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PostPosted: Mon Oct 21, 2019 7:16 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3846
Location: UK
Hello ML
Quote:
What can I do now

you know the answer to your question
in simple terms make value based choices not emotional ones
Choosing recovery is easy, attaining it certainly is not because we addicts deny and excuse etal

Change is inevitable so please choose the direction of travel carefully

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2019 2:45 am 
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Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2017 1:26 am
Posts: 63
November 2019

Guilt and shame lasted for about 1 day until I realized what was really happening with me during this period, and what I needed to realize and what action to take :) I quickly revisited the first lessons of RN + my posts, and it calmed me down. What lesson have I learnt?
1. I needed to update my vision and goals. I stopped having and reaching goals. My life became stagnant. I was comfortable with where I was (and it is truly a good place to be, but with no further objectives...).
2. A long period of time without intimate relationships is not good for that leads to sexless life, and celibacy is not for me, I know how I lack human connection. What erotic material I searched? I typed in "making love". hah isn't it ironic? This is what I want :) I didn't type in those nasty titles that I used to. BUT: "making love" not just "having sex" doesn't come that easy, I cannot find a fast fix for that; it's not porn. It takes time, finding a partner that at least is capable of healthy communication and understanding. So at the same time I lost my patience (being horny makes it even worse hah :) I know the repercussions of sleeping with a low quality woman, and I am damn sure how I don't want that feeling again. Thus my masturbation to an erotic scene wasn't the worst thing that could have happened, but definitely it is also not what I am aiming for in this life :pe: and I know it well that this could lead to multiple orgasms, full-blown relapses and etc. emotions overtaking values.
3. My values became not so practical anymore. Values in my head, but not in action. Or even out of my head.
4. I shouldn't have abandoned my monthly journaling. Sitting and writing on a piece of paper where my thoughts have wondered that particular month is of great value. It just took 2 months for the complacency to kick in, and now I understand the principle and the reason of monthly and later on quarterly reports even more. I had these thoughts in my mind: I have to sleep with a woman (desperation) I have to, because I am a man. Writing these thoughts down and weighing them with values is really important.

To this day, I feel the tools provided here on RN are in place again. I continue with my life, and after masturbation I don't feel that horny, but will I wait for another "horny spell" where I haven't improved much, where I didn't have the courage to talk to a woman that I find attractive, stopped dating, stopped improving my career, my life. I better not. I better live my life according to my values and most importantly my vision.

+ took up dancing classes
+became a sponsor in 12 step program.
+my daily schedule and action plans are being successfully implemented.
+I take care of myself and others.
+I practice self-acceptance and self-love.
+I am being completely honest with you.

No image of a naked woman on the screen will ever make me happy. It is just a distraction from what I truly want. It is a short gratification.
Even just looking at those without masturbation can bring me to the moods/behaviors of the past.

Thanks Kenzo for the response.
Stay healthy everyone :)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2019 3:51 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2017 1:26 am
Posts: 63
December 2019

What have I learned from the previous relapse, and how do I continue my journey?

- Now I only focus on 6 spheres in my life. I focused on many more before the last relapse, and I couldn't maintain depth in any of those spheres.

- Maintaining PATIENCE. (with women and career) it is essential!
bettering my life instead of chasing women. Faith = Patience.

- Planning my holidays (Christmas and New Year) and finances.

-More understanding about connection with a woman vs. lust.

-When ego gets involved, I have to become more vigilant. Take action.

-I have to develop myself as a man.

- putting worth on sex. Sex vs. making love. 2 different things.

-having faith leads to more order. Spiritual life or purpose helps a lot. If I lose that (don't do anything about it, I am doomed to fall back into an old pattern of ehh... everything is relative. I have to get as much as I can from today, because tomorrow is not granted (leading to certain thoughts, leading to certain actions).


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