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PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2016 2:01 pm 

Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2016 5:54 am
Posts: 5
Lesson 1 A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:

1) actively committing yourself to change - at this moment my motivation lies somewhere between the last two reasons, i.e. because the consequences of the addiction are difficult to handle emotionally AND because I no longer want to live this kind of lifestyle. Naturally I'd rather be 100% in the latter camp but the addiction is so ingrained that perhaps on some level I don't believe I can cope without it. Ultimately, I know that I need to dig really deep and do this for myself. I have faith in the material and the ideas that are presented here.

2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change - another tricky one, but I realise that the whole recovery-relapse cycle will just make things worse. Wallowing in self pity will only strengthen the addiction. I have to accept 100% responsibility for the choices I have made up until this point and I also know that every decision I make from this moment forward is a choice. I will try not allow the shame of past failures or the guilt from my previous actions to hamper my progress.

3) allowing yourself time to change - I often seek a quick fix and I'm well aware of the euphoric phase that comes with early recovery attempts. I've been there before, many times. However I do understand that nothing worth fighting for comes easily and that real change simply cannot happen overnight. The time I've already wasted has gone, there's no getting it back and I have to accept that now. The real critical thing for me to focus on here is to make sure my recovery is active. In order to achieve this I may start by attempting to journal / complete the exercises at the same time every day e.g. shortly after waking up.

PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2016 8:26 am 

Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2016 5:54 am
Posts: 5
B. Another important factor in determining your ultimate success is your motivation. Look deep inside and list ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life

To be a better version of myself in various areas of my life
To have the ability to spend my money on things I actually want
To feel a sense of pride in myself
I want to know what intimacy and love feels like
To have a sense of self discipline which I can be proud of
To experience a sexual relationship based on love, honesty, trust and vulnerability
I want to feel 'clean' (to know that I'm sharing my true self with others)
To be able to show sincere care and affection towards my wife
To feel at ease with myself in the knowledge that I'm doing the right thing
To know that life is precious and to use the remainder of my years in a fulfilling manner
Have the ability to feel real joy, laughter and friendship
I want to feel masculine and desirable
To have improved self esteem

PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2016 9:52 am 
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3944
Location: UK
Hi Sundance and welcome to RN
the addiction is so ingrained that perhaps on some level I don't believe I can cope without it. Ultimately, I know that I need to dig really deep and do this for myself. I have faith in the material and the ideas that are presented here.

we all start/started from that same position, you have to have faith in yourself and I know that is not easy when starting this journey, excuses come all too easily and one last hurrah wont cause harm etc
so if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change are generally solid as they are positive and about you
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo

PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2016 12:47 pm 

Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2016 5:54 am
Posts: 5
Vision Exercise

Finances - over the next 3-4 years I want to increase my earnings so that I no longer have to worry about money. Ideally I'd like to be earning 40k upwards as that would provide a comfortable living and allow for international travel / 2 holidays per year.

House - my longer term goal (next 5-10 years) is to move to a beautiful home with 3 bedrooms, an office and two reception rooms. It will be in a lovely peaceful residential area with a private garden and will preferably be located close to the park. There'll be lots of wardrobe space for our clothes and perhaps a dressing room area leading to a gorgeous tiled bathroom. It will be an energy efficient home in soft, elegant Farrow & Ball hues (blues, greens and greys). Secure and comfortable, ideal for entertaining guests, it will be a home for life. Ideally I'd like to be driving a nicer car, possibly a Mercedes. More importantly I want a gorgeous, classic vintage steel framed racing bike, possibly an Italian one.

Job / Career - Amazingly, I'm fortunate enough to have recently moved into a career I enjoy. However at present I'm not earning enough so I need to refine my skills, build a larger client base and continue to take great pride in the work I produce. I aim to also do side projects either directly related or unrelated to my current career. I'm keen to be a freelance writer and also have some other ideas I'd like to implement to try to make money.

Free time - my free time will be spent improving my home and garden, socialising with friends and family, working out, eating healthily and exploring new hobbies and interests. This can include getting really creative with photography projects, mastering new skills (TBC) and some writing/blogging. I also aim to use free time to re-connect with family and friends and being there for other people.

Physical body - to maintain and improve my physique by continuing to work out regularly at the gym and eating well to supplement the exercise. I want to have broader shoulders and achieve a more desirable physique all round. It includes cutting down on sugary goods, eating more fresh fish, fruit and vegetables. I want to feel energetic, be free of diseases, have good skin and good teeth. I know the importance of looking after my body. Being in great shape is very important as it takes discipline and it's something that spills over into all other areas of life.

Relationships - to have a loving, caring relationship with my wife where we do things for each other and work as a team. We will communicate more openly and I won't be afraid to tell her that I love her. We respect one another and have an intimate sexual relationship. I'll be more relaxed, confident and will become a better lover. I also wish to have a better relationship with my family, to make a greater effort to visit my parents and spend quality time with them in their later years. Also to socialise more with friends and family, having dinner parties, going out for drinks or walks in the park, having more evenings out at nice restaurants. I'll be able to spend time with male friends without the need of drink or drugs to be involved, perhaps we'll play tennis, golf or cycle together. I'll have a wider circle of friends and enjoy more varied conversation / interests.

Community - to perhaps be able to give something back to others or offer my creative skills to raise awareness and support those who are less fortunate than myself.

Personal - to create good habits in my life and do them consistently. To become a better husband, son, friend. I want to be able to look back years from now and be grateful I undertook this deeply personal journey of recovery and healing.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 4:50 am 

Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2016 5:54 am
Posts: 5
Lesson 4 (Values - work in progress)

Being house proud
Owning some nice possessions
Being financially stable
Taking pride in my skills
Creative writing
Feel desirable
Living with integrity
Building positive consistent habits
Being excited by progress
Eating well
Taking care of my body
Being in great physical shape
Being funny
People complimenting my work
Being able to see things through to completion
Proving to myself that I can have sex
Being a better communicator
Enjoy a wider range of activities and experiences

Prioritised values
Self pride
Having integrity
Making Progress
Being a good husband
Being honest with myself
Establishing a connection with my partner

PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2017 2:30 pm 

Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2016 5:54 am
Posts: 5
Developing a proactive action plan -----(work in progress)

Establishing a better connection with my wife
Making a conscious effort to be attentive
Engage in more meaningful conversation
Be playful / lighthearted
Be more positive (currently she thinks I moan about everything)

Integrity and honesty
Abstain from viewing any pornographic content. I need to be absolutely honest with myself here. No peeking, no rationalising.
Use a 'trigger' response plan. Whenever I'm triggered I will look in the mirror and take 5 deep breaths. I'll make a healthy choice and be able to look at my reflection with pride
Remind myself daily that I am 100% responsible for the quality of my own life and for the decisions I make be continued

Self pride
Having integrity
Making Progress

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