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PostPosted: Mon Oct 02, 2017 9:52 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 1

A
1) I commit myself to change.
2) I will not allow guilt or shame to keep me from achieving my goal.
3) It will take as long as it takes.

B
01 - I want to be in control of myself
02 - I want to use my mental energy to have a successful career
03 - I want to proof to myself that I can change
04 - I want to use my time to play instruments
05 - I want to use my time to do sports
06 - I want to become more efficient at work
07 - I want to stay in touch with friends
08 - I want to be more available to my partner
09 - I want to finish my started projects
10 - I want to understand my mind
11 - I want to feel like I accomplished something at the end of each day

C
I could only find a group picture with myself being 12 years old. It was difficult to connect with myself as a child.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:07 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 2

C My Vision
- I want to support my partner to help her live a fulfilling live
- I want to become an expert in my filed of work and gain international attention
- I want to stay curious and learn new things (instruments, sailing, ...) as long as I can
- I want to finish an excellent dissertation in the next 3-5 years
- I want to be a kind person and family member - always there to support my family
- I want to maintain my friendships
- I do not want to just start projects, I want to finish projects in a reasonable time spin


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 02, 2017 12:38 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3846
Location: UK
Hello User
and welcome to RN
if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination
I consider that your reasons for change and your vision are the cornerstones of the foundation of recovery

your reasons for change are generally solid as they are positive and about you
your vision is a reasonable start but only a start
That single vision--when backed by clarity--is capable of serving as both the beacon for change and, a means of contrasting what is healthy and what is a threat.

can I suggest that you read Coach Mel's "how to"
it can be found at the top of this forum. It is worth a read at least
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 12, 2017 8:28 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3846
Location: UK
Hello User
do you remember writing

Quote:
I want to finish my started projects


is recovering included?
RN is not a one stop fix it shop but it helped me save my life

please do it for you and do it now :pe: :pe:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:18 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Hello,

thank you very much for your post.

I had a very stressful time an relapsed after being abstinent for about 8 weeks (without a healthy recovery). The addiction seems to be worse than before my recovery attempt. But I finally managed to pull myself together and write my thoughts down.

It feels like I am having two personalities. One that wants to live a normal life, that has goals in life, that wants to get rid of the addiction. And then there is the other personality that just wants to stay addicted and does everything to stop me from recovery. In the last three weeks I felt helpless against the unreasonable part.

Somehow I eventually found the strength to restart my recovery now. I don't know what helped me wake up, but I am motivated.

I will return to lesson one hopefully tonight or tomorrow, to start the healthy recovery.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2017 7:19 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 1

A
(1)
I am committed to change my addictive behavior. However, I am not sure if my motivation to change stems from the consequences of my addiction or from wanting to change my lifestyle. Nevertheless, I am committed right now to change and start a healthy recovery.

(2)
I will not allow guilt or shame to sabotage commitment to change.

(3)
I know that it will take quit some time to recover from the addiction.

B Motivation
I want to be in control of my behavior.
I want to use my finite life time to do the things I really want to do (programming, playing instruments, research, work, sailing, sports).
I want to be a able to focus.
I want to be curious and want to learn new things.
I want to write an excellent dissertation.
I want to be respected in my field of work.
I want to be a good partner.
I want to feel like I accomplished something at the end of each day.
I want to be productive at work.
I want to be a nice person.

C
I don't have a photo at hand. I will wait till I find a photo (probably till Christmas).


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:46 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 2

My Vision

Where do I see myself in the future? I want to be a well balanced person. To me this means that I would like to be a kind person that listens, thinks before talking, is calm and knows how to react in stressful situations. My behavior should not be compulsive.

I would like to be well respected in my scientific community for my achievements. Therefore, I will have to be focused and efficient at work. I would like to use some of my spare time to learn or try new things (sailing, mountain climbing, triathlon, half-marathon …). Ideally these activities are done together with my partner.

Furthermore, I want to be a good partner. This means that I will support my partner to achieve her goals in her life, that I spend time with her, that I let her support me, that I am there when she needs me.

Another important part in my vision is having kids. Right now I could imagine myself having three children. I would spend time with them, help them become a person, educate them in many areas of life and help them fulfill their dreams.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 17, 2017 3:53 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3846
Location: UK
Hi User
Quote:
then there is the other personality that just wants to stay addicted and does everything to stop me from recovery. In the last three weeks I felt helpless against the unreasonable part.


this is quite normal
to a greater or lesser degree we have all been there
however
remember that addiction is not your friend
addiction does not support you

it is so easy to say
that I am not too bad and that I can quit at any time I am not hurting anyone

but as you know this is not the case

Quote:
I am committed to change my addictive behavior. However, I am not sure if my motivation to change stems from the consequences of my addiction or from wanting to change my lifestyle. Nevertheless, I am committed right now to change and start a healthy recovery.


for now does it matter?
eventually you will realise that you want recovery for you

good luck

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 20, 2017 9:22 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 3

My Values

I want to meditate at least three times a week for about 10 minutes
I want to continue working through some books on four days a week for at least 1 hour
I will not get distracted by the internet at work and at home
I will focus on doing my work while I am at work
I will try to focus on the positive things at work
I want to get up early with my partner every day
I will not complain too much about work while talking to my partner
I will try to have a meaningful conversation with my parter each day
I want to do my chores every day
I want to do sports at least three times a week

Experiencing euphoria
Sense of humor
Sense of responsibility
Taking care of myself
Developing emotional maturity
Sharing my true self with the world around me
Being dedicated
Staying active
Being reliable
Honesty
Physical health
Being respected
Being judged trustworthy
Developing patience
Being known as reliable
OrganizationPersonal independence
Control
Curiosity
Showing appreciation towards other
Intellectual growth, debate, communication
Feeling happy and content
Accepting responsibility for living my life
Be known as truthful and honest
Feeling challenged
Respecting Mother Earth
Open-minded to the beliefs and values of others, tolerance
Self-discipline

Being respected as a professional by others
Striving for excellence
Being recognized as an expert in my field
World-wide recognition
Being a leader

Experiencing fatherhood
Encouraging my partner's independence
Instilling healthy values in my kids
Raising a healthy child
Guiding, teaching, role modeling for my children

The Dark Side

being emotionally immature
being impatient
having no control
having no long term vision
taking no responsibility
wasting time
living unhealthy
being dishonest to myself


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2017 4:12 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 4

my prioritized values

Control
I will focus on doing my work while I am at work
I want to get up early with my partner every day
I want to continue working through some books on four days a week for at least 1 hour
I will not get distracted by the internet at work and at home
I want to do sports at least three times a week
Developing emotional maturity
I will try to have a meaningful conversation with my parter each day
Sense of responsibility
Personal independence
Developing patience
Encouraging my partner's independence
I will not complain too much about work while talking to my partner
Accepting responsibility for living my life
Physical health
I want to do my chores every day
Being respected
Sense of humor
I want to meditate at least three times a week for about 10 minutes
Curiosity
I will try to focus on the positive things at work

Experiencing fatherhood
Instilling healthy values in my kids
Raising a healthy child
Guiding, teaching, role modeling for my children
Organization
Striving for excellence
Taking care of myself
Sharing my true self with the world around me
Being dedicated
Staying active
Being reliable
Honesty
Being judged trustworthy
Being known as reliable
Showing appreciation towards other
Intellectual growth, debate, communication
Feeling happy and content
Be known as truthful and honest
Feeling challenged
Respecting Mother Earth
Open-minded to the beliefs and values of others, tolerance
Self-discipline
Being respected as a professional by others
Being recognized as an expert in my field
World-wide recognition
Being a leader
Experiencing euphoria


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 4:55 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 5

I want to use my free time consciously
Use most opportunities to get to know new things is life
I will focus on doing my work while I am at work
I want to spend time with my partner every day
I want to continue studies on four days a week for at least 1 hour
I will not get distracted by the internet at work and at home
Being physically fit
I will try to have a meaningful conversation with my parnter each day
Sense of responsibility
Encouraging my partner's independence
I will not complain too much about work while talking to my partner
Accepting responsibility for living my life
I want to do my chores every day
Developing emotional maturity
Experiencing fatherhood


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2017 1:54 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 6

Proactive Action Plan I

I want to continue studies on four days a week for at least 1 hour
  • think about specific things I want to do in advance
  • set small goals every day/what do I want to do that day
  • have all the materials available at home
  • have a clean desk/room to be able to concentrate
  • don't stress out that I am doing not enough
  • take small steps
  • it should be the first thing after coming home from work/dinner

Being physically fit
  • work out every Tuesday from 8 to 9 pm
  • go to spinning every Thursday at 6 pm
  • work out every Saturday or Sunday
  • only move the workout to another date if I have a more important date
  • don't skip a workout due to laziness
  • don't skip exercises due to laziness
  • feel proud of being disciplined

I want to do my chores every day
  • look what can be done (dishwasher, washing clothes, cleaning dishes,..)
  • do the chores that I notice immediately (it takes almost no time)
  • do not get stressed (no time is wasted by doing the chores, it takes only a couple of minutes)
  • be calm while doing chores
  • feel happy/satisfied when done


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 25, 2017 4:56 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 7

Proactive Action Plan II

I want to use my free time consciously
  • don't switch on the PC due to boredom
  • don't use the PC to listen to music, use mobile phone/radio instead
  • if bored at home choose one of the following activities
    • play piano
    • read a book
    • meditate
    • just sit on the couch and look out of the window
    • call someone to just talk
    • do sports
    • go outside
  • if demotivated/bored at work
    • look out of the window
    • avoid the PC/mobile phone

I will focus on doing my work while I am at work
  • don't complain about work
  • make a plan with small task for the day every morning or the night before
  • be happy when task is completed
  • don't be disappointed if not all tasks are completed at the end of the day
  • set realistic goals
  • avoid the internet as often as possible

I want to spend time with my partner every day
  • get up with my partner and have breakfast together every day
  • have dinner together every night
  • plan an event for the weekend
  • go outside after dinner

I will not get distracted by the internet at work and at home
  • at home
    • don't use the PC to listen to music, use mobile phone/radio instead
    • avoid the PC as often as possible
  • at work
    • concentrate on tasks
    • take short breaks away from the PC (switch off monitor, when PC is not needed)


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:43 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 7 (continued)

I will try to have a meaningful conversation with my partner every day
  • be available for my partner to talk
    • look at her when she starts talking
    • don't get distracted by work/books/PC
    • don't think about time
  • preferably move to the couch to talk to avoid distractions
  • listen and don't change the topic
  • be honest
  • keep eye contact
  • try to understand what is said
  • don't expect her to be always available to have a meaningful conversation

I will not complain too much about work while talking to my partner
  • name at least three good things about work when talking about it
  • don't get to emotional about the 'bad' things at work

Accepting responsibility for living my life
  • don't expect too much from others
  • make your own vision and try to fulfill that vision
  • instead of complaining about problems, try to solve them actively
  • don't wait passively for someone to help you
  • other people are usually not responsible for your problems

I now realize that the other values
  • Use most opportunities to get to know new things is life
  • Sense of responsibility
  • Encouraging my partner's independence
  • Developing emotional maturity
  • Experiencing fatherhood
are not very practical. I am not sure if I should omit them and choose new ones instead or if I have enough practical values (10).


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 4:15 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 74
Lesson 10

IV List of Places: (empty)

V List of people: (empty)

VI List of places:
My addiction is purely lived out at the computer/mobile phone. I would say that I am addicted to novelty on the internet in general (youtube, memes, daily news). This also includes porn (with masturbation). The addiction to porn is only lived out at home, the rest at work as well.


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