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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 10:32 pm 

Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2017 4:25 pm
Posts: 1

Three Keys to establishing a successful foundation

Hello, I am a new member of the Recovery Nation. For a long time, I lived in a denial about certain patterns of behavior in my life that spun for more than ten years – using porn to self- pleasure, chatting with many women while being in a monogamous relationship, and finally dating escorts with a risk of being exposed to STD or even arrested. For a long time, I wasn’t capable of quantifying the impact of this behavior which made no sense to either me or my partner taking into account that I am known as very methodical in everything I do. My addictive behavior seriously impacted my relationship – on multiple occasions, after my behavior has been discovered I lied to my partner, tried to control the amount of truth, and used other tactics to cover up my unacceptable behavior.

(1) And here I am, not denying what I am anymore. I am seriously and responsibly committing to changing my life, changing the way I see myself. MY goal here is to figure out a healthy way to meet my individual needs. I am not doing this because my partner asked me to. I want to be very clear that I do this for myself. I want to understand myself – why I did what I did and what triggered the patterns of behavior that I would like to remove from my life. I would do the same with or without my partner. I strongly believe that the path towards the change would primarily affect my life in positive ways and then, as secondary, would affect those that love me and want to be with me.

(2) I do feel bad about what I did, primarily because I hurt my partner. But I am strongly committed to not allowing emotions overtake this process. I have passed the stage of being mad at myself. I intend, with a cool head, to analyze my life and see where are the roots of my unacceptable behavior and how to remove these roots or at least how to tame “wild horses within me” to end up with the behavior that is socially acceptable and after all acceptable to myself in a sense that I don’t feel bad about it, don’t need to keep it secret from my partner or public, and enjoy it without any bad thoughts in the aftermath.

(3) This is for the first time that I am truly and honestly facing the issue. The time will show and this recovery process will show if I was honest to myself and those who know about my behavioral patterns. As I would repeat to my partner, the approach is “one at a time”. I am fully aware that this process will take time – I would like to approach it in a methodical way similar to anything I do in my life. I am aware that this process will have its ups and downs; that I sometimes will feel real bad to want to stop and at other times will want to cover five lessons in one day. I don’t want to rush through the process for the sake of completing it. I want it to flow on its own with the goal of producing desired results – a long term sustainable change in my life with better understanding of myself, my needs as well as tools that would help me not to go back where I don’t want to be. Off to go.

Why do I seek to permanently change my life?

1. I would like to take responsibility for my own actions instead of blaming others.
2. I want the motivation for my own actions to be internally driven instead of externally forced
3. I want to be able to express my love and affection without expecting something in return
4. I want to find the new ways to intimacy and sex that would bring joy to both me and my partner
5. I want my actions to be a representation of what I want instead of pleasing others
6. I want to remove the disconnect between my words and my actions in the area of honesty
7. I want to find an internal piece within myself that would turn my temper into a humility
8. I want to be able better understand others instead of expecting others to better understand me
9. I want to properly channel my need for adventure within acceptable social norms
10. I want to live a healthy life without fearing that my actions would affect my physical condition

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