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PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 2:34 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2016 8:09 am
Posts: 46
Lesson 32
Proactive action plans

o Being patient and relaxed

- Don’t chase instant- gratification and quick fixes.
I now relax more and manage to think that I should trust that everything works out for the best. I also know that instant gratification is short term only. It has its place but I need to balance it. I am getting better at long term goals as well.

- Practice meditation and yoga.
I meditate almost every day. I can still do more yoga, this will get better as I get better.

- Be aware of my breath as often as possible to be sure I’m not stress breathing.
I am more aware of my breath generally, kudos to me!

- Do hypnosis relaxation when I remember it.
I need to remember to do it once in a while because its good for my whole being.

- Practice acceptance of what is.
I have for sure gotten better at accepting what is. I am also getting better at letting go of negative thoughts.

- Practice letting go of disappointment, don’t be overly attached to outcomes as things change.
Have made progress here as well, everything happens for a reason. It feels good to let go and go with the flow.

- Keep a healthy distance to stressful events and people.
I have made clear boundaries and distanced myself from energy draining people and situations. This was a tough challenge for me!

- Be aware of my feelings; work with them instead of against them.
I have now managed several times to feel my feelings fully and let them pass through me and acknowledge them + listening to what they have to teach me which has made it easier for me to let go.

- Have a weekly walk in nature or more.
I do this every week!

o Being mindful / present

- Don overthink.
I still overthink sometimes. But I notice that I am getting more aware of when I do fall into old patterns. This is getting better everyday!

- Focus on what I am doing instead of being in my head.
I have managed to be more present when for example going for walks. I am still practicing this. It gets better everyday!

- Learn to be a better listener by giving my undivided attention to whomever I talk too.
When speaking with people this is something that still is a challenge as my thoughts tend to drift. When I manage to stay present with them I feel good and proud of myself!

- Practice mindfulness whenever I can. If I am distracted, go back to my breath and try again.
I do this more often every week!

- Be observant and feel reality.
I am getting better at this especially when going for walks!

o Being connected with my feelings

- Be aware of my feelings; work with them instead of against them.
I now dare to feel much more than I did before. This results in lots of built up sorrow and anger surfacing which is good. It also makes room for more joy in my life.

- Accept that sometimes life is hard, feel it anyways. Dare to feel everything and accept what is. Be emotional without shame.
I now dare to be emotional in front of my family and others, which was unthinkable a year ago!

- Communicate my feelings instead of pushing them down which is destructive in the long run. For example harboring resentment as a negative consequence.
I am now much more open about what I think and feel.

- Appreciate the good times, but let go of the good feelings when the time comes. This is instead of trying not to lose them, which can lead to fear/ anxiety.
When I have good moments I now enjoy them and let them pas naturally without holding on to them. This gives an afterglow effect where I am thankful for what happened instead of the feeling of loss and scarcity.

o Pursuing health, spirituality and enlightenment

- Be aware of the effect my actions has on others and myself.
Check!

-Cut down on porn as it uses life energy that I can use in real life. Stop watching it as an endgame goal.
I have now cut down considerably on my porn use. I am now more present with my girlfriend and have a better sex life because of it.

-Observe others instead of guiding them. Listen and learn! Be the change!
I now manage not to always be the entertainer but also being comfortable with others entertaining me. I have become a better listener because of this.

- Food and health
-Limit processed food and drinks. Check!
-Try eating fish two times a week. Check!
-Refrain from alcohol, nicotine and caffeine in 2016. Cut down for the rest of my life to a healthy amount only. Check!
-Drink soda maximum once a week Check!
-Eat candy maximum once a week Check!

- Prioritize going to the gym, walks etc.
-Go for a walk in nature minimum once a week, try two
I look forward to my naturewalk. They give me energy.

-Work out two times a week.
This will get better as I get better. I manage light exercise at least once a week.

- Learn to let go
-Focus on listening to my body.
I am generally more aware of my body than I was before.

-Take time to feel nature and reality. Allow myself to be in awe of it all.
Sometimes I have what I call clear vision when I become present and am able to enjoy the world as it is. For example plants and trees becomesmore vivid amd beautiful in this state of mind.

-Live in reality, not in my head.
I still drift of into my thoughts but I am getting better at snapping back to reality, being aware/mindfull 

-Take a break from overanalyzing, trust that I am safe and have learned enough to live a happy life.
This is a hard one but Im making steady progress!

-Trust that I am good enough.
Im starting to see proof that I am! I also tell myself this everyday!

- Meditate/relax
-Meditate relax 30 mins 5x a week
Check!

-Read at least 1 hour of self-development / spiritual books a week.
Check!

- Cut down on internet use/social media. Connect more with the real world.

Have to try harder on this one. Will become easier as I get more healthy and can go visit friends etc.

- Be social
-Have a laugh with friends as often as possible.
Check!

-Go to new events.
Will do this as soon as my health allows it.

-Connect with old friends.
Check!

o Dare to be free, genuine, vulnerable and open

- Share my true self with the world around me
-Dare to speak my mind.
I am doing it. So far the results have been positive. As long as I am true to myself this is not a problem at all, genuinity trumps all 

-Use humor and kindness to make myself and people around me feel good.
I have a great sense of humor so seing others enjoy themselves in my company feels great!

-Dare to be crazy and weird, stretch what is socially acceptable.
I still manage to shock people in a fun way. Living on the edge is fun :D
I need to be observant of the reasons I am doing it. Do I want a reaction to look cool or to make people think or maybe just for the luls?

-Speak and show my interests with passion.
I am being proud of who I am. So when I dance I dance like no one is watching! Keep practicing this.

-Be genuine, be myself. Be honest!
I am finally getting comfortable of letting my true self out. I have been so afraid of rejection of my true self in the past that I have put on a social mask that has drained my energy. I am brave!

-Stop using social masks. Be at ease. Trust that I am good enough.
I am making good progress here!

- Dare to be open and vulnerable
-Don’t be afraid to say something stupid.
My ego is hindering me from this because I am always overthinking what I say. Trust that I can go with the flow and it still will be allright. Saying stupid things makes me more human and loveable. Im not a perfect robot.

-Put myself out there.
I am a open person, I speak my truth more and more everyday.

-Develop a stronger sense of self-irony.
Work in progress.

-Be open about my feelings.
I am no more open about myself and my emotions than in many many years!

-Share my story with others if needed and appropriate.
I have managed this without letting my ego in the way. No use in sugarcoating my past to make myself look better. I take full responsibility of my past actions.

-Show that I am proud of myself.
Im making progress here. This one is hard. Im afraid of being seen as egocentric. But the truth is I should allow myself to show that I am proud of myself!

-Strive to not be a perfectionist. Dare to be an imperfect human.
I am starting to see that perfectionism is making me stressed. I am starting to trust myself to relax and have a inner knowing that everything will work out. I already have the knowledge in my heart to live a happy life!

o Radiate love to my family and the world

- Speak with a tone of kindness as often as possible.
I have always been a kind soul. I now manage to bring the kindness in me out in almost every conversation.

- Try to be present and smile to strangers every day.
I am progressing in this manner everyday. Its now easier and more natural for me to communicate with strangers with kindness and openness.

- Help those in need when possible.
Even though Im poor I support those in need when I can.

- Give people around me heartfelt compliments.
Im doing this as often as I can.

- Be physical when appropriate, hugs etc.
I have become much more of a hugger this last year. I notice people appreciate me being physical when its not forced.

- Make others feel comfortable around me.
By being relaxed and comfortable myself, I notice others being relaxed and comfortable around me as well.

- Be nice to others without expecting something In return.
Its nice to give to others with no expectation in return. If you want something back in reality it is a loan, which is kind of a way to manipulate and control others when they did not ask for the loan.

- Speak to strangers with the same tone of voice as friends I have known for years.
I have gotten so much better at this. This skill really brings me a lot of joy!

- Strive to bring out the best in others and myself.
By being the best me I can be, others often follow suit!

o Practice balance and thankfulness in all aspects of my life

Balance
- Stop the need for perfection. Practice non-perfection every day, even if it triggers a mild ocd response.
I notice that a lot of my behavioral patterns is rooted in perfectionism because I feel I need to be perfect to be good enough. This is false. I am good enough and will continue to practice being a flawed and imperfect human being for the rest of my life. I am good enough just the way I am! It is also a way to create an illusion of control.

- Observe more, I don’t always have to be active.
I don’t have to prove myself at all. I notice it is calming just to be an observer and not always have to be an active entertainer.

- Moderate myself when eating drinking.
Check! I east very healthy!

- Moderate computer use.
I use much less time on the computer and am prioritizing other things like books and knowledge + being social instead. I can still get better in this regard.

- Moderate social media.
Check!

- Balance social and alone time.
Will get better as my health improves.

- Have fun, don’t take life to serious.
I have gotten much better at this the last few weeks.

- Ground myself with nature, yoga etc.
I do this when I have the energy.

- Prioritize work/life balance.
When I get a job I will definitively prioritize this.

Thankfulness.
- Try to think of what I can be thankful for in every situation. There is learning in everything.
I have gotten so much better at seeing the positive learning in every situation. This in turn leads to less stress and new opportunities.

- Be grateful for the small things.
I have gotten better at this as well. I now enjoy the subtle things in life more than before.

- Show thankfulness to my friends and family.
I always show my closest friends and family what they mean to me. Its much easier for me now than before.

- Remember to be grateful for my newfound health.
The days I feel good I am definitively grateful!

- Be grateful for this complex thing we call life!
This one can be hard sometimes. But I am grateful for every experience I have because there is positive learning in everything. I don’t think anything doesn’t happen for a reason.


o Developing emotional as well as intellectual depth.

Emotional depth
- Dare to explore my feelings.
I am daily focusing on what I feel. I get better every day!

- Feel my feelings fully.
I have gotten better to notice my feelings and recognizing where they are coming from.

- Try to relate emotionally to all people and animals. Put myself in their shoes.
By doing this I notice I am more empathic towards others more than before. I am also less negative and more postitive towards other beings in general.

- Save my emotional/life energy, don’t ejaculate too often.
Instead of ejaculating I am now getting better at having orgasms without ejaculation which is so much better and actually gives energy instead of draining me!

- Don’t judge people. They all strive to be happy in their own way.
I now realise that the world is not black and white. There is always a reason why people turn out the way they do. The only thing I can do is show them kindness. Maybe that will get them to feel a little better and make better choices?

- Be open to new ideas and feelings.
Being set in my ways has led me down a path of much suffering. Being open is a way to really expand my consciousness. Leaving dependency of outcomes behand allows for the universe to work its real magic. New ways of thinking can lead to new feelings of kindness and pleasure!

- Analyze where my own pain, joy, sorrow comes from. Be brave.
I have done this even though it is tough. I will continue to face my feelings instead of running away from them!

- Go deeper, look for emotional reasons behind my own and other people’s actions.
By doing this it is easier for me to understand others without taking it personally when they lash out. It also helps me to better understand myself.

Intellectual depth
- Read books. Widen my horizon.
I read steadily every now and then

- Analyze patterns.
I am constantly analyzing my patterns, maybe too much? Anyhow I am getting better at being present so it will eventually even out.

- Think indendently.
I am an original with original thoughts. I embrace them!

- Dare to disagree with friends and family
I do this every so often.

- Find my calling. Develop the necessary skills.
Still working on this.


o Being proud of who I am.

- Acknowledge daily to myself that I am a reflection of love.
I have gotten so much better at this!

- Remind myself of all good I have done for others.’
Doing this quite often as well. Can still get better.

- Remind myself of my strengths.
Work in progress.

- Forgive myself.
Work in progress. Have gotten far in the last year.

- Embrace my sensitivity and use it for good.
I am doing this!

- Talk to myself with a kind voice.
I am much kinder to myself now than before.

- Dare to see my true self in the mirror and smile.
Check!

- Strive to master kindness and love.
I am a kind soul and this comes naturally to me. I still have to keep evolving this though.

o Continue to practice intimacy, love and devotion to my fiancée.

- Improving / maintaining communication

o Be present when she talks to me.
I have gotten much better at this!

o Try to be neutral/kind when speaking, take a timeout when angry.
I now watch my tone of voice so that when im tired I try to use a kind voice instead of a tired irritated one.

o Be open and supportive to her ideas.
I now listen more carefully about the things that interest her even if im not that into it.

o Always be honest.
I now focus on being honest in every interaction I have with anyone in my life.

o Be emotionally available with sincere vulnerability.
I now communicate most of my feelings when appropriate even if it is uncomfortable. This makes me feel good / proud of myself afterwards.

o Initiate positive conversations on a daily basis.
I am getting better at this. As my health improves this also comes more naturally.

o Answer questions with more than a one/two word answer.
Work in progress! Getting better every day.

o If it is inconvenient to talk to her during a specific period/time, tell her this with a kind voice.
Can get better at this. Its hard when im focused or tired and get interrupted.

o Observe if she is tired; wait with communication until she is in a more receptive mood.
I have gotten better at this. Im also noticing that I don’t take things as personally as before.

o Try to be caring and understandable when she is fatigued.
I care much more for her now because I have a deeper understanding of what she is going through. This is mainly because I also have had similar experiences.


- Organization maintenance at home.

o Share in keeping the house tidy.
I have come a far way at doing this. I notice that the stress of my fiancé nagging me has gone down considerably. Will continue working on this.

o Ask my fiancé if there is specific things that I can help with.
I do this often .

o Do things that need done once spotted.
I try more often to do the things I see needing done before my fiancé has a chance to do them. This reduces stress for us both.

o Share in meal preparation / cleanup.
I have gotten much better at this as well!

o Make her dinner once I a while.
Check!

- Love each other.
o Give my fiancé daily compliments on her personality and looks.
Check!

o Strive to surprise her with date’s small romantic gestures.
Check!

o Remember to cuddle, hug and kiss often.
Check!

o Give each other massages, preferable weekly.
Can get better at this!

o Lend a shoulder for each other to cry on when needed.
We are getting really good at this!

o Make time for meaningful conversations.
We now have deeper conversations more often than before.


- Developing sexual intimacy.

o Practice tenderness and karezza.
We now have more present and sensual sex than before. Will continue practicing this.

o Take our time with foreplay. Start even at dinner. The brain is our biggest sexual organ 
Work in progress!

o Be sensitive for when my fiancé is ready for sexual advances.
I have gotten better at understanding when she is ready for my sexual advances.

o Establish consistency with frequency of sexual activity.
We now have sex more often than before

o Have fun!
I notice that our sex is now less rushed and therefore it also is easier to relax and have fun.

o Make and maintain friendships with humor and love

- Dare to talk to strangers as if I have known them for years.
I have gotten so much better at this. I now longer second-guess myself every second. I manage to stay present and have a good time most of the time.

- Use humor whenever appropriate as a tool to spread love and kindness.
Humor is a natural gift I have. Its easy to make others have a good time. I do this every chance I get.

- Dare to ask others for what I want from them.
I deserve help from others as well as helping them. As my self-confidence grows so do my ability to draw help from others.

- Be kind in my actions and words.
I think that one of my problems was that I was kind and expected a return on my kindness, which in reality was a loan. I now practice unselfish kindness and compassion which feels so much better!

- Remember to keep sporadic contact with my friends even when sick. Messenger / SMS is always an option.
This point has room for improvement.

- Invite my friends to fun getogethers when I have the energy. Take initiative; don’t always wait for others to reach out.
I do this when I have the energy to spare.

- Remember important events such as birthdays etc.
Check!

- Relax and enjoy our meetings, focus on the moment!
Getting better at this each and every time.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 21, 2016 1:22 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2016 8:09 am
Posts: 46
Lesson 33:
Day1:
Had a rough day today. I noticed when emotions were high and I stopped to notice and feel them fully that they wasn’t so scary anymore. By taking my time to feel whats going on in the moment it was easier to not loose control.
I had a urge today but fought it and won. By being present and doing something else the urge went awayl.

Day2:
Was on a mindfulness meditation course today. I felt some strong emotions come up. I notice that when I meet them head on they disappear. Maybe if I always feel my emotions fully with an inner knowing that I can handle any situation they wont feel so overwhelming.

Day 3:
Today I felt a lot of emotions come up during a detox bath. I just went with it and it went fine. By being present and daring to feel everything the feelings work trough me and disappears.

Day 4:
Today I went sober to a rave party with friends. When I danced I noticed I got a little self conscious, I then felt more anxious and lost my rhytm by being in my head. I decided to just accept and let the feelings pass and focus on the music instead. It worked! By not being trapped in my head in being more present I managed to have a mint time!

End of week assessment:
This week I searched my feelings often. Its hard work, but I think I am getting the hang of it. I have realized that this is going to take some time and are fine with that.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2016 2:52 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2016 8:09 am
Posts: 46
Lesson 34:
A:
When I have stressful thoughts and feelings I often get an immediate urge to masturbate which disconnects me from the negative emotions and helps me relax.
Also triggers on social media etc. can trigger an immediate gratification response.

B:
When I am trying to not act on a compulsive sexual behavior, I feel a building anticipation that I should act on the feeling. It builds to a point where the suspected pleasure of indulging in the behavior takes over. I feel not engaging in the behavior to be unnatural which brings on more anxiety if I don’t engage.

C:
I feel high. My whole body reacts like a kid on Christmas eve. I then go on a pleasure rollercoaster. If someone went inside my head they would experience intense bliss and adrenalin.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 10:31 am 
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Posts: 46
Lesson 36:
1:
By not standing up to my friend about my beliefs and letting his beliefs make myself question myself and my beliefs.


2:
When my girlfriend starts throwing a tantrum because of her own feelings, I can say that this is not about me and make her deal with her own problems instead of venting her anger at me.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 10:37 am 
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Posts: 46
Lesson 37:
2:
Value: Pursuing health, spirituality and enlightenment.
Concrete boundaries:
I don’t have to convince anyone of my beliefs to have them verified.
I wont succumb to group pressure about what to eat, drink etc.
I have the right to stop others when they fail to respect my beliefs and self development.
I will always treasure and use my sense of humor.
I will use my energy on the people that deserve it to stay healthy and not drained.
I will communicate that I am not here only to listen to others problems/ be an negative energy dumping place.


Value: Dare to be free, genuine, vulnerable and open
Concrete boundaries:
I will express myself without holding back or limiting myself as long as it doesnt hurt others.
I will open up to others only if I am comfortable with them.
I will share myself with the people I love and are worthy, both the good and the bad experiences.
I will tell them openly if they abuse my openness or use it against me.
I will close my self to people who abuse my openness until such times they show that they to are open and non-judgemental.
I will communicate clearly and speak up about even the small issues that bother me so that they can be resolved in a positive and loving manner.
If what I am doing or communicating is from the hearth and positive for myself and others I should feel secure and feel good for following my hearth.

Value: Practice balance and thankfulness in all aspects of my life
Concrete boundaries:
I wont let others influence me with negativity to take me away from being thankful. I will share my beliefs if necessary.
I will speak up about my feelings so that I don’t use time to question them and getting unbalanced.
I will work towards long term goals to balance the scale so it isn’t so short term based oriented.
I will communicate and show that I or anyone else is as good as each other. No one is better or worse. We are all humans with problems and joys.
I will work towards balance no matter what others say. Perfection doesn’t exist and can even be dangerous towards our health.

3:
Absolute boundary #1:
I will not do anything that I cannot openly tell my fiancee about.

Absolute boundary #2:
I will not let others dicatate my life and influence me about how I should or shouldn’t be. I will live in accordance to my higher self and be proud of myself.

Absolute boundary #3:
I will not participate in any activity or way of life that requires deception. I will live a honest and balanced life.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 30, 2016 10:35 am 
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Posts: 46
Lesson 38:
Value: Pursuing health, spirituality and enlightenment.

Scenario 1:
Having a friend be negative/judgemental towards my spiritual growth, making me feel like I am not like everyone else for thinking and feeling this way.
- I think my boundaries will hold, because I stand strong in my beliefs and anyone who doesn’t accept me for me isn’t a real friend.

Scenario 2:
Having pure pressure to drink or do weed etc.
- My boundaries will hold because, I don’t have to drink to function socially. I am good enough as I am!

Value: Dare to be free, genuine, vulnerable and open
Scenario 1:
Sharing my feelings only to be questioned about them.
- If questioned my boundry will be to stand up for my beliefs with an open mind of what the other party is saying. If my openness is misused for example the subject of personal attacks because of it, I will take measures to not open up to that particular person again until he/ she shows me that they can respect me for me.


Scenario 2:
Noticing that people become more distant because I am changing and they become unsure of me/ themselves because they can no loonger get a ¨read¨on me, which could result in patterns which make me question myself.
- I will stand firm that I am on the correct path and listen to my heart. I just have to ask myself, is what I am doing selfish or hurting someone, is what I am doing good for myself or others? If it is a positive answer then I should be self assured and say to myself that I am on the right track!

Value: Practice balance and thankfulness in all aspects of my life
Scenario 1:
Friends dumping negative life beliefs on me.
- I will stay in a positive state and listen if they need to talk and it is positive for their development. If it is only judgemental and negative I will lead the conversation to a more positive topic or tell them that I see the topic in another light.

Scenario 2:
Friends talking negative of others to feel better about themselves.
- I will stay in a non judgemental neutral position and not get dragged into that kind of thinking. I will casually stear the conversation to a more neutral/ positive theme.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2016 2:28 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2016 8:09 am
Posts: 46
Lesson 40:
1: How I can help my fiancée reinforce her boundaries:
Show her that I listen and respect her when she tells me how she feels, don’t interrupt her. Give her space when she needs it.
Accept who she is. Point out the positive things she does. Trust that it all will work out, don’t micromanage every aspect of the relationship.
Stop taking responsibility for her health and show that I fully trust her.

2: I should take responsibility and apologize if I forget to honor her boundaries and uniqueness.

3: I would try to understand their point of view with an open mind. I would tell them that it was not my intention to make them feel bad. If they want and think it will help, I can tell them my reasoning behind my breach.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 10:40 am 
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Posts: 46
Lesson 41:
I interviewed mu fiancee.

Fiancees boundaries:
- Too not be everyones support person, getting drained for energy.
- Too have her alone time respected.
- Too not have to be any less than she is.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 9:52 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2016 8:09 am
Posts: 46
Lesson 44:

A. Describe in your recovery thread the role that your core identity will play in helping you to establish/maintain a healthy life.

My core identity will be crucial in helping me establish/maintain a healthy life by guiding me towards long term healthy choices and values. My ‘I am’ presence will guide me towards a set of healthy core values and a brighter future where I can lean on my values and know that as long as I listen to my inner self everything will be allright. For every time I trust in myself and my healthy values they will strengthen to the point where they will soon be automatic.

B. Describe the role that value-based experiences will play in further developing your core identity.

By using my values and strengthening them they will eventually be ingrained in my core identity and become my core identity. My life will then be less dependent on compulsive actions and addictions because I can draw the necessary emotional stimulation from my healthy values instead.
C. Take some time to examine the current state of your core identity. How in tune with it are you? When you engage in activity that is destructive, what role does your core identity play in that decision? How is it affected by the consequences of that decision?

Im getting better at identifying and trusting my healthy core identity for every day that goes. If I engage in destructive activity my core identity suffers. The consequences are bad feelings and lower self esteem.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2016 8:51 am 
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Posts: 46
Lesson 45:

A:
Masturbation ritual

1: Urge pops up when im eighter: bored, stressed or rejected by fiancé. (frustration, disappointment, stress)
2: I think about a picture or another trigger for sexual emotion surge to feel good. (mild comfort, feeling better)
3: Feel down when rush disappears. Feel an even stronger urge to get that feeling back. Feel weak for feeling this way. (frustration)
4: Choose to think, view listen to something erotic just a little bit. (mild comfort)
5: Get a more intense rush of emotions. This is my point of no return. Everything feels right. (high comfort, excitement)
6: Go into addict mode. My choice to masturbate feels so right. (euphoria, worry)
7: Masturbate and edge to get as much pleasure as possible. (anxiety, euphoria, feeling strong and justified)
8: Orgasm (Achievement, peace)
9: Clean up. (Anxiety returns)
10: Feeling of shame/ weakness. Stress is triggered, trying to rationalize my behavior.
11: Focus on something else to take my mind of what I just did. (Feeling drained)

C:
Point 5 is my point of no return.

D:
Event 4: Choose to think, view listen to something erotic just a little bit. This is the event I need to stop doing. If I can manage to not have the mindset of just a little peak, I can manage to stop the urge.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2016 12:13 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2016 8:09 am
Posts: 46
Lesson 46:
Masturbation ritual

1: Urge pops up when im eighter: bored, stressed or rejected by fiancé. (frustration, disappointment, stress)

2: I think about a picture or another trigger for sexual emotion surge to feel good. (mild comfort, feeling better)

3: Feel down when rush disappears. Feel an even stronger urge to get that feeling back. Feel weak for feeling this way. (frustration)

4: Decide that this is a potential value strengthening moment. Feel the feelings fully in observation mode.

5: Choose to not act out. Feel proud of myself for strengthening my values.

6: Think of how far I have come and where I am heading.

7: Do something else that I care for instead with a knowing that I am becoming my new self!


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 11:52 am 
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Posts: 46
Lesson 47:

Scenario 1:
Rejection from fiancée. My emotional needs are not met.
The urge would begin after rejection. The point of no return would be when I feel at my lowest and feel the need for escape and emotional stimulation. I would create the break once the urge pops up as a warning that something needs attention and management for me to get back to emotional balance. I would then reflect over the situation and find the best solution where I rely on my values and draw strength from them instead. If appropriate I would also communicate my feelings with my fiancée if that will help resolve the situation.

Scenario 2:
Girls flirting with me

Scenario 3:
Watching tv and seeing attractive women

Scenario 4:
Random erection

Scenario 5:
Alone home, can masturbate and do what I want for hours.
The urge would begin when I get triggered by something when im home alone or even before. The point of no return would be when I start fantasizing about big orgasms ++. I would create the break when the urge pops up as a warning sign that I need to check intentions. I can then have a healthy masturbation if I am emotionally balanced. If not I need to reflect where the imbalance in my life is and correct it by leaning on my values.

Scenario 6:
Arising fantasies

Scenario 7:
Being yelled at or getting grief from others

Scenario 8:
Frustration about life situation being bored and understimulated
, emotional imbalance.

Scenario 9:
Sexualised adds from the internet.

Scenario 10:
Cant sleep, orgasm can help me with that.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 04, 2017 4:27 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2016 8:09 am
Posts: 46
Lesson 50:

A. When facing a compulsive urge, what do you anticipate the consequences of using a healthy, values-based decision to manage that urge to be? (think positive and negative consequences)

I anticipate the consequences of using a healthy, values based decision to manage the urge to be positive in the long run even if the immediate consequence of not acting on the urge can be trying. Proudness of myself and strengthening of my values and self-esteem will be a long term consequence. Immediate anxiety and temporary emotional imbalance will be a short term consequence.

B. Now consider having made the decision to continue on with the compulsive ritual, what consequences do you anticipate? (again, think positive and negative)

The negative consequence I anticipate are lower self respect and feeling of failure and weakness.
The positive consequence will be immediate emotional gratification and temporary emotional balance.

C. For each decision (values-based; emotion-based), what long-term effects will these consequences have on your developing identity and values?

The long term effects of values based decisions on my identity and values will be strengthening of these values as well as strengthening my positive feelings of self and stability. These decisions will then affect my life in further positive ways.
The long term effects of emotion based decisions on my identity and values will be strengthening my current patterns and behavior and make them even more ingrained and hard to change. My identity and feeling of self will further decline and be addicted to these patterns to gain emotional balance.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2017 9:57 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2016 8:09 am
Posts: 46
Lesson 51:

A. Consider one of your specific compulsive rituals. Or, if you feel comfortable, consider an entire compulsive chain. Identify the point in that ritual/chain when you should begin considering the options that you have available. What are these options? (consider reasonable options only)

1: Urge pops up when im eighter: bored, stressed or rejected by fiancé.
2: I think about a picture or another trigger for sexual emotion surge to feel good.
3: Feel down when rush disappears. Feel an even stronger urge to get that feeling back. Feel weak for feeling this way.
This is the point where I should begin considering the options I have available.
4: Choose to think, view listen to something erotic just a little bit.
5, 6, 7, etc
Option 1: Moving on watching porn and masturbate
Option 2: Talk to partner
Option 3: Acknowledge urge and analyze current emotional situation. Don’t act out.
Option 4: Distract myself
Option 5: Masturbate only.
Option 6: See urge as short term and use option 3 and 4 to gain understanding.

B. Of the options listed above, which would be automatically filtered out because of your boundaries? What would you do in the case of a value conflict? (i.e. when the same option would create both positive and negative influences on your value system)

Option 1 because I don’t wont to watch porn anymore as it is hurtful towards my life and self development. It crosses my boundry of objectifying women.
In case of a value conflict I would see if it is more positive and healthy long term than not.

C. Of the remaining options, what would be the anticipated consequences of the following:

i. You make the decision to act on this option
ii. You make the decision NOT to act on this option
iii. You make the decision to act on this option, and that decision becomes known by others
iv. You make the decision to act on this option, and that decision remains secret

Option 2: Talk to partner
I: It would create some stress acknowledging my weakness. But it would also help me be open about my progress.
Ii: I gain self esteem of handling it myself
Iii: No consequence
Iiii: No consequence

Option 3: Acknowledge urge and analyze current emotional situation. Don’t act out. Lean on values instead.
I: Short term consequence is anxiety. Long term is better emotional stability and strengthened values.
Ii: Taking the easy way equals less personal growth. Lower self esteem for not doing what I know is best for me long term.
Iii: Being seen as emotionally mature
Iiii: Feel emotional maturity and proudness of myself.

Option 4: Distract myself
I: The consequence of this would just be to postpone my problems, which would arise later with more strength
Ii: Proudness of myself for not taking the easy way out.
Iii: Ambivalent reception
Iiii: Feeling weakness for not facing my problems

Option 5: Masturbate only.
I: Ambivalence, better than watching porn going full circle. Short term emotional stability
Ii: Proudness of saving my energy for my partner, short term anxiety.
Iii: Seen as normal, maybe a little judgement of being a slave to my instincts.
Iiii: A little self loathing and a feeling of weakness and helplessness. Gulit, shame.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2017 9:01 am 
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Posts: 46
Lesson 52:

When I get triggered by something that makes me angry. I can then separate the emotion and let it be and use my value system to make a wise choice instead, this is opposed to losing my temper which most of the time is destructive.


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