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PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2017 12:09 pm 

Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2017 1:01 pm
Posts: 14
I have achieved many goals in my career as a professional - passing university and professional exams with distinction and progressive rapidly up a very demanding career ladder. However, when I finally achieved my own department I was less than fully successful, and this caused me great distress. I felt I had let others down, and felt unwanted. Circumstances were against me but also I was less determined and single minded than I should have been. The demands were very great and I achieved several goals, but ultimate success eluded me.

In my family life I have raised two families and my 5 children are all lovely, successful people. My other major failure is the breakdown of my present marriage due to my porn addiction. I have tried and failed to kick the habit on numerous occasions and my wife has had more than enough. Now I have succeed.

An approachable goal
I have been trying to lose weight for about 35 years. At least I have managed to keep my weight in the normal range, but I would like to be a few Kg lighter. On occasions I have been but I have never maintained the reduction. I seem to starve myself and I clearly underestimate how much food I and consuming. To break the task down:

1-I first need to measure my daily calorie intake by listing all that I typically consume. This I would need to do over several days.
2-Similarly I need to record my exercise in terms of distances walked, cycled and run. Other activities not involving sitting or lying.
3- Measure my weight daily under similar conditions
4- Make a modest calorie reduction that I can sustain in the long term
5- Make a modest increase in exercise that I can sustain in the long term

In the past I have been a bit of a maniac with regard to weight. I go through phases where I exercise intensively and regularly, and half starve myself. I record my daily weight. Usually I manage to lose a few pounds but eventually I tire of the effort and diet. Often it is a change in circumstance that prevents me following my regimen. Then I lose interest, get sloppy with diet, reduce my exercise and stop weighing myself. I've gone through many cycles like that.

Part of the problem is that I have never been through the process of identifying my calorie consumption and I only have a vague idea of my calorie requirements. In other words I have never done the basic ground work. I guess the same applies to my problem with porn. I get the strength and determination to abstain but it never lasts. Again, I have never done the ground work. I hope that these efforts with RN will give me the where-with-all to succeed.

PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2017 12:49 pm 
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3880
Location: UK
please hit the reply key not the new topic when posting

Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo

PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 10:04 am 

Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2017 1:01 pm
Posts: 14
I found the description of the meaning and purpose of the filters confusing and inconsistent, but I have done my best.

Masturbation without looking at porn:

The elements are fantasy (2) tactile pleasure (3) orgasm (3) and achievement (1)
Fantasy without porn ie imagining or remembering a sexual encounter (real or imagined) is not usually very vivid so the intensity for me is usually only about 4. I'm not sure how to rate the time filter. It is difficult to maintain fantasy concentration, and it will vary through the act as therefore will intensity. I'll give it 3. There is no habituation, 1

Tactile pleasure increases during the act as the erection gets firmer, but compared to the real thing the tactile pleasure intensity is not so good,say 6. With time it gradually increases, say 8. There is no habituation, 1.

Orgasm is orgasm, sometimes great and other times less so - probably habituation is relevant. Generally intensity is 9, time is not relevant, 1 but habituation is real

Achievement is usually not such a big deal. Intensity 2, time not relevant, habituation not relevant

This comes out at something like 35, but as yet I am unclear as to the significance of this number.

If I had masturbated to porn images or a video the intensity of the fantasy would be much great and probably the orgasm more intense. The score would be significantly higher, and the experience more addictive

PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2017 5:27 am 

Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2017 1:01 pm
Posts: 14
I have thought how this process of analysis might help.

My acting-out behaviour is opportunity based - when I am alone in the house. When I know this is going to occur I have a strong sense of anticipation. In terms of quantitation of the whole act this anticipation is one of the strongest part. When I am finally alone I then tell myself that I should not give in, but I invariably do, and I now see that in a sense in anticipating so strongly I had already decided firmly that I was going to act out. I think I need to attack the process at the earlier phase and prevent such strong anticipation. Sounds good in theory. I need to give it a try.

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