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PostPosted: Sat Mar 04, 2017 5:33 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson Sixty-Two
Managing Relapse

• Step One: Freeze all activity relating to compulsive rituals in their tracks so that you can openly assess where you are.
• Step Two: Anticipate feeling intense emotions that can cloud your judgment. Failure. Frustration. Hopelessness.
• Step Three: Recognize the consequences - but that that should not be your focus now.
• Step Four: In assessing the relapse itself, determine whether the deterioration occurred beyond your conscious awareness or whether you were aware but deliberately chose to ignore those warnings. When you shift to whether or not you will be caught, you've lost. You’ve begun your dual-identity approach to life once more.
• Step Five: Assess the motivation of the relapse. Do you want to retain a secret life...while pursuing a public recovery. Emotional relapse — this is an expected part of a healthy recovery. It will be experienced by everyone.
• Step Six: Adjust. Fix them your action plans, your monitoring system or a complete overhaul to your priorities and values
• Step Seven: Accept the consequences — your confidence and self-respect....face them with your head held high.
• Step Eight: Let it go - the guilt, shame, insecurity, fear, etc. — let it all go. Move on. live a healthy, fulfilling life.
Develop three-five 'most-likely' scenarios where you might face relapse. Role play (in your head or with someone you trust) how you will manage these situations.
1. You want to talk to someone. CALL someone. Make date. Volunteer for something. Have something to look forward to. Ask Liz to do something. Call Maureen for the riverwalk. Call Candice for lunch. Find out the new girl’s name in church. Go for walk in neighborhood. Ride to Publix.
2. You want to envision being close to someone. That’s ok.
3. Someone wants to be close to you. Get to know them first – emotionally and spiritually.
Explore one unlikely situation where you might face relapse. A situation that you couldn't possibly prepare for. Will your Relapse Plan allow you to manage it? Why or why not?
1. Driving car. Just don’t drive for one year.

PostPosted: Sat Mar 04, 2017 5:33 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson Sixty-Three
Health Monitoring IV

For instance, while conducting your weekly assessment, you realize that you are becoming complacent in your transparency with your partner. This then triggers a daily monitoring assessment for a few days that will allow you to focus on this particular life skill. For a life that has been observed to have become out-of-balance (through the weekly monitoring), the daily monitoring would then kick in to help establish one's focus on priority and value.

PostPosted: Sat Mar 04, 2017 5:34 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson Sixty-Four
Transitioning to Health

I’m doing well.
My primary desire is to emotionally connect with another.
My vision is long-term vulnerability rather than short-term emotional high
Masturbation is not outside of my values, but still somewhat selfish (better with long term partner)
It would be good to find a woman I can service in all ways.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2017 5:04 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson Sixty-Five
Life After Addiction

no matter what happens — the trivial, the painful and the awesome — I will embrace it and act in a manner that best represents the person that I am inside. And if I make a mistake...I learn and move on. If I succeed, I learn and move on. But what I don't do is to look for ways to escape the experiences of that life through addiction

the process of basing decisions on long-term values and healthy boundaries as opposed to immediate emotional need.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2017 5:55 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson Sixty-Six
Recovery Triggers vs Relapse Triggers

triggers have become associated with fear and avoidance in the mainstream recovery environment — which is a tragedy
Avoiding such triggers is an impossible task
like watching a train wreck ... there is 'nothing wrong with looking'. Or, that they "aren't hurting anyone."
equate recovery with abstinence...not quality of life... makes any success that they experience temporary and hollow.
The stimuli itself is irrelevant. It is only the emotional associations in relation to the stimuli.

Those who are committed to recovery, who recognize the reality of permanent change taking place...and who are committed to developing the skills necessary to adopt those changes

learn to achieve emotional fulfillment by learning to perceive each trigger as an opportunity.
no longer fearing existing triggers. It expands to them no longer worrying about/avoiding potential future triggers

emotional awareness, decision making, understanding perceptions and a clear sense of personal values

It takes faith. It takes courage. And it takes an absolute commitment to ending the patterns of addiction.
healthy recovery requires you maintain an ongoing awareness of potential triggers...but no longer will you fear them.

Here's an opportunity for me to continue developing into the person that I want to become."

Pictures a naked and unashamed couple. Look away.
Have faith in the Creator & His design, and His plan for me, rather than His creation.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2017 4:10 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson Sixty-Seven
Poly-Addictions & Switching
relapse prevention plan
weekly monitoring
Most likely behavior to monitor for: “Justifiable masturbation”
What Am I Monitoring Weekly?
For your weekly monitoring, there are four key questions that you must ingrain — as they will be used down the road in helping you to regain balance should that need arise.
Question #1: Over the past seven days, from what areas of my life did I derive the majority of my meaning and fulfillment. Think specific actions you experienced, not general ideals. "On Tuesday, I took out my guitar and just played for my kids. Took the time to teach them a few notes. It was meaningful to me." This, as opposed to...'music, kids...'
Question #2: Over the past seven days, where did the majority of my energy go? As in, was there chronic stress/pressure I had to manage? Were there any major traumatic events? Any intense emotional events?
Question #3: Given the meaning that I derived this week and the events I had to manage — how well did I do in maintaining emotional balance through healthy means? Were there times when my life management skills were inadequate and I ended up turning to artificial means (e.g. compulsive behavior)?
Question #4: Looking ahead to the next seven days, are there any significant events that I need to prepare for, so that I am not caught off guard? Deadlines, reunions, holidays, dates, etc.
Beyond that, monitor anything that is important to you. Your relationships, your health, your progress towards certain goals. Anything can go on your Weekly Monitoring as long as it is consistent with your emerging value system.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2017 4:26 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson Sixty-Eight
Anger and Rage - Anger Management and Addiction Recovery

You have not yet learned to manage your emotions…all you have done is recognized that you want to learn to manage them, and have eliminated a destructive obstacle (acting out) in that path. But that does not translate to health

Plan how I can win. (NOT helpful) Instead, plan how to be wise.
Be pleasant, cordial, positive, encouraging.
Be honest, so you don’t have to hide anything.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2017 4:40 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson Sixty-Nine
Victim Awareness

1) Accept the life you have led...
You are taking responsibility for your past by actively committing yourself to changing your life.
Who would actually benefit from further action by you...and who might be further traumatized
Always err on the side of safety and respect for the individual
You cannot control how those actions are received.
If you reach out in a sincere way and are rejected, allow yourself to move on.

2) Accept the life you are living...

3) Embrace the life you are developing...
Take pride in the life and the identity that you are developing,— the embracing of your future

PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2017 4:46 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson Seventy
Healthy Guilt and Shame

ongoing awareness to serve as a 'warning system' that is triggered by potential threats to your health and/or values

guilt and/or shame are two such flags.
Dishonesty is another.
something is wrong' and that 'action must be taken'.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2017 4:54 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson Seventy-One
Permanent Recovery = Ongoing Awareness

Awareness...awareness...awareness! recognize when these tools should be used.
how to manage urges,
how to make decisions,
how to recognize boundaries,
how to utilize your values

Never manage an emotional crisis with Emotions!

Use your Action Plans.

immediately stop
separated yourself from the situation
process the situation through your value system.

You may still make a decision that prioritizes immediate emotional gratification over the risks/consequences of acting out, but it will not be done through ignorance. You will be aware of what it is you are doing and why.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2017 4:58 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson Seventy-Two
Health Monitoring V

Weekly monitoring should take place a minimum of six months post-addiction

Fight Hard to restore honor and integrity to your life

Each month, I would sit down with myself (and later in my life, with my wife) and go over several pages of areas that I wanted to keep an eye on. As the years passed, my monthly monitoring was eventually generalized to include three main areas of assessment:

1) My overall emotional balance
2) Where I was deriving the majority of my stimulation
3) Where I was draining the majority of my energy

PostPosted: Thu Mar 09, 2017 2:16 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 2:00 pm
Posts: 71
Lesson Seventy-Three
Leaving Addiction Behind

The 'real workshop' is found in how you manage your day-to-day life...across your life span.

At this point in your recovery, you should possess the following insights/skills:
• Experiencing no compulsive urges whatsoever is not realistic.
• You should be comfortable in isolating each individual urge you experience — as it is experienced.
• You should have your self-awareness enough to know whether you are being absolutely honest with yourself about whether or not a particular stimuli is destructive.
• You should possess the ability to understand the general flow of emotions in a single compulsive event
• You should be able to recognize the critical time in a compulsive urge where you are capable of logical and/or predetermined action plan).
• You should have a clear understanding of the Urge Control process.
• You should have a clear understanding of the Decision-Making process.
• You should have a comprehensive Relapse Prevention Plan in place that addresses not only the most common behavioral patterns, trigger patterns and signs/symptoms of an unbalanced life, but that has objective, precise actions to take should the need arise.
• You should have Action Plans in place to all of your most likely compulsive behaviors/triggers.
Additionally, you should have at least partially developed the following:
• You should be experiencing mild to moderate anxiety/doubt about your ability to sustain long-term, healthy change.
• You should feel some apprehension in anticipating your first real test to your recovery — usually related to either complacency or the recognition that secrets/dishonesty remain a part of your life management repertoire.
• You should have started to prepare for this test, though confusion should persist as to just what this 'test' will look/feel like.
• You should be getting in the habit of engaging in multiple mental role-playing sessions (lasting a few minutes each, several times per day) with the goal of furthering your awareness and ingraining healthy skills into the compulsive process.
• You should have a list of solid, functional values that contains at least seven items. Each of these values should be capable of providing you with strength, stability and focus when called upon.
If you find yourself lacking in any of these areas, the lessons, ask on the Support Forum or contact a Coach. Don't leave any excuse for not making a complete transition to health.

• choose to use values to guide your decisions over your emotions
• long, slow, smooth transitional process that will be geared towards mastering the skills that you have begun
• Other times where you will push the limits of your actions, honesty and secrecy beyond your existing boundaries...and struggle with yourself as to why
• A healthy life is lived by maintaining a foundation of values/skills to use in managing whatever may eventually come your way
• seven ingrained, functional values is best for providing stability
• actually put forth the effort to develop these values
• you are and forever will be a healthy person who once struggled with the pattern of addiction in your life.
• But you fought back, conquered it...and earned the right to live a healthy life.

Take a trip Then get back to work. You have a life to manage.

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