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PostPosted: Tue Oct 25, 2016 9:50 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 1 - My Foundation for Change
I’m committing to actively put the time & effort to change.
I will not allow shame to sabotage my commitment to change.
I expect a 2-4 month time frame for the lessons.

I’m going to develop emotional maturity that is consistent with my witness.
I’m going to develop emotional maturity consistent with healthy relationships.
I’m going to develop emotional maturity that will yield peace.
I’m going to lay the foundation for true intimacy the way God designed it.
I’m going to partner with God’s spirit to do this. (His power)
I’m going to accept God’s grace.
I will take pride in who I am, cherishing how God designed me.
My behaviors will be consistent with my values.
Eventually, my thoughts will be consistent with my values.
I’m going to rely on God’s word for wisdom.
Eventually, I will admit my sin to each of my children.
Somehow, I will use my skillset to help build God’s kingdom.

Think of you, on the tractor in Minnesota with your brothers as a child. You were innocent then. You were trusting, enjoying life, and having fun! You are now choosing to be courageous. You are now going to reclaim your life for this boy, who lost his way.


Last edited by acceptance on Thu Oct 27, 2016 9:58 am, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2016 7:51 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3944
Location: UK
Hello Acceptance and welcome to the programme
it takes time , effort, honesty, openness commitment and consistency
but it does work,
however the responsibility for your recovery is yours and yours alone
RN is a roadmap, not a cure
you are the engine, the driver and of course the beneficiary
so good luck
looking forwards to watching your progress

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2016 9:50 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 2 - My Vision:
Agape and Phileo Love for God, others, AND MYSELF will define the years I have left on this earth. I will develop the emotional maturity to FULLY accept grace. I will reject shame for the way a man is designed – still I believe emotional and spiritual intimacy precede Eros intimacy.
Realizing I’m capable of much more than just tithing, I will seek opportunities to use the skillset I have been entrusted with to give back. This may involve more formal education, but certainly will involve implementing new life skills to manage emotions.
I will seek to be less rigid and more flexible in my thinking & relationships. I will be a better friend by self-disclosure and helping when asked. I’ll be a better father by excusing myself for a moment, when tempted to become angry.
A challenge ahead is the vision of oneness with a woman. I’m willing to surrender that vision, having been married twice already. I’m asking for strength and wisdom from God’s Spirit living inside me, to live consistent with that statement. My confidence will be in the Lord. Remind me daily, the only person I can change is myself.


Last edited by acceptance on Thu Oct 27, 2016 9:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 9:51 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 3 - My Values
1. Love God
2. Love others
3. Love myself
4. Develop life skills for emotional maturity
5. Fully and quickly CHOOSE GRACE when I fall short
6. Reject shame
7. Develop emotional & spiritual intimacy BEFORE eros intimacy
8. Give time
9. Give talent
10. Give 12%
11. Become educated for volunteer/service job
12. Continue individual therapy
13. Be flexible – less rigid
14. Be open-minded to the beliefs and values of others
15. Learn to self-disclosure to friends
16. Be available to help friends
17. Choose peace when tempted to anger
18. Surrender the need to be married
19. Rely on the Holy Spirit for strength
20. Rely on the Holy Spirit for wisdom
21. Memorize God’s promises on confidence
22. Remind myself daily, the only person I can change is myself
23. Trust God completely
24. Strengthen my role as a co-parent
25. Strengthen my role as a brother
26. Strengthen my role as a father
27. Strengthen my role as a friend
28. Be an inspiration to others
29. Show appreciation towards others
30. Live authentically
31. Play basketball with son every other weekend
32. Be playful with sons
33. Exercise or walk 3x/week
34. Pay medical bills weekly
35. Show humility
36. Laugh aloud daily
37. Text daughter weekly
38. Travel to Prague
39. Volunteer locally
40. Landscape the yard
41. Continue to go to D-group
42. Be accountable to someone
43. Overcome personal struggles
44. Become a mentor
45. Become comfortable with my sexual self the way God designed sex
46. Become comfortable with my masculinity
47. Passionate about life
48. Developing sustained friendships
49. Be respected by a close female friend
50. Experience unconditional love
51. Develop patience
52. Share my true self with someone
53. Nurturing children’s creativity/maturation
54. Acquire Wisdom
55. Companionship
56. Adaptability
57. Surrender to God
58. Improve my social skills
59. Learn to be Vulnerable
60. Be more transparent
61. Sacrifice for others
62. Improve conflict resolution skills
63. Show care for others in need
64. Accept responsibility for my life
65. Look for ways to bless sons' mother
66. Be Realistic
67. Be less naive
68. Personal growth, development
69. Self-discipline
70. Role model for children
71. Begin dating in January 2017
72. Live with freedom AND self-control
Dark-side values:
1. I can’t trust God completely
2. I can hide my shame (episodes)
3. Sexual Intimacy can come before emotional and spiritual intimacy
4. I know more about the best sex than God knows
5. “Everybody’s doing it, so I it must be ok”
6. I can’t live without sex
7. I can live a closet life (episodes)
8. I’m not accountable to anyone
9. Pleasure is more important than happiness
10. No woman will ever like me
11. No woman would ever love a man like me
12. I can’t be vulnerable with a woman
13. God’s design for sex isn’t the best design
14. Self-control will never be in my skillset
15. It’s someone else’s fault the way I am


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2016 9:15 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 4 - Prioritized Values
1. Love God
2. Love others
3. Love myself
4. Develop life skills for emotional maturity
5. Fully and quickly CHOOSE GRACE when I fall short
6. Reject shame
7. Be Realistic
8. Accept responsibility for my life
9. Develop emotional & spiritual intimacy BEFORE eros intimacy
10. Give time
11. Give talent
12. Give 12%
13. Become educated for volunteer/service job
14. Continue individual therapy
15. Be flexible – less rigid
16. Be open-minded to the beliefs and values of others
17. Learn to self-disclosure to friends
18. Be available to help friends
19. Choose peace when tempted to anger
20. Improve conflict resolution skills
21. Surrender the need to be married
22. Rely on the Holy Spirit for strength
23. Rely on the Holy Spirit for wisdom
24. Memorize God’s promises on confidence
25. Remind myself daily, the only person I can change is myself
26. Trust God completely
27. Surrender to God
28. Live with freedom AND self-control
29. Be an inspiration to others
30. Show appreciation towards others
31. Live authentically
32. Become comfortable with my sexual self the way God designed sex
33. Become comfortable with my masculinity
34. Improve my social skills
35. Be more transparent
36. Strengthen my role as a co-parent
37. Strengthen my role as a brother to Mark & Scott
38. Strengthen my role as a father to Luke & Jude
39. Strengthen my role as a friend to David
40. Play basketball with Luke every other weekend
41. Be playful with Luke and Jude
42. Exercise or walk 3x/week
43. Pay medical bills weekly
44. Show humility
45. Laugh aloud daily
46. Text Liz weekly
47. Travel to Prague
48. Volunteer locally
49. Landscape the yard
50. Continue to go to D-group
51. Be accountable to someone
52. Overcome personal struggles
53. Become a mentor
54. Passionate about life
55. Developing sustained friendships
56. Be respected by a close female friend
57. Experience unconditional love
58. Develop patience
59. Share my true self with someone
60. Nurturing children’s creativity/maturation
61. Acquire Wisdom
62. Companionship
63. Adaptability
64. Learn to be Vulnerable
65. Sacrifice for others
66. Show care for others in need
67. Look for ways to bless Luke’s mother
68. Be less naive
69. Personal growth, development
70. Self-discipline
71. Role model for Luke, Jude, Nate, Liz, Matt
72. Begin dating in January 2017


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 29, 2016 9:57 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 5 - Value Congruency
1. Trust God completely
2. Love God
3. Love others
4. Love myself
5. Remind myself daily, the only person I can change is myself
6. Fully and quickly CHOOSE GRACE when I fall short
7. Reject shame
8. Rely on the Holy Spirit for strength
9. Rely on the Holy Spirit for wisdom
10. Be Humble
11. Develop life skills for emotional maturity
12. Live authentically
13. Share all of me with a woman who will share all of herself with me
14. Passionate about life - like dancing in Publix today! and listening to Christian radio
15. Become comfortable with my sexual self the way God designed sex


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 31, 2016 5:29 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 6 – Building Proactive Action Plans I
Trust God completely
Humbly Worship God regularly
Listen to God daily via something bible based
Humbly pray daily
Listen to 106.9 or 91.9 daily
Attend discipleship group weekly
Journal daily
Thank God daily for his gift of relational intimacy
Memorize Verses on confidence weekly

On relational intimacy
Be open to sharing myself completely
Live with freedom and self-control
Choose grace immediately if I fall short
Call my sponsor if I fall short
Envision praying with sexual intimacy with one woman
Enjoy laughter with others
Use Mail for exwife


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2016 8:31 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 7 – Building Proactive Action Plans II
1. Trust God completely
Fear NOT
Psalms 84:12 O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man that trusts in you.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not to your own understanding.
Proverbs 28:26 He that trusts in his own heart is a fool: but whoever walks wisely, he shall be delivered.
Isaiah 12:2 I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength.
Isaiah 43:1 I have called you by your name; you are mine.
John 14:1 Let not your heart be troubled
Jeremiah 7:8 Behold, you trust in lying words, that cannot profit.

2. Love God
Luke 10:27 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind
John 14:21 Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.
John 14:15 If you love me, you will keep my commandments.
John 14:23-24 Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word
1 John 5:3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.

3. Love Others
John 13:34 love one another: just as I have loved you
1 John 4:19-21 whoever loves God must also love his brother.
Philippians 2:3-4 in humility count others more significant than yourselves
1 John 4:7-21 Beloved, let us love one another
1 Peter 4:8-9 keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins

4. Love Myself
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Ephesians 5:29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
Matthew 22:39 You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
Ephesians 5:28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Matthew 19:19 You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

5. Remind myself daily, the only person I can change is myself
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
Romans 12:2 be transformed by the renewal of your mind
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 2:12 work out your own salvation with fear and trembling

6. Fully and quickly CHOOSE GRACE when I fall short
Hebrews 4:16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Joshua 24:15 choose this day whom you will serve, ... But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
Colossians 1:1-29 Grace to you and peace from God our Father.
Ephesians 2:4-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God
2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
John 14:15 If you love me, you will keep my commandments.

7, Reject shame
Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Hebrews 10:22 Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.
Hebrews 8:12 I will remember their sins no more.”
Romans 8:31 If God is for us, who can be against us?
Ecclesiastes 7:5 It is better for a man to hear the rebuke of the wise than to hear the song of fools.

8 Rely on the Holy Spirit for strength
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
John 14:26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Acts 1:8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you
Isaiah 41:10 I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

9. Rely on the Holy Spirit for wisdom
John 14:26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
Proverbs 3:7 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.
James 3:17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.
Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

10. Be Humble
1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,
Ephesians 4:2 With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,
Matthew 23:12 Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.
Philippians 2:3 in humility count others more significant than yourselves.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2016 9:22 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 10 - Absolute Honesty in Recovery
IV. places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior
• 3 DVDs: desk drawer
• 1 bottle of lotion: on desk
• 1 bottle of conditioner: in shower

V. compulsive sexual and/or romantic objects.
• Unknown women: Chat-avenue.com/adult
• Unknown men: Chat-avenue.com/gay

VI. places where you go to act out your sexually/romantically compulsive behavior.
• Internet: chat rooms (multiple)
• Internet: craigslist (once)
• Internet: google image search (occasional)


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2016 11:46 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 12 - Recognizing Unhealthy Recovery Patterns
feel panic at the thought of truly ending their addictions
how I wish to live the remainder of my life: with stability and health; or with chaos
want emotional stability and personal satisfaction, rather than abstinence
my own decisions and actions are changing me
how willing/able the significant other is to leave the relationship (2x)
They minimize their behavior (18 years)
They find comfort in knowing that they can play the "relapse card" should they ever be caught acting out
Selfish thoughts when caught acting out (e.g. "Why didn't I see this coming?" "Why do I cause myself so much pain?")
Emotional experiences are presented in their extreme: from shame and embarrassment, to aloofness, to placing their partner on the highest pedestal.
Hyper-religiosity
Learn new behavior rather than control past behavior
Extreme emotions in relation to acting out — extreme guilt, extreme shame


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2016 12:06 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 13 - Healthy Recovery Patterns
Early Recovery:
In early recovery, individuals often experience significant doubts
extremely negative emotions are the norm:, anxiety, hopelessness.
In early recovery, they perceive "powerlessness" as "helplessness".
In early recovery, significant others tend to experience these individuals as needy

Middle Recovery:
no successful recovery ever took place by changing the past, only by changing the present
desire to live a life that they can be proud of
make decisions based on what they believe is the right thing to do
developing new patterns that will take the place of those related to the addiction
perceive "powerlessness" as a temporary
see their lives as a continuous process of growth and development
voluntarily make the decision to remove internet from their life
true remorse, temporary helplessness —a commitment to making it up to people in other, more healthy ways.

Late Recovery : "From Recovery to Health
complete confidence
have developed the skills necessary to make confident, healthy choices
see their past as something rather unbelievable
have developed the ability to produce the same emotional stimulation from value-based actions as they once derived solely from impulse-based actions.
no longer associate themselves with addiction, but with health
trust and closeness in the relationship will take on a very real quality.

II

How can I get by without masturbation? I had chaos this past weekend. I want health. I’ve already had two wives leave. Sexual closeness is going to have to be with a woman for me. Emotional & spiritual intimacy need to come first before physical intimacy. I want to live a life I can be proud of. My powerlessness is temporary. Using the internet was selfish. I’m going to have to self-divulge to the woman I am close to.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:06 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 14 - Health Monitoring I
Have you thanked God today for walking with you today?
Have you spoken with or texted or left a voicemail with Luke and Jude today?
Have you texted or prayed for Liz today?
Did you enjoy laughing today?
Did you enjoy any uplifting music today?
Did you thank God that you don’t have hopelessness today?
Have you been able to bless Michele or Pat today?
Have you paid M any $ due her?
Have you affirmed Luke & Jude with words or touch today?
Have you thanked God for his Holy Spirit living inside you, providing strength and wisdom when asked?
Are you preparing $, food, activities for the weekend?


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2016 3:19 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 15 - Perceiving Your Addiction
Chatting on the internet and masturbation became an efficient way to manage my emotions - but it was a false intimacy. I've minimized the effect that recurrent behavior has had on my emotional health over 18 years. I believe emotional stability and personal satisfaction are achievable, using God's design for intimacy.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2016 3:52 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 16 - Understanding Addiction I
Positive aspects of my addiction include forcing me to evaluate my core values.
Chatting on the internet and masturbation kept me away from prostitutes.
Driving to Atlanta gave me the opportunity to begin my recovery.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 2:05 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 17 - Understanding Addiction II
Danger was being nude in the sunroom. Suspense was finding someone else who enjoyed intimacy. Accomplishment was achieving orgasm. Sensory was discovering how sensitive my anus was. Fantasy was being attractive to someone. Power was being able to please someone. Time was a nice way to spend the afternoon.


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