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 Post subject: triordan Lesson 1
PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2018 3:23 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2018 12:02 am
Posts: 1
A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:
1) actively committing yourself to change
2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
3) allowing yourself time to change.

I would like to say that I am actively committing myself to change. Today I am tomorrow may be a different story. I am not going to allow guilt and shame to sabotage my commitment. This is a big hindrance for me. I get to the point where I figure why bother. Allowing myself to change is where I struggle with the most I think. I think that I am not worthy to change, after all I am a scuz ball for looking at porn and engaging in promiscuous sex.

B. Reasons to Change:
1. I will stop feeling bad about myself.
2. I will not hurt my wife.
3. I will stop looking at women with lust.
4. I will be able to connect with people on a heart level instead of a physical level.
5. To prevent viruses on my computer.
6. To be able to have real relationships.

C. Innocent Picture
The picture that I have is of me on Christmas Eve. I have such a calm look on my face. I must have been about 4. I can actually remember that Christmas because it is when I got my train set. When I connect with picture tears well up in my eyes. I remember how innocent I was. It was before the porn before the molestation. I was pure. I never felt dirty. I never felt like a freak. I miss those times.


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 Post subject: Re: triordan Lesson 1
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:58 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 308
Triordan,
Welcome to RN. Coach Jon says your firm commitment is the difference between failure and success.
Quote:
Today I am tomorrow may be a different story.
And who decides that? Your addiction? Your behaviors? Your emotions? Often those early in recovery feel the behaviors and emotions dictate whether or not we shall recover. That the compulsions and desires decide for us... Soon, you will learn in fact it is ENTIRELY your choice--you choose to be here or not. You choose to recover or not. You choose to PMO or not. Many struggle with that type of accountability. Because accountability means we must face the initial pain and shame head on.
Quote:
I am not going to allow guilt and shame to sabotage my commitment. This is a big hindrance for me.

I hear your hesitation. The road is long and difficult, but you don't have to do it alone. We are all glad you're here and will not judge you.
Quote:
I remember how innocent I was. It was before the porn before the molestation.

Triordan, perhaps you've been told this before, perhaps not. What was done to you is not your fault, and whatever response you had was valid.
Quote:
I think that I am not worthy to change

Newsflash: You don't have to believe that deficiency story anymore. You are worthy if you choose to allow it. Victims don't get a choice during the event of a violation or attack. But now with it behind you, you do. You get to choose health.
If health is what you want, then commit to yourself and complete the exercises with absolute honesty. Although we recommend completing around 3 lessons a week, we encourage you to read or post daily. That being said, recovery is not a race and it’s important to go a pace with which your body and mind can safely handle—many believe recovery to be a journey, not a destination.
If you find yourself challenged or have questions with one of the lessons, utilize the help forum as help is readily available.
Coaches and Mentors are likely to drop by occasionally. If they don’t, no worries, it’s generally a good sign that you’re on the right path.

Be Well,

Anon


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