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PostPosted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 5:37 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 21, 2017 3:43 pm
Posts: 5
Lesson 1 Exercises


A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:
1) actively committing yourself to change
2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
3) allowing yourself time to change.
Consider where you feel you are in relation to each of these recovery keys? Briefly share your thoughts in your Recovery Thread.

1) I am more committing to changing myself more than any time in my life. I have taken positive actions to help me change: Listening to podcasts to inform me that I am not alone, techniques on changing myself, and listening to others with their struggles. I have also attended an SAA meeting and will continue to attend until I feel comfortable with one. I have also taken a course on Udemy which helps me meditate, and of course this workshop which I feel is a godsend. I feel I am also getting much closer to God as I am going through this process of change.

2) I have a lot of guilt and shame in my life. I feel very disgusted with the things I have done and what I have looked at. But, I know that I cannot dwell on my mistakes, and I must look forward to change. I am so tired of not being the person I could be. I am excited about my new journey toward changing myself. I am so glad I found this workshop.

3) I know I am just beginning this journey of permanent change in my life. I know this is going to be a lifetime commitment. I feel excited about this journey and I pray that not only can I change myself, but that my relationship with my wife will be closer than ever. I pray we both grow in this journey. It is going to take time before I will be able to shake off all the negative thoughts in my mind, and I know there will be setbacks and temptations. But I know that I have taken the first steps for positive change, and I know I truly want to start this new journey to make me healthy again.

B. Beyond an active commitment to change, another important factor in determining your ultimate success is your motivation. Look deep inside and list ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life. Don't stop at three or four obvious ones, really examine your life and what is important to you. Phrase these in the positive. For example: " I don't want to keep deceiving my wife" would serve you better if written like "I want to be honest and transparent with my wife". Positive statements have much more power in our mindset than negative ones. List these in your recovery thread.
1) I want to feel good about myself by being honest and knowing that I am truthful and good.
2) I want to have a closer relationship with god. I want to be feel spiritual and know that God is with me no matter what.
3) I want to feel closer to my wife. I want to be transparent and honest with her.
4) I want my wife to trust me if I go out of town or she goes somewhere
5) I want to be a better father by knowing I am doing the right things.
6) I want to have more confidence around people and relationships.
7) I want to know that I have purpose in my life, and that porn does not fit to that purpose.
8) I want to feel in control of my emotions. I want the feeling that when problems or disappointments occur in my life, I will be able to control my emotions and know everything is going to be ok.
9) I want to pass on a positive legacy for my children.
10) I want to be able to help others with this or other problems. I know it may be awhile before this happens, but after I change I want to be able to help others.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 6:38 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 21, 2017 3:43 pm
Posts: 5
Lesson 2, Vision Statement

My vision consists of three specific areas in my life.

The first is that I want to have a complete close relationship with God. I want to talk to him and feel his presence in everything I do. I am not worried whether people see me as a man of god or not, but I want this relationship to be a personal thing for me. I want all my choices to be guided by him. By following god and being as close as I can with him, I cannot help feeling that I am doing what I have been born to do in my life.
The second is that I want a new and fulfilling relationship with my wife. I want to her to feel loved again. I want her to feel secure and have trust in me. I want her to feel that she is proud she married me, and that I will be there no matter what happens. I want to build a feeling of love, trust and intimacy that continues throughout our lives. I want to be her best friend, the love of her life, and an overcomer.
The third is that I want to be a great father for my children. I want to be a hero to them. I want to build a life for them so that they feel love and secure. I want them to know that I have done everything I can to be the best father I can be. As they get older, I want them to look back and know that they have had a great father that has lived an honest life, and that they were loved throughout.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:59 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3880
Location: UK
Hello Lochlan and welcome to RN
Quote:
I have a lot of guilt and shame in my life. I feel very disgusted with the things I have done and what I have looked at. But, I know that I cannot dwell on my mistakes, and I must look forward to change. I am so tired of not being the person I could be. I am excited about my new journey toward changing myself. I am so glad I found this workshop.


we all start at a place similar to where you are right now and working this programme consistently with open eyes does ensure change in the right direction
in addiction change is inevitable
in participating here you get to realise that you actually do have the choice of direction of this change
addicts are addicts because we chose / choose to be so


if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change are generally solid as they are positive and about you

your vision is a reasonable start but only a start
perhaps consider broadening it and add some "hows" and "whens"
Coach Mels how to might help
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 14, 2017 10:36 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 21, 2017 3:43 pm
Posts: 5
My Value List:

1. I will have a complete close relationship with God
2. I will have a new and fulfilling relationship with my wife
3. I will be a great father for my children
4. I will be honest in all my relationships
5. I will be a responsible employee
6. I will work as part of a team
7. I will encourage others
8. I will be dependable
9. I will be an overcomer
10. I will a great teacher
11. I will keep my body healthy
12. I will assist others when needed
13. I will turn to God when down
14. I will have a great since of humor to help with bringing people up
15. I will be a great listener and understand people
16. I will be patient with others
17. I will be the best I can be in my profession
18. I will continue to learn different things everyday
19. I will learn to be more emotional
20. I will care about other people
21. I will learn to enjoy sexual intimacy
22. I will be a fun person to be around with
23. I will develop deep intimate friendships
24. I will connect with my inner feelings and emotions.
25. I will learn how to touch and feel emotionally
26. I will be financially secure
27. I will ensure a secure household
28. I will accept my imperfections
29. I will love myself
30. I will appreciate others
31. I will control my emotions when things get tough
32. I will appreciate my supervisors
33. I will commit to things I have started
34. I will strengthen my role as a friend to my promise keeper brothers
35. I will drink responsibly
36. I will accept my weaknesses
37. I will continue to watch my weight
38. I will keep my mind busy by playing games (chess, etc.)
39. I will be responsible with my money
40. I will enjoy traveling
41. I will be a great travel companion
42. I will be a role model for my daughters
43. I will keep my home in good order (lawn, maintenance)
44. I will learn to be better with home maintenance
45. I will read a scripture from the bible everyday
46. I will be a studier of the Bible
47. I will memorize scripture and know the meaning of it
48. I will put my full focus on Jesus
49. I will bring people around me closer to God
50. I will bring my wife closer to God
51. I will bring my daughter closer to God
52. I will put God first in everything I do
53. I will be in prayer consistently
54. I will feel healthy
55. I will feel a belonging with others
56. I will have a purpose for my life
57. I will love myself

Compulsive/Addictive behaviors:
1. Thinking of ME, not God
2. Not caring about anyone
3. Not thinking of my consequences
4. Satisfying my own cravings
5. Never being satisfied
6. Not caring what anyone thinks
7. Self-serving
8. Lying about everything
9. Angry with myself and God
10. Inability to enjoy small things
11. Total loneliness
12. Not wanting to stop my behaviors
13. Having constant excuses
14. Thinking that there was no way out
15. Isolating myself purposely
16. Anticipating my acting out
17. Euphoria
18. Complete exhaustion
19. No spirituality
20. Being a fake
21. Paranoia that someone will see the real me
22. Feeling ugly
23. Hating my life


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:02 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 21, 2017 3:43 pm
Posts: 5
Prioritizing my values:


1. I will have a complete close relationship with God
2. I will have a new and fulfilling relationship with my wife
3. I will be a great father for my children
4. I will be honest in all my relationships
5. I will encourage others
6. I will keep my body healthy
7. I will be a great listener and understand people
8. I will continue to learn different things everyday
9. I will learn to enjoy sexual intimacy
10. I will develop deep intimate friendships
11. I will love myself
12. I will control my emotions when things get tough
13. I will strengthen my role as a friend to my promise keeper brothers
14. I will accept my weaknesses
15. I will be a studier of the Bible
16. I will be a responsible employee
17. I will work as part of a team
18. I will be dependable
19. I will be an overcomer
20. I will a great teacher
21. I will assist others when needed
22. I will turn to God when down
23. I will have a great since of humor to help with bringing people up
24. I will be patient with others
25. I will be the best I can be in my profession
26. I will learn to be more emotional
27. I will care about other people
28. I will be a fun person to be around with
29. I will connect with my inner feelings and emotions.
30. I will learn how to touch and feel emotionally
31. I will be financially secure
32. I will ensure a secure household
33. I will accept my imperfections
34. I will appreciate others
35. I will appreciate my supervisors
36. I will commit to things I have started
37. I will drink responsibly
38. I will continue to watch my weight
39. I will keep my mind busy by playing games (chess, etc.)
40. I will be responsible with my money
41. I will enjoy traveling
42. I will be a great travel companion
43. I will be a role model for my daughters
44. I will keep my home in good order (lawn, maintenance)
45. I will learn to be better with home maintenance
46. I will read a scripture from the bible everyday
47. I will memorize scripture and know the meaning of it
48. I will put my full focus on Jesus
49. I will bring people around me closer to God
50. I will bring my wife closer to God
51. I will bring my daughter closer to God
52. I will put God first in everything I do
53. I will be in prayer consistently
54. I will feel healthy
55. I will feel a belonging with others
56. I will have a purpose for my life


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:05 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 21, 2017 3:43 pm
Posts: 5
Top 15 Values:

1. I will have a complete close relationship with God
2. I will have a new and fulfilling relationship with my wife
3. I will be a great father for my children
4. I will be honest in all my relationships
5. I will encourage others
6. I will keep my body healthy
7. I will be a great listener and understand people
8. I will continue to learn different things everyday
9. I will learn to enjoy sexual intimacy
10. I will develop deep intimate friendships
11. I will love myself
12. I will control my emotions when things get tough
13. I will strengthen my role as a friend to my promise keeper brothers
14. I will accept my weaknesses
15. I will be a studier of the Bible


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