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 Post subject: Section 1
PostPosted: Wed Jul 26, 2017 9:16 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 3:25 pm
Posts: 2
A: I feel committed to making change, but hit road blocks from time to time. I've been seeking help from various therapists, classes, and other reading materials. Each time, learning and finding out different issues that contribute to my overall behavior. The roadblocks I hit, I feel, are stress related. My work schedule is super stressful in that it's not really a schedule at all. I have a lot of lack of sleep. I feel as though it's valid yet making excuses. I have had a lot of guilt because each time I have learned not to do one thing, another issue comes up. I've been working on changing my guilt into fuel to succeed.

B:
1. Treat others with respect
2. Be honest with my wife & others
3. Be respectful of my wife & others
4. Be more financially responsible
5. Be more caring and empathetic
6. Openly communicate my thoughts and feelings with my wife
7. Be supportive of those I love
8. Think of others before myself
9. Help share household chores
10. Stop making excuses and take responsibility for my actions

C. As a child, I was a lock key kid. It started when I was in the second grade. I got picked on a lot throughout my entire life. I spent a good majority of my young life alone. I learned how to live life & survive from TV and life experiences. All I had to worry about was myself. As I got older, I latched onto spouses, mainly to not be alone. I have been through abusive relationships, as in one spouse would get drunk and physically attack me. It was difficult to handle because as a man being beaten by your girlfriend felt like I couldn't talk about it. The next relationship was riddled with being cheated on and trying to forgive and continue, mainly because I did not want to be alone. My current relationship has been through the ringer over the fact that I have lived in this selfish, untrusting state for a large majority of my life and it has been my selfishness, only worrying about my instant gratification, and extreme porn viewing that has been a root issue.


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 Post subject: Re: Section 2
PostPosted: Wed Jul 26, 2017 9:36 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 3:25 pm
Posts: 2
I would like to show devotion & commitment to my wife and my family, but first to my wife. I choose to devote my life to her, to develop a level of caring, understanding, and intimacy with her that knows no bounds. To build a family with her, a home she can feel safe in. To develop physical connection with her. To develop emotional connection with her. To be vulnerable with her and provide space for her to be with me. To protect, provide, and support her. To encourage her in all of her endeavors. To be unselfish with her. To develop my own integrity in order to increase trust. To build a sturdy foundation for our relationship. I will be devoted to giving her space of her own. Both physical, as in a safe place to call hers, and emotional to pursue things individually outside of the relationship.


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 Post subject: Re: Section 1
PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 3:36 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3880
Location: UK
Hello Monster1326 and welcome to RN

Quote:
I feel committed to making change, but hit road blocks from time to time. The roadblocks I hit, I feel, are stress related


remember that feeling stressed is simply an emotion and all emotions are finite and cyclic
acting out is an addicts coping mechanism
RN will teach you to use healthy ways of coping until the making of healthy choices using values becomes the norm

Quote:
I feel as though it's valid yet making excuses.

again a trait that runs through addiction, you are not unique and we all start from that same place

so if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your vision IMO needs work
Establishing a healthy vision for one's life is the single most important tool a person can develop in their recovery. That single vision--when backed by clarity--is capable of serving as both the beacon for change and, a means of contrasting what is healthy and what is a threat

your vision reads as your vision for your wife rather than your vision for your life
Your wife and family are of course fundamentally important but for now I suggest focussing on your recovery thus allowing you to deserve them
perhaps try reading coach Mel's "how to" it can be found at the top of this forum

remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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