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PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2017 6:06 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 7:23 pm
Posts: 28
Lesson 1 Exercises:
A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:
1) actively committing yourself to change
2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
3) allowing yourself time to change.
Consider where you feel you are in relation to each of these recovery keys? Briefly share your thoughts in your Recovery Thread.
B. Beyond an active commitment to change, another important factor in determining your ultimate success is your motivation. Look deep inside and list ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life. Don't stop at three or four obvious ones, really examine your life and what is important to you. Phrase these in the positve. For example: " I don't want to keep deceiving my wife" would serve you better if written like "I want to be honest and transparent with my wife". Positive statements have much more power in our mindset than negative ones. List these in your recovery thread.

I am actively committed to change. I have only been on RN for a few weeks but am in a Celebrate Recovery program, read Joe Zychik's book, journaling, involved in Feed the right Wolf workbook, etc. So I have been sober from masturbation and hardcore porn for 6 years. but had gone back to seeking pictures of mostly naked women on the internet for the last 3 years or so. I had tried to quit on my own and now realize I needed the tools to recover. I have overcome the shame/guilt that is unhealthy and harmful. I realize that it will take time and I am committed to WHATEVER it takes.

Motivations:
1. I want complete honesty and openness with my wife. My lying and deceit has been a main problem in our entire marriage.
2. I want to be the man and husband that my wife wants and deserves me to be.
3. I want to be the child of God, man and husband He created me to be.
4. I want to be an example and role model for my grandchildren.
5. I want to help my children with their own demons, by sharing my recovery with them and making amends to them as best I can.
6. I want my self respect and dignity.
7. I want to be proud of myself.
8. I want to devote all of my sexual satisfaction to my wife and her only.
9. I want to be physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy.
10. I want to be a positive and effective witness for God and His power.
11. I want to see trust, safety and security in my wife's eyes again.
12. I want to be free and clean.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2017 11:22 pm 
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Posts: 28
Lesson 2 Vision for my Life


1.Commitment to a right relationship with God. I have spent my life being a checkmark Christian. I knew all the right answers but had not moved them to my heart and lived them. I have surrendered myself, my will to Him, seeking to serve Him first, my wife next, then family, then others and then myself.


2.I choose to be committed to being the husband my wife deserves and that God created me to be. This would include sharing my feelings, emotions, heart, fears, joys, EVERYTHING with her. Intimacy in every area of my life, with her.


3.Openness and honesty: This goes along with #2, allows and enhances sharing and vulnerability. I want pure, honest, clean intimacy with my wife in every area of my life.


4.I want to be an asset to my church family through teaching, serving, edification. Putting others needs before my own.


5.I want to be healthy. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.


6.I want to provide safety and security for my wife again.


7.I want to help my children with the damage I have caused in their lives. To give some explanation, clarification, and hopefully help them mend.


8.I want to take my wife to as many snorkel beaches as I possibly can. As well as other travel to interesting places we have not yet been.

9.I want to do everything I can to help my wife heal. Support, encouragement, success in my recovery, and everything I learn in this program to help me accomplish that. Not to undo the damage I have done to her, I can’t do that, but to have a partner (and partnership) that is healthy and normal


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:55 pm 
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Posts: 28
Exercise 3 Values


1.I want to live with integrity


2.I want to live with compassion


3.I want to strengthen my role as a partner to my wife


4.I want to strengthen my role as a father to my children


5.I want to strengthen my role as a grandfather to my grandchildren


6.I want to strengthen my role as a son to my mom


7.I want to show appreciation for others


8.I want to give of myself and my time to others


9.I want to spend time with God in prayer and His word daily


10.I want to serve others


11.I want to be playful


12.I want to stay active


13.I want to be dependable


14.I want to be trusted


15.I want to be a man of my word


16.I want to be selfless


17.I want to be honest and open


18.I want to put others needs before my own


19.I want to be humble


20.I want to be considerate of myself


21.I want to be a role model for my family


22.I want to be reliable


23.I want to be a role model for others


24.I want to travel be adventurous


25.I want to show love to my wife


26.I want to show love to others


27.I want to be loved by others


28.I want to develop emotional maturity


29.I want to recover from my addiction and character flaws


30.Physical health


31.Emotional health


32.Mental health


33.Spiritual health


34.I want to be sincere and effective teacher at church


35.I want physical intimacy with my wife


36.I want emotional intimacy with my wife


37.I want spiritual intimacy with my wife


38.I want intimacy with God


39.I want to develop sustained friendships


40.I want to encourage my wife


41.I want to support my wife


42.I want to trust others


43.I want to develop patience


44.I want to share my true self with others


45.Wisdom


46.I want to be connected to my own feelings


47.Appreciate God’s creation


48.Freedom


49.I want to feel needed by my wife


50.I want to feel needed by others


51.Improving my social interactions


52.Vulnerability


53.Sacrifice for my wife


54.Sacrifice for others


55.Fidelity


56.Communicate better


57.Communicate my feelings


58.Be happy


59.Responsible


60.Forgiveness


61.Realistic


62.Personal growth/development


63.Open-minded to beliefs and values of others


64.Tolerant


65.Self-discipline


66.Maturity


67.Be a good husband


68.Be a good father


69.Be a good son


70.Be a good brother


71.Be a good grandfather


72.Be loyal



Negative

1.Selfishness


2.Pride


3.Ego


4.Arrogance


5.Willfulness


6.Stubbornness


7.Hypocritical


8.Deceitful


9.Lying (half truths, embellishment)

I am revising and adding some things I have thought about and discussed with my wife:

10. Instant gratification
11. Fantasizing
12. Objectifying
13. Making assumptions
14. Keeping things to myself (emotions, feelings, thoughts) or putting off talking them out


Last edited by Bevo on Fri Mar 03, 2017 3:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:49 pm 
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Posts: 28
Lesson 4 Prioritizing Values


1.I want to spend time with God in prayer and His word daily.


2.Intimacy with God


3.Spiritual health


4.I want to strengthen my role as a partner to my wife


5.To be honest and open


6.I want to be selfless


7.I want to show love for my wife


8.Emotional health


9.Intimacy with my wife


10.Communicate better


11.Be a good husband


12.I want to live with integrity


13.I want to be a man of my word


14.I want to develop emotional maturity


15.Spiritual intimacy with my wife


16.Emotional intimacy with my wife


17.Physical intimacy with my wife


18.I want to encourage my wife


19.I want to support my wife


20.Sacrifice for my wife


21.Live with compassion


22.Be humble


23.I want to give of myself and my time to others


24.I want to be a man of my word


25.I want to be trusted


26.I want to strengthen my role as a father to my children


27.I want to strengthen my role as a grandfather to my grandchildren


28.I want to strengthen my role as a son to my mom


29.I want to show appreciation for others


30.I want to serve others


31.I want to be playful


32.I want to stay active


33.I want to be dependable


34.I want to put others needs before my own


35.I want to be considerate of myself


36.I want to be a role model for my family


37.I want to be reliable


38.I want to to a role model for others


39.I want to show love to others


40.I want to be loved by others


41.I want to develop emotional maturity


42.I want to recover from my addiction and character flaws


43.Spiritual health


44.Physical health


45.Emotional health


46.Mental health


47.I want to be a sincere and effective teacher at church


48.I want to develop sustained friendships


49.I want to trust others


50.Develop patience


51.Share my true self with others


52.Wisdom


53.I want to be connected to my own feelings


54.Appreciate God’s creation


55.Freedom


56.I want to feel needed by my wife


57.Feel needed by others


58.Improve my social interactions


59.Vulnerability


60.Sacrifice for others


61.Fidelity


62.Communicate my feelings


63.Be happy


64.Responsible


65.Forgiveness


66.Realistic


67.Personal growth/development


68.Open-minded to beliefs and values of others


69.Tolerant


70.Self-discipline


71.Maturity


72.Be a good father


73.Be a good grandfather


74.Be a good son


75.Be a good brother

76.Be loyal


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:58 pm 
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Posts: 28
Lesson 5 Value Congruency


Top 15 I am combining some because they are related. I am also revisiting this and amending. I am unsure whether to remove some and replace with others, or to use the others as bullet points under a similar or related topic. Anyway, a work in progress

1.Spiritual Health/Intimacy with God


2.Strengthen my role as a partner with my wife


3.To be honest and open


4.I want to show love to my wife


5.Intimacy with my wife/Sexual, Emotional, Physical, Conversational, Affection


6.I want to be selfless


7.Communicate better


8. Health Physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual


9.I want to strengthen my role as a father to my children


10.I want to strengthen my role as a grandfather to my grandchildren


11.Live with integrity


12.I want to serve others


13.Encourage and support my wife


14.Travel


15.Be trusted


Last edited by Bevo on Fri Mar 03, 2017 3:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2017 12:33 pm 
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Posts: 28
Lesson 6 Proactive Action Plan I


SPIRITUAL HEALTH/INTIMACY WITH GOD

1.For the last several months, I start my day renewing my covenant with God and my wife (Job 31:1-4


1.I pray that God will help me and walk and talk with me throughout the day (Eph 6:10-18 and 2 Corinthians 10:3-6)


2.My wife and I started a Youversion daily bible reading plan (Jan 1 for her, Jan 2 for me. We read and discuss every day


3.I try to go to God in prayer at least every hour or so throughout my day.


4.My wife and I pray together every night in bed before we go to sleep.


5.My wife and I have committed to preparing and serving a meal for our church family before our Wednesday evening services, two weeks out of every six.


6.I just finished teaching a Wed night class on clothing ourselves in Christ and asked to be put more regularly in the teaching rotation



COMMUNICATE BETTER

1.For several weeks, I have gotten into the habit of sharing my thoughts and feelings with my wife. At 1st, at least 3 times a day. Now I try to do so just as every day conversation, as I think and experience those thoughts and feelings


2.I try to make sure I am communicating what I really mean. I have long had a problem with making assumptions and am trying to break that by asking for clarification from others and asking questions like “what did you hear or what did you get from what I said”


3.I have begun developing carrying on everyday conversations about simple things, like admiring God’s creation, new things I am hearing (just got hearing aids), birds that fly and sing in our yard, things concerning our workouts (my wife and I workout 5 days a week together), sermons, and just everyday life


4.I had a lengthy conversation with a young man and we talked about everything from politics, religion, music and life. It was amazing for me. I actually listened to what he had to say and asked questions to get his point of view! This is huge for me. I have LONG carried on conversations just for the sake of winning an argument, or proving I know more, or proving I am right. Not hearing what the other person is saying, but preparing my next statements.



HEALTH

1.I have started eating better. More vegetables, salads, prepared meals (grilling), and regular meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner)


2.My wife and I do a walk video every morning. 30 minutes on Mon, Wed, and Fri and 40 minutes on Tue, Thur. I never would have done a “women’s” walk video before...too prideful. It wasn’t MANLY


3.Mon, Wed, and Fri we lift weights together. Again, for the most part, we do the same exercises, with the same weights (except for bench). I no longer feel the need to “prove” myself by doing more and skipping exercises that make me “look bad”. I have had several shoulder surgeries, so on shoulder exercises, my wife can actually do more or easier than I can


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 02, 2017 2:24 pm 
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Posts: 28
Lesson 10 The Concept of Absolute Honesty


6 years ago my wife discovered I had been actively seeking porn on the internet. I had been exposed to a Playboy magazine when I was maybe 10-11 (I am now 58). I had also discovered masturbation as an early teen and I had masturbated off and on for all those years. Confronted, I went into survival mode, excusing, justifying, etc. I had been raised in the church and “knew” that I was wrong, about my lust, my deceitfulness, pride, arrogance, hypocrisy, basically all my “values” that I let everyone else see, but kept my secret life from everyone, including God, or so I convinced myself. At the time, 6 years ago, I believed that God took my temptations away and I read books and articles about abstinence (every man’s battle, marriage, etc.) and got rid of all porn related videos, etc. I also quit masturbating. Approximately 3 years ago, I allowed myself to click on a picture from a relatively innocent source (foxsports), of a scantily clad female. I convinced myself that it wasn’t the same as porn, that it wasn’t that bad, that all guys do it, and so on. Over the next 3 years, I progressed from “innocently” coming across pictures to actively seeking then searching for them. From “Babes for Trump, to hot girls on instagram, to whatever model or actress was in the news. October 15, 2016, my wife discovered these. Again, immediately, I went into crisis mode. However, over the next few weeks, with her asking every question I could think of, and many I could not, I began to realize I had a real problem. Not just with the pictures (no x-rated, couples having sex, etc but some nudity), but also with my “values”, character flaws, and the fact that I never developed skills I should have growing up. Such as, sharing my feelings, thoughts and emotions, effective communication, even admitting I experienced emotions (not manly, the way my dad would have put it). I poured myself into as many resources and tools as I could. Feed the Right Wolf recovery workbook, Celebrate Recovery 12 step program, Joe Zychik’s book,found Recovery Nation about 3 weeks ago and have been actively doing lessons since. And truly surrendering myself, my flaws, my marriage, my life, to God. I was rebaptized, rededicated my life to Jesus and accepted Him as my Savior AND Lord. Along with reading dozens and dozens of articles and websites and on addiction, recovery, abstinence, success and failures.I made a commitment and promise to my wife that I would be open and honest about everything, although she believes I am holding back for fear of hurting her or afraid of the consequences. I never had physical sex with another woman outside of our marriage, but lusted in my head and heart hundreds of times. I never went to online chats or internet or phone sex. Never went to a prostitute. I admitted to myself, my wife, my sponsor, and accountability partner that I was an addict. I have not had a lapse, relapse nor even any urges or pictures flashing in my mind for about 3 months. I haven’t gone to any pictures and still haven’t masturbated in over 6 years. I am aware that here on RN (and my wife) there would be much skepticism or call me a liar. I am dedicated and committed to completing this course because I know I need to RECOVER and get healthy. I must learn, apply, improve and maintain the life skills I am working on here. If I do not do that, nothing else will matter….my marriage, relationships with my wife, kids, grandkids, family, church, and even God. None of that will be right and normal if I do not.




So, I do not have any stash. I do not go to pictures on the internet. When I was masturbating, the shower or bathroom and occasionally my bedroom were the most frequented. The internet for porn and pictures and my fantasies in my head.

I have started work on Lesson 7 and will continue to work on it while I also continue the next lessons.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 03, 2017 5:34 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3856
Location: UK
Hi Bevo
and a belated welcome to RN
a good start :g:
well done do keep it up
its a long and often difficult and traumatic journey but believe me it is worth it
looking forwards to reading some of your posts and watching you as you progress
good luck

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2017 10:27 pm 
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Posts: 28
Lesson 7 Building Proactive Action Plans II

It is not completed but II wanted to go ahead and post this.

Also a work in progress. Particularly the 1st one. I can see adding to it regularly. And some of the others as well


STRENGTHEN MY ROLE AS A PARTNER WITH MY WIFE


•Improving/maintaining communication. Share with absolute honesty/absence of secrecy. Express my emotions openly and spontaneously. Express my feelings and emotions with vulnerability. Monitor my wife for signs of frustration or meltdowns and do what I can to minimize the intensity. Monitor myself for signs of pride, ego, selfishness, hypocrisy, arrogance, deceitfulness, half-truths, and emotional instability. Initiate meaningful communication with my wife without her having to ask or initiate herself.


•Organization, maintenance of the home. Discuss with my wife daily “to do lists” and prioritize. Help with chores like washing clothes, doing dishes, cleaning, sweeping/mopping floors, etc. Taking out trash, mowing the yard. Shopping without acting like I’m miserable, show enthusiasm and mean it.


•Loving Her. Doing things for her like fixing her a cup of coffee, building a fire, really listening when she is talking, commenting on what she is saying, showing interest in what interests her. Physical touch, hugs. Verbal affirmation that she looks good, is beautiful, sexy, and how nice she looks when dressing to go out somewhere. Sticky notes, and verbal appreciation. Telling her I love her. Showing her I love her.

* Developing Sexual Intimacy: Experiencing love-making for sheer joy and enjoyment. Experiencing the emotional connection and depth, not focusing on orgasm as a goal. And recognizing and believing that is satisfactory for her, because she has told me so. Be consistent with frequency and initiation.



TO BE HONEST AND OPEN


•Discuss my feelings and emotions when I have them. Say what is in my heart, not what I think others want/need to hear. Truth, not half-truths or embellishments, or spin to make me look good, at the same time taking into consideration others feelings. Willing to be embarrassed or vulnerable.



INTIMACY WITH MY WIFE/SEXUAL, EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL, CONVERSATIONAL, AFFECTION


•Show her that I am concerned with her pleasure over mine. The experience of love-making for joy and enjoyment rather than a goal of orgasm. Emotional connection of being as close emotionally as is possible through the physical joining of our bodies.


•Sharing thoughts, feelings and emotions as I have them. Without filter, spin or rationalization


•Caress her without any sexual intent or innuendo. Hugs and kisses randomly throughout the day


•Ordinary, everyday conversation. Talking about God’s creation, kids, grandkids, church, family, daily schedules, each other



TO BE SELFLESS

•Practice doing things for others, with no thoughts of reciprocity. Just thoughtful, kindness for others. Create habits that don’t revolve around how they benefit me. Open doors for people. Throwing away trash that isn’t mine. Doing chores for elderly or those less able than myself



COMMUNICATE BETTER


•Share information. Really listen to what others have to say, without thinking about what I will say next. Empathize and look at things they say from their perspective. Actually learn about them, what makes them tick. Be humble, not trying to impress or show how much I know, or prove I’m right. Show compassion



HEALTH/PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, SPIRITUAL


•My wife and I do a walk video Mon-Fri. 30 minutes M-W-F and 40 minutes on T-T. We lift weights M-W-F. Trying to eat better, healthier. Not as much junk, grilling, preparing meals, not as many tv dinners.


•Intimate conversations with my wife. Common conversations socially. Letting others see my emotions. Many of the lessons on RN address emotional health and I am incorporating them and getting better (not there yet)


•Meditation. Again, lessons here on RN. Processing thoughts and communicating them more clearly.


•Daily Bible reading, prayer (both with my wife and just me and God) and discussion of those with my wife



STRENGTHEN MY ROLE AS A FATHER TO MY CHILDREN


• Let my kids know that I love them.


•Let them know they can talk to me without judgement, condescension


•Talk to them about my addiction, recovery and hopefully and prayerfully help them gain some understanding of the things they have experienced as a result of my own faults



STRENGTHEN MY ROLE AS A GRANDFATHER TO MY GRANDCHILDREN


•Talk to them about life. Both positives and negatives and try to help them navigate both.


•Be at as many of their events as possible


•Play with them.


•Listen to them. Learn about their fears, joys, sorrows, loves and lives



LIVE WITH INTEGRITY


•Be open and honest in all communication


•Say what I mean and mean what I say


•Be a man of my word


•Live according to my stated values


•Don’t embellish, tell half truths or spin things to make me look good



SERVE OTHERS


•My wife and I have committed to serving a meal before our Wednesday night church services


•I just finished teaching a Wednesday night class at church and asked to be used more frequently in this role


•Trying to be a help to my 12 step brothers to lean on, be leaned on and encourage them


•During and after our Wednesday night meal, I go around and pick up trash and plates of others so they don’t have to


•I volunteered to lead singing at church on Wednesday nights occasionally (something very much out of my comfort zone)



ENCOURAGE AND SUPPORT MY WIFE


•Tell her that she is beautiful. And that she is all I want. From now on.


•Derive all my sexual satisfaction from her and only her


•Encourage her during our workouts, tell her how great she is doing


•Empathize and have compassion for what I have and am putting her through


•Allow her space when she needs it. Allow her to vent when she needs it. Not be defensive


•Allow her ALL the time she needs



TRAVEL


•We are going to Orlando to watch our granddaughter perform in Nationals Cheerleading Competition in May.


•We are going to Grand Cayman in Oct.


•We will go snow skiing next Winter


•We will travel to beaches at least once a year to snorkel. Places we have not been before to explore new beaches


Last edited by Bevo on Sat Mar 11, 2017 8:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2017 10:57 pm 
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Lesson 12 Recognizing Unhealthy Recovery Patterns


I am committed to finishing the recovery program. There have been a few days when I didn’t get much done on lessons, mostly because of life; others I have spent most of the day reading, writing and re-writing. I am in Celebrate Recovery, I am continuing to use lessons learned from Feed the Right Wolf workbook, things I learned from Joe Zychik”s book, I continue to read articles pertaining to sexual addiction, and am also committed to getting closer to God every day. I recognize that I am beginning to incorporate things I am learning into my life and my thinking. I continue to go back and look at previous lessons and what I wrote just a few weeks ago. I am FAR from “there” yet, but I do see progress and improvement. I am thoroughly and sincerely convinced that recovery is real and I am headed there. It is inevitable, not a dream.

I can recognize the unhealthy patterns that could get many into trouble, lead to relapse, or quitting the program. I do not recognize those in me. I have not acted out, nor had the urge to. I am highly motivated and look forward to each next lesson to implement into my life.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2017 11:12 pm 
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Lesson 13 Assessing Healthy Recovery Patterns


I accept that I have struggled with immoral behaviors that contradicted my values. I know that I cannot change the past but I can change my present and my future.


I have no desire for any more illusions. I have the desire to live a life I can be proud of.


I am making decisions based what I believe is the right thing to do, not on what I can get away with.


I know that I have lacked certain skills to manage my life and am committed to improving and maintaining those skills.


I recognize that I have been deficient and can and will improve in those deficiencies.


My future is as a healthy person, managing my life with healthy behaviors. Not using the addiction to manage my life.


I continue to take long, hard looks at anything associated with my destructive past and am voluntarily making the decisions to remove these from my life.


I have had, and expect to continue to have emotional relapses in terms of the consequences that I have effected on others, especially my wife. This regularly includes true remorse, temporary depression, degrees of hopelessness, but resolved with a commitment to making amends and repairs as possible in healthy ways


I have complete confidence in my ability to manage my life and am moving forward with obtaining the skills necessary to fulfill my dreams in a rational, planned manner


I have seen and experienced a greater emotional stimulation from value-based actions that were once derived from impulse based actions.

I cannot visualize a situation where the “pleasure” I experienced in the past would be worth the risk of all I would lose. I cannot comprehend a situation where such a risk would ever be taken again.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2017 11:04 pm 
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Lesson 15 Perceiving your addiction


One thing I have learned over the last few weeks that I am actively integrating into my daily life:


Sharing emotions and feelings with my wife. This is something I have NEVER done. It has been brand new and it is a wonderful feeling. I have never thought about my feelings. My dad’s idea of manhood was men don’t show feelings, period. I mean I know when my dad died, I was sad. When my kids were born, I was happy, joyful. But I have never analyzed or processed feelings in my entire life. I like it! When my wife is in a meltdown, where she is disgusted by me, or like now, she has lost love for me because of the pain I have inflicted on her by my choices, I really miss talking to her and sharing. Along with hugs, kisses, caresses, etc. But when she lets me, it is a wonderful feeling, far better than anything I could get from pictures.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:01 pm 
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Lesson 16 Understanding Addiction I


Sorry RN but this lesson I cannot agree with in any form or fashion. There is absolutely NOTHING positive about my addiction. It has destroyed my life. It has destroyed my wife’s love for me, destroyed my marriage, destroyed my relationship with my kids, destroyed my wife’s self esteem, self image. Instead of healthy life management, I chose pornography, lust, masturbation. When emotions that I refused to acknowledge and didn’t know how to deal with came over me, I didn’t go to God, go to my wife, read a book, workout, or anything positive or healthy. I went to fantasy. The power, mystery and fear of addiction are gone. I have turned all that and my character defects over to God. I have instilled many good habits and continue to work on good life management skills that will see me to healthy recovery. I will continue to complete RN recovery as well as Celebrate Recovery and I will recover. But no, there is NOTHING positive about my addiction.

Upon further review, and with some very helpful input from my wife, I am amending this exercise.
Not long ago, I found out some things about my relationship with my dad that I had blocked out of my memory. Going back to fairly early childhood, I would fantasize about lots of things...being the Lone Ranger or Batman. Playing with army men and having huge, elaborate battles (Civil War, WW II, etc.). Because my dad believe it wasn't manly to express or verbalize emotions, or even have them, I see now that was my way of dealing with them. It provided an outlet for me to deal with emotions I could not discuss with my parents. As I got older and these childhood fantasies were no longer age appropriate, I turned to sexual acting out: pornography and masturbation. Without the life-management skills I didn't acquire, I continued escaping dealing with my emotions in this unhealthy manner.


Last edited by Bevo on Sat Mar 11, 2017 10:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:07 pm 
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Lesson 14 Daily Monitoring I


1.Did I conduct myself worthy of respect today?


2.Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today?


• If not, how many days has it been since I have?


3. Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today?

4. Was I truthful in everything I shared with my wife today?

5. Did I follow through with everything I said I would do today?

6. Did I actively pursue at least 3 areas of my action plans today?

7. How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment?

8. I will read my daily Bible plan and spend time with God in prayer.

9. Did I process and handle my wife’s meltdown (if she is in one) in a healthy manner?

10. Did I show love to my wife today?

11. Did I demonstrate selflessness today?

12. Did I do anything to improve my health today? Physical, emotional, mental or spiritual

13. Did I communicate effectively with my wife today?


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2017 10:50 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 7:23 pm
Posts: 28
Lesson 17 Understanding Addiction II


Compulsive ritual: masturbation


Sensory: touch, sight

Fantasy: imagery porn

Past: emotional abuse by father, conflict of strictly religious mother, situational religious father

Poly-addictions: alcohol, sports, working out off and on replaced or put off the sexual acting

out temporarily. My wife and I read an article about drinking that said any more than 2 beers

per day, or 14 in a week indicated a problem. So I cut back to 14 a week and realized I had

simply arbitrarily altered my habit to a specific number. So I have had one beer in the last

week and have experienced no problems. I also realized that when I was acting out, I was much more likely to do so when I had drunk several beers.

Orgasm: primary goal


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