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PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2018 9:41 am 
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Lesson 35
Quote:
Your goal is not to achieve success in completing this task each day...it is to ingrain the awareness that this task needs to be completed.


In lesson 72 Coach Jon shares his evolved monitoring:
Quote:
1) My overall emotional balance
2) Where I was deriving the majority of my stimulation
3) Where I was draining the majority of my energy

This matches where I've been going on a personal level. I will be clear that I have moved away from traditional monitoring as I found a system that fits me. I truly stand by traditional monitoring as a fabulous tool in my early recovery. But with many aspects ingrained, I've found that my monitoring comes from my therapy sessions.

In addition from the personal check-in I get with my therapist with weekly therapy, they are always followed up with a debrief/check-in with C when I get home.
In addition, C and attend monthly couples sessions, with a follow up debrief.
Lastly, C goes to biweekly individual therapy and we also have a debrief/check-in after those sessions.
In total, this provides roughly 7 monitoring opportunities a month.

My therapist and I both agree that once an individual is in therapy it's not forever... that as needs change so does the treatment plan. So eventually, as our needs change so will the need for me to continue to ingrain a personal monitoring plan again.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 8:46 am 
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Came across this today:

"Today don’t think or say, "I’m tired," "I’m hurt," "I’m angry." Don’t even think or say, "I’m happy."
Instead, think and say, "I’ve chosen to be tired, hurt, angry." Or better still, "I’m choosing to be happy."
You don’t get “hit” by feelings, you feel them based on your perceptions, and you perceive based on your beliefs, and you believe as you choose."
------------
How true is this? Kenzo speaks often of choice… when I first came to RN I didn’t know what he was talking about. What is this CHOICE… how can I CHOOSE more wisely? I wasn’t willing to take ownership or accountability for my addiction… I viewed it as an affliction… I viewed it as some monster within me… but in fact, my addictive/compulsive behaviors were INGRAINED… they were not happening to me, I was choosing them. And once I CHOSE to debride myself of them (and welcomed the pain and emptiness that comes with that choice) I was able to slowly rebuild and CHOOSE to ingrain health. And part of that health is CHOOSING healthier boundaries. This is absolutely an area that I, as a BPD person, must develop CONSTANTLY. People with BPD struggle most with boundaries, my own mother and maternal grandmother as prime examples. Over sexualized in nature, they would violate the boundaries of others, their loved ones and themselves. I can remember visiting my grandmother when I was 12. It’s a tough age for girls as we are in puberty, awkward, and our bodies are changing. I went to give her a hug hello, and she instead reached out and cupped and flicked my growing chest. “They’re coming along nicely aren’t they?” she said to my Mother as if I wasn’t there. I was so violated. And my Mother didn’t protect me. “Ha, that’s just how your grandmother is,” my family would say. Looking back, the cringe factor is high. The communication of boundaries clear: we don’t have them. Without healthy role models and with a budding personality disorder my issue with boundaries multiplied.

Lesson 36 Exercise:
I. Describe a scenario from your past where not having a well-defined set of boundaries has prolonged and/or intensified the personal consequences that you have experienced.

I can remember myself saying often in High School, “I really compare kissing/making out to hugging. They are practically the same,” The fuck?! From then on, EVERY relationship I had I applied this factor. That it’s ok for me to kiss someone else if I was already in a committed relationship. As if making out with some person, stranger or conquest was like giving them a hug. No longer. I choose differently.

II. Describe a situation in your life where having solid boundaries will assist you in managing the event in such a way as to protect your value system.
Boundaries around my Mother is important for me, but especially for my children. She always says, “Why are you trying to change me, why can’t you just accept me for who I am.” I think by communicating the value I’m trying to protect in drawing a line in the sand is important. In the past, she often likes to watch changing diapers/watching my children go potty. It disgusts me. Instead of “just allowing it,” or saying “you disgust me,” an appropriate response would be, “Hey, we value personal space in our family. I’d like to have some privacy, please.”


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2018 11:22 am 
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12/31/18
Just jotting some brief reflections…
-Recently went to a performance with the family and was triggered. In the past, I’d use this as a way to act out. Sensory stimulation from the lights/sounds/sights. Delusional stimulation from believing that a performer was looking at me. Sense of power from believing that this performance was for ME. Suspense while watching the performance. Continued the intensity by searching through program for her name. Continue the time filter by stalking her online after the performance. Find videos/pictures of them. Masturbate/fantasize to orgasm.
I noticed the stimulation beginning as I watched the show. Instead of allowing myself to get lost in fantasy, I managed it. I’m proud that my first thought wasn’t “No one will know,” or “what’s the harm?”. Upon feeling the stimulation I knew that this was a potentially dangerous/triggering/acting out situation. I managed the stimulation by tending to the kids, engaging with C, or directing my attention to the “whole” of the show instead of an individual. This proved to be a good strategy. Most importantly, I was able to discuss it with C afterwards. She was thankful for me opening up to tell her, and also proud of me. Although I was happy with how I did, I still have lingering thoughts of guilt/shame—“Yeah I did well, but a healthy person wouldn’t have to even worry about this bullshit.” But I do have a sex/love addiction. And there are simply some things I cannot do.
-I’m continuing a pattern of borderline episodes 1 every 3-4 months. This quarter’s trigger was jealousy again. Although similar in becoming reactive, hearing only the negative, black and white thinking, wanting to run, physical pain… there were some differences. What snapped me out of it was that I noticed the pattern of my thoughts and behavior again. C helped bring awareness by saying, “I feel like you’re making this about you. This is has nothing to do with you.” I realized that I was being self-absorbed. In the past, I’d need 12-48 hours to process what occurred and send an email to C about what happened. This time, I was able to reflect instantly… this is why I was triggered, this is how we can move forward, this is why I felt the way I am.

I feel if I can have healthier internal boundaries around forgivness and compassion that this may, over time, ease the distress of guilt and shame. Why? Because boundaries should never ben burdensome. Boundaries are a line of protection. They protect me.

Lesson 37 Exercise:
I. List three of your highest values (values prioritized within the top five).
II. For each value, list at least five concrete boundaries (rules) that you will use to protect that value.
III. Absolute boundaries are those boundaries that under no circumstances will you ever cross. These must be realistic AND you must hold them in reverence. Typically, everyone should have at least three such absolute boundaries. List three that you will use to help manage your life.
Example:


I am Responsible
1. I will not choose behaviors that are impulsively unsafe to myself or others
2. I will not trash my body with alcohol, drugs, extreme binges, or chronic inactivity
3. I will not lie, cheat, or steal
4. I will take care of the things that belong to me
I am Connected
1. I will not choose unhealthy ways to feel connection (such as fantasy/romantic delusions/masturbation/stalking)
2. I will not give voice/believe every negative thought that comes into my brain.
3. I will maintain a focus on my own fulfillment, not controlling the happiness of others
4. I will trust the words of C and believe in her
5. I will choose behaviors that strengthen my belief in myself and purpose
I am Mature
1. I will find healthy ways to cope with emotional imbalance instead of acting out (sexually, physically, emotionally)
2. I will pause, reflect, and research before making major decisions
3. I will take ownership of my mistakes
4. I will not manipulate others for my advantage
5. I will act in a way that I want my children to act

ABSOLUTE BOUNDARIES
I will not lie, cheat, or steal
I will not purposely cause emotional/physical harm to another person
I will act in ways that serve and contribute to my values.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2019 3:38 pm 
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1/23/19
Reading through lesson 38 reminds me of the progress I've made. One year ago, I sincerely thought that in order to get past my addiction and develop healthy boundaries, i would need to create an action plan and boundary list for every scenario I could think of.

Sometimes the true opposition of our values is ourselves. When it comes to the early part of recovery, standing up for our values against the opposition of ourselves seems damn near impossible. Resisting urges. Choosing health over instant gratification.

Lesson 38 Exercise:
Value example: Compassion and empathy for all.
II. Consider at least two situations where this value may be threatened. Are the existing boundaries enough to protect against this threat?

Feeling jealousy often blocks my perceived ability to be compassionate towards my wife when she is socializing.
Feeling like "she might leave me/she hates me" blocks my perceived ability to be compassionate towards my wife when she is trying to heal the wounds I've caused.
III. If not, evolve your boundaries so that they are capable of allowing you to manage those situations.

I will put other's needs before my wants.
I will surrender to pain that is meant to help me grow.
I will act in ways because its true to my nature, not because "its what I should do"
I will not stuff my feelings
I will be open with my wife and communicate
I will not coward out of emotional intimacy
----

Some additional notes.. C debriefed me on a thearpy session she had recently. For the first time, she began healing from my first affair. Her therapist asked her to tell her exactly what happened as she knew it. All the things she felt.

In particular, she detailed the D-Day of the first affair. She found out, confronted me, I lied to her, then she was unable to nurse our daughter. My actions had impacted C's ability to provide for my daughter. She said, "My experience as a first time mom.. which was supposed to be joyful, was corrupted by you and your choices."

I feel myself becoming numb recalling this. It doesn't matter how many times I go through these lessons. How many years I stay "clean" or have abstinence under my belt. It doesn't matter how much internal progress I make to manage my emotions and secure my commitment to recovery. I corrupted a time in my wife's life that can never be "done over". The burden I've put on her and myself is heavy. I know that through acceptance we can both heal. The damage wasn't worth the reward. The damage wasn't worth the excitement of sleeping around, yet I did it anyway.

Her therapist then asked her to identify today, when she is most triggered: Looking at pictures of our oldest daughter when she was an infant; seeing me using my phone; seeing me look at myself in the mirror; when I ask to change my work schedule. These examples ignite a traumatic response in her. Her therapist said that in order to begin to change the traumatic response, she hopes to use the technique of C telling the story over and over again until she no longer has a traumatic response. To instead replace those feelings with calm, instead of trauma. C said she wants to do this because she wants to heal. She wants to stop being overly nosy when I'm using my phone. She wants to stop feeling this way. Not for me. For her.

I imagine that this process will be particularly painful for both of us. For her as she relives the first affair, for me as I hear it and face the guilt. But it's not about me. It's about her healing, and I must use my healthy boundaries as listed above to be compassionate and empathetic. To be there for C when I haven't been for the first 7 years of our marriage.

C mentioned that unlike many other couples that experience infidelity, her trauma responses are related to my actions. Instead of associated with my face. That her healing would be so much harder if she was triggered just by looking at me. But it's my actions that trigger her.

This gives me more hope for both of us. My actions and choices are what caused this. My actions and choices are what trigger her today. My actions and choices are the ONLY way that both of us can move forward.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2019 6:18 am 
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Hi A
Quote:
Reading through lesson 38 reminds me of the progress I've made.

:g: :g: :g: :g:
Quote:
Sometimes the true opposition of our values is ourselves. When it comes to the early part of recovery, standing up for our values against the opposition of ourselves seems damn near impossible.

Again very true but the key word is "seems"

As we progress we realise how skewed our thinking was but we did find it all too easy to defend

Quote:
The damage wasn't worth the reward. The damage wasn't worth the excitement of sleeping around, yet I did it anyway.

But now you have CHOSEN to move beyond this
remember who made that choice and give her great credit for doing so


Quote:
I imagine that this process will be particularly painful for both of us
for sure but compare that pain with the pain of the alternative


Quote:
C mentioned that unlike many other couples that experience infidelity, her trauma responses are related to my actions. Instead of associated with my face. That her healing would be so much harder if she was triggered just by looking at me. But it's my actions that trigger her.


In my experience those actions and lack of other actions harms our SO's more than they hurt us, why? because we did have choice they on the other hand did not

Quote:
My actions and choices are the ONLY way that both of us can move forward.


but do remember that you are responsible for recovery, she for her healing, yes be true, loving, supportive, empathetic etal
best to the both of you

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 23, 2019 8:02 am 
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Hi Anon
Quote:
My actions and choices are the ONLY way that both of us can move forward.


It has been a while
hope that all is good healthy and honest with you

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2019 8:54 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 293
Kenzo,
Quote:
It has been a while
hope that all is good healthy and honest with you


It has been a while indeed. Your commitment to RN, your own recovery, and assisting in the uplifting of others is so inspiring. Thank you as always for checking in.

In lesson 39, Coach Jon writes...
Quote:
When rebuilding a life after addiction — any addiction — many areas having little or nothing to do with the addiction itself are in need of attention. Areas that, for one reason or another, have become so significantly distorted that they are incapable of providing stability and guidance to the person's life. What's worse, many of these areas: social skills, family relationships, past traumatic events, financial responsibility, time management and parenting, to name just a few — are directly responsible for triggering the ongoing emotional instability in that life.


My time away from RN has been well spent--I decided to focus on a combination of my values: creativity, healthy legacy, forgiveness spiritual communion with my loved ones and the world around me, commitment to excellence, and my calling to inspire and empower others through my work. Spending my energy on these aspects of my life has taken away the time I designated to RN, but the forum hasn't been far from my thoughts. Through my efforts I've begun to reap benefits.

A promotion at work.
Healthy, attainable, and realistic goals for my creative outlet.
After being estranged for 3 years, my brother and I have begun the healing process.
My mother and I have also begun the painful healing process.
My therapist has 'graduated' C and I to maintenance visits.
My therapist has 'graduated' me to bi-weekly sessions.
I've begun to develop a passion for my Vision of Health.
Conviction that I was not place on this Earth to suffer, but to thrive.
During stressful times, I'm able to maintain an attitude of gratitude to keep me grounded and away from self-destructive behavior. Grateful that I have this stress, so that I may experience resilience when it's gone.
During times of high anxiety, I've been able to embrace those moments instead of resisting them--because I know my emotions are finite and will not remain with me forever.

When I first realized I had a love/sex addiction, the immeasurable guilt and emptiness was so overwhelming. How would I recover? I had zero emotional stability. The last four points have been the "HOW" in my recovery. Vision of health, belief in my purpose, gratitude in times of stress, embracing anxiety. Emotional stability, acceptance, and clarity are beginning to grow.

That's all good, but there's always places to improve. My connection with C has indeed grown, but I always get nervous about our physical intimacy. This is nothing new. My typical cycle is as follows:

Lack of physical intimacy -> anxiety about the lack leads to fear -> reduced libido -> make excuses to not initiate -> lack of communication -> repeat

I think the frustrating thing is that I've written about and examined my fear of physical intimacy multiple times, yet do next to nothing to move forward. As shown from the past 3 months, high effort leads to high impact. If I don't put in the uncomfortable effort to heal my emotional/physical intimacy issues, I don't really deserve to complain about it. Especially when this is a pattern that I know exists. I've been using the excuses of stress and also the recent discovery of some of details regarding my childhood as reasons why "I can't". But it doesn't matter if I was neglected as a kid. It doesn't matter if I'm stressed now. What matters is what I choose to do with that information and those feelings. My past doesn't dictate the present. My emotions do not dictate my behavior. I always get to choose if I'm going to do something about it or not. My resistance to fix this is a CHOICE that I need to move through. The more I resist talking about this with C, refusing to connect with her physically, the more I put off my destiny. I must apply the skills I've acquired: belief in my abilities, gratitude for stress, embracing anxiety, passion for my vision--which involves C.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2019 12:39 pm 
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I've been recently committing to healing the wounds between my Mother and I... as two individuals with personality disorders this has proved to be quite the task. I leave every interaction drained, wondering if it's truly worth it. Both of us defensive. Both of us hurt. I continue to blame her for my issues, but doing so doesn't allow me.. us.. to heal. Every interaction makes me want to run. But ingrained in me are some of the lessons from RN--emotions are finite. This may feel like a 90/100, but it isn't. "But did you die?" No. I did not die. And more importantly, even though I'm completely overwhelmed with grief, sadness, anger, anxiety... I still have not relied on alcohol, masturbation, or other acting out behaviors to soothe. I can handle this because I've chosen recovery.

What is recovery? CHOOSING to have the accountability for one's actions, regardless of the season of emotions that are blowing by. Recovery is respecting the boundaries of myself and others. Recovery is being aware, that I am aware.
----
It never fails. It's been several months since being on RN, and yet Coach Jon's words are always so timely. The last time I read/completed Lesson 40, I thought of C. Today I focus on my Mom. I must respect the boundaries of my Mother, no matter how bad she hurt me.

Lesson 40 Exercise:
I. Choose someone in your life that you feel close to. A spouse. A child. A parent. A friend. Rather than assuming what boundaries they have; or what values they want protected...take some time to step into their lives. Refresh those perceptions that you have. Consider how you can HELP THEM reinforce those boundaries. Post a few thoughts about this in your thread.

I'm fighting saying nasty things about how my Mother's lack of boundaries. But as Coach Jon says, Someone who has not learned to respect the boundaries of others tends to look upon people with an objectified eye. They perceive individuals not for who they are — genuine, unique souls — but rather, tend to identify them by the roles they play. Wife. Mother. Patient. Stranger.
I can no longer identify her by the role she played throughout the pain in my life. If I were to step into her shoes, I know that she herself has experienced pain. She is triggered when she hasn't been heard. When she is yelled at. She is triggered when she is accused. She is triggered when she is ignored. When she is disrespected. Abused. Taken advantage of. Berated. Violated. How can I help her enforce those boundaries? Treat her with respect... listen to her now matter how painful. Even if I know it's embellished. Fabricated. A lie. Listen. Because she wants to be heard. I cannot undo 66 years of borderline personality disorder. And although it pains me, I have the skills to not allow that pain to dictate the rest of my life. Even if it is painful to listen to, I have learned that I do not need to soothe in unhealthy ways. I can respect her boundaries by remembering that she is mentally ill. She cannot do better. War ceases to exist if there is no defensiveness. I can simply assume she is ill, and not retaliate.

II. Consider what you could do should YOU become aware that you have violated a boundary of theirs.

Bring it up proactively. Acknowledge the hurt. Do not fight fire with fire. Plan to behave differently.

III. Consider your reaction should they tell you that you have violated a boundary of theirs. Think beyond defensiveness...keep working until you grasp a healthy reaction.
Listen to the pain I caused. Agree. Apologize. GENUINELY ASK FOR FORGIVENESS. Co-discover how I can not violate it again.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:12 pm 
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Lesson 41 Exercise:
It is your job to eventually identify and master the boundaries that exist to protect all of your highest values. This cannot be accomplished in a single sitting.

Over the next month, keep a log of the moderate to major events that occur in your life and assess your ability to deal with these events in terms of your existing boundaries.


In addition to the discussion from my last post, there have been a variety of events that have occurred where my boundaries were tested. Job responsibility changes, family issues, parenting challenges, home repairs... all small when considering the big picture. However 3 years ago they would have been things I would use as an excuse to drink, masturbate, fantasize, and act out. I know that my current boundary system is working well for me. HOWEVER. There is still the essence of Lesson 39 that I continue to allow to interfere with my healing--sexual boundaries and sexual intimacy. How many times will I write about this? I spoke with C about it recently and she was disappointed. "We've had this same conversation. You always seem to have just another excuse as to why you don't make our physical intimacy a priority. You don't make me a priority."
And she's right.
This is not a new topic. It is scattered frequently throughout my thread. Discussed regularly at my therapy sessions. So, what's the barrier? I still have all or nothing thinking in regards to sexuality. Anytime I feel a sexual desire I stuff it deep down. Even if I'm alone with C and find myself aroused.. I think, "Oh, I should engage.. but.." and then stuff it and say/do nothing. What was originally a way for me to cope with my addiction, has now become a bad habit that is detrimental to my marriage. So I spoke about this further with my therapist. He mentioned, "Have patience, you're only 2 years into recovery." But I feel so much pressure from myself (and a little bit from C) to get this 'fixed'. He leant me a book called "The Porn Trap" by Wendy and Larry Maltz. My first reaction was, "I've done all the research. I completed RN. I read the SAA books." But how foolish! I always have more to learn. Although I am a love/sex addict, the relationship to porn is extremely similar as one of my primary sexual elements is fantasy. Most applicable to me has been the last few chapters on healing relationships through healthy intimacy. A few quotes of note:
By taking the next step of reclaiming your sexuality as a positive force in your life, you can continue to heal in a profound manner, feeling better about yourself and able to experience the joy and pleasure of sexual relating.
and
When you can express your sexual drive and desire in ways that are aligned with your values, you are less likely to get pulled back into porn use again.
Once a relationship gets to a point of healthy trust and communication, the authors detail methods and exercises to create a new approach to sex. Recovery doesn't end after several run-throughs of the RN workshop. There are more steps to reclaiming our lives. For me, the next step is redefining sexual desire as a form of communication with C, instead of some evil self-soothing behavior I used for my emotional immaturity in the past.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2019 8:42 pm 
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Lesson 42 Exercise:
I. If there are any questions that you have about anything related to compulsive chains, rituals, elements and/or measuring emotions...ask them in the community forum and/or our next coaching session. It is essential that you have a working knowledge of these concepts — as they are fundamental to a health-based recovery.


A few weeks ago, I discovered that I've been keeping my addiction alive through video games. There are only certain games I'm drawn to that give me "just" the right amount of stimulation I'm looking for. To apply the Sexual Elements wheel, RPGs like Mass Effect and Witcher feed the elements of suspense, power, sensory, accomplishment, stress/anxiety relief. The filters of time and intensity are there, too. Gaming was part of one of my old rituals that ended in compulsive acting out. I'd use gaming as anxiety/stress relief, get caught up in the sensory/accomplishment/suspense, and often end up acting out by engaging in Priming via text, or stalking online afterwards, which would end in masturbation etc.

Although I have since left the compulsive behavior piece behind, gaming is still part of the old ritual. And because of that, continuing to game is playing with fire. I first realized that it was an issue when I felt worried that C would be upset if she walked in on me gaming and saw some of the sexual cutscenes. I felt myself needing to look away as not to get "too triggered" by some of the content. At first I experienced denial. "It's just a game. I'm not feeding my addiction because I'm not acting out." But when my therapist said, "what if you played other games instead?" I realized that it was in fact my addiction. Why? Because playing other games wouldn't have the elements I'm craving. They don't give me the same satisfaction. And in that, I knew I must rid the behavior.

I decided to quit gaming. I feel 200% pathetic for saying this, but I experienced a sense of grief from it. Emptiness. It made me sad that another area of my life has been tainted by my addiction. I really wanted to believe that I was at a point in my recovery where I can leave all of this behind and just "get on" with my healthy life. To notice those feelings and come to this awareness--I felt kind of blindsided by this realization. I felt like this was a set-back. I don't want areas of my life and memories to be associated with that part of me any longer. And to have it rear it's head again was discouraging. Gaming was something that I so greatly enjoyed and it was perverted by my addiction. And guess what, I miss it. I miss the stimulation. I miss the high of it. I miss the distraction. And because I don't have that any more? I feel empty again. Which tells me I made the right decision.
I've quoted this from Coach Jon's intro essay before, but copy it again for future reference:
Quote:
The blandness, the void that is created when eliminating the behavioral patterns that managed the majority of your emotions is like removing your soul. You no longer feel "normal". You feel as if there is something wrong inside of you; like you are broken somehow. You might even feel that, without these compulsive behaviors, life isn't even worth living. That it is these behaviors that made you special.

Quote:
...And in those few weeks, your goal will be to recognize this emptiness, and begin to fill it with the values and the dreams that you believe in.

So here we go then.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2019 6:04 am 
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Hi A
Quote:
A few weeks ago, I discovered that I've been keeping my addiction alive through video games.

discovered or admitted?
not that it really matters, what matters is your self awareness and self honesty, that I believe you have in spades

Addicts of all persuasions and in all stages of addiction / recovery can easily tend towards poly addiction and each persuasion of addiction can be so very different in their essence
however recovery for all is so similar
you know that addiction fires our emotions and then feeds from them


you also know that all emotions are finite and cyclic, live without emotion would not be life but life without values is not living

Quote:
I decided to quit gaming. I feel 200% pathetic for saying this, but I experienced a sense of grief from it. Emptiness.


Quote:
I feel empty again. Which tells me I made the right decision.


remember that feeling empty is not being empty
you certainly are not empty so realise and accept that fact

you are on track, stay on it
you are worth it

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 21, 2019 8:09 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 391
Hey my friend! I thought i would drop you a line to mark your second anniversary here on RN and to remind you what a completely different person you are to the one that joined. Your knowledge of the workshop is annoyingly impressive (!) as is how you were able to apply the learning to yourself a lot better than i did first time around.

Your last post suggested some issues you were trying to work through, but, as Kenzo pointed out, you noticed this yourself and held yourself responsible and then formed a plan of how to handle it. The Anon of 2 years ago was not capable of that so please don't lose sight of what you have achieved and how far you have come.

Maybe RN has had its time and place for you and you need to fly free with your recovery and there is certainly no problem with that but if you do have any struggles, even wanting to just sound off about things, then there is a place here for you to do that and there are always some friends who will be only too pleased to help each other out and exchange thoughts. I didn't realise how much i missed it until i came back.

Either way, take care and stay healthy!

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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