgasm sometimes.

Second chain (referring back to lesson 24):
- Start off with voyeurism/ fantasy due to stress or boredom
- Do not dare to approach person in real life in fear of being reported
- Look for virtual contacts online or previous sexual partners
- If cannot find, make use of porn and masturbation for more immediate relief
- Continue to search online for other possible ways of fulfilling sexual fantasy
- Plan to meet up with other contacts for acting out fantasy
- Satisfy need for roleplay/ fantasy and reach orgasm
- whenever void/ instability is felt, past comes back and contact searched again


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2016 11:41 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 74
Lesson 28 Exercise:
1. Develop a compulsive chain of your most recent acting out behavior.
2. Upon completion of this chain, review it to ensure that you can recognize the way that each element affected your emotional state.
3. Thinking as an addict, look for areas within this chain where you could add additional destructive elements that would have (most likely) increased the overall stimulation of the event. The actual events that you add should be realistic, and related to the chain itself. For instance, someone viewing porn might add the element of setting up a Power Point slide show of the images. Someone engaging in escort services might add the element of videotaping the encounters. Share these in your recovery thread.

1.)
I have not been acting out since the start of this workshop about 6 months ago (which I know now shall never happen again).
But in what I had done before the workshop, this is the chain built upon rituals that has been mentioned in lesson 24 as compiled below:

- triggered by voyeurism or fantasy and past experience
- try to recreate fantasy by looking for someone online or in contact list
- make sure no one else is around the computer or mobile phone
- start private browser and chat site or messaging
- state intentions clearly about sexual preference and fantasy
- do not reveal personal identity other than exchange of photos for chance of meet up
- get turned on when chat partner matches person who can fulfil sexual fantasy
- arrange to meet up and exchange contacts
- anticipate meeting the person and feel accomplished in finding sexual partner
- suspense and danger building up to the meeting with partner
- ensure no one else knows about this meetup (mute phone or chat on mobile)
- get turned on with messages via phone contact and look forward to realising fantasy
- try to get partner to describe more about what to act out together when meetup takes place
- finally meet up with partner (accomplishment)
- realising sexual fantasy or fetish with help from partner
- get turned on when acting out on sexual fantasies
- climax when orgasm is reached by either party
- feel accomplished and relaxed
- tried to erase past contact due to guilt and shame of acting out
- surprised when past contact messages or tries to contact again/ initiates contact due to stress or boredom
- feels nervous and apprehensive about meeting
- tries to reject sexual advances from contact/ unsure about contacting again
- contact relives past experience and creates opportunity of acting out of fantasy again
- gets more turned on as images of past experiences flash in mind
- brain triggers suspense and danger elements to fuel chance of meetup
- mixed feelings about meeting but more certain to arrange an appropriate time and place to meet again
- more exchanges of messages to keep up the past experiences and desire to meet gets stronger
- finally finds the chance to meet again and act out fantasy
- all sensory is engaged during the act out and feels good for the moment
- orgasm may be achieved or not depending on level of shame or guilt concurrently
- feel good for the moment fades off and more guilt and shame takes over
- tries to erase contact or distance away from contact again

2.) I am now more aware of how the chain builds up and changes my emotional state for each element. It could be elements of danger and suspense at the start, leading on to sensory engagement and subsequently to fantasy and orgasm ultimately. It also shows how my rituals have been expanded in terms of time and intensity over the years of compulsion and addiction to sex. It makes me cringe at times how much this has affected my life and really hope to see recovery happen for myself as I continue to work on the exercises in this workshop. Awareness does really help me put a stopper on some of the compulsions that I used to feel helpless about and of course the support from my family and counsellor prevents me from spiralling downwards too.

3.) Before I was into the recovery workshop, I was actually thinking of other possible stimulation to increase the intensity of the chain. One of them was to videotape the acting out of the fantasy with my sexual partner and look at the recording whenever I had the urge. This of course is likely to make me more stimulated to want to meet up more people for re-anacting sexual fantasies. The other thought that has crossed my mind before was to organise a mass orgy session with all uniformed personnel and have threesome or foursome encounters to fulfil my fantasy as seen in porn sites before. I know for now these are elements that are highly destructive and could continue to fuel my compulsion but degrade my personal values.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 67 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group