Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Fri Feb 21, 2020 1:19 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 35 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2016 1:25 am 
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 30
Lesson 17
During intimacy with my wife, I would concentrate so hard at her reaching climax that it became an obsession for me. She even commented to me that it was not enjoyable for her as she was being made to feel that she needed to perform. The “intimacy” was no longer intimate…it had become a physical thing with no connection. This was the “accomplishment” element taking over. Additionally, there was a fantasy element for me as I believed that this was what she was craving and how could she not be enjoying the pleasure that I was giving her. I had a hard time understanding that orgasm did not hold the same power over her as it did me.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 1:00 am 
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 30
Lesson 18
Time Filter
When filtered thru the time filter, viewing porn (sensory stimulation) if done for an excess of time loses its appeal. It no longer produces the intended “high” and I would lose interest.
Intensity Filter
With masturbation, I found that certain actions would greatly intensify the feeling. It would also bring me to climax sooner.
Habitation Filter
As with the Intensity filter above, I found just masturbating was not doing it for me. As this would happen, I would tend to try different things while masturbating to increase the intensity of the feeling.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2016 10:01 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 30
Lesson 21

Large goal that failed…
Being a faithful husband
Why did I fail…
Sexual addiction
Large goal that I was successful at…
Becoming a teacher
Why did I succeed…
Hard work and perseverance
Recovery Goal
I want to have this recovery workshop completed by the beginning of Summer Vacation (June 15th)
Goal Breakdown
Complete Stage 2 by Jan 31
Complete Stage 3 by Mar 15
Complete Stage 4 by April 30
Complete Stage 5 by Jun 15


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:19 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 30
Lesson 22
Ritual Measured
Masturbation
Primary Elements involved
Physical Stimulation, Orgasm, Accomplishment
Values Assigned
Physical Stimulation - 3
Orgasm - 5
Accomplishment – 8
Filters Applied
Physical Stimulation
Time - 4
Intensity - 3
Habitation - 4
Orgasm
Time - 3
Intensity - 8
Habitation - 8
Accomplishment
Time - 3
Intensity - 7
Habitation - 5


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:38 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 30
Lesson 23
Mastering the ability to measure compulsive behavior will enable me to see the behavior for what it is. It will also greatly assist in the self-awareness. Being continually self-aware will help develop relapse prevention techniques. All of these tools will be key in the full recovery process.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2017 12:08 am 
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 30
Lesson 25
Compulsive ritual
Masturbation
1. Feeling frustrated or angry
2. Feeling the inability to talk about what has caused the frustration/anger.
3. Withdraw into self
4. Find time in isolation (location unimportant)
5. Gain arousal
6. Masturbate to orgasm
7. Clean up
8. Feel dirty and guilty


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2017 6:22 pm 
Offline
Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
Posts: 5200
NOTE: I removed the like as it is not appropriate to advertise (which is what it seems like you are doing by spamming member posts) georgel-please refrain from this behaviour or you will be banned from the site.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2017 11:35 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 30
Lesson 26
Compulsive ritual mapped out
Masturbation
• Feeling frustrated, angry or bored
o mind begins to wander and fantasize
• Feeling the inability or desire to talk about what has caused the frustration/anger/boredom.
o Fantasizing intensifies
• Withdraw into self
o Internal conflict about fantasies
• Find time in isolation (location unimportant)
o Anticipation continues to grow
• Gain arousal
o Many times full arousal occurs due to the anticipation and fantasizing
• Masturbate to orgasm
o Usually 3-5 min to reach climax
• Clean up
o The fear of being caught intensifies
• Feel dirty and guilty
o I promise myself that this is the last time I will do it…until the next time…


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2017 11:52 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 30
Lesson 27
When masturbation was no longer enough, I would begin to cruise the Craigslist personals to look at pictures…This would “do it” for a while…I would then begin to respond to some of the ads to “hook up” with the poster. This led to an increasing number of encounters with strangers. Rarely were there repeat encounters with the same person.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2017 12:29 am 
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 30
Lesson 28

1. Develop a compulsive chain of your most recent acting out behavior.

• Wife was going to be gone for a few days
• A few days before she left, I began checking out the craigslist ads.
• The day before she left, I began responding to ads to generate “leads”
• The day she left, I set up a meeting
• Posting my own ad on craigslist
• Each day she was gone, began setting up an increasing number of meetings that eventually led to two at once.

2. Upon completion of this chain, review it to ensure that you can recognize the way that each element affected your emotional state.

• Anticipation and excitement
• Fear of rejection
• Anticipation and apprehension
• Need for increasing stimulation
• Shame and fear of being caught

3. Thinking as an addict, look for areas within this chain where you could add additional destructive elements that would have (most likely) increased the overall stimulation of the event. The actual events that you add should be realistic, and related to the chain itself. For instance, someone viewing porn might add the element of setting up a Power Point slide show of the images. Someone engaging in escort services might add the element of videotaping the encounters. Share these in your recovery thread.

• Introduction of drugs or alcohol
• Going to a “party”


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2017 3:11 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Feb 14, 2014 5:18 pm
Posts: 327
Hello BKA,
I notice that you hav'nt posted in a while - How are you doing?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2017 11:39 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 30
Integrity
In any given situation, make choices that reflect integrity (even if no one will know about it). Examine choices with a critical eye, look to see if the decision will be glorifying to God. If the answer to these questions is affirmative, the decision is a sound one. If there is any doubt, the decision should be re-examined to determine where the flaws are.


This is the pro-active action plan that has really made a difference for the decisions I have been making. By viewing each decision with a critical eye as to if the decision is glorifying to God or not has had a positive effect. I find that less and less the need to go back to the drawing board so to speak. That is not to say that some decisions don't need a little tweeking or polishing...just not as often as before. That is a win for me.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Thu Mar 02, 2017 9:16 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Feb 14, 2014 5:18 pm
Posts: 327
Great Insight BKA,
I often ask myself -"is this action that I am about to take strengthening my values or weakening them?"

If it is the latter then it is easier to make a conscious decision not to do it,


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Sun Mar 19, 2017 10:30 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 30
I will actively look for opportunities to improve my reliability. Each day I will assess any deadlines appointments or obligations I may have to ensure their timely completion. I will be posting this on the dash of my truck so I will be reminded each morning on my way to work.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: BKA Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 10:53 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 30
Weak Boundary scenario:
Knowing that surfing the Craig’s List personal adds will lead to further acting out and a progression of stimulation, I would spend more and more time on Craig’s list…even with my wife in the next room.
Strong Boundary scenario:
Knowing the amount of sexual content in many R rated movies, I do not got to an R rated movie if it is rated such because of the sexual content.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 35 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group