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PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 2:40 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 18 - Understanding Addiction III
Time: Internet chatting: 1-3 hours
Intensity was better with conditioner, and touching my anus, or water-spray on my scrotum
Habituation happened on the 3rd night.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 3:17 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 19 - Understanding Addiction IV
Begin by thinking of your values as those things which, when you are experiencing them, provide you with a feeling of accomplishment, satisfaction and a sense of purpose.
Behaviors inconsistent with your values trigger shame about yourself.
It's important not to short-circuit your true values for short-term emotional relief because of long-term seizures & amnesia.

I was hyperaware of being awake last night at 11:50pm (and took medicine). I was disgusted when son didn’t let me hold his phone. I was proud of son as he filled out chapter 2 of his book. I felt useful chasing the ball for sons outside. I felt victory being self-controlled when son broke the glass today.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 9:04 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 20 - Mastering Your Addiction
The healthy choice is to build a foundation without cracks.
Internet chatting began with wife in undiagnosed depression
Internet chatting with false intimacy continued while living alone.
Internet chatting was stifled during first 10 years of 2nd marriage. Internet chatting started up again with decoupling.
Future risk points include retirement, death of a child, & dating again. It could be rapid collapse.
It’s going to be important to establish emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy with a woman who loves Jesus.
When you fail, Confess quickly to a buddy. Look for opportunities to serve in bigger churches.
Isaiah 5:21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight!
Proverbs 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
Proverbs 2:6 For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
2 Timothy 2:7 Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 06, 2016 9:14 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 21 - Recovery Goals
A. Failed Marriage 2x. Pride. Arrogance. Ignorance. Lacked emotional skillset.
B. BC MD. Better at academic skillset than relational skillset.
Built professional building. Can do things that rely on me.
C. I will complete recovery program by Feb 1, 2017


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 4:49 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 22 - Measuring Compulsive Behavior
Internet Chatting
Primary Elements Involved:
Physical Stimulation; Fantasy; Moral conflict; Orgasm; Danger; Suspense
Values assigned: Filters applied:
Physical Stimulation: 1 Time: 5 Intensity: 5 Habituation: 1 25 4
Fantasy: 3 Time: 9 Intensity: 9 Habituation: 1 243 40
Moral conflict: 3 Time: 9 Intensity: 9 Habituation: 1 243 40
Orgasm: 1 Time: 1 Intensity: 5 Habituation: 1 5 1
Danger: 2 Time: 9 Intensity: 9 Habituation: 1 162 27
Suspense: 2 Time: 5 Intensity: 5 Habituation: 1 50 9


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 5:54 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 23 - Practical Uses for Measuring
Being able to measure potential rituals can help me access future risk in choosing to engage in specific rituals. Fantasy has been a major risk in the past. Moral Conflict has been a major risk in the past. Danger has provided intensity in the past. Rejection (partner’s depression or Abuse past) is an area of risk. Feeling needed is a risk. Naiveté is a present risk. Confidence in God’s design for sexuality is an area for emotional growth. Sexual Freedom with trust and self-disclosure is a healthy choice in the future.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 08, 2016 5:04 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 24 - Identifying Your Compulsive Elements
Chatting:
Element #1 Desire to be known
Element #2 Fantasy that I am known
Element #3 Enjoy freedom of nudity
Element #4 Moral Conflict
Element #5 Sensory of Touch
Element #6 Sensory of Smell
Element #7 Power of being pleasing another
Element #8 Orgasm relief
Element #9 Shame

Craigslist exploring:
Element #1 Desire to be known
Element #2 Power to do sexuality my way
Element Fantasy that I’m satisfied
Element #3 Enjoy freedom of nudity
Element #4 Moral Conflict
Element #5 Sensory of Touch
Element #6 Sensory of Smell
Element #7 Power of being pleasing another
Element #8 Orgasm relief
Element #9 Shame


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 08, 2016 4:10 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 25 - Identifying Compulsive Rituals
Compulsive Ritual: Internet chatting
#1 Pent up sexual pressure
#2 Felt I’m due intimacy
#3 Disabled Parental Controls on router
#4 Opened separate browser
#4 Navigated to chat site
Desired to please someone
#5 Thought about Moral Conflict
#6 Chose to do sexuality my way anyway
#7 Picked a false name for how I was feeling
#8 Used people by opening multiple windows
#9 Dabbled in Suspense
#10 Dabbled in Danger
#11 Put on underwear M didn’t like
#12 Fantasized I was close to unknown person
#13 Masturbated with conditioner
#14 Felt powerful and free
#15 Ejaculated
#16 Became self-conscious
#17 Shame & Guilt
#18 Cleaned up
#19 Cleared browser history
#20 Enabled Parental Controls on router


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2016 3:11 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 26 - Mapping Compulsive Rituals
Compulsive Ritual: Internet chatting
#1 Feel entitled to oneness intimacy with a woman
#2 Disabled Parental Controls on router
#3 Opened separate browser
#4 Navigated to chat site
Reduced volume trying to hide
Reduced brightness trying to hide
Picked a false name for how I was feeling
explored adult chat side
Desired to be sexually desired
#5 Thought briefly about Moral Conflict
#6 Thought I was entitled to “not wait”
#7 Chose to do sexuality my way anyway
#8 Used multiple people by opening multiple windows
#9 Dabbled in Suspense hoping to make a new friend
#10 Dabbled in Danger of doing sex my way
#11 Desired self-disclosure by putting on underwear M didn’t like
#12 Fantasized I was close to unknown person
#13 Masturbated with scented conditioner
#14 briefly felt powerful and free
#15 sometimes would ejaculate with great effort
often frustrated with inability to ejaculate
#16 Became self-conscious
#17 Shame knowing I cannot hide my sin
#18 Cleaned up quickly because of embarrassment
#19 Cleared browser history
#20 Enabled Parental Controls on router
#21 Tried to go to sleep


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2016 3:24 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 27 - Identifying Compulsive Chains
Internet chatting
Viewing pornography
Oral stimulation
Emailing craigslist
Selfish masturbation


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2016 3:37 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 28 - Developing Compulsive Chains
Internet chatting with multiple windows
Searching for the same chatter
Emailing chatter
Adding audio chatting
Adding video chatting
Viewing gay pornography
Emailing local craigslist
Entitlement oral stimulation
Settling for same-sex out of “expediency”
Self-centered masturbation


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2016 10:20 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 29 - The Role of Emotions
Anxiety – waking in the middle of the night, not knowing I’m no longer married.
Fear – awaking in the middle of the night, believing wife & I are reconciled.
Relief – from hopelessness
Joy – hypomanic?
Regret – selfish sexual entitlement - pride
Confusion – future relationships?
Grateful – friends, support, resources, faith, recent decisions, health
Unbelief – divorced 2x? – Naiveté
Confident - faith
Concern – totaled car in single MVA
Shame - Internet chatting with self-centered sex
Least anxious state is when worshiping or listening to joyful music
Most anxious state was how to live with M. [pseudo-seizures with amnesia]


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2016 5:14 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 30 - Emotions vs Values
primary tool for maintaining fulfillment and satisfaction in your life.
values remain relatively consistent throughout life, and only change through focused effort. That's good and bad.
compulsive behavior, is emotion-based
What makes us human is our emotions
value-based emotions vs. behavior-based emotions
value-based emotions have a central theme — like family, religion, health or education
YOUR emotional range is finite

focus on one specific developmental skill: deepening your awareness of the connection between your emotions and your values.
how your emotions influence your actions;
how your values influence your decisions;
how your emotions influence your values,
Simply do it.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2016 5:43 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 31 - Emotional Balance and Stability
Be the first person that you will commit yourself to being absolutely honest with
A
Poor sleep – moderate
Confuse forgiveness with reality – Moderate
Confusion future relationships – mild
Nutrition – mild
Friendships – moderate
Future plans – moderate
Health Insurance – mild
Dealing with M – mild now that I don’t see her
Single dad – mild
Sexuality needs a place, not abstinence - moderate

B
1. Trust God completely
2. Love God
3. Love others
4. Love myself
5. Remind myself daily, the only person I can change is myself
6. Fully and quickly CHOOSE GRACE when I fall short
7. Reject shame
8. Rely on the Holy Spirit for strength
9. Rely on the Holy Spirit for wisdom
10. Be Humble
11. Develop life skills for emotional maturity
12. Live authentically
13. Share all of me with a woman who will share all of herself with me
14. Passionate about life
15. Become comfortable with my sexual self the way God designed sex
C
Grant me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

-
Trusting myself instead of God,
Am listening to encouraging music,
relying on myself instead of the Holy Spirit’s strength and wisdom,
laying the foundation to date
Forgive myself – Move on.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2016 6:55 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson 32 - Evolving Your Practical Values

1. Trust God completely
Still have some anxiety
Still have some trouble sleeping
Still leaning on my own understanding
Still relying on my own strength and wisdom
Still considering lying words
Still trusting in my own heart

2. Love God
For some reason believe his commandments are burdensome

3. Love Others
Volunteering at school play tonight
Offered to pay for nursing school
Cognizant of humility
Reading about fatherhood

4. Love Myself
Need to eat three meals a day
Need consistent exercise
Went to Doctors
May need medicine temporarily

5. Remind myself daily, the only person I can change myself
Forgive yourself. Move on.
Be more consistent studying God’s word
Reject sexual sin always
Work on friendship skills

6. Fully and quickly CHOOSE GRACE when I fall short
Be humble and receive mercy and grace in time of need
Choose every day whom you will serve
Remember Grace is a gift
Remember grace is sufficient
Remember, god’s power is made perfect in my weakness

7. Reject shame
Since I have faith in Jesus I’m not condemned
Draw near to Jesus with full assurance
God does not remember my sins
God is for me so I don’t need to fear who is against me
Listen to wisdom - not fools

8. Rely on the Holy Spirit for strength
I can, because of God’s strength
God gives me Power, love and self-control, not fear
Got helps me and upholds to me with his righteousness

9. Rely on the Holy Spirit for wisdom
God’s Spirit teaches me and helps me remember his wisdom
God gives wisdom generously if I am ask
Turn away from sin
Fools despise wisdom and instruction
God’s wisdom is pure & open to reason
When I don’t know what to pray god helps me

10. Be humble
God will exalt me at the proper time
Be humble, gentle, and patient
Reject pride. Others are more significant.


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