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Finding my way to a successful life
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Author:  a.shivaraman [ Sat Sep 02, 2017 6:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Finding my way to a successful life
vision:
My vision in life is to become a CFD engineer, solve environmental problems, help the people in sex slavery, provide a better education for future generations and I'm willing to devote all my life to achieve this. 
Author:  Kenzo [ Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: lesson 2 response
Hello Shiverman
I was beginning to think that you had dropped in once and then called it a day
I was wrong
please keep on proving me wrong
first please hit the reply not the new topiv key when posting
this keeps all of your posts in one thread making it easy for you to refer back as you go
now welcome to RN
if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your vision
a whole life in one line :pe:
I suggest that you expand on this before moving on
your reasons for change coupled to your vision provide the corner stones of the foundation of your recovery
yours as it stands appears to be a tick in a box

I suggest that you read coach Mel's "how to " found in this forum
but as always you get to choose
choose wisely

remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best
Author:  a.shivaraman [ Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: lesson 2 response
lesson 2 response

vision:

1. I want to be in a position to take care of my loved ones, I want to make their lives happy. I want my family to be proud of me.
2. I want to be an honest, courageous, smart and a hard-working individual who can stand up on his own
3. I want to stand up for myself and speak my opinions and feelings
4. I want to use my knowledge, creativity and hard work to help people (ill, children, people in sex slavery), environment and to achieve my goals in life
5. I want to be physically and emotionally mature to manage my life
6. I want to get a job where I can work with my full potential
7. I want to be happy, adventurous and enjoy my life and nature
8. I want to have the courage and the commitment to do the things that matter to me
9. I want to be successful in my career.
10. I want to be with a person who loves me for the person I am

lesson 2 Update

vision:
1. I want to have a healthy sexual relationship with myself and others.
2. I want to take care of my family and the people who love me.
3. I want to be with a person who loves me for the person I am.
4. I want to have the courage and the commitment to do the things that matter to me.
5. I want to be happy and smile as I used to without basing my life on other people's opinions.
6. I want to overcome my fears and anxieties.
7. I want to be successful in my career.
8. I want to use my knowledge to help people.
9. I want to achieve my dreams in life.
Author:  a.shivaraman [ Mon Feb 19, 2018 6:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Finding my way to a successful life
lesson 4 response:

1. Unwavering
2. Courage
3. Hardworking
4. Happy
5. committed
6. Sharing my true self with the world around me
7. Sincere
8. Self-esteem
9. confident
10. Being best
11. Risk-taking
12. Mindful
13. A person who does what needs to be done
14. Value time
15. A person who follows truth
16. Standup for my own ideas, interest and health
17. Self-control
18. Emotionally mature
19. Healthy
20. Being unique
21. Connected to my own feelings
22. Being recognized as an expert in my field
23. Patient/Calm
24. Motivated
25. Appreciating nature
26. Sense of responsibility
27. Sense of humour
28. Proactive
29. Adventurous
30. Creative
31. Good interactive skills
32. A man of his word
33. Truthful
34. Financial stability
35. Dignity
36. A better person than yesterday
37. Compassionate
38. Hygienic person
39. Environmentalist
40. Being charitable
41. Establishing volunteer organization
42. Selflessness
43. Being considerate to others
44. Personal independence
45. A good son
46. A good brother
47. A good boyfriend
48. A good friend
49. Surprising person
50. Open minded to the beliefs and values of others
51. Being role model to others
52. Fidelity
53. Being intimate
54. Reliable
55. Feeling needed/desired/loved by others
Author:  a.shivaraman [ Mon Feb 19, 2018 6:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Finding my way to a successful life
lesson 5 response:

1. Unwavering
2. Courage
3. Hardworking
4. Happy
5. committed
6. Sharing my true self with the world around me
7. Sincere
8. Self-esteem
9. confident
10. Being best
11. Risk-taking
12. Mindful
13. A person who does what needs to be done
14. Value time
15. A person who follows truth
Author:  learningtorun [ Tue Feb 20, 2018 1:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Finding my way to a successful life
Hi Shivaraman,

It’s nice to see you back on RN.

Well done for having another look at your vision which makes much better reading. Our visions and values should be seen as fluid as our lives may require each to be tweaked from time to time. We should also see these as a vision for the rest of our lives and not to just get us out of our immediate predicaments so perhaps also give some thought to whether you have covered all the bases. For example, I have as part of my vision an element which ensures that I have some time allocated to myself where I do things for me which I enjoy. Perhaps something to think about.

As has been mentioned before, the first few lessons are fundamental to give you a solid base for which to progress through the future lessons so please give these particular attention.

I hope to see your renewed commitment by further regular posts, good luck and I look forward to reading your thread.
Author:  a.shivaraman [ Sun Mar 11, 2018 4:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Finding my way to a successful life
learningtorun wrote:
Hi Shivaraman,

It’s nice to see you back on RN.

Well done for having another look at your vision which makes much better reading. Our visions and values should be seen as fluid as our lives may require each to be tweaked from time to time. We should also see these as a vision for the rest of our lives and not to just get us out of our immediate predicaments so perhaps also give some thought to whether you have covered all the bases. For example, I have as part of my vision an element which ensures that I have some time allocated to myself where I do things for me which I enjoy. Perhaps something to think about.

As has been mentioned before, the first few lessons are fundamental to give you a solid base for which to progress through the future lessons so please give these particular attention.

I hope to see your renewed commitment by further regular posts, good luck and I look forward to reading your thread.


Thank you for your feedback learningtorun, but I think I have covered all the basics in my vision.

financial&wealth, career, free time, health and appearance, relationship, personal development, community and charity; these are the areas that I have included in my vision/goals. but there is certainly room for improvement. if you think that there is something that I have to include, please point it out.
Author:  a.shivaraman [ Sun Mar 11, 2018 4:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Finding my way to a successful life
lesson 6 response:

1. Value time
- spend 2 hours a day on improving yourself
- reduce watching tv to an hour a day
- spend 30 min a day doing nothing and relax
- maintain a daily schedule

2. Mindful
- morning meditation, 10 min a day
- take timeouts between tasks
- exercise at least 4 times a week
- walking meditation, 10 min a day
- enjoy the meal (turn off your laptop)
Author:  a.shivaraman [ Sun Mar 11, 2018 5:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Finding my way to a successful life
lesson 7 response:

1. Unwavering
- 90 days challenge
- listen to motivational audios 15 min daily
- maintain a book to write the situations where I based my responses on emotions rather than values and ways to tackle it next time
- practice values from the success principles book
- meditate 10 min daily

2. Courageous
- weekly challenge
- meditation, daily 10 min
- join combat sports club
- speak truth

3. Hardworking
- write daily schedule
- 90 days challenge
- practice values from the success principles book
- gym at least 4 times a week
- listen to motivational audio 15 daily

4. Happy
- Meditation, 10 min daily
- offer daily gratitude
- remind yourself that happiness is a choice daily
- act cheerful when feeling low
- spend 30 min doing nothing and relax
- make meaningful conversation with the people I love daily
- rewarding myself after achievements

5. Committed
- 90 days challenge
- practice values from the success principles book
- gym at least 4 times a week
- listen to motivational audio 15 daily

6. Sharing my true self with the world around me
- maintain a book to write the situations where I was dishonest and ways to tackle it next time
- spend 30 min daily reflecting on yourself
- spent 1 hr a day to improve conversational skills

7. Self-esteem
- daily positive affirmations
- Meditation, 10 min daily
- join a support group
- listen to motivational audio 15 daily
- practice values from the success principles book
- make conversation with 7 stranger a week

8. confident
- learn to maintain good body posture daily
- dress nicely
- gym at least 4 times a week
- join a sports club
- 90 days challenge

9. Value time
- spend 2 hours a day on improving yourself
- reduce watching tv to an hour a day
- spend 30 min a day doing nothing and relax
- maintain a daily schedule

10. Mindful
- morning meditation, 10 min a day
- take timeouts between tasks
- exercise at least 4 times a week
- walking meditation, 10 min a day
- enjoy the meal (turn off your laptop)
Author:  a.shivaraman [ Sat Mar 17, 2018 9:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Finding my way to a successful life
Lesson 10 response:

I. Consider those lies that are still being perpetuated in your life. Who you are deceiving. Why you are deceiving them. Consider the 'risks' of coming clean. No need to do anything about these thoughts...just have an awareness of them.
- As I'm not in a relationship or working with someone, I'm not deceiving anyone except myself

II. If you are involved in a partnership, choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving them in certain areas. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are willing to jeopardize the future of that relationship by maintaining the deception; AND, admit to yourself that you are intentionally sabotaging your own healthy foundation by allowing such a huge crack to remain.
- None

III. If you are involved in professional coaching (or outside counseling), choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving those whom you are working with. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are not fully commited to ending your addiction. Acknowledge that you are choosing to 'go through the motions', rather than actively pursue real change.
- None

IV. Make a list of all the places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior. List these items and their locations in your Recovery Thread. If you are uncomfortable sharing this in the forum, email or PM the list to a Coach.
- Used to have some porn videos on my laptop but erased them.

V. Make a list of all the people that you use as compulsive sexual and/or romantic object. Post this in your thread.
- pornstars in the videos.
- looked for escorts online, but never acted out.

VI. Make a list of all the places where you go to act out your sexually/romantically compulsive behavior. Post this list in your thread.
- Internet for porn and masturbating.
- chat rooms for sexting.
Author:  a.shivaraman [ Sat Mar 17, 2018 12:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Finding my way to a successful life
lesson 12 response:

Unhealthy recovery patterns:
1) if I relapse or get depressed I will take breaks and waste the time doing nothing
2) sometimes I will rush through the lessons and it becomes hard to grasp the full meaning
3) sometimes I will not apply the lessons that I have learned because of laziness, fear and what others might think of me.
4) sometimes I will not put the extra effort that is necessary for recovery.
Author:  a.shivaraman [ Sat Mar 17, 2018 2:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Finding my way to a successful life
lesson 13 response:

healthy recovery patterns:
1) Started recovery to learn values and understand my behaviour
2) I understand that what I am now is because of the choices I made (good/bad)
3) I realize that my behaviours are due to my inability to manage my emotions
4) I see my life as a progress
5) I feel sad that it was my decisions which made my family suffer
6) I want to live a life that I can be proud of.
Author:  a.shivaraman [ Sat Mar 17, 2018 2:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Finding my way to a successful life
lesson 14 response:

Health monitoring -1
1. Was I honest with myself and others today? Did I change my decisions out of fear? If so what is the response that I should give next time to get the desired outcome?
2. Did I do any challenging task today to improve my career or financial situation?
3. Did make effort to improve my conversational skills?
4. Did I exercise today?
5. Did I have my meals at the proper time?
6. Did I meditate and offer my daily gratitude?
7. Did I spend 2 hours of quality time to improve myself?
8. Did I present myself in in an appropriate way to others?
9. did I maintain my surroundings and myself hygiene?
10. Did I make a meaningful conversation with the people who I love?
11. Did I motivate myself to become the person I want to be?
Author:  Kenzo [ Sun Mar 18, 2018 7:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Finding my way to a successful life
Hello S Man
Quote:
Unhealthy recovery patterns:
1) if I relapse or get depressed I will take breaks and waste the time doing nothing
2) sometimes I will rush through the lessons and it becomes hard to grasp the full meaning
3) sometimes I will not apply the lessons that I have learned because of laziness, fear and what others might think of me.
4) sometimes I will not put the extra effort that is necessary for recovery.


it is good that you recognise these as being both patterns and unhealthy
:g:
what to do?
address them

1)
Quote:
if I relapse or get depressed I will take breaks and waste the time doing nothing


why are you getting depressed and is it depression or perhaps deprivation, you know acting out never gives it simply takes more and then more again

2)
Quote:
sometimes I will rush through the lessons and it becomes hard to grasp the full meaning


why rush, getting to the end with no answer is not getting to the end, use the community forum to ask

3)
Quote:
sometimes I will not apply the lessons that I have learned because of laziness, fear and what others might think of me.


what do you think of you, forget about others, remember RN does not judge, what is there to fear? nothing compared to the failure to recover
Quote:
4) sometimes I will not put the extra effort that is necessary for recovery.

That is a choice your choice, you only get back if you put in, surely that makes it an easy choice to make
so lets do it and do it now
Author:  a.shivaraman [ Fri Mar 23, 2018 3:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Finding my way to a successful life
Thank you for your feedback Kenzo.

Unhealthy recovery patterns:

1) if I relapse or get depressed I will take breaks and waste the time doing nothing
- As my strongest value is hardworking, when I relapse or the things didn't go according to the plan even though I worked hard for it(which happens most of
the time) I get depressed and waste my time as I don't have any other values to support me.
- this also happens because of deprivation from the pleasure that I used to get from PMO

2) sometimes I will rush through the lessons and it becomes hard to grasp the full meaning
- this happens because I want to learn these things as fast as I can and it's frustrating that recovery process takes too much time.

3) sometimes I will not apply the lessons that I have learned because of laziness, fear and what others might think of me.
- Most of my life I got bullied, made fun of because of my opinions and how I look. I never really learned how to deal with these things or got a chance to talk
about. I isolated myself from everyone even from my parents.As I lack the social skills most of the time I'm just afraid, afraid of talking to others, afraid of
being judged and sometimes it's scary to be honest.

4) sometimes I will not put the extra effort that is necessary for recovery.
- I think is due to lack of commitment. from this point onwards I will do whatever it takes to become the person I want to be.
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