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PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2017 7:39 pm 

Joined: Fri Jun 02, 2017 10:24 am
Posts: 2
My Values Inventory
These are the attributes, qualities and values that appeal most to me. The groups of similar value words together form a value concept:
Marriage & Family, Caring, Zest, Affection, Loyalty, Happiness, Sacrifice, Closeness, Comfort, Compassion
Self-reliance, Autonomy
Artistry, Authenticity, Nostalgia, Tradition, Transformation, Usefulness, Craftiness, Creativity
Curiosity, Fascination, Inquisitiveness, Amazement, Passion
Adroitness, Skillfulness, Quality, Capability, Depth, Expertise, Mastery, Articulacy
Focus, Poise, Mindfulness, Concentration, Cognizance, Clear-mindedness, Being your best, Discipline, Fortitude, Willpower, Emotional maturity, Composure, Confidence, Personal Growth, Tenacity, Self-actualization,
Encouragement, Advice, Persuasiveness
Reasonableness, Fairness, Candor, credibility
Grace, Calmness, Gentility, Appreciation, Modesty, Thankfulness, Gratitude, Thoughtfulness
Warmth, Cheerfulness, Charm, Likability, Friendliness, Cordiality, Courteousness,
Tidiness, Cleanliness

Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery:

1) Actively committing myself to change: I’m doing certain things that show active personal commitment to change. I have not looked at anything inappropriate since the March 2017 discovery date. No inappropriate contacts. I’m regularly attending meetings.

2) Not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage my commitment to change: I’m not sure what this means.

3) Allowing myself time to change: I guess this means being patient. It is hard. There are times when I waiver in my mind with fantasy, mostly because of two areas, the triggers of being public and trying to fall asleep. I try to remind myself that this is decades of behavior and it doesn’t change overnight. However, there are some lines I cannot cross ever again: Looking at porn and affairs. Thinking in ways to care for my wife and ease her pain require more mindfulness.

My motivations for seeking to permanently change my life:
1. I need my wife to feel safe again
2. I want to start healing my wife’s pain
3. I want satisfaction from a real, deep romantic relationship with my wife
4. I want to be transparent and open with my wife
5. I want to protect and save my family
6. I want control over my emotions and behaviors.
7. I want my behaviors and thoughts to reflect my values
8. I want to be a good role model for my children
9. I want to protect the people who depend on me for their emotional stability
10. I want to avoid wasting any more time and live in the present and reality
11. I want maintain the respect of the people I work with
12. I want to be free of distractions that limit my growth
13. I want freedom from guilt and shame
14. I need to be free from the cycle of ups and downs
15. I want the personal strength that comes from leading a life without this in it.

I looked at the picture of me when I was around 5. I’m alone, in front of a brick wall standing the grass. I’m not wear a shirt, I have on some striped green pants with the front pockets turned out. I’m smiling and squinting into the camera. My hair is a little tussled. My hands are clasped in front of me at my waist. It’s for this child that I’m reclaiming my life. It’s this child who lost his way and I’m the one now showing the courage to guide him, who is me, back to health.

Last edited by pnew on Mon Jun 12, 2017 1:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:34 am 
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3944
Location: UK
Hello Pnew and welcome to RN

if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely

work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change should be listed as they do help when the going gets tough and it will do so they should be positive and about you

remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo

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