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PostPosted: Wed Nov 01, 2017 2:15 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Quite a frustrating day. It is hard to live happily SO ridiculously out of balance. But i did make note of some emotions today in real time and, again, found them to amount to much less than they appear to be. It seems almost like the emotions themselves are really nothing more than signals about attitudes to adopt or behaviors to engage in. I dont know, what are they?? I had no idea that they fly so far beneath my radar. But so far it is only anecdotal. I need to pay more attention.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 12:38 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Great, hard, 16 hr day and i still have to work, but im,happy and blessed. I did some in-the-moment work on emotions and am continuing to find that they, in and of themselves, have limited power. They have power as triggers, but less as a driver. Brilliant, brilliant lesson.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 1:53 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Another good day, I'm still at work so, however many hours that is. Not that anyone cares, but it is interesting that I can be, of necessity THIS unbelievably out of balance in my life, on 4 hours of sleep and still feel more confident than ever. If I am ever in the future wondering which path gives me happiness and fulfillment, well, don't be stupid future self. It's not even close. I'm passing out now.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 04, 2017 3:38 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Well crap, my first missed dat, but only technically. Jist got home, but good, dang hard day. Still grateful and balanced emotionally of not in any other way. And not in Any other way


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 05, 2017 3:02 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Same as yesterday, but today was harder. Sunday cant come soon enough. Im Barely hanging on - need to rest and see my kids again! But values are in place. Im vere grateful


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 05, 2017 11:38 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
I had some time today as it was the sabbath, but i didnt do a lesson. I caught up with the kids, read to them, read scriptures, made dinner, taught a lesson to the fam
, etc. What most needed to happen. I dont know if Im doing any good posting every day, except that the habit of reflection and some degree of accountability. Maybe lessons wont happen for another couple of weeks, but ill keep checking in daily.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 2:51 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Back to 16 hr days. Boy, yesterday was sure nice. To busy to have any problems. Very blessed and optimistic. Going to sleep.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2017 8:31 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Ugh. 22 hrs today. Cant keep this up much longer. Doing OK, a bit of a pull towards social media today with some new followers, but i snapped out of it pretty quickly and didnt go back. Still here.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2017 1:19 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Soooo tired. Going to bed. Good day, no issues. Love my family and God. Living for work is incredibly dumb


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 10, 2017 3:20 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Ditto yesterday and every other. Another 16 in the can, less than two more weeks of this insanity. Doing well
I think daily monitoring and scriptures/good music is a big factor in success.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2017 3:29 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Same song, different day. Alls well. Except im still here at work.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2017 1:47 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Home at a reasonable hour (for a 100 hr. Wk.), but going straight to bed. Everything is OK with no compulsive behavior, but obviously my life is utterly unbalanced. Ive got little patience for kids and wife. But where would i get that patience? I guess id better dig deeper.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 1:03 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Again, a decent sabbath - i underestimated the value of a dsy of rest before. However, im still struggling right now with the concept of balance. As off ballance as my schedule has made me lately, in a day when i can relax a bit and catch up with my kids, i find it hard to connect with my rwo older ones and my wife seems to be digressing lately, becoming difficult to be around, yelling and fighting with everyone then crying and apologizing and being depressed. She does this in public and at home often enough that it affects our lives and outside relationships. I have plenty of my own problems and weaknesses, so im not judging her, but it does make me question what balance is. My two older kids are very high maintenance and when they and wife are one one, i dont really want to be around them. I dont know about balance then.
I dont know, i guess i dont have much to say that is constructive right now. I do t know that the work this project has required will be worth it even if it is successful. I dont know if ill want to be around my family more if it is. I dont know what i want sometimes except to be a decnt person and to leave this world on my way to becoming what i should be eternally. I always lo e and appreciate the Savior. Apaet from that, what i really want is inconsistent enough to create instability in my life, whicheads to acting out to balance and around we go. But i am determined to keep that crap out of my life, so here i will stay. I wish there was a greater percentage of happiness in our home.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 2:29 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
Took advantage of a trip today to get two of my kids out of school and make them sit with me in the car most of the day. Thst was good. We're vetting close but everyone is worn out and it will be a challenge to make it over the finish line. All is pretty well. Ive felt some mild tugs, but pretry easily put off. I have to be vigilant though.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2017 2:10 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 355
another useless post except that I promised and they seem to be working. Still at work but wanted to post before midnight. Unfortunately, no more time, but no problems either. Yay.


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