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PostPosted: Fri Mar 24, 2017 6:51 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 1:31 pm
Posts: 7
Hi,

so I'd like to post an introduction..

i really like the introductory recovery workshop; it makes sense to me and I wish I could do a workshop like this where I live.

I haven't had a proper girlfriend ever. I just turned 30. I got into strip clubs and escorts when I was 18.

I feel like I don't have any real friends..people who know me very well. I've been admitted to mental hospitals 3 times (18, 25, 28).

I've had flings with girls and the occasional one-night-stand but I find this too depressing to think about for now.

I think I have developmental deficits and trouble expressing myself and being forthcoming.

I don't know if this is too vague as an introduction, I'll keep posting as I work through the workshop anyway.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 24, 2017 8:00 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3856
Location: UK
hello BF

Quote:
I wish I could do a workshop like this where I live.

you can
this you need to do in your head, your heart and in your soul
are you up to that?
of course you are
but do you want that?
you choose


lets see your entry into this workshop
hoping you are serious

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 25, 2017 5:50 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 1:31 pm
Posts: 7
Thanks for your post Kenzo.

I am posting my exercises now.

Lesson 1

A

1) I feel I'm definitely ready to change now.
2) I feel that guilt and shame won't stop me from recovering at all
3) I will allow myself the time to change.

B Reasons to change

I want to be honest and loving with my parents, who are the only people who know about this and have suffered with me through this
I want to be totally free from compulsions when I am in public
I want to feel sexual and have sexual thoughts without feeling an immediate need to resort to sex workers
I must change the way I view sex
I have to feel that I have the self-discipline, self-control and power to change a 12 year habit.
I really want to have a loving relationship with a girl
I need to reverse the way I feel about women and be consistent in my attitude towards them
I need to develop total integrity and wholeness with myself and to others
I need to stop ruining myself financially and have money in my account without feeling tempted to spend it on sex work
I have to feel that I can move overseas and not feel tempted to use sex work as a way of self-medicating and avoiding unpleasant feelings
I have to enjoy the feeling of being free from this addiction for 1 year, then 2, then 5, then 10 etc.

C; photo of myself when small


I actually do this quite regularly anyway. I often imagine myself when I was 5 or younger and think what happened to that boy.

I will do this again and post my experience tomorrow.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 6:47 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 1:31 pm
Posts: 7
Lesson 2 Exercise

Creating a personal vision

This lesson was impressive to me, I identified with not accepting mortality in my life and not planning my life according to the fact that I will die one day. I feel like I am immature and it scares me that the true nature of my immaturity will never be identified and I won't ever grow.

My vision at the moment is to experience true love, have a loving girlfriend and find fulfillment in my career and have many authentic friends.

I also want to leave an artistic legacy; as a musician, thinker, possibly writer.
I'm fairly well-travelled; I want to live in many cities
and travel with friends and a girlfriend.
I want to have an online business teaching music online too.
I want to re-live my adolescence and feel joyful
I'd love to get married and have kids but I want to travel a lot and be with a lot of women and have many girlfriends before I settle down.
I want to release a body of music. and be someone of influence and importance.

This is my vision at the moment; it might seem contradictory, vague and lofty..I'd appreciate feedback.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 7:13 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 1:31 pm
Posts: 7
Lesson 3 Part 1

Extracting values from life vision exercise

feeling alive through love; experiencing love in all its forms
feeling worthy of being the object of romantic feelings
feeling desired and an object of sexual desire
recognised as a romantic and empathetic person
feeling regularly sexually excited and challenged
needing to be fulfilled
need for growth
needing to feel I have a tangible, strong identity and personality with my own taste in things (clothes, music, books) recognised by friends and people
needing to be known and talked about; be the subject of conversation by others
need for intellectual and artistic stimulation
need to create something artistic which represents my ideas, philosophies, past and identity which is tangible and will outlast me
passion for travelling and experiencing the world, desire to feel wonder and awe at world
need/want to have personal qualities recognised and to display them constantly; reinforce personality, feel like 'me' all day
need to not feel selfless and lacking in personality and undermining myself by not focusing on my needs and wants
the desire to reverse negative comments others have made which I've internalised
desire to be financially successful, so that I can focus on many other things
the desire to feel sexual freedom, youthfulness,spontaneity, lust with many girls; fully appreciate feminity in a profound and spiritual way.
desire to create my own family and children.
desire to feel patriotic again and feel alive to the world
desire to be seen as an intellectual and philosophical and to learn as much as I can about the world
desire to explore my vivid, childlike imagination and the surreality which lies within
desire to avoid boredom, rigidity of thought, experiencing 'dead' time, disorganisation of thought, mundanity.
want to help others feel less lonely
avoid selflessness but also avoid selfishness and seek to help others.
feeling accomplished and achievement-oriented


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 5:59 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 1:31 pm
Posts: 7
if a coach (or anyone else) could respond to this thread, I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 1:48 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3856
Location: UK
HI BF

Quote:
if a coach (or anyone else) could respond to this thread, I'd really appreciate it.


I wonder what response you are looking for :pe:
if you have specific questions then please use the community forum
the community is supportive and as such responses are forthcoming as and when required but please dont be concerned if coaches or mentors do not drop in as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination


remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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