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PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2017 9:09 am 
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The primary addiction that I want to focus on during the next 90 days (now till beginning of may):
Procrastination (abbrev. PR) at work.

Lesson 1: Early recovery
1) wrt Commitent: I hereby COMMIT to spend all of my available low energy (3-4.30PM and 8-10PM) times in FEBRUARY, on either recovering from PR OR working, with the preference to WORKING. To free time for these workshops, i've committed to restrict several other distracting events (smartphone use, social media, TV) in these timeslots, gaining me an expected average time of 2-3 hrs per day. Also, the fruits of my efforts, reduced procrastination and increased work efficiency, should free ample time and bring motiviation to continue dedicating time to these two crucial tasks!
2) wrt guilt: I am and accept to be where i am supposed to be,where i deserve to be, given my previous performance, capabilities and lessons to learn.
I feel grateful to have the chance to tackle these lessons, improve and challenge myself. I forgive and understand the drivers for my past self for bringing me here, and know there is a path out of here, towards a PR-free life.
3) wrt time to change: I hereby commit to the intention to dedicate all the "low-energy time slots" required to complete this transformation and will focus at becoming more focussed and less prone to procrastination between now and 1st of may 2017,
EDIT: and to rigorously maintain the rules i've precommitted to.
.

B) Motivation: Both (mainly) intrinsic and extrinsic:
Intrinsic
    • I desire to restore faith /trust in myself and my abilities to plan realistically and execute accordingly
    • I desire to regain the ability to deliver results and keep promises.
    • I desire to reach deadlines, not to whoosh past them, not using them as triggers for starting.
    • I desire do produce creative, quality results.
    • I desire ease of mind wrt my key work project(s).
    • I desire to feel genuinely, intellectually tired at the end of the day
    • I desire to put my mental capacities into creative processes
    <EDIT: added following items>
    • I desire to plan realistically, and excute according to plan.
    • I desire to get more control over my destiny, actions, thoughts; and ultimately: feelings (allowing and accepting them and actively choosing to engage in them or not)
    • I desire to understand, accept and embrace my dark side, my (bright) shadow.
    • I desire to move on with my life, into a new phase, close a chapter, but first rewrite this, so i can be proud of it.
Extrinsic:
    • I desire that people are able to rely on me.
    <EDIT: added following items>
    • I desire to make my peers, friend and relatives proud.

C) I can relate with my past self, with the person i am doing this for. He was an innocent person with dreams, with goals, with lofty ambitions, without the issues and results related to procrastination. With aims, with time, with a future. I know i can make my younger version proud (again).


Last edited by SimonVerdiremulo on Tue Jan 31, 2017 5:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 28, 2017 11:23 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
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Location: UK
hello SV
and welcome to RN

Quote:
I hereby COMMIT to spend all of my available low energy (3-4.30PM and 8-10PM) times in FEBRUARY, on either recovering from PR OR working

:pe: :pe: :pe:

will this suffice?
what happens after February?
Why not commit TOTALLY?
Do you want recovery, really want it?
if so you need to live for it
if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: simonverdiremulo
PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2017 12:47 am 
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Thank you for your warm welcome, Kenzo!
I know and am grateful i am not alone on this journey.

To answer some of your constructive remarks:
Quote:
Will this be enough?

No, probably not. I do plan to continue working on this after ( in march and april) and spend more time a day if available. But those low energy/evening hours are my danger periods, my procrastination bane. I do have productive moments already, especially in the morning and early afternoon, so starting from these strengths and expanding on them makes sense, no?

Quote:
What happens after february

After february: my work enviornment will change drastically. So it is hard to commit that far up front, with practical timeslots. I will have made a good start on my journey by then and will have a better view on my needs in that phase.

Onwards to finalising my lesson 2 excercise now: life vision!


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 6:21 am 
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Excercise Day 2:
My vision/ values, following 7 steps as proposed by this topic, but in inverse order:
G) Collage of Vision: (done offline)
F) My 9 Domains: Meta, Spirit, Mental, Physical, Vocational, social, Willpower, Nutritional, Foundational. I tend to procrastinate in these 4 domains: Physical, Mental, Vocational, Social, but rarely/never in the other 5.
The difference in my approach between the two groups? I think i am more clear/adamant in outlining and sticking to my limits with goals/targets/plans in the other 5, than in these 4 problem areas.

E) My Alphabetical List of Values:
Ability, Adaptability, Articulacy, Attentiveness, Awareness, Balance,  Calmness, Challenge, Change, Character, Clear-mindedness, Cleverness, Compassion, Competence, Concentration, Confidence, Consistency, Cooperation, Creativity,  Dependability, Dreaming,  Eagerness, Economy, Elegance, Equinamity,Family, Fascination, Fearlessness, Flexibility, Flow, Focus,Gallantry,  Grace, Gratitude,  Harmony,  Imagination,  Individuality, Integrity, Intelligence, Intensity, Introversion, Knowledge, Learning,  Methodology, Mindfulness, Moderation, Mysteriousness, Open-Mindedness, Openness, Optimism, , Peace, Personal Growth, Perkiness, Playfulness, Pleasure, Presence, Professionalism, Purity, Purpose, Quirkiness, Resilience, Resolution, Resolve, Resourcefulness, Respect,  Restraint, Self-actualization, Self-control, Serenity, Shrewdness, Significance, Silliness, Sincerity, Skillfulness,  Specialness, Spirit,  Spunk, Synergy,  Thoughtfulness, Thrift, Tolerance, Transformation, Truthfulness Understanding, Uniqueness, Unity, Vision, Wackiness, Warmth,  Willpower, Yearning,  Zeal

D) Dream life:
Good work/life balance, : challenging technical job (…), be availble for my family and friends, excel at mentally challenging hobbies (…), be erudite and social, have a decent NW & own some status symbols (…), have certain technical and organisational skills (…),

C- Ideal self: Trustworthy, determined, clear, present, knowledgeable, playful, family-oriented,cheeky, synergy, catalyst

B- The very beginning: I used to be a very flexible and decisive kid, even downright rebellious. I knew what i wanted, and coud endure anything to obtain it. At the question "What do you want to become", i always replied "A statue! Famous, strong, immovable,examplar.". At this moment, i am not behaving like this kid anymore, I changed my ways, outgrew him and gave away/let fade this core, pure inner power, my power to decide and push through. Yet i can let this raw power be re-born from my internal, younger self, and harness it in my battle/resolution against PR. I am still the same person, deep within. I know how i did it before, i know and have experienced what i can do. i believe/know i can, and I shall!

A- Starting from the very end:
My preferred, ideal funeral speech would be:
"Thank you for freeing time in your busy schedule to attent this funeral of our beloved Simon. Today, i would like to honour the person he has been, the values he upheld and the fruits of his neverending perseverance , trough several speaches by people from his inner circle!"
A colleague: (on meta)
"His core strength was taking the big picture and break it down into main lines, sketching and planning them down into bit-sized, edible chuncks over a realistic timeline. He olny developed that last part, the efficacy at executing to plan, somewhere in the beginning of 2017, but reaped the benefits from it his entire carreer!"
A colleague: (vocational)
"Simon had an impact in my industry and company. He cooperated, catalysed, reasoned intelligently and constructively, put creative effort and energy into his work. His insights and analyses were invaluable, they radiated understanding, connection and affinity with the topic. Expertise abound, clear showing in all visualisations and reports."
A close friend (on social):
"He was available when needed, yet also immersed in a flow and focus zeal state in an instant, when it was time for work, hobbies or social events! He was present whenever in life conversation, in a quick IRC or long mail. Was at peace with listening, observing and allowing imperfections, giving advice only when asked."
His wife (on marital/social):
"My husband has succeeded in finding a balanced tradeoff between being a focussed workaholic, yet also spending ample time with his family and friends and his personal development. A truely genuine, balanced personality. Never wasting time on trivialities."
"His kids (on spiritual/social): "My dad always made time for play, for sharing laughs and tears, showing sincere interest. We could count on him, both for support and for guidance. He rarely judged or got angry, but instead always calmly took the time to explain standpoints, learn us how things could be done, and sparked our imagination with new skills and insights."
"His sport-club friends (on physical/nutritional):
"Simon was introvert, focussed on self-improvement, yet also appeared very aware of his body and the surroundings. Also higly aware of what his body could endure, his limits and influence of enviornment and nutrition on his body. Garbage in, garbage out. He really protected and maintained his body."
His grandkids (on values): "My granddad was a virtuous man. I want to be like him when i grow up: Calm, Balanced, Affluential, Earnest, Elegant, Focussed, Honest, with integrety. Keen, knowledge-driven, Logic, loyal, methodologic, meticulous, quirkiness, rigorously, reliable, self-controlled, shrewd, sincere, synergetic, trustworthy, understanding, wise, Yearning, Zealous. "


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 10:22 am 
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Exercise Day 3:
My drivers:

The primary ways that i derive stimulation from life.
Or, those areas that i want to derive stimulation from.
(Extracted values from prev excercise & defined 8 core values:

My 8 CORE values:
Challenge (P: tiers, growth), Compassion (U),Dependability (U,integrety), Flexibility (P, work/family), expertise (P knowledge and skills), Self-control (U,meaning), Serenity (P, bcbq), Uniqueness (U)

Drivers longlist
I want to be (W2B) / am driven by -in relation to PR, so focus on Voc, Soc and Mental! -:
• Balance, work/life (U, Meaning, P Flexibility).
• Accountable, Dependable & trustworthy Financially /vocation (P Honesty, Integrety U )
• Available for my kids & family (U,compassion, Dependability)
• Strong example, self control (P: respect, U Meaning )
• Planning , executing life's vision (P: Creativity U: Autonomy)
• Playful, optimistic, cheery, express myself in MS, games, sports and writing (P, Creativity, play, U meaning)
• W2B completing a challenging task (P, Challenge, growth, U self-respect)
• W2B on a mundane task( U, Dependability, Acceptance, Survival)
• W2B At peace in turmoil (P, serenity, U identity)
• Ride the power (P knowledge/control/flow, Autonomy)
• W2B physically and nutritionlly healty , able to do x (P uniqueness, U Security)
• W2B social (P: cooperation, U: Love)


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2017 4:47 am 
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Excercise Day 4: Values-based decision-making, instead of emotion-based!

Ideal order of priorization (wrt PR), based on my core values

Values :
• (legend) Values: action (details)
• Self control & serenety & Challenge: Publish and stick to pre-determined rules of conduct (kun, no-prop,no-mail).
• Dependability, integrety, focus & self actualisation: increase time & effort investment (8P p day)
• Competence & Knowledge : Embed insights into output: (at least 1 figure or 1 analsysis p day ).
• Fearlessness, introversion & Self control: Engage in required shadowwork and embrace /integrate my inner shadow (visit MScaves 3x/wk).
• Dependability & social & Awareness, synergy: Be present irl with wife & family (eves/weekends)
• Truthfullness & Honesty &Sincerity: Stay fully accountable , (personally , here, irl & on CM)
• Gratitude & Optimism: Feel grateful for all the opportunities, mindshifts and people i've encountered (irl, in books & online )


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2017 8:25 am 
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Hi Simon, i guess day 4 is about prioritizing all values of day 3.

P.S i know first 7 days are a little bit more challenging than others.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2017 8:12 am 
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@Pitermiter Thank you. This is hard work indeed, but the progress is very tangible as well, so imho it is definitely worth it!

Excercise Day 5:
Cont of exc day 4.

I will (need to learn to) derive the majority of life's meaning and fulfillment from these 10-15 remaining, weekly active values :

Active values: actions (details) , #frequency @location:
• Self-actualisation, focus & competence: Put heart and soul into vocational output! Live and breathe your work! (single task , <8 windows open.) #allthe time , @PC
• Serenety & focus & Integrety : Stick to planned pomo's religiously. If not succesful, complete more in evening #Eve@home (stick). If success: pick someting from #Eve@Fishbowl (carrot).
• Competence: Complete analysis on one graph every day & write 100WED #@PC
• Fearlessness: It is ok to have a lesser day some times. Generating no output during a pomo is acceptable at this point (but incongruent with above values), entering in PR behaviour (youtube/mail) is NOT acceptable . Focus on recovery and understanding the why & #Why@Medit room
• Introversion: Do shadow work (these excercises) . #1/d @RN
• Gratitude: State top 3 of thank you's . So many blessings! #morn +eve@onenote
• Dependency & Truthfullness : Stay fully accountable. Plan, set targets and Review progress towards them. #Eve@CM
<added value(s) below>
• Social & Sillyness & Play: yes; an abundance of time for play and ardor, not overlapping/harming performance in any way! In between pomos, at lost, stolen moments. #Plenty@mail
• Awareness, synergy: Be present of slips , log them! When? Why? Avoidable? Transmutable?

Inactive, non-triggered values (removed atm):
Purity of thought (vice => working on this virtue later, from may onwards) #May@nom


Last edited by SimonVerdiremulo on Mon Feb 13, 2017 4:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2017 9:34 am 
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Excercise Day 6: Led by the workshop, Continuing on outpt from ex. 5,
and inspired from 2 other sources.

GOAL:
Develop Proactive Action Plans for two or three of the more simple ones. … . Post these plans into your recovery thread.

INSPIRATIONS:
Highlyinspired by blogger ajfortuna and
Timothy Pychyl - "Solving the Procrastination Puzzle" (chapter 1)

"The ordinary game: How can i outwit myself, how can i one-up me"
"The very reason you want to be better now, is the reason why you aren't: <cause you don't have the right strat!>"


Some background:

Definition of PR (Timothy Pychyl): "Needless, voluntary delay."

What causes it ?
Biasses:
Temporal discounting: Today's happiness is more important than Tomorrow's cost. (NOT TRUE).
Denial


COST of PR: Consequences?
Feeling happy, instant gratification, BUT:
Lying to myself. Social repercussion. Delay. Needless suffering. Stress. Failing to get on with life. ¨Possibly health problems. Denial. Distraction. Trivialisation. Forgetting! Dissapointments. Regret.


Implement good, adaptive coping mechanisms:
A healthy response is:
Plan & find solutions => Plan D+1
Just get started => Eat frog first!
Regulate your emotions => e.g. Meditate PM.
PRE-COMMIT: => Plan kün & P, and execute to plan.
Increase costs of giving in: <self control>, <internet block>

PROACTIVE Measures
• BE more active, live more fully around your procrastination. <Eve/night, other tiers, learn more>
• Enjoy the journey <Focus on the now, on the process itself>
Happiness is PURSUING Goals, not running away from it. Define another, less scary (sub-)goal, and focus on that.
<I'll Change my inner landscape, from fear <Acxo , CC> to e.g. Pride <house, Tol, forest,Gratitude,Introversion>, Curiosity <insula>, Interest,self-actualisation,competence <Sxi, library>, drive to succeed <Garden,Integrety >>>


Self-starters:
• Just start NOW
• I don't just know it mentally, but feel/act it!
• Do not just work under pressure, but according to plan.
• Motivation is not needed to start.
• You know what you have to do, now act on it.
• Good work is self-propelling and creates motivation.
• PR's a symptom of being in the rut. Time to climb out!


MANTRA:
I shall NOT succumb to PR <CC, acxo>,EVER! Behaviours rewarded, are repeated.
Thus i shall become aware, change patterns w help of <SS, sxi>.

Remember the why's:
COSTS of giving in
Benefits of NOT giving in


Reactive Countermeasures:
• List PR slips and LEARN from them.
• Strengthen and commit the PLAN to my goal:
• Write out WHY i want it
• Write out why i want to WORK on it!
• Make a list of justifications you use, and Use these thoughts as trigger to make healthy response instead.
• Remember the cost of PR!


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2017 9:38 am 
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Day 7-9 (will update this post over the weekend):

Tasks for this exercise:
• Action plans are not static, they must evolve.RE-evaluate regularly!
• You will need to CONTINUE to take full responsibility for evolving these tools.
• Make a personal system !

So, cont. on day 4.

Action plans unchanged:

PRECOMMIT: Kun! <<== THE KEY to david's house! (self control, serenity, challenge)
CREATE: MAKE 1 new fig or WRITE 1 analysis a day! =>> Plan this for a whole week, on Sun.
HUG: no output sometimes, is acceptable at this point not all the time. entering PR (youtube/mail/rabithole) is NOT
KNOW: Why & #Why@Medit room & do shadow work #1/d @RN
TU: State top 3 of thank you's . So many blessings! #morn +eve@onenote
OPEN: Accountable. Plan and Review #Eve@CM
PLAY: allowed/obligatory #Plenty @NoPR



Action plans updated/refined!

SPEND: 8+p/D, pref 4P(=pp) @WD, & 2+p @WE
If Success: #Eve@Fishbowl (Carrot).
FOCUS <8 progs open, <5 tabs.)=>tab limiter addin!. Single task, but soft music OK (youtube/offline): Full Focus needed. (dependability, integrety, focus, self actualisation
TRACK: * Tracking System online: Onenote Welcome page/day, for TASK & Day management (pomos/cofee, motivation, affirmation; gratitudes, and review pane. +buffer & mind sweep area). Can be done offline /on paper too. takes 5+5 mins a day, & gives great feedback!
CHECK:Include weekly review on Sunday, outside 2p@we.

update:
Conflict w R (Social) ==> Discussed & partially solved/improved.
Action plan for further improvement made.


Other (minor) addictions: M,C,S. (self control) => Now stabilised, but improvements on hold (focus on NoPR.

Performance gap: recovery plan (Awareness, Sincerity):
Plan Made: 3 week plan, daily action. With possibility to extend plan 6 more weeks if needed.


Todo's:

Make action plan for:

Sun: [*] Performance gap: comumnication (Accountability/ Truthfullness)


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2017 9:31 am 
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Excercise 10: Pfew, i thought things were going to get easier,
but this is very a challenging one!

>> 'You have also learned how to manipulate the way that you perceive yourself'
>> you have in essence sold your soul (integrity, honor, genuineness, etc.) for a 'Get out of responsibility free' card.
I do/did manipulate myself and others, and sold my soul many times over, just to skip accountability.

>> your commitment to live in congruence with your values.
>> manage and use those values, use them as a reflection of who you are
>> Embrace the responsibility, the consequences for your past.
>> it is not too late. It is never too late if you are sincere in why you are sharing.
I Want to. I Will. I Am committing to this.Yes, i live and execute in congruence with my values.
Motto: "It's never too late if you are sincere"

>> Many things. Painful things. Shameful things.
>> Share everything openly. But, learn and maintain your own boundaries in relation to sharing
>> share those thoughts and experiences. NOT “Report them.” Intimately. Vulnerably. Imperfectly
>>Consider those lies that are still being perpetuated in your life.
* I flunked from work many times (50 times? 75 maybe? @4hrs each, 300 hrs...) in the past few years, esp. for geocaching, reading, shopping, to avoid working and facing my difficulties and deamons at work.
* I used plenty of reasons to get away from desk: coffee, toilet, medit, phone call, kids (see list below)
* At computer, i often squandered my time, procrastinated from what i knew/know what i needed to do (working). Instead, i was visiting fora i shouldn't, designing irrelevant items, answering mail leads and questions that lead nowhere, reading obscure pages online: so many full days and available moments went through the drain in this manner (e.g. 250 days, ~2 hrs each! = 500 h).
* Often made empty promises to my supervisors which i did not deliver/follow up on, able to prolong things as-is without effort.
* Hid under the appearant safety of bad followup.
* Made ambitious plans when asked for and abandoned them a day after, w/o feedback.

>> Who was/am i deceiving with RN:
* Friends and family: making them wait, hope and give up so much for me, in vain.
* My supervisors: do not deliver results/ progress.
* and lastly, but mostly: Myself. I dissapointed myself, made me feel unworthy, unethical, deceiving, cheating, lying, inhonest, unreliable.

Why i am /was deceiving them & myself:
* Fear of failure
* Fear of missing out, of fun, family, life
* Fear of not being worthy
* Fear of working, getting tired, being exploited

>> The appearent 'risks' of coming clean:
* (Justified) anger and frustration of those around me
* Missing out on opportunities
* shame for admitting failure
* Drop in status

>>in a partnership
Yes i am, and i still do partially deceive those around me (wife, friends, colleages) and even myself (I still have slip-days now and then). I am not completely honest about my status to myself or my surrounding, always hoping i can still recover/ catch up without them noticing. My plans are equally ambitious, irrealistic. I am still sabotaging my own foundation through this*.
<EDIT: No more! Opened up honestly to supervisors/ family members. And increased work effort to catch up.>

* This happened before in another context, but back then, others noticed and jumped in to fix the issue(s) before it became a huge problem. I was never confronted with the problem, till now.
However, now i am not in a supported situation, so i will have to get out of it myself and fix things, or it will blow up in my face.

Why?! Fears above. I am aware that this needs to be resolved, or at least opened, before i can continue my RN recovery track on PR with full commitment. However, while accountability is important, PR is also a personal, mental struggle, so personal accountability is most crucial. And i do take personal accountability, but not social accountability from my enviornment atm.

>> What triggers/locations i use for my PR:
* Online: Mail, CM, (&lesser extend: Medium, youtube, twitter, fora)
* Drinks: coffee/water
* Long lunch w chat & games.
* Toilet breaks: coupled with drinks
* Meditation breaks
* Email about humdrum.
* audiobooks & Music.
* Kids/wife obligations.
* Non-important or non-urgent tasks.
* Exhuberant Planning instead of diving in and working.
* Doing a random item, instead of dedicated, focussed slow deep work.


Last edited by SimonVerdiremulo on Mon Feb 13, 2017 4:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2017 8:05 am 
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Excercise 11:

Behaviours wrt PR
• Avoiding the work, by actively looking for other occupations & excuses(Solution => )
○ Finding excuses : Mood/ Emotions. Lack of sleep/excersise => Reasons or results
Running errands /quenching fires => Do After 3PM
Saying just 1-2 hrs left, not worth starting… => A Pomo is enough!
Games => Max 1 game @ noon, till submitted!
Coffee => stop by noon, Tea!
Other important yet inurgent tasks => Later! Stick to dayplan now
Just one mail => After 3PM. => EDIT: None

• Downplaying the need/urgency/importance of the task at hand.
○ Mentally disingage while involved => Remember the why. For Ire.
Not following plan. => Review Plan daily: morning & eve
Thinking of other things/people: NO => No/minimal mail & CM 9-12, 13-16h => EDIT: None
Not giving my 100%. => One purpose. DCA. Eliminate all the rest for now.

○ Multitasking in between (to ease the pain, but also slowing pace considerably):
§ Helping colleagues => not during Pomo, PM only! => headphones
Music (vocals), => Non-vocals / classical or minimal sound, inaudible?
audiobooks, vocals => in car!

Elements
• Fear / Shame leads to feeling bad & giving in. =>> do Shadow work (medit), focus, breathing
• Interaction on others to fix things/cover for me:
○ Wife ==> She's done so much. Got lay low on her, comfort her
Kids They do not deserve this. Deserve my availability. => 6:30-7:30 AM, 5-7 PM
Colleagues => They are not responsible for my work.
Friends => No eve's/nights till i finish! => Cancel it.
Hobbies => No design; no TP solving.
Rituals:
• Bad: Start with good intentions, break down in afternoon. => Review plan & why in afternoon (medit/breath)
• Good: short Medit 1/d (PM)
• Good: Start & log Pomodori timers!
• Good: Close all but <8 windows.

Cues/triggers:
• Phone Notifications / Mail Disable internet during Kun (option?).
• Internal: 'just one before i start' Click it. No open window.

Boundaries breached
• Pomo breaching => declared VOID!
• Breaching self-control at times => Minus 1 Pomo that day?
• Hurting myself & surroundings, in short & long run => remember the why! Could have friggin holidays now!

More to follow!


Last edited by SimonVerdiremulo on Thu Feb 09, 2017 8:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2017 8:13 am 
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E12:

Patterns in me & recovery
>> Take an objective look at your current thoughts and behaviors. And then to compare those behaviors to others who have thought similarly.
I see myself belonging to the 3rd or 4th group.
I still want and work to get out of this rut. But am facing many obstacles, as i didn't want it at any cost, not always going all required extra miles (like group 3 does).

I shall not give in, not give up. YOK! And i have gotten a boost now.

Typical patterns:
I want it all, which is irrealistic.
Tend to be experienced as exhausting
Frequent (+-1/week) relapse, resulting in anger, guilt,shame.
Afraid of looming deadline(s), afraid of not reaching them.
Defective, fatalistic mindset
Creating turbulence on purpose => looking for variability, instability, to use as excuse
Designing Fake Recovery plans over and over again, feeling grandiose at first, but do limited followup and make no progress.
Lacking execution.
Over-analysing.
No willingness to change core, my being, my underlying self.
Not letting go.

I am at a crossroads indeed:
Reasons or Results?
Chaos or Stability?
short term or or Long term?
Over-Planning or Small Progress?
Low or High?
Distracted or focussed?
Unhappy or Satisfied?
Certain Defeat or Possible victory?

>>Do i take a chance on being one of the rare exceptions that display the patterns, but not the fate.
No! Yok. There is NOT a road in between.
I choose the high road, and have to face all consequences. Long days. Result. Stability. Small progress. Focussed.

Have to be much more Ruthless in my approach to victory:

(How obvious can it get?! Why did i miss that all these times before, even if i've been told a hundred times?!)
:e: :?

Drastic yet healty, sustainable measures are needed, and available right in front of me!
  • Save brain power and energy for essential few:
  • No more distractions, esp not online. => no CM, no mail. => Can gain me 4 hrs per day! (2 for family, 2hr work/free)!
  • Instead, Breathe & smile: Depressed ppl use 10% of our brains, when happy: 50+%...
    [img size = 100p]http://www.jeremyperson.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/mayoDepressedBrain.jpg[/img]
  • Logging is irrelevant. Only process and progress counts.
    (or can be done on paper)
  • No irl arguing/bickerking over details w wife,
    instead take this time for irl connection and proactive
  • No energy draining activities
    instead: Charging activities: medit, reading, play, sports.
    Need to up Review & short feedback cycles. Reread what worked, journal.


Last edited by SimonVerdiremulo on Thu Feb 09, 2017 9:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2017 9:44 am 
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Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2017 3:09 pm
Posts: 20
Location: Earth
E13: (link to healty recovery.) Linked to the end of E12.
I see myself as being in Middle Recovery : "Actual Recovery"

What matters is not the past, but the #Now: need to change the present.
Driven by a dream, by faith/knowledge i have it in me, to write a life chapter i can be proud of, rather than a desire to slide my way through.
Now is the time to decide and live up to it.
Focus is on Developing new, positive patterns that will take the place of those related to the addiction.
Key question: “Does THIS take me closer to, or further from my goal?”

I still lack skills in managing their urges, so may convert them into helping, constructive patterns.
Triggers are an opportunity for motivation. Failure is a learning experience!
I am becoming a healthy person that once used addiction to manage their life, but now can choose.
There is continuous process of growth and development, rather than an episodic inter-city with starts and stops.

Took long, hard look at anything associated with my destructive past, and voluntarily made the decision to remove these from my life. Better late than never.
Made commitment: will make it up to people in other, more healthy ways, (other times, 3 wks from now).
Surroundings can see the changes taking place, but remain unable to commit to their partners fully

Todo: Need to shift to Late recovery later on.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:25 am 
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Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2017 3:09 pm
Posts: 20
Location: Earth
Exercise 14:

Daily monitoring:
Already do this as a part of daily work planning (morning)/reviewing (eve), but revised the template slightly towards values & PR monitoring:

Beginning of day:

a) List of Next actions today:
1 MIT: MUST do, 1-3 SHOULDs, 1-5 maybe's) + Pomo estimate for each
b) Intrinsic/extrinsic motivation:
Key mission today: Write Affirmation/Goal.
Level of presense/excitement (/10 & /10)
Does this MIT help me to reach goal? Is WASTING today affordable? Key contingency plan?
5/25 idea? (Fishbowl)
Braindump
C) 3 gratitudes (morning)



During day:

D) Buffer IN
E)Tracking Counters (all maximise!) in 4 categories:
WORK / ENERGY / RECOVERY / social management:
1) work (vocational):
# Pomo's, time@W, (new) #WED
# Disconnectivity / connectivity (Phone: measured + PC: guess) .

2) ENERGY (body & nutrition) :
# Tea's+water - Coffee.
(new) Did i do Sports? HS, yoga, cardio, stretching?

3) RECOVERY (spiritual & foundational):
# hrs Sleep + meditation.

4) Social:
(new) # Q-moments - BCBQ slips



End of day:
F) 3 gratitudes (eve)
G) Q-Review:
Efficacity? Efficiency? Surprises? Feelings? Lessons? Wins?
Did I live, love, matter?
Freewrite (moved from morning to eve)


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