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Kitti's Recovery thread
http://recoverynation.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=25002
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Author:  kittislave [ Thu Nov 30, 2017 11:03 am ]
Post subject:  Kitti's Recovery thread

Lesson 1.
A)Recovery keys:
1)I think that I am actively committed to change, although my behaviour affects my family and that is partly the driving force for wanting this recovery, that driving force is personal, those affects hurt me. When I lapsed a few days ago it was dramatic that husband found out and reacted to it but it wasn’t guilt or shame so much that hurt it was the feeling of pain from hurting him. I am driven to change as it affects me deeply, A friend (an ex Daddy Dom) called me a slut. I am committed to not being a slut, that is my motto now “I non erit meretrix” I am not a slut and I tell myself that everytime I feel like weakening
2)I don’t feel that guilt or shame does sabotage my commitment to change, in a way it strengthens my will and commitment. I am not ashamed of what I was, a submissive addicted to love and attention. To me there is no shame in admitting to this addiction, it is facing the problem and taking action.
3)allowing myself time to change is more of a problem. I am a hedonist, I want things now, I want change overnight.. Realistically I know that this is unreasonable and recovery doesn’t have a time limit. I am aiming to keep my addiction in ‘check’ while working on a full healthy recovery.
B)1.I want to focus my energy on other things, not thinking about being loved or receiving attention
2. I want to be self reliant
3.I don’t want to feel shame or guilt anymore, I want to be open and not worried my husband might find out something
4.I want to feel proud of myself
5. I don’t want to be a slut
6.i want to be the confident educated woman I was
7.i want to change my life for health reasons, the worry and deception is not good for my gut health, it affects my digestion, my sleep, so many aspects.
8.my addiction/weakness is strong/dominant men – BDSM Doms and Masters, I want to make a permanent change in my life to recover and never again experience the physical, mental and emotional abuse that these Doms use to ‘break’ their subs.

c. I see the beauty in that child the self-confidence, she stood tall with a smile on her face and long blonde hair, my addiction took to men who ‘broke’ me who decided I wasn’t good enough to be loved or wanted how I am naturally, I sit here hunched up with shorter red hair because that is what Master demanded. That very word motivates me to change now, I didn’t need a Master telling me what to do then, I just needed guidance. I want to become her, the pretty little blonde child again.

Author:  Kenzo [ Fri Dec 29, 2017 8:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Kitti's Recovery thread

Hello Kitti
and a belated welcome to RN

deliberately belated because
Quote:
I think that I am actively committed to change,

does not appear to be positive and certainly there is no evidence here in this forum to demonstrate this

however I hope that my feeling is wrong and that you are committed to your recovery



if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination


remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

Author:  Kenzo [ Mon Jan 15, 2018 12:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Kitti's Recovery thread

Kitti
I posted

Quote:
I hope that my feeling is wrong and that you are committed to your recovery


I fear my feeling was correct
please prove me wrong, for your sake please commit what do you have to lose?

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