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PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2018 1:31 pm 
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Step one, complete. ( Now find lesson 1)


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:12 pm 
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Lesson 1
1) Actively Commit to Change. YES – I am tired, I quit trying, I am a Christ Follower and I’m told I have the same power that rose Christ from the grave in-me? (but I don’t feel it, and I don’t see it.) I guess I’ve been passively waiting for it to “kick-in” but after years and years of the cycle – do Good, do the Disciplines; daily quit time, listening to good messages, journaling, memorizing scripture, praying, praying with my wife, going to church, active in groups, accountability software on the PC, etc. etc. etc… I stile live the cycle of good week, good week, monumental failure, good week good week, monumental failure for 40 years now – I’m BREAKING the cycle now – 100% cold-turkey not looking back, and doing it for ME, I’m sick and tired and want a life that is amazing and full of God’s Blessing (pouring over) NOW. TODAY. Done.
2) Not allowing guilt and shame to sabotage your commitment. YES
I did for a long time – then a year ago, I fully, totally, unbelievably, accepted GRACE and stopped using guilt and shame as my method of cycling this behavior. No more Guilt, No more Shame, I am able to talk to anyone (friend or stranger about my secret and do it in a positive way, not pity, not shame, but honest humility and to empathize with what other’s are experiencing) I selective will share to encourage.
3) Allow myself time to change? NOT SURE – I want to PURPOSE this so one-sided that I don’t want to experience the cycle again. BUT, honestly open to the fact that if it happens again, it’s inside a reprograming path of growth. I am committing to this PROGRAM: Recovery Nation. ACTIVE
B.) List 10 motivators:
1. I want to be transparent and honest with my wife.
2. I want to Break the internal stress cycle of (success/fail)
3. I want to leave a legacy for our Grandkids that breaks the family cycle
4. I want to have more time for being in the present
5. I want to experience God’s blessing on my business (financially)
6. I want to be an encourager to others (in my family and in my church)
7. I want to have more time for reading, writing and getting my plans finished
8. I want to have a healthy active sexual relationship with my wife (deep emotional)
9. I want to reprogram my brain to default to good thoughts all the time
10. I want to Feel, See, and Know God’s power for change is real
C.) WOW, I wish I could have gone back and told him what was important, what to have avoided, what to have sought after and made a priority…. I was NOT abused, I was NOT exposed to anything intentional… I chased, sought, and made my own priorities that tended to be alone, and sexually focused. (catalogs, magazines, neighbor’s windows, when older, book stores, old magazines, and even older, internet) it was always an internal choice – not abuse (I wish I could go back and be my guide)

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2018 3:35 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3793
Location: UK
Hello BeingMadeNew

and welcome to the programme

Quote:
I am committing to this PROGRAM


I am sure that you recognise that commitment to the programme can be different to commitment to recovery
for example

passing the driving test is not the same end as learning to drive, one follows the other
the same here
RN provides the guidance, the roadmap but the drive and energy comes from you


if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction as I am sure that you do, then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination


remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 4:47 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
Failure on Sunday.

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


Last edited by beingmadenew on Tue Apr 10, 2018 12:48 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 5:11 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
My personal Vision…

My vision is to be completely honest with my wife. To be able to share what I experience, and not hurt her, or be judged as sick or perverted, but to here her say. “I’m so sorry” how can I help right now.
My vision is to have friends that I can talk to about this obsession. Friends who wouldn’t write me off, but take time to talk, offer suggestions, be willing to help and be involved in the solution.
My vision is for this to be over, to be “normal” to be able to control a desire with a mere thought, and in time not have the desire at all.
My vision is to be in such control, that I have time to help others going through this and offer my success story as a model for them.
My vision is for a life that is focused on my business, and my GOOD plans that come to me when I’m doing my quiet time (and in prayer)
My vision is: Doing the things that I want for my family; Praying for them, Writing letters of encouragement, and spending time talking with them about their dreams.
To Write a Book for Work, to take the time I’ve wasted viewing porn and refocus that time on Productive output.
My vision INCLUDES the past, to be able to say, “I was addicted to that” but no more, let me tell you how “I got out”
My vision is have no more secrets to be fully transparent with the one woman I love more than anything, and for her to be the same with me.
My vision is living a blessed life, financially independent, not rich – just enough saved to generate an income that is comfortable
My vision is to retire and travel with my wife – to see this country and experience new things with her by my side.
My vision is having a healthy, loving, deeply, caring sex life with my wife. Experiencing a oneness with each other that is completely satisfying. And enough.

(I realize some of this is a Transition Vision – while addicted, I need a rewrite to make this a life-long & post addiction vision) will work on this again.

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 7:29 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3793
Location: UK
BMN
Quote:
I need a rewrite to make this a life-long & post addiction vision) will work on this again.

:g:
perhaps reading coach Mels how to found at the top of this forum page might help

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 7:30 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
Vision REVISED

My Vision is focused on Healthy Relationships;
I desire to connect with God daily, discovering Him in his Word, and Communicating with Him daily to know and complete His will for me.
I desire to connect with my Wife in a transparent, deep and unconditional way. Enjoying a healthy loving relationship with unguarded communication, and an uninhibited sex life that is caring, personal, and satisfying.
I desire a connected and healthy interaction with our Kids, their Spouses, and our Grandkids in an intimate, encouraging, nurturing way, packed with fun and laughs.
I desire a friend who knows me, my thoughts, my struggles, my regrets and is there to encourage, pray-with, build-up, and challenge me without condemnation.
I also desire to share my story with someone who is struggling, or feeling-trapped and provide guidance to lead them to a place of peace and hope.

My Vision is also Goal Oriented rich with Accomplishments;
I desire to be successful in my business, recognized as a leader in what we do, and sought out by other’s wishing to be leaders too.
I desire to lead my TEAM well, making members feel valuable and encouraged to complete their goals.
I desire to write. Write letters of encouragement to My Kids. Write love letters to my Wife. Write a book about what I’ve learned in business to give to my clients. Write personal notes throughout an entire Bible, personalized for each of my Grandkids.
I desire to be financially free, not rich, but to have enough put away to retire comfortable and spend the time necessary to enjoy the relationships in my life.
I desire to travel and experience new places, with my Sweetheart, to see this country and the wonders we dream of experiencing and seeing together.
I desire to live a blessed life. One marked by challenges that stretch my faith and are obviously approved by God, sensing and experiencing His pleasure.

This is my VISION for rest of my years.


Last edited by beingmadenew on Tue Apr 03, 2018 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 2:17 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
LESSON 3:
Values from My Vision:

God is a priority
Read the Bible daily
Pray daily
Understand Gods will
Study Gods promises
Know Gods laws
My Wife is a priority
Share myself with her
Spend time listening to her
Spend time talking with her
Share transparently
Enjoy sex with my wife
Care for my wife
Provide for my wife
Spend time together
Love her unconditionally
Give her gifts
Encourage her
Be her best friend
My Kids are a priority
Call them to talk
Have them over
Take them out to eat
Complete projects with them
Encourage them
Plan trips and events with them
My Kids spouses are a priority
Communicate with them
Learn what they like
Encourage them
My grandkids are a priority
Pray for them
Spend time with them
Have fun with them
Play games with them
Build projects with them
Teach them
Love them unconditionally
Friends are a priority
Find time for them
Communicate regularly
Learn from them
Share everything
Having a wiser friend is important
Being a wiser friend is important
Be a mentor
Offer advice & counsel
Hold accountable
Leading is a priority
Listen to my clients
Listen to my employees
Communicate well with both
Goals are a priority
Schedule everything
Planning is important
Make time to read
Make time to write
Make time to journal
Save money
Sacrifice for the financial future
Budget carefully
Be frugal
Be wise
Be Blessed – live the beatitudes:
Blessed are the poor in spirit
Blessed are those who mourn
Blessed are the meek
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness
Blessed are the merciful
Blessed are the pure in heart
Blessed are the peacemakers
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness
Blessed when others revile you
Health is priority
Maintain a weight range
Maintain activity
Eat healthy every day
Other KEY words include:
Integrity
Compassion
Charitable
Competence
Quality
Responsible
Creative
Excellent
Respect
Resourceful
Organized
Accomplished
challenged
Forgiving
Friendly
Self-disciplined


2) Consider the 'dark side' of your decision-making. The compulsive behavior. The sexual behavior. Take some time to extract the values that went into those behaviors, and list them as well.

Behavior Values:

Excitement
Feeling gratification
Enjoying Euphoria
Feeling a DEEP connection
Dreaming of better
Emotional escape
Very selfish
My needs only
Me first
My right
Sense of Risk
Free
Sinful
Pleasure of sin
Perfection
Pride
Relaxing
Stress relief
Escape
Secret
Cocky
Arrogant
Special

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2018 3:07 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
LESSON 4
prioritizing my Values - i summarized this for the top 25 only...

1. Know God
2. Know My Wife
3. Transparent
4. Intimate family relationships
5. Healthy friend relationships
6. Encouraging
7. Forgiving - merciful
8. Self-disciplined
9. Body Health – exercise/diet
10. Mind Health – read/study
11. Challenging
12. Leadership
13. Excellence - quality
14. Planning
15. Organization
16. Saving - financially
17. Compassionate
18. Charitable - Giving
19. Respectful
20. Accomplished – write/journal
21. Frugality
22. Wisdom
23. Responsible
24. Dependable
25. Active

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2018 11:48 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
LESSON 6
will take time and be edited...
here is the first DRAFT:

Knowing God:
➢ Meet Him every morning
➢ Read Bible Through, making notes (6+ days/wk)
➢ Journal – prayers & lessons (6+ days/wk)
➢ Read a (self-help) Christian book/month
➢ Meet with TJ monthly for accountability
➢ Attend Church (1+/week)
➢ Listen to Rick Warren (radio 4+ days/wk)
➢ Take Prayer walks early in the morning (2+ days/wk)
➢ Memorize the books of the bible in order
➢ Memorize one-verse from each book (over 2-yeas)
➢ Meet with Son(s) 1x month for accountability
➢ Counsel couples with lori
➢ Continue book studies with lori
Knowing my Wife:
➢ Have breakfast together every day
➢ Have dinner together 6+ days/wk
➢ Have a weekly DATE NIGHT
➢ Preselect topics to discuss on date night
➢ Take lori on a monthly over-night date
➢ Do book studies together
➢ Pray together
➢ Ask her for honey-do-list items & complete
➢ Give her daily complements
➢ Write her notes & give random cards
➢ Give her random gifts & flowers for no reason
➢ Understand her love-language is TIME & GIFTS
➢ Share with her my “fails” and let her help
➢ Develop a sexual relationship
➢ Schedule intimacy & plan for it
➢ Discover what she needs and meet it
➢ Openly share what I need
➢ Make a list of her priorities and know them
➢ Make use of a calendar to accomplish more
Transparent:
➢ Be willing to share truth when asked

Intimate Family Relationships:
➢ Son & Daughter-in-law
➢ Daughter & Son-in-law

Healthy Friend Relationships:
➢ Find a Close Friend (one I can share everything with)
➢ Deepen my friendship with TJ, Keith, Andy,

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2018 11:52 am 
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Posts: 55
Transparent:
➢ Be willing to share truth when asked
➢ Always tell the whole truth


Intimate Family Relationships:
Son & Daughter-in-law
➢ Be involved in their life
➢ Celebrate birthdays & events
➢ Get together for meals
➢ Schedule time on calendar to get together
➢ Call just to talk
➢ Encourage when I observe good
➢ Notice and ask when I sense down
➢ Offer to help with their projects
➢ Take vacations together
Daughter & Son-in-law
➢ Be involved in their life
➢ Celebrate birthdays & events
➢ Get together for meals
➢ Schedule time on calendar to get together
➢ Call just to talk
➢ Encourage when I observe good
➢ Notice and ask when I sense down
➢ Offer to help with their projects
➢ Take vacations together

Healthy Friend Relationships:
➢ Find a Close Friend (one I can share everything with)
➢ Ideally someone with similar experience?
➢ Deepen my friendship with TJ, Keith
➢ Get together regularly
➢ Call just to talk
➢ Follow & be interested on FB & social media
➢ Email & ask them questions
➢ Questions of interest
➢ Questions that reinforce values

Encouraging:
➢ Seek to encourage always
➢ STOP criticizing

Forgiving:


Self-disciplined:

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2018 11:18 am 
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Posts: 55
LESSON 7:
continuing on life-plan...

Encouraging:
➢ Seek to encourage always
➢ Encourage wife when I see things I enjoy
➢ Encourage Son & Son-in-law for great parenting
➢ Encourage daughter & daughter-in-law for their home-life
➢ Encourage my employees, friends, etc..
➢ Become “known” for encouraging
➢ STOP criticizing (let all small things go)

Forgiving:
➢ Be quick to forgive (everything)
➢ Work out issues that need restitution (don’t be pushover)
➢ Be firm but do NOT hold grudges
➢ Follow a process for forgiving
➢ Again – don’t sweat small things
➢ Don’t be a perfectionist
➢ Let others have their own methods & be OK

Self-disciplined:
➢ Wow; work, exercise, dieting, spiritual activity, etc…
➢ Always be first to the office
➢ Always be late leaving (diligent & smart)
➢ Work a full day
➢ When I run out of client work have list of maintenance stuff
➢ Pay everyone on-time
➢ Pay all debts
➢ Pay all vendors first
➢ Develop an exercise schedule
➢ Post if for wife to know & hold accountable
➢ Work out (cardio) 4+ X’s/week
➢ Be active on weekends – events, projects, helping kids, etc…
➢ Diet (maintain a constant weight of 160lbs) 4lb flux
➢ Splurging for a season is OK
➢ When dieting – stay on for a 14 day-run minimum
➢ Take supplements daily for health
➢ Drink 3-6 glasses of water daily (keep journal) to know
➢ Spiritual disciplines: Daily QT
➢ Daily read & journal
➢ Daily pray
➢ Weekly attend church
➢ Weekly serve others
➢ Tithe monthly (above and beyond)
➢ Read a book per month (minimum)

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2018 11:55 am 
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Posts: 55
LESSON 8 & 9

not included (moved to couples)
on to #10:

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2018 3:49 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
LESSON 10:
I. Consider those lies that are still being perpetuated in your life. Who you are deceiving. Why you are deceiving them. Consider the 'risks' of coming clean. No need to do anything about these thoughts...just have an awareness of them.

Currently I am not lying – except for concealment of the past. (My ideal desire is to “come-clean” share all, and accept the consequence.) I want to prepare and set up for a healthy and best-possible outcome time-place-attitude-etc…


II. If you are involved in a partnership, choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving them in certain areas. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are willing to jeopardize the future of that relationship by maintaining the deception; AND, admit to yourself that you are intentionally sabotaging your own healthy foundation by allowing such a huge crack to remain.

No more deception. I love the scenario at the top of the lesson where; “if on a date, a temptation passes by, and I actually can comfortably discuss it and my healthy reaction in her presence & with her… (need to take time to plan and set the tone for this to be a reality)


III. If you are involved in professional coaching (or outside counseling), choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving those whom you are working with. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are not fully committed to ending your addiction. Acknowledge that you are choosing to 'go through the motions', rather than actively pursue real change.

NA


IV. Make a list of all the places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior. List these items and their locations in your Recovery Thread. If you are uncomfortable sharing this in the forum, email or PM the list to a Coach.

• Nothing is saved anywhere (& have alert-systems on laptop, phone, & tablet to notify a good friend if I violate)
• I have in my memory places I have visited
• I have a couple massage places that I’ve used – but haven’t visited in a long time

Note: this list may be small (or empty) for some of you, as your behaviors are more fantasy/affair oriented. That is okay. For others, it may be very long. That is okay, too. It is important that you get a complete and accurate account of everything...no matter how long it takes to complete the inventory.
V. Make a list of all the people that you use as compulsive sexual and/or romantic object. Post this in your thread.


FROM THE PAST:
• Visited Adult shops – to watch videos
• Watched Adult movies on TV when out-of-town on business
• 2-yr affair w/single parent tenant
• Visit to massage parlors (female w/happy ending)
• Visit to private-homes (male massage w/happy ending)
• Connections with Men from Craig’s-List for exploration
• Visit to Nude Beach & Nude Gay Clubs to stalk and look

Like the previous list, it is important to include all sources of compulsive sexual/romantic stimulation — no matter how long it may take you to complete.
VI. Make a list of all the places where you go to act out your sexually/romantically compulsive behavior. Post this list in your thread.


• Adult Bookstores to watch video & masturbate in stall
• Internet: surf for porn, & masturbation

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 3:54 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
LESSON 11

I read the entire lesson.
and Just submitted ALL (8) Awareness Worksheets....

on to #12

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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