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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2017 10:45 am 
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Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 6
Hi
I am in my 50s, have a good job, a nice family and a fabulous spouse. But I have been a sex addict for many years. I want to stop now. I want to change the way I behaved. I want to be my spouse's best friend. I want to be able to look at my spouse's face and not make any excuses or lies because I went out for sex. I want to build and strengthen my ties with my family. I want to be positive in life, be happy, make people around me happy.

It was difficult admit that I was a sex addict. But having done so, I am determined to stop my addiction. I am seeing a psychologist. I have the support of my spouse. I am sure I can make it.

When I was caught, my spouse was devastated. For months, my spouse could not come to terms why I did it. Divorce was inevitable. I had to beg to let me stay and I promise I would change. Change I did but it was short lived. I broke my spouse heart again two more times. The most recent incident was in Dec 2016.

My spouse gave me a last chance to stay with the family for we are getting older in our years BUT I must change and seek help. It will be lonely to live alone esp in our golden years. I accepted my spouse's forgiveness and conditions. I said YES, I WILL CHANGE. I must free myself from the addiction, seek help to break this damn habit. I love my family. I want my family. I want to put my family's happiness first instead of satisfying my selfish addiction.

I want to spend the rest of my life with my spouse n family. I want to be my spouse's best friend n lover. I do not want to sneak out for sex anymore.
I am seeking professional help to guide me thru my recovery. I have been slow to start with the lessons. But I promised myself that I will get to it and go thru it. I will complete the process. I want to emerge a champion.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2017 11:35 am 
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Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 6
Lesson 1 Exercises:
Consider where you feel you are in relation to each of these recovery keys? Briefly share your thoughts in your Recovery Thread.

A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:

1) actively committing yourself to change
After getting caught, it is kind of relief because I don't want to lie anymore. It is difficult to continuing lying to satisfy my sexual urge. Now I can tell my spouse what I am thinking freely without thinking of sex and making excuses. I want to free myself from the sex addiction I once had. It was causing lots of distraction including my work. I want to spend more time with my spouse, go for walks, holidays, enjoy hobbies, cinema, food. I want to spend more quality time with my family. I want to see their family grow in time to come. If not for this therapy / recovery, I don't think I would ever be able to.
If I have more time on my hands, I want to take up new hobbies, do something different and challenging. I may do some charity work in the future.
More importantly, I would never stop loving my spouse no matter how old I am.
This is going to be tough work. But I shall not give up!

2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
I am not proud to be a sex addict. But I am not ashamed now that I have admitted it to my spouse. Not many people knew about it besides my spouse n family.
More importantly, I am determined to kick the bad habit. With guidance, will, love and support from concerned family members, I believe I can achieve my goal to be addiction free.

3) allowing yourself time to change.
I hope it will take sooner than later to cure of my addiction. I believe that there are many things to learn, master and practice. I believe that the road to recovery may be subjected to setbacks along the way. With perseverance, dedication, will and support, all can be overcome. But if there are delays, I am not going to give up. I will continue my dedication to the recovery process. There is no hurry. But there must be a winner... me!


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2017 7:48 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3853
Location: UK
Hello Change
great that you have now posted in the right forum
so welcome to RN
so you got caught
so did I and believe me when although it did not feel so at the time it was the best worst day of my life
I opened my eyes and for the first time in decades saw the truth
the more I saw the more I sought
yes it was tough, painful destructive but it did allow me to build new foundations
you can do this to

if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination


remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
Right now I believe that you are here for your wife and family as well as for you, and that is OK , for now
ultimately and in order to achieve what you aspire to achieve then you need to be here for you and you alone

you need to prove first and foremost to yourself that you are worthy, and you are so, even if you hate yourself right now, I did
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2017 10:55 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 6
Kenzo
Thank you for your encouragement.
I will have to try very hard. I don't mind it. As long as I know it will lead me to be free again.
Yes, my spouse and family are top priority now. You are right. Ultimately it must be for myself or else it is difficult to convince oneself if one is doing the correct thing.
I am slow in doing my exercises. But I will do my work here and recover from the destruction in me.
Talk later.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 03, 2017 7:02 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3853
Location: UK
Hi Change
Quote:
I will have to try very hard. I don't mind it. As long as I know it will lead me to be free again.
Yes, my spouse and family are top priority now. You are right. Ultimately it must be for myself or else it is difficult to convince oneself if one is doing the correct thing.
I am slow in doing my exercises. But I will do my work here and recover from the destruction in me.
Talk later.


I do hope that you meant this
but it has been a while
what do you have to lose?
I know what you have to gain and hence say to you that it really is a no brainer
watching this space
:pe:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 11:46 am 
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Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 6
Hi.... I have slacked. I thought I can recover without doing the workshop. I was wrong. I was doing ok until last week.
Last week, in a moment of weakness, I tried to hook up to see an escort. It was raining and I was late. The person probably left. I left too after 10 mins or so. I was glad I did not make contact. But the intent was wrong.
My spouse found out. We had another tense period. I told what happened. But my spouse finds it difficult to believe. I seek help. I was told that I need to channel my energy to proper use. I need to do my homework.
Here I am. I will continue to do my work and continue my recovery.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 25, 2017 11:30 am 
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Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 6
1) Lesson 1 exercises - Give 10 to 15 reasons why you seek to permanently change your life
1 I want to be a honest and happy man.
2 I want to stay with my wife in our family. Grow old together.
3 I want to share everything with my wife n family. No more secrets.
3 I want to make my wife happy. My family happy. They mean a lot to me.
4 I want to be intimate with my wife. Doesn't need to be sex. Just closeness.
5 I want my family esp my wife to trust me 100% in everything I do.
6 I want to give up my past and not live in guilt.
7 I want to spend quality time with family. Go for meals, sit down to chat, take walks together, go for breaks.
8 I want my family to be close, to find joy in each other, to enjoy each other.
9 I want to spend time taking up some past hobbies I left out… photography, music
10 I want to do good, to help others in need, underprivileged. Bring some joy to them.
11 I want to lead a healthy life. Play sports. Eat well.
12 I want to be able to look after my wife as she had looked after me these years.
13 I want to be able to see people as they are, not sex objects.
14 I want my family that I can change because it is for me rather than for them But ultimately, everyone wins.
15. I want to be close to my family. They are my everything.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 25, 2017 11:30 am 
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Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 6
1) Lesson 1 exercises - Give 10 to 15 reasons why you seek to permanently change your life
1 I want to be a honest and happy man.
2 I want to stay with my wife in our family. Grow old together.
3 I want to share everything with my wife n family. No more secrets.
3 I want to make my wife happy. My family happy. They mean a lot to me.
4 I want to be intimate with my wife. Doesn't need to be sex. Just closeness.
5 I want my family esp my wife to trust me 100% in everything I do.
6 I want to give up my past and not live in guilt.
7 I want to spend quality time with family. Go for meals, sit down to chat, take walks together, go for breaks.
8 I want my family to be close, to find joy in each other, to enjoy each other.
9 I want to spend time taking up some past hobbies I left out… photography, music
10 I want to do good, to help others in need, underprivileged. Bring some joy to them.
11 I want to lead a healthy life. Play sports. Eat well.
12 I want to be able to look after my wife as she had looked after me these years.
13 I want to be able to see people as they are, not sex objects.
14 I want my family that I can change because it is for me rather than for them But ultimately, everyone wins.
15. I want to be close to my family. They are my everything.


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