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PostPosted: Mon Oct 30, 2017 6:01 am 
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LESSON 32
Early in the workshop, you created approximately fifteen 'proactive action plans' that were intended to list specific steps to take to strengthen certain values that are important to you. Return to these action plans and for each, review your progress

To avoid conflict
I have made a concerted effort to try and bite my tongue and count to 10 when I encounter a potential conflict situation. I have been reasonably successful in avoiding the conflict and have let things goes where they have been minor points which I would previously have taken a stance on. I am aware that my wife has little filtering at times and is quick to criticise me in a way that I would not criticise her. I aim to try and find a non-confrontational way of raising this with her.

To find and engage in healthy activities and pastimes that interest me
I have been reading books and/or doing crosswords on a daily basis which has been enjoyable.

To keep fit and healthy
I have maintained my planned programme and am feeling fitter for it

To be faithful/trustworthy/honest/reliable
I have remained committed to the programme and have posted to my thread on a broadly daily basis. Having been someone who masturbated daily I have not done that now since I started this programme a month ago which is the longest time I have gone since I was a teenager. It has actually been OK surprisingly and relies on me heading off urges at an early stage before they take hold. So far so good but I do feel that this is fragile. It was interesting to read the recent lessons on removing things that could tempt you. I was aware that me learning about new celebrity hacked nude photos would come from a tabloid online paper I tend to read so I took the decision to stop looking at that site and am getting news updates from other sources. That felt like a gut wrench so it was clearly blocking off a route to a ritual. I feel reasonably comfortable that I won't start the rituals again but the area of vulnerability would come from someone I find very attractive approaching me in an inappropriate way and how I would react to that. This is unlikely now do to my age and I would like to think I would be OK in any event but if there is an area of fragility it would be that.

To actually be the good person that others see me as
I have had situations where I have been around people that I find attractive but have not had any attempt to make a move on them and when I have walked away at the end of the conversation I have felt good about the fact that they have probably been left with a positive opinion of me.

To feel relaxed and have a clear conscience
I do feel good about not having acted on rituals for a month now since I started the programme. I have realised though how frequently thoughts pop into my head about inappropriate things that are triggered in all sorts of ways. It has been quite tiring to repeatedly fight them off. I feel like my bad brain is recognising that it is losing and is throwing all sorts of things at me in a desperate attempt to stay involved. There have been thoughts coming to me of things going way back that I haven't thought about for years which have surprised me but so far so good and I have fought them off.

To prioritise the things that are most important to me
Having been reasonably successful if fighting off the urges it has left me lots more time to focus on the good things. I have just had a week off with my family and lots of time dedicated to supporting me values which has been good.

Take time to talk to my wife deepen the connection with her
I am making a point of taking time to talk to her without distractions of TV and phones, etc. which has made the connection stronger. I need to remember to check our house calendar what my wife/son are doing each day through to the week so I can ask them about it when I get home rather than them reminding me what they were doing. I did that initially and it worked well.

Take time to talk to my son to better understand him
I have been talking to him more when he has his bath about things that interest him rather than losing myself in thought. I have also been carving out tome to play games with him and kick a ball around in our garden which has been fun.

Making time to spend quality time with my family
As above, plus board games being played and time out as a family over the last week when I have been on holiday.

To take time to appreciate my wife
I am appreciating her beauty in my mind but need to verbalise this more. For some reason this has never come easily to me. I love her very much but have always struggled to say it. My Dad was the same, bizarre but I need to work on it.

To plan for the future positively
I am still nervous about planning too far ahead. I am feeling more confident about being able to lead a healthy life in the future but I don't want to put pressure on that at the moment by booking big holidays for next year. I am far more hopeful than I have ever been about us being together long term now though which is a pleasant feeling.

Physical healthy pleasure with my wife
I hug her every evening I come home from work which has helped make us more tactile. I touch her in bed without trying to initiate sex which means that I can touch her without putting pressure on her. At times this has led to sex which has also been nice.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 01, 2017 7:41 am 
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LESSON 33

1. While you have no doubt already deepened the awareness of your emotions...you now want to begin the process of mastering them. You want to make it a goal of yours to turn what was once a debilitating fault into one of your greatest strengths. That can't be done by reading. It must be developed in your day-to-day life. And so, that is your assignment. To take this next week to seek out opportunities to deepen an awareness of your emotions — both as they occur and as they can be anticipated. Each day, find at least five opportunities to assess your emotions. Don't do this retroactively...as in, you are about to go to bed and so, you review the day's activities and how you felt about them...this must be done in the here and now.
Additionally, add a few opportunities for developing this awareness by anticipating, role playing common rituals surrounding your past behavior. Or possible future behavior. Consider your emotions at the height of a compulsive urge. On the death of a loved one. On the experience of a child's birth. Think of the extremes.
The insights you are searching for throughout this exercise will be in relation to the finite qualities of emotion; the lack of fear/anxiety that comes with developing confidence in being able to anticipate emotional intensity; and the confidence that comes with the same.
2. Each day over the next three, share a few insights relating to these topics in your personal thread. Insights that you have gained from that particular day's focus.
3. At the end of the week, assess the level of effort you put into this task. Did you remember to consciously seek out such developmental opportunities each of the seven days? Post your assessment in your thread.


Day 1
1. First day back at work after having been on holiday for a week so a lot of catching up to do. As the day goes on it turns out that some of the things I had asked for my team to do when I was off had not in fact been done. One of my frustrations is having to remind people to do things all the time that they should remember to do themselves. This created some stress but was moderate and soon passed.
2. A few weeks back we had booked some clients into an expensive local hotel for a couple of nights and today they told us that one of the nights was double booked and therefore 1 client needs to move to another hotel for the second night. I can't tell the person to do that so I remained the hotel that we are spending £3k with them during this stay and that they should bump someone else. The person that responded is new and replied back that there is nothing he can do which really wound me up. He told me his boss is back in tomorrow so I asked him to call me then. One of my objectives is to not be confrontational - I am focussing on that at home but need to remember it away from home too! The stress was short lived and was moderate for a short while.
3. As suggested I have tried to picture carrying out a ritual and very bizarrely it isn't doing it for me. I have spent a month fending off thoughts that pop into my head about things which would ordinarily turn them on but now I have taken to time to safely think a scenario through it isn't turning me on. I will think again tomorrow as maybe it is just my state of mind today but I certainly wasn't expecting that!
4. I'm leaving work early to have dinner at home and then go out with my wife to watch my son do football training. I will enjoy watching him play and have some time to chat to my wife at the same time which will be nice. I'm looking forward to it.

Day 2
1. I went to my usual spinning class this morning but today is the monthly "pay day spin" which is longer and as a one-off run by two instructors as a trial. Most attendees in the spin classes favour certain spin bikes but today there was more pressure on getting the bike that you want. I managed to get my usual one but the class was packed and I felt a certain degree of stress until I managed to secure my bike. How sad is that?! In some ways having my stress is non-sexual areas is probably a welcome relief though!!
2. I have pictured me finding out that my Dad had suddenly dies of a heart attack 13 years ago. I was in a meeting on a business trip in Canada and I got a call from my wife in the meeting room telling me it had happened. It was the first time that someone that closed to me had died and I had a very close bond with him. I was living in Bermuda at the time and had to make my way back early which was a horrendous trip needing to back though the US which created issues post 9/11 with border controls and unexpectedly entering the US. The next evening I flew back to the UK and met my Mum and my sisters who were emotionally hanging on until I got there. We then had the funeral and the celebration of his life. I still find it very upsetting to talk about all of this and even to write it. If I am trying to analyse how the emotion feels it is higher up in my body mainly in my head - I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and getting a choking feeling in the back of my throat. The emotion is fairly intense even after all these years.
3. I've run through a future possible ritual scenario in my head. It created some degree of excitement but nothing like what it normally would. The feeling is like a rush of excitement in my stomach that is the same sort of feeling as when you are in a car and unexpectedly go over a small hill which turns your stomach. It may be that the less intense feeling is because I know that the end game of my ritual is to get what I want (say viewing naked pictures) and then masturbating to it. I know in my mind I am not going to masturbate now so I wonder if my brain is sub-consciously telling me not to get aroused by it because I can't go there? It could also be that I have been fending off naughty thoughts for over a month now and having had a break from it to actually start thinking those thoughts again it feels emptier in some way. Whilst I can see he draw and appeal of seeing someone naked I can also see the other side of it where I will regret it if I pursued that. Prior to this programme that sensible side of my brain would block out those balancing thoughts and would tell me to focus on pursuing the rush. I will think of something else again tomorrow and see if that feels any different but this is certainly not what I was expecting.
4. I have been reading in the news about the allegations of sexual misconduct involving Harvey Weinstsein. The article went through each of his alleged victims and their description of what he said and did to them usually in his hotel room. He allegedly assaulted and in some instances raped actresses on the basis that he was very influential over their career in Hollywood. The power and manipulation that he exerted over these people has similarities with the experiences I have had with some women in the past, the difference being though that I have always persuaded the women to do things for me and have never literally forced myself on to them. But reading the accounts led to me picture being in his shoes and having the world's most attractive women in your hotel room and having the ability to play power games gave me some degree of excitement. I am disgusted at him having allegedly raped women but the fantasy of being in his situation and having that power to persuade them to voluntarily do whatever I want with them brings some excitement with it. Interestingly, when considering it I was noticing a rush of excitement rather than actual arousal. Again this may be my mind telling me that thinking about it can't ultimately lead me to completing my previous rituals as I no longer masturbate.
5. I have reached late afternoon and I have had a busy day where I have got through a lot of work and have only half an hour left before I leave to go home. I really can't be bothered doing anything else work related before I go because my next tasks are rather dull which I would prefer to do tomorrow morning when I get in. I am very familiar with this current feeling which is one of boredom and lack of excitement. It feels like a temporary emptiness and an itch to resolve it. It is at times like this that I would be most likely to pick up on my rituals and surf the internet for nude celebrity images to give me a rush and a reward for my hard work during the day. I have been able to anticipate this feeling of boredom and normally what follows it. So I have decided not to do any more work but instead will look at healthier things on the internet such as news and sport items for half an hour before I head off home. I can still feel the emptiness a little but I feel like I am looking at it with a clearer head and am balancing it with knowing I will feel rubbish afterwards and as I don't want to feel like that I will put up with the temporary empty feeling where my itch is not scratched.

Day 3
1. I closed my eyes and relived the moment that my son was born. There was an instant surge of love and pride holding him in my arms for the first time. Tears immediately come to my eyes when I think back to it. I can definitely feel the emotion higher up in my body as opposed to the emotion of urges which is lower down in my stomach. It then caused me to think about my son now when I tuck him into bed after his bath. As I leave his b bedroom he often calls me back to hug him one more time and he wraps his arm around my neck. The thought of that also brings tears to my eyes as I can feel unconditional love for him. It is a cliché to say that you would give your live for someone but there are few people you would do that for without thinking. I would do it for my wife and my son without needing to think about it. I would do anything for them. That thought has plagued me over the years as I often say it but then when I feel guilt and shame after acting out my rituals I know that I haven't put that into practice, I have risked losing both of them from being selfish. For the last month I feel that I am now going to be able to live by that promise and will always be there for them and be able to look them in the eye and have them both have good reasons to be proud of me.
2. I have also run through the first night that I slept with the girl that I had an affair with years ago. At the time it was one of the most exciting and arousing nights of my life where the anticipation, risk and danger involved amplified the excitement. I have often thought about that night and masturbated to the scenario. Looking back now it gives me very little excitement and no arousal at all. For the last month since the programme started I feel like I have constantly be batting away inappropriate thoughts as they come to mind which has been draining. I feel like I have tried to hide all of those thoughts into a big box and put the lid down on it so I can ignore them. I have been scared at the thought of lifting the lid in case it consumes me and leads to me restart my rituals. This week has been eye opening as each time I have lifted the lid of the box I have not in fact been met with excitement. If I am honest I am not looking at things and thinking that they are horrible or that I will never find appeal in them again but to look at them and not feel arousal from them has come as a surprise. It has changed my mindset as the week has gone on. Whereas over the last few weeks I have fended inappropriate thoughts away in case they arouse me, I am still batting them away now but I feel calmer about it so still don't want to think about them but knowing that if I were to think about them then they won't arouse me like before. It has made me feel calmer about it all and a real sense that the programme is changing me for the better. I guess this is the whole point of the exercise, I suppose I am anticipating the emotions and feel like they will not be as intense as before and therefore make them easier to manage. Certainly I can say that the emotions generated by the major non-sexual events in my life which I have been looking back on this week have been significant in comparison to the sexual ones that I have tried to envisage.

End of Week Assessment
I feel like I have made a point of actively assessing and analysing my emotions over the course of this week. I have also consciously relived memories of major events in my life and also certain rituals that I would engage in to assess the emotions that they provoke. I have been surprised to see how the emotions from the rituals have lessons having relived them for the first time since embarking on this programme. I honestly still feel like this is fragile though and am looking forward to the further coaching that lies ahead in relation to urge control to ensure that I have all the tools needed to ensure that I now stay on the right track.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 2:27 am 
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LESSON 34

A. Describe a time in your life when the "Immediate Gratification" principle has come into play:
Example: When I was twenty-two, I was approached by my best friend's wife, who wanted to have an affair with me. I knew that I shouldn't, and I knew that it wasn't worth the possibility of losing my friend or my marriage, but I did it anyway. Somehow, the feeling to have sex with her was just overwhelming, and it would have caused me great stress if I had said no.


One of my rituals was sending women I knew emails and over a little while persuading them to answer very personal questions and to send me naked pictures of themselves. I was able to justify doing this in my mind because I wasn't ever having physical contact or sex with them. Several years ago I worked with a girl who was 20 years younger than me, she was stunning and had a perfect body. Every bloke in the office fancied her including the good looking guys her age but she was untouchable with her boyfriend also working in our office. I started to email her not really expecting anything and she rebuffed them to start with. I was at the point of giving up when she let her guard down and suddenly I was in, she opened up and started to answer my personal questions, it was so arousing. I got towards the end of my questions and then moved on to asking her for naked photos. She told me that she would never send me naked photos of herself but if I wanted to see her naked then I would have to do it in person. She was inviting me to have sex with her. This was breaking my personal rules but at the time she seemed exceptional and it was too good an opportunity to miss. Everything else went out the window and I took her up on her offer. We had a brief affair which seemed unbelievably exciting at the time and as it was ending I got caught by my wife. Looking back now it was the worst decision of my life, it was complete madness. I nearly lost everything and I caused so much pain for immediate gratification.


B. As best as you can, describe the anxiety you feel when you are trying to NOT ACT on a compulsive sexual thought or behavior. Be specific. Compare it to other feelings of anxiety that you experience. The purpose of this exercise is to begin to define the limits of your emotions — and where your compulsive urges stand within those limits.

I have a mixture of feelings when avoiding acting out. The first feeling is almost like a mourning feeling, a gut wrenching loss of something knowing that I won't be able to get my immediate fix of excitement and arousal. After that feeling subsides and I block the thoughts which are tempting me to act out I then have a feeling of fear that I will never get to a stage where I am not being plagued by these thoughts. Whilst I am still learning the necessary tools through each exercise I am using willpower to some extent to stop me acting out which is tiring. The lessons have often mentioned this feeling of helplessness and inevitability that you will act out and you can do nothing about it. I felt that way so often, starting to act out knowing I will later regret it but the need for the rush takes over. I am scared that my willpower will go and I will act out.
All of that said, I have spent the last few days on the previous exercise analysing my emotions and comparing them to emotions through major life events. There is something underlying that is holding me back now on acting out, it might be knowing I am in the public eye by posting to this forum and a commitment for honest means I would need to humiliate myself by saying I had acted out which I couldn't bear after putting so much effort into this already. I am thinking more about my values and I don't have this shielded from my vision when dangerous thoughts come to mid - these would be blocked away for me to worry about later previously which I think is helping. Also, avoiding thinking about rituals and avoiding triggers have given me far more time to focus on my family and I have closer to them than I have for many years since starting this programme. Whatever the reason, and it may be a combination of all of them, the emotions now when I think about acting out are nowhere near as intense as they used to be and certainly less than the emotions I conjure up when reflecting back on events such as the birth of my son or death of my father. As I keep saying, I feel fragile but my confidence is growing that this will work for me as I progress through the workshop.


C. As best as you can, describe the feeling that you experience while you are engaging in a certain compulsive sexual thought or behavior. Is it a trance-like feeling? Is it a hyper-alert feeling? If someone could get inside your mind as you were experiencing such a ritual, what would they find?

If I think of the emailing scenario with the end goal being seeing someone I know and fancy naked, the feelings are similar to that of gambling. You do lots of planning to analyse how you are going to go about it which builds up anticipation and excitement, you then place your bet and the excitement increases as the event takes place and you see if you end up winning your bet at the end. When it happens there is a massive rush of excitement at the achievement and feeling how clever you were at being able to work it out and control the situation. If you lose the feeling is one of emptiness and failure which is extreme in the other direction so the appeal is probably knowing that you will have extreme emotional response regardless of the outcome. When the emails start I get incredibly excited to the point that I have to slow myself down, at times I can go too fast and rush the questions because I just want to get straight to the end game and the process which can take a couple of weeks from start to finish is excruciating but that just builds the excitement. The work and effort involved in getting a successful outcome is huge and I am exhausted at the end of it. Add on top of the danger of knowing that either the emails will work and I will get what I want or knowing that I wont and I will have created an irreversible awkward situation with someone that I know and will continue to meet regularly raises the stakes too. There are key emails through the process which will be firstly one that makes it clear I want them to tell me personal things about themselves rather than just chat in a friendly way, a second where they answer a very personal question about their body and finally when they are asked to send me naked pictures of themselves. These milestones create such anticipation, I know each time that the email will shock them and I hang on their response. When their reply comes into my inbox I get a massive rush of excitement even before I open it and then I can be shaking opening it up as it will tell me if they are going to play or not. To pursue an email exchange to my intended end goal of photos is exciting enough but then I am left wondering where it goes from there, after such intense excitement does it just stop? I usually get on a downer afterwards a bit like Christmas morning as a kid when you've opened all of your presents up and thinking that is it for another year.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 3:21 am 
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LESSON 35

1) Evolve your daily monitoring as outlined above. Post the first thing you will be monitoring in this way in your thread for feedback and, share where you will be placing the reminder. Do not wait for feedback to begin.

I have outlined the areas I still need to concentrate on below with reasons for each. I have then translated that into a Daily Monitoring Plan and have placed them in an order of priority with 3 days being dedicated to each. Arguably a) and b) should be reversed in priority but taking a) first makes more sense as b) will take place over the weekend. I will put the daily plan above my To Do List which I check regularly through the day and will set discrete task reminders on my phone to ensure they do not slip my mind.

a) Making a note of what my wife and son are doing each day of the week from our home calendar and to be ready to ask proactive questions about those activities rather than being reminded when I get home. Last night my wife told me she had been to the hairdressers that day having told me the night before she had got a last minute appointment. I could have kicked myself missing such an opportunity to ask her how she got on and to compliment her on her hair.

DAILY MONITORING 1
Today I am going to look for opportunities to proactively ask my wife and son about their day by reminding myself of their plans before I go home from work

b) Although I am doing well in fending off urges I am sensing I am lingering my thoughts about them for longer than I should, I am almost testing myself to see if I am able to avoid getting aroused by them. I don't want to get complacent and take unnecessary risks through my recovery.

DAILY MONITORING 2
Today I am going to look for opportunities to look at my wife and know that she should feel proud of me having I have a clear conscience because any initial thoughts of urges that had briefly popped into my head during the day were managed quickly and positively .

c) Using the stairs rather than the lift at work needs to become more automatic.

DAILY MONITORING 3
Today I am going to look for opportunities to use the stairs rather than the lift


2) Create your weekly agenda

a) Have I been managing urges quickly and positively and ensuring that I do not dwell on them?
b) Have I been proactive is asking my wife about activities that she and my son have engaged in that day with prior reference to the home calendar?
c) Have I taken time to undertake activities each day that I enjoy to have some "me time" (e.g. reading, crossword, etc)?
d) Have I been tactile with my wife (e.g. hug when I get home, touching her leg in bed in a non-sexual way, etc)?
e) Have I been engaging in active listening when talking to my wife at home and avoiding distractions?
f) Have I spent some quality time with my son and engaged in conversation around his interests?

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 3:51 am 
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LESSON 36
I. Describe a scenario from your past where not having a well-defined set of boundaries has prolonged and/or intensified the personal consequences that you have experienced.

In a previous thread I have described pursuing a co-worker by email to ultimately obtain naked photos of her. She gave me a choice of either seeing her naked in person or not seeing her naked at all - photos wouldn't happen. I had what I thought was a boundary of not physically seeing someone naked or actually having sex with them which justified what I was doing in my mind. The first time that was tested by this girl the urge to see her naked was overpowering and the boundary went out of the window. The point here for me is that I was kidding myself that I had a boundary whereas I either didn't or did not take it seriously enough.

II. Describe a situation in your life where having solid boundaries will assist you in managing the event in such a way as to protect your value system.

I stopped drinking over a year ago. I see some similarities between my addiction to drink and my addiction to sex which revolve around temptation. I have now been in every situation where I would be vulnerable to having another drink and I know that I won't have one now and it doesn't really bother me. I know that I can go to a party or corporate event and know that despite having a glass of champagne thrust in my face I will not take it. It makes me feel good knowing that I will be able to cope regardless of what environment I am in - this feeling was alluded in the exercise so I can definitely relate to it from an alcohol perspective and am therefore keen to achieve that same feeling for my sex addiction.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 06, 2017 3:03 am 
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LESSON 37

I. List three of your highest values (values prioritized within the top five). 

To be faithful
To be trustworthy
To be honest

II. For each value, list at least five concrete boundaries (rules) that you will use to protect that value. 

To be faithful
1. I will not have sexual contact with anyone other than my wife
2. I will not have a sexual discussion with anyone other than my wife or coaches as part of my recovery on RN
3. If I see a woman I will not allow myself to be drawn into my ritual fantasies
4. When I experience moments of boredom, stress or frustration I will not allow myself to get drawn towards my rituals
5. I will conduct myself in a way that my wife and son will be proud

To be trustworthy
1. I will be transparent with my wife in everything that I am doing
2. I will encourage my wife to contact me at any time to reinforce that I am always where I say I am
3. I will demonstrate that I will always do what I say I am going to so


To be honest
1. I will lead my life knowing that I should be able to relay everything I say and do to my wife
2. I will not leave details out of recounts to my wife for fear of it painting me in a poor light as this may unintentionally create an impression of concealing something else
3. I will give honest opinion on important things when asked by my wife even if I know that this will lead to a potentially confrontational situation

III. Absolute boundaries are those boundaries that under no circumstances will you ever cross. These must be realistic AND you must hold them in reverence. Typically, everyone should have at least three such absolute boundaries. List three that you will use to help manage your life.

1. I will not have sexual contact with anyone other than my wife
2. I will not have a sexual discussion with anyone other than my wife or with coaches as part of my recovery on RN
3. I will conduct myself in a way that my wife and son will be proud

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 06, 2017 3:25 am 
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LESSON 38
I. Review the boundaries created to protect the values listed in the previous lesson.
II. Consider at least two situations where this value may be threatened. Are the existing boundaries enough to protect against this threat?
III. If not, evolve your boundaries so that they are capable of allowing you to manage those situations.


My rituals revolve around either viewing naked photos of celebrities or sending inappropriate emails to people with a view to ultimately obtaining naked photos of them.

Celebrities

There are 3 of my "To Be Faithful" boundaries which would prevent me from acting out on this basis which are:
3. If I see a woman I will not allow myself to be drawn into my ritual fantasies
4. When I experience moments of boredom, stress or frustration I will not allow myself to get drawn towards my rituals
5. I will conduct myself in a way that my wife and son will be proud

There is 1 of my "To Be Trustworthy" boundaries which would prevent me from acting out on this basis which are:
1. I will be transparent with my wife in everything that I am doing

There is 1 of my "To Be Honest" boundaries which would prevent me from acting out on this basis which are:
1. I will lead my life knowing that I should be able to relay everything I say and do to my wife

Inappropriate Emails

All of my "To Be Faithful" boundaries which would prevent me from acting out on this basis which are:
1. I will not have sexual contact with anyone other than my wife
2. I will not have a sexual discussion with anyone other than my wife or coaches as part of my recovery on RN
3. If I see a woman I will not allow myself to be drawn into my ritual fantasies
4. When I experience moments of boredom, stress or frustration I will not allow myself to get drawn towards my rituals
5. I will conduct myself in a way that my wife and son will be proud

There is 1 of my "To Be Trustworthy" boundaries which would prevent me from acting out on this basis which are:
1. I will be transparent with my wife in everything that I am doing

There is 1 of my "To Be Honest" boundaries which would prevent me from acting out on this basis which are:
1. I will lead my life knowing that I should be able to relay everything I say and do to my wife

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2017 10:38 am 
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LESSON 39

Step 1 Take Inventory of Your Current Sexual Values
Sex has to end in an orgasm for me
I feel like I haven’t performed well if my partner has not had an orgasm
In the past I have wrongly been of the mindset that it was OK for me to be unfaithful but not OK for my wife to be
Both partners should make an effort to make time for sex
Both partners should initiate sex rather than it being left to one person
Until recently I felt that masturbation was necessary to manage my sexual urges
Controlling other people creates an intense sexual excitement
Actually seeing someone naked is far more exciting than imagining it
Sexual activity must be consensual by both/all parties
I like to take control when having sex
Watching porn stars having sex is completely fake and not arousing
Watching a stranger undress without them knowing you can see them is very arousing but feels wrong
Shy women often tend to be the naughtiest
The inner woman is more important than their external appearance
People should be open minded whilst exploring their sexual preferences
It is not just up to women to keep their pubic hair in check, men should do that too
Once I get aroused I must orgasm
I feel like my sex drive is above average
I should only have sex with my wife
I should only engage in sexual conversations with my wife
The sexual act is something special to protect and occur only between husband and wife
It is possible to survive without regular masturbation!
It is important to respect other peoples' privacy and boundaries as well as your own

Step 2 Define an Ideal Ending
I will only engage in sexual activity with my wife
I will have sexual conversations with my wife
I will not view inappropriate images

Step 3 Define a Beginning
Both partners should make an effort to make time for sex
Both partners should initiate sex rather than it being left to one person
Sexual activity must be consensual by both/all parties
The inner woman is more important than their external appearance
I should only have sex with my wife
I should only engage in sexual conversations with my wife
The sexual act is something special to protect and occur only between husband and wife
It is possible to survive without regular masturbation!
It is important to respect other peoples' privacy and boundaries as well as your own

Step 4 Define Your Existing Vulnerabilities
To not view inappropriate celebrity hacked images when I hear about them being available on the internet
However unlikely this may occur, to manage any situation where a woman would approach me with clear inappropriate intentions
To avoid flirting with women where I get the sense that there is a potential opportunity
How to handle the void left by removing immediate gratification

Step 5 Ask for Feedback
N/A

Step 6 Select Initial Value for Development
I should only engage in sexual conversations with my wife

Step 7 Define the boundaries that will protect the selected value
I will not initiate any inappropriate conversations with anyone other than my wife
I will immediately and politely head off any potentially flirtatious discussion that any other woman may initiate with me
I will not allow myself to fantasise about other women

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2017 3:01 am 
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LESSON 40


I. Choose someone in your life that you feel close to. A spouse. A child. A parent. A friend. Rather than assuming what boundaries they have; or what values they want protected...take some time to step into their lives. Refresh those perceptions that you have. Consider how you can HELP THEM reinforce those boundaries.

My wife is quite entitled to have a boundary in place whereby she feels confident that sex is a private act between husband and wife and that no-one outside of this relationship should be privy to what goes on and any sexual activity (i.e. physical activity or sexual discussion) should not be entered into with anyone else.

II. Consider what you could do should YOU become aware that you have violated a boundary of theirs.

This has actually happened to me because my wife found out several years ago about a lot of things that I had done which were completely inappropriate with other people. I was in crisis mode at the time and we saw a therapist but my instincts at the time were to promise that it would never happen again but fear was the only tool that was stopping any form of recurrence. As time goes by and the fear subsides it puts me in a very vulnerable and fragile position.
When I look back at this now based on my learning on this site to date and when I am not in crisis mode I can see this somewhat differently. I can better put myself into her position. If the roles were reversed and I found out that my wife had been having an affair behind my back and had been having all sorts of inappropriate activity with someone else I would feel very betrayed and feel a complete lack of trust. I would struggle to understand why should would risk everything that we have for the sake of having sex with someone else. It would completely devalue our relationship. Looking back this was quite understandably her reaction at the time and I feel horrible at having put her through that.
In terms of what I can do if I become aware of having violated a boundary of hers, it probably depends on the circumstances. If it is something less sensitive then I could talk to her about it and show understanding and remorse for having acted in the way that I had. Bringing something to her attention rather than waiting for her to bring it to mine has a moral advantage. However if it was something more significant such as a complete relapse then that is a different matter. Clearly the right answer here would be to confess, show remorse and establish a way forward. But if I actually contemplate that situation would I confess knowing that I would have used up my last life and our marriage would be over, I don't know? I don't want to picture that could happen now, I want to feel confident that I will have the necessary toolkit now to avoid that situation and to lead a happy life relaxed in the knowledge that I will not violate her boundaries in such a way.

III. Consider your reaction should they tell you that you have violated a boundary of theirs. Think beyond defensiveness...keep working until you grasp a healthy reaction.

I could get preoccupied with the idea of this being in relation to relapse which is probably going to miss the point of the exercise. I am better thinking of this as being a violation which is not relationship ending. My wife and I are both stubborn control freaks who think we are both right all of the time. Well that's a recipe for disaster! When one of us feels aggrieved, say when one of us feels that a boundary has been violated, our immediate reaction is to become defensive and not to concede ground. One of my values I have defined for myself is to be less confrontational and it revolves around this. I have put some effort into trying to avoid being so defensive and to try and put myself in their position to get a better understanding for how they feel and how what I may have said or done has affected them. It has actually had a reasonable effect and there is less arguing going on. In the sense of this exercise I feel that I would be better able to listen to her describe how I have violated one of her boundaries and to put myself in her position in order to feel how that feels which will help be avoid making the same mistake again.
As an aside, as I have not mentioned to my wife that I am going through this programme, I have not taken the opportunity to explain to her what changes I have been trying to put into effect such as this, which means that I am the only one who is doing the conceding and as a result I have become a bit of a punchbag. I clearly need to find a way of bringing the subject up but in some ways it has been interesting to see how engrained habits have been in place for both of us in some respects.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2017 4:48 am 
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LESSON 44

For a moment, imagine your life apart from your physical being...apart from your possessions...apart from your friends, your family and every other living being. What you are left with is your core identity. It is who you are. It is this identity that then allows you to relate to your physical self, your friends, your family... As you know by now, part of the role you must fulfill in transitioning away from addiction is to rebuild your core identity. This core identity — and your ability to isolate the addiction from it — is critical to urge control. 

A. Describe in your recovery thread the role that your core identity will play in helping you to establish/maintain a healthy life. 

I feel like I am a genuinely good person who is respectful of others and wants to be seen as a nice person. For most parts of my life this is how I feel like I come across and this all comes from my core identity, the “real me”. If I want to lead a fulfilled life with no stress being caused by acting inappropriately then this core identity is key to it. It needs to control how I make ALL decisions, not just the ones that don’t involve my addiction.

B. Describe the role that value-based experiences will play in further developing your core identity

For the last 2 months I have spent a lot of time analysing myself with the help of this programme. I have been able to recognise that my urges generate a very appealing but also somewhat empty feeling inside me. My head (I guess my core identity) is increasingly telling me that this emotions based route is going to take me somewhere that my values do not want to go however appealing the feeling of the urges still are. The more I have avoided my urges since joining RN the better I have felt about myself and I can sense that this is all values driven.

C. Take some time to examine the current state of your core identity. How in tune with it are you? When you engage in activity that is destructive, what role does your core identity play in that decision? How is it affected by the consequences of that decision?

I can tell looking back now that when an urge arose prior to RN my brain would put a shield up over my core identity and block it from engaging in the decision making process. That guard would only come down again after I had finished acting out and then then guilt and shame would ensue as my core identity was comparing my act against my true values which had just been violated. I think I am at a stage where I can recognise that now which is probably the key thing holding me back from reacting to my urges. I can tell how engrained that process is though because I still have moments where it is a struggle. Recently I have noticed that immediately after having a disagreement with my wife over something or where she has said or done something to irritate me, I walk away and am angry inside and within seconds I can feel myself trying to mentally start the process to think of something to turn me on in order to change my mental state. I am able to immediately able to halt that chain of events at an early stage now but it has been interesting to be see how that process can so quickly take hold and how it got me into trouble in the past. So at the moment I am seeing signs that my core identity is beginning to make a welcomed come back and is more involved in making all of my decisions. In Star Wars terms, the Jedi Knights are starting to turn the tide against Darth Vader!

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 8:52 am 
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LESSON 45

I. Identifying the impact of emotions in compulsive urges is essential to objectifying that urge. In previous exercises, you have identified compulsive rituals that presented a linear look at your emotional state across a single action. In this lesson, you are being asked to isolate those emotional elements to the point where action can be taken that will break the chain itself.

A. Map a compulsive ritual that is based on your unique behavior. Ensure that you identify at least five elements that are involved in stimulating your emotions during this act. If you would like, use the following worksheet to help you: Mapping a Compulsive Ritual

A ritual that would have occurred in the past is as follows:

Element #1 - I finish a task at work and can't be bothered yet to move on to the next one (Bored)
Element #2 - I remember that I am due to have a meeting later with a girl that I find attractive and have had sex with before (Excitement).
Element #3 - I relive the time we had sex in my mind (Excitement and Arousal). Picturing exactly the same thing happening again feels habitual and does not get me as excited as I would like to be (Frustration). I picture having sex with her again (Fantasy) but find ways of making it seem more exciting such as persuading her to do something more naughty that she hasn’t done before such as anal (Control) or having sex in the office somewhere (Danger)
Element #4 - I then make it more stimulating by asking myself whether I could actually do this rather than just fantasising about it (Enhanced Danger)
Element #5 - I decide that the enhanced excitement that brings is something that I can't turn down as to stop now would make me feel very low and frustrated (Extreme Excitement)
Element #6 - I email the girl and tell her what I am thinking and what is going to happen at the meeting (Anticipation)
Element #7 - She tells me that it is too dangerous so I start going into details of what I would do to her which turns her on and she eventually agrees (Control and Anticipation)
Element #8 - At the meeting she is already highly aroused and it doesn't take much to get her to do whatever I want (Control)
Element #9 - As I am having sex with her I look down at her and recognise that I am picturing exactly the fantasy that I had running through my head earlier and it takes me over the edge and I orgasm (Achievement and Orgasm)
Element #10 - I immediately start thinking about what I have just done, the unnecessary risk I have just taken and that I have violated my wife's trust (Guilt and Shame)

C. At what point in the chain is the 'point of no return'? The point where you know that you will be completing the act. Share this in your recovery thread. In the previous exercise, you were to reinforce your ability to identify separate emotional elements in a single compulsive ritual. Here, you will begin to isolate those emotions from your core identity.

The key part is Element #4 where I try and enhance the excitement and arousal by converting Fantasy (i.e. thinking about the idea of doing the particular act) to Reality (i.e. by thinking about actually doing it). The increase in stimulation is immense, particularly as the perceived level of danger is very much enhanced in my mind. It moves it from Fantasy (probably an arousal score of 6/10) to Reality (probably a score of 9/10). The danger element becomes far greater as the risk of getting caught suddenly becomes real. It is also the difference of thinking about persuading the girl to do what I want to actually knowing I will be testing myself to get her to do what I want in what is a very dangerous situation for her too. The girls I have always targeted have been nice girls, usually in a relationship, and the last people you would suspect to be doing such a thing. Having that control over someone like that is very appealing. It is arousing to fantasise about doing things with them but knowing you are going to actually control them into doing it creates a very powerful feeling that is all consuming and when I get into that mental state there is no turning back. All thoughts of danger and the risks are blocked out of my mind, I am purely focussed on the excitement and getting what I want.

D. Consider the element identified just prior to 'the point of no return'. This is the element that you will want to isolate and use as your primary trigger for breaking a compulsive urge. Eventually, you can isolate multiple elements, and thus create multiple points where a compulsive event can be effectively stopped, but for now we will focus solely on this one element.

Element #3 revolves around me reliving previous experiences and/or fantasising about what else I could do with a particular person. It is here that the arousal starts to take hold and it is clearly building a platform for me to quickly reach the point of no return at the next element. I can certainly recognise that if this element was avoided then the ritual could be stopped.

II. Document A, C, and D in your recovery thread, but feel free to write your thoughts on any other part as well.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 4:12 am 
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LESSON 46

A. In the long run, addiction is eliminated by altering the existing compulsive behavior (destructive, based on immediate emotional needs) to more stable, constructive chains that solidify the foundation of your life in a progressive manner. Before such compulsive chains can be reversed, it is necessary to begin mastering the ability to reverse single compulsive rituals. Begin this process now by considering a previous compulsive chain, identify the element immediately preceding the 'point of no return' and then rewrite the remainder of the chain so that your actions are based on healthy values, rather than immediate emotional response

Element #1 - I finish a task at work and can't be bothered yet to move on to the next one (Bored)
Element #2 - I remember that I am due to have a meeting later with a girl that I find attractive and have had sex with before (Excitement).

ORIGINAL Element #3 - I relive the time we had sex in my mind (Excitement and Arousal). Picturing exactly the same thing happening again feels habitual and does not get me as excited as I would like to be (Frustration). I picture having sex with her again (Fantasy) but find ways of making it seem more exciting such as persuading her to do something more naughty that she hasn’t done before such as anal (Control) or having sex in the office somewhere (Danger)

NEW Element #3 - It occurs to me that I could quite easily reflect on my previous sexual experiences with this girl and then fantasise about it happening again. I realise though that to do this would violate a number of my values and boundaries, namely:
• To be faithful
• To be trustworthy
• To be honest
• To be reliable
• To actually be the good person that others see me as
• To feel relaxed and have a clear conscience
I think ahead and envisage how empty those feelings are that create immediate emotional gratification and that they threaten the values that I have set for myself that I know will bring me long term happiness and stability. I also think about how my selfish actions would also violate her personal boundaries which would ultimately make her feel as horrible as I would.

NEW Element #4 - I decide that I will not reflect on past experiences or fantasise about this girl. I choose something else to think about that is healthy and that will align with my values.

NEW Element #5 - I feel satisfaction that I have made a good, healthy decision that supports my values and boundaries and this reinforces my core identity.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:13 am 
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LESSON 47

1. Just as you have with your values and your emotions, it is time to transfer the knowledge that you are developing to a practical application in your day-to-day life. This cannot be done without first developing an awareness of the times when such information is applicable. Over the next 48 hours, envision at least ten different REALISTIC scenarios where you may encounter a compulsive urge in the future and document these in your recovery thread.

I have gone on the basis that I should cover all realistic possible scenarios which would include a number of things that have not occurred for many years but the mental recall of those events will still be ingrained on my memory and could be recalled again if similar situations arose again in the future:

1. Introduced to a female through business dealings that I find attractive where I would have an opportunity to legitimately email them which could then lead me to persuading them into inappropriate email exchanges and ultimately sharing naked photos of themselves with me
2. Taking advantage of friends that I may find attractive with a view to emailing them which could then lead me to persuading them into inappropriate email exchanges and ultimately sharing naked photos of themselves with me
3. Becoming aware (either through accidentally stumbling across a news article or after actively looking for it) that hacked naked photos had been published on the internet of a particular celebrity that I find attractive
4. Choosing to get back in contact with females that I had previously engaged either in inappropriate emails and/or sexual activity in the past
5. Having a female that I find attractive that I am legitimately talking to about something starts to make it clear to me that they find me attractive and are available if I want them
6. Recalling times where I have spent time trawling through porn websites searching for and then finding particular videos that have appealed to me which would then lead me to want to go back to those sites to look for similar clips
7. Business trips where I am away from home and feel that I would be unlikely to be caught if I acted out. Acting out could cover a range of things including:
a. Use of escorts/massages
b. Ordering room service and answering the door naked if it is a woman
c. Looking at porn on my iPad
8. Finding myself legitimately left alone in a meeting room with someone that I had previously engaged either in inappropriate emails and/or sexual activity with in the past
9. Watching TV with my wife and a scene involving nudity and/or sexual activity appears which could lead me to fantasising
10. Being on a beach and scanning the women on there to find ones of interest to me and then keeping an eye on them with a view to seeing them naked perhaps when they change bikinis after coming out of the sea
11. Being in women's clothes shops with my wife and passing the changing rooms and trying to discretely look inside to catch a women in a state of undress


2. With each scenario:
Identify how you would know when that urge/ritual would likely begin, when the likely 'point of no return' would be and when you would 'create the break'. Do this in your head.
Anticipate the emotions associated with that particular ritual, isolate those emotions from your 'core identity' and prepare yourself to make a values-based decision (versus an emotions-based decision). Do this in your head.
Choose one such scenario and document it in your recovery thread.


1. Introduced to a female through business dealings that I find attractive where I would have an opportunity to legitimately email them which could then lead me to persuading them into inappropriate email exchanges and ultimately sharing naked photos of themselves with me

Urge Beginning
Meeting a female I find attractive in a business context almost immediately triggers in my mind that I have an opportunity to contact them by email

Point of No Return
When the legitimate emails present the opportunity for me to send the first email which introduces the concept of having a private and more personal conversation

Create the Break
I know when I need to email someone legitimately and when I would be doing it with a view to turning the conversation in due course. I would therefore not initiate the email exchanges in the first place unless there was a legitimate business reason for doing so. In that situation I would remind myself that the exchanges must remain business focussed and can not be allowed to turn in personal direction once the business element had been concluded.

Emotions
I actually experienced this yesterday, I was introduced to a very attractive girl in a business meeting that I now need to deal with and she was asked to email me to obtain some corporate information from me. My instinctive reaction was that she is very attractive and that I would like to see her naked and I have the email route opened up for me which would give me perfect opportunity to engage in my ritual. I recognised the potential rush of excitement if I allowed myself let my thoughts follow the possible scenario through in my head. The difference in my thinking now is that the values based decision making tool in my brain which used to be covered up temporarily in the past was there and I was able to break and remind myself that however appealing the scenario may seem I know that following through would either fail which wold create a horrible tension with someone I need to deal with now or even worse it would succeed, I would ultimately get naked photos of her and would feel crap about it afterwards because I would have just violated half a dozen of my values. This thought process all took place in a matter of a second or two and then the urge went away. Strangely I was left with a feeling that I would walk out of the room and she would think I was a nice person that made her laugh that she would enjoy working with - one of my other values achieved in place of the emotions based option!

8. Finding myself legitimately left alone in a meeting room with someone that I had previously engaged either in inappropriate emails and/or sexual activity with in the past

Urge Beginning
Being left alone in a meeting room with someone I had previously had some sexual engagement with would create a sexual tension where you know that both of you are recalling what you had done in the past which would create some arousal and sense of power and control.

Point of No Return
Bringing up the subject of past sexual activity would open up the conversation which would give them the green light that you were thinking about it and wanted to talk about it again.

Create the Break
I would recognise immediately on being left in the room alone with them of how my mind could quickly drift and get out of control so I would not allow that to happen.

Emotions
I would remind myself that any sense of excitement would be a purely emotional reaction to the recall of the previous events. I would think about the guilt and shame that followed those events at the time because they had violated my values and I am no longer prepared to do anything that potentially violates my values now. The potential emotions based "sugary" fix from acting out would be replaced a less dramatic but more comforting healthy good feeling that I had successfully managed an urge that has kept me aligned with my values.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2017 2:26 am 
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LESSON 48

For each of the next three days, find an opportunity to complete each of the three skills mentioned in this lesson: role-playing/visualization; anticipating; actively seeking opportunity. It doesn't matter what you apply these skills to — even if the behavior is unrelated to sexual addiction.

Role-Playing/Visualisation
Fantasising has been a big part of my rituals which has led me to act out. This is therefore a skill that I have learned well and so need to adapt so that I can use it in a healthy way.
A TV series starts again next week which will be showing celebrities that I do not know yet and some of them will be very attractive women. In the past I would research them to see if there are any naked images available of them so that when I watch the programme I can picture what they actually look like naked. I have been running this through my mind and can now picture watching the programme and thinking that it is none of my business what they may look like without clothes on and if there are any images of them publicly available then it is probably due to someone having stolen them from them without their permission. As such, the find and view them would be and invasion of their privacy and a breach of my own values.

Anticipating
Anticipation is another area that I have been good at as I look ahead to plan how my rituals may be acted out given particular circumstances that are coming up such as a business trip or meeting with someone that I find attractive. Again, I need to adapt this skill to use it positively in this context.
One of the fantasies that really appealed to mw was having sex with a heavily pregnant woman. We are going through our external audit at the moment and the Audit Manager is heavily pregnant. I am due to meet with her again in a few days time and will be in a meeting room alone with her. I have used Anticipation and "Role-Playing" to envisage that meeting in my mind and can see how my urges could easily kick in and have me picture her naked and having sex with her. Instead I have run through the scenario in my mind and anticipating that urge and am picturing me reminding myself that to have any inappropriate thoughts about this lady is violating my own values but is also disrespecting this lovely lady too who has a husband and children. When I see the meeting end I now picture her leaving thinking that she enjoys my company and working on our audit which plays to one of my values which is to be seen by others as I would wish to be seen. I will keep running through this scenario with a positive outcome ahead of the meeting taking place next week so that I am ready.

Actively Seeking
I still have some key elements of my daily plan which I am consciously reminding myself to pay attention to. In particular in am currently focussing on hugging my wife when I get home, focussing on avoiding being confrontational, showing active listening when talking to my wife particularly in the evenings after my son has gone to bed, talking to my son more about things that interest him when he is having his bath and making a point of using the stairs at work. Through all of these things I can sense that there is a better connection with my wife and son which makes me feel good.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 17, 2017 4:28 am 
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LESSON 49
Life Assessment

1. In relation to your general mental health, summarize your progression/regression over the past thirty days:

I feel like I have learned a lot over that time and it is starting to move from being mechanical to more natural. I am still spending a lot of time manging my thought processes to avoid complacency and I am feeling good about myself as I have a clear conscience for the first time in over 20 years.

2. Document your experiences (with various negative behaviours listed)
I have not acted on any of the behaviours listed over the last 30 days. I am particularly surprised that I have now gone 2 months without feeling the need to masturbate which is yet another world record for me. Prior to RN I would have said that the constant pressure of urges without masturbating to take them away would have made my head explode. Who would have thought it could change so quickly and not be a problem!

3. Using the scale below, rate the positive impact that your recovery efforts over the past thirty days have had on your:
(1-No effect 2-Slight 3-Moderate 4-Considerable 5-Extreme)

5 - Family
2 - Friends
3 - Co-workers
4 - Career
1 - Finances
5 - Romantic Relationships
5 - Self-esteem
4 - Stress level
4 - Time management
4 - Hobbies

4. Using the scale below, rate the negative impact that your sexual and/or romantic behaviors over the past thirty days have had on your:
(1-No effect 2-Slight 3-Moderate 4-Considerable 5-Extreme)

1 - Family
1 - Friends
1 - Co-workers
1 - Career
1 - Finances
1 - Romantic Relationships
1 - Self-esteem
2 - Stress level

5) Summarize the progress made towards your existing recovery and life goals over the past thirty days:
A lot of my previous thoughts about acting out around those behaviours have regularly come into my head but I have been able to quickly mange them away and have felt fine immediately afterwards. I noticed this morning that when I now instinctively get a rush of excitement over something I used to get urges about it is like an alarm bell going off in my head which then leads me to quickly manage the situation. I have developed this sense of seeing the urges as short, empty sugary rushes which would give me a quick high and then go off a cliff afterwards to leave me feeling totally crap. I compare that to the feeling now of batting urges away and experiencing a less intense but more fulfilling feeling of satisfaction that I have remained true to my values. This distinction is helping the alarm bells go off as soon as something unhealthy pops into my head.

6) Describe the closest you came to a slip/relapse over the past month:
There are two things which come to mind.
Firstly, our offices overlook some apartment blocks and as I get in to work very early often the people in the apartments are getting up and ready for work. In the past I have looked across to some windows to see if I could catch any women in a state of undress. It has become automatic to look across as I walk past the window next to my desk. I have seen the bedroom lights on in a couple of the key windows and have looked in. In the past I would have stood and waited for anything up to half an hour to see someone walk past the bedroom window. I watched for a few seconds and then reminded myself that this isn't acceptable and I sat down and got on with some work.
Secondly, in my spin class there is a lady that sits on a bike a few down from mine and I can see her in the mirror. I don't find her attractive but she has very large breasts that jiggle around when she is cycling fast. In the past I would discretely spend a lot of the class watching them and then picturing her baked and on top of me. Again, my gaze is almost instinctively drawn to them but I am reminding myself that this isn't acceptable and it is being disrespectful to her and my own values so I look away.

7) List the most likely relapse triggers you will face in the coming month:
I have a business trip in a couple of weeks which in theory presents possible opportunities. In the past I would have given the trip some thought and even checked out some escort sites, not to actually follow through but to get a rush out of "I could if I wanted to but I won't". To be fair, I haven't given the trip any thought in an unhealthy sense which shows considerable progress for me. There is nothing particularly that causes me concern that is coming up other than the usual mental triggers that occur on a daily basis that I need to manage.

8) Approximate (in percentages) the amount of time over the past month that you have spent:
Engaged in value-based (top three values) activity


40% - Engaged in value-based (top ten values) activity
0% - Engaged in emotion-based, unhealthy Activity
10% - Life Maintenance Chores
25% - With Family (Quality)
5% - With Friends (Quality)
5% - Alone (Quality)
0% - Engaged in Unhealthy Sexual Behavior
0% - Engaged in Unhealthy Romantic Behavior
50% - Self-Improvement/Recovery

9) Overall, how would you rate your emotional state over the past thirty days:
a) At it's healthiest: Extremely Healthy
b) At it's unhealthiest: Healthy
c) Overall: Very Healthy

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