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PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:00 am 
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Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2017 9:21 am
Posts: 20
Thank you for your message BDAck

Lesson 4

Spirituality
Marriage
Focus, clarity
Hard working
Routine, structure
Unflappability, composure, confidence
Positivity
Excitement, fun
Sense of humour
Articulacy, expressiveness
Assertiveness, decisiveness
Approachability, caring, considerate
Reliability
Friendliness
Fitness, health, exercise
Being my best, skillful

This is my prioritised list of values.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:10 am 
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Posts: 20
Lesson 4: Points to remember

Reacting to life's events — whether they are anticipated or not — can be effective when you have developed depth and confidence in who you are and what you are striving to accomplish. But that takes skill and experience to develop. And since you currently lack these skills, your emotions are instead experienced as compulsions, which by their very nature can decimate effective decision-making.

By the time that you find yourself in the situation requiring a decision to be made, the intensity of your emotions has often skewed rational thought and judgment to the point where you are perceiving things irrationally. Perceiving things solely in the here-and-now. And your decisions often reflect that need for immediate gratification.
Because emotions have the capacity to skew your perceptions, they have the capacity to numb reason.

You can no longer make decisions based on your emotions. Instead, emotion-based decision-making must give way to values-based decision-making. And while the nuts and bolts of this process will be offered later in the workshop, it is important for you to begin laying the foundation for such a process.
Currently, you have learned to manage these conflicts based on what 'feels right' at that given moment. But your feelings are not capable of objectivity. Your values — and especially your prioritized values — are.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2017 9:20 am 
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Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2017 9:21 am
Posts: 20
Lesson 5, all exercises.

Spirituality
Marriage
Focus, clarity
Hard working
Routine, structure
Patience
Studious
Unflappability, composure, confidence
Positivity, enthusiasm
Excitement, fun
Sense of humour
Articulacy, conversational
Assertiveness, decisiveness
Approachability, caring, considerate
Reliability
Friendliness
Fitness, health, exercise
Being my best, skillful


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2017 9:23 am 
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Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2017 9:21 am
Posts: 20
Lesson 5: Points to remember

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2017 9:50 am 
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Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2017 9:21 am
Posts: 20
Lesson 6, exercise A.

Proactive action plan: Fitness, health, exercise
Healthy eating
    Plan 3 meals per day every week
    Keep a record of meals that you both enjoy so you can refer to that when planning meals
    Try recipes that you haven't done before from your cookbooks
    Start a weight log
    Strength training
Do strength and/or cardio every day
    Keep a log of your workouts
    Make sure you are progressing
    Focus on weakspots
    Research how to improve weakspots
Cardio
    Go on bike and/or strength train every day
    Get new tires for bike
    Maintain bike

Proactive action plan: Spirituality
    Pray at the beginning and end of every day
    Be completely open and honest
    Pray with my wife at the beginning and end of each day
    Read the Bible every day
    Do all weekly and monthly study
    When studying, consider how you can apply what you are reading and keep notes

Proactive action plan: Focus, clarity
Meditate at the start and end of each day

My values list represents what I want my life to be like, but for some of my values, I don't know exactly how I can go about achieving them.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2017 9:52 am 
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Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2017 9:21 am
Posts: 20
Lesson 6, points to remember

Your goal in recovery is not to learn to manage addiction, it is to learn to manage your life

Proactive action plans focus on personal value development. They allow you to strengthen the foundation that is responsible for driving your life's vision. They allow the scattered mind to focus and the chronically disorganized to remain organized

Be careful to maintain an aura of practicality when creating your action plans

It is not necessary to address every issue, but only to address moving that value forward.
Ask: What is the next step I want to take?

Address specific elements. Anticipate what will happen and plan for that. All of your action plans should have these qualities so that you develop confidence in managing your life, rather than leaving things to unstable emotional reactions
Be mindful that the more specific your action plan are, the more practical they will be. Your ultimate goal is to develop plans that you can actually engage in that will strengthen the values that are most important in your life

You only need to map out the next few steps in the developmental process of strengthening and/or maintaining this value (if it is already at full strength)


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 22, 2017 10:23 am 
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Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2017 9:21 am
Posts: 20
Lesson 7 exercise

Spirituality
Pray at the beginning and end of every day
Be completely open and honest in prayers
Pray with (my wife) at the beginning and end of each day
Read the Bible every day
Do all weekly and monthly study
When studying, consider how you can apply what you are reading and keep notes
Make plans for all sermons

Marriage
Be receptive when she is physical
Don’t say anything that will make her feel bad about herself
Say things that will make her feel good about herself
If you think something does need to be said, plan how you are going to approach it with her, if you still feel it is an issue a week later, discuss it with her
Don’t take things she says personally
If you feel frustration or anger rising, consciously manage it
Keep your tone and volume gentle and measured
Be positive when talking about things, don’t immediately go to the negative when she says something
Compliment her specifically when she gets dressed
Compliment her generally often
Tell her you love her
Do thoughtful things like flowers and cards

Focus, clarity
Meditate at the start and end of each day

Hard working
Plan the next days work
Do the work you have planned
Do not beg off from work
Put music on to help keep focussed
If it is an unpleasant task, just get on with it

Routine, structure
Plan the next day
Plan week’s meals
Make a weekly schedule
Keep things tidy:
In office
In bedroom
When cooking
Around the house
In car
For every unpleasant task, make a plan
Install time tune and use it for everything you need reminders of. Or find another service that is cloud based and will alert you on your computer too

Patience
Keep calm:
with (my wife) when she doesn’t get something
with work things
at Church
with others

Studious
See Spirituality

Unflappability, composure, confidence
React with poise and reserve to news
In pressure situations:
Keep calm
Consciously speak softer and more deliberately
Don’t say things you wouldn’t normally

Positivity, enthusiasm
When (my wife) is happy about something, feel her happiness too
Whenever you feel positive about something, always express it
Respond to things and people with energy

Excitement, fun
Be excited to do things
Find the fun in everything

Sense of humour
Laugh at your mistakes
Laugh about (my wife)’s mistakes
Laugh about others’ mistakes
Respond to (my brother)’s jokes on hangouts

Articulacy, conversational
Always keep conversations flowing

Assertiveness, decisiveness
Make your decision in your head and express it directly and clearly without making excuses or commentating on your thought processes

Approachability, caring, considerate
Always do the kind thing to people no matter how they will respond
When approached, show that you are willing to give them your time

Reliability
Keep your calendar up to date with reminders of what you need to do

Friendliness
See Approachability, Articulacy, Sense of humour etc

Fitness, health, exercise
Healthy eating
Plan 3 meals per day every week
Keep a record of meals that you both enjoy so you can refer to that when planning meals
Try recipes that you haven't done before from your cookbooks
Start a weight log
Drink the right amount of water
Strength training
Do strength and/or cardio every day
Keep a log of your workouts
Make sure you are progressing
Focus on weakspots
Research how to improve weakspots
Cardio
Go on bike and/or strength train every day
Get new tires for bike
Maintain bike

I have struggled to create practical action plans for all my values. Some of them were easier to make practical than others. Maybe when I try to apply my values in my life I will see how I can make the action plans more practical.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 1:26 am 
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Joined: Thu May 14, 2015 7:14 pm
Posts: 215
Keep going on the lessons . . .they do indeed help . . .even when they appear to be drudgery . . .there are breakthroughs often when I just do mine!


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