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PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2018 10:49 am 
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Posts: 110
My Daily Monitoring List ( 06/08/2018 but written the day after)

  1. Did I take note of compliments I received today and accept them with gratitude?
    • Took note, but was unable to accept them.
  2. Did I actively disclose any compulsive behavior today?
    • Yes, but almost 5 hours after the fact. I was ashamed and delayed.
    • If no, are you aware that this should have been done and consider when you will do it.
    • If yes, did you lie by omission or minimizing?
  3. Did I initiate some kind of loving affection towards my wife today?
    • Yes
  4. Did I actively engage with my recovery lessons?
    • No
  5. Did I engage as a partner around the house (chores, help cook, look for things to take care of in general)?
    • Yes
  6. Did I take my wife’s safety into account and actively engage in protecting it (both from me and our surroundings)?
    • N/A - it did not come up
  7. Did I view my wife as a person of value and not a sex object?
    • Yes
  8. Was I nice to my wife today?
    • Yes
  9. Did I contemplate my spirituality today?
    • No
  10. Did I engage as a householder today?
    • Yes
  11. Did I make choices about my health that were positive today?
    • Some were positive and some were negative


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2018 11:21 am 
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Yesterday I did the following and I wanted to document it here so that it is externalized and given a proper evaluation so that I might learn from it. Here goes:

  • Targeting and scanning
    • Out at IKEA with my wife
    • Notice another shopper dressed in a way that is triggering to me (leggings)
    • Have hard time keeping my eyes off her
    • I turn my body away and do my best to ignore her, but it happens a couple of other times as we progress through the store
    • My wife definitely notices the potential and also notices me observing, but does not say anything
    • I manage to get out of the store without obsessing and being a jerk
    • I'm ashamed and feel guilty, but feel like I did pretty well, so don't mention it
    • I feel guilt about this all day until I finally disclose this in the afternoon (happened around 10:30am and disclosed at 3pm)
    • She took it reasonably well, but it was not good that I waited. We talked about setting up some kind of key word and plan to take in the future. I.e. I say 'banannas' and we both acknowledge the issue and then I suggest a plan to minimize it (either go faster through the store or slower to avoid visual contact with that person again). Or maybe just getting it out in the open right away will diffuse it enough for me to make it not an issue.
  • Measuring this:
    • Notice another shopper dressed in a way that is triggering to me (leggings)
      • Sensory (visual) (seeing them in legging)
        • Primary Behavior - 3
        • Time - 2
          • 2 * 2 = 6
        • Intensity - 4
          • 4 * 3 = 12
        • Habit - 8
          • 8 * 3 = 24
        • Total = 42 / 10 = 4.2
      • Fantasy (very brief almost immediate thought of them naked)
        • Accessory Behavior - 1
        • Time - 1
          • 1 * 1 = 1
        • Intensity - 1
          • 1 * 1 = 1
        • Habit - 8
          • 8 * 1 = 8
        • Total = 10 / 10 = 1
      • Suspense (that I might see them again)
        • Secondary Behavior - 2
        • Time - 5
          • 5 * 2 = 10
        • Intensity - 2
          • 5 * 2 = 10
        • Habit - 5
          • 5 * 5 = 25
        • Total = 45 / 10 = 4.5
      • Grand total = 9.7 overall stimulation rating

Summary: I was caught off guard and my poor ability to deal with my emotions of shame and that prevented me from disclosing this when I should have. A code word or pre-determined way of connecting about this seems like a good idea. Even a way to indicate that something needs to be discussed at a later convenient time.


Last edited by alongtheriver on Sun Jun 10, 2018 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2018 11:54 am 
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Recovery Nation - Emotions vs Values

Recovery Nation - Emotions vs Values

Recovery Workshop: Lesson Thirty

Lesson 30 Exercise:

Quote:
For the rest of today and all of tomorrow, focus on one specific developmental skill: deepening your awareness of the connection between your emotions and your values. Like a student studying for a midterm, concentrate on how your emotions influence your actions; how your values influence your decisions; how your emotions influence your values, etc. Don't do this from memory...anyone can do that. Take tomorrow to assess your emotions/values as if you were in a laboratory. There is no need to write down your observations anywhere. Simply do it.

I’ll be working on this today and tomorrow. I’m going to try and note things down as experienced. I’m not good at remembering after the fact.

  • 06/07/2018
    • 09:06AM - I’m already feeling like goofing off because I’m a bit overwhelmed.
    • 10:09AM - Frustration and depression at not being able to get my external monitor to work today, so all work will need to be done on my laptop.
    • 10:23AM - Looking at my values and realize that two of my values are directly related to this situation: resourcefulness and doing the right thing. This is an opportunity to engage with my values and not just be a victim to circumstance.
    • 12:13PM - After chatting with my wife about this stuff. I’m feeling anxious and guilty because she is feeling bad now. This is because my emotional state is exactly how it is usually when I would be struggling and/or have a relapse. She’s worried, and totally reasonably so. I’ve told her what is going on and that I’m with her and not going to relapse, but that is no substitute to actually having me back on track with my emotions and her seeing that.
    • 02:21PM - Now super bored and sleepy. I’m having desire for TV or reading social media to pep me up, but I know that is just a precursor for dopamine seeking porn behavior. Values say I should get up and go to the store instead or just take a nap.

I started with the kind of tracking above, but once the intense negative emotions were no longer present, I had a hard time continuing to track them. I did notice a trend though, as I went through these couple days I noticed a lot of negative emotions and no positive ones. When I reflect on this time I’m sure they were there, maybe not in as much quantity as the negative ones, but surely the amount was greater than zero, which is what I noted. I see an opportunity there to start noticing my positive emotions as they are happening. Had a great conversation with my wife about this while driving yesterday and her observations were that this is a regular thing that she has noticed with depressive people -- i.e. that they tend to notice only the negative states they are in and blow right past both neutral and positive times in the moment and in their memories of their states over time.

Note, I found this helpful in labeling emotions:

Plutchik-wheel - Emotion - Wikipedia


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2018 12:46 pm 
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Recovery Nation - Evolving Your Practical Values

Recovery Nation - Evolving Your Practical Values

Recovery Workshop: Lesson Thirty-Two

Lesson 32 Exercise:

Quote:
1. Early in the workshop, you created approximately fifteen 'proactive action plans' that were intended to list specific steps to take to strengthen certain values that are important to you. Return to these action plans and for each, review your progress. Summarize your progress on your recovery thread.

2. Update your Proactive Action Plans as needed.

I have a feeling this is going to be pretty sad with how little of this I have done. I've been sitting on this list for most of this time assuming I was doing a good thing by spending the majority of my time working through the lessons rather than doing this. I see now that some kind of balance is likely going to be helpful and I plan on adding these to my todo list today and starting to have reminders to work on all of this stuff. It does seem like too long of a list to do everything, so I'll have to rebalance to make it realistic.

Believe in myself

  • Try to remember one compliment a day and write it down
    • Not so good here. I have actually written 4 compliments total, the last one being May 30.
  • Keep a compliment list and review it weekly
    • Forgot to review it weekly. Need to put this into my todo list management setup and start actually doing this.
  • Meditation on things that I do well
    • I have not done this at all.
  • Loving Kindness meditation
    • I also haven't done this.
  • Do something once a month that is quite difficult
    • Not this either.
Honesty

  • Disclose any relapse within 24 hours — always
    • I have managed to do this. I'm now aiming for much faster than 24 hours -- i.e. within one hour, but I have done this within 24 hours at least.
  • Daily review each day where I journal what went on for my recovery and any issues that came up during that day.
    • I've been good about this.
  • Daily check in, in person in bed with my wife telling her any and all things that happened that day and also how my recovery work is going.
    • I think I've been doing this, even if quickly.
Strengthen my role as a partner to my wife

  • Be nice as often as possible
    I've been focusing on this. Trying to be less self-absorbed and extending myself to be nice to my wife and those around me.
  • Think about what my wife needs, even when not getting along
    • Yep. I've been much more aware of this.
  • Notice her
    • I think this has been going well.
  • Ignore the bad, praise the good
    • I'm feeling pretty good about this.
  • Once a week sit down and think about our relationship and what I can do to make it better the next week and then do it
    • I haven't been doing this audit. I need a reminder to make this happen so should go into my todo list.
  • Be a better household manager
    • Track projects mentioned around the house and write them all down
      • I still need to write all this down and add it to my system.
    • Use GTD to make progress on these projects on my own, not waiting for my wife to remind me about them
      • I'm redoing my entire system from scratch and it is taking a while, but I am working on it.
    • Bring ideas to meal planning sessions
      • Nope. I need to work on this.
    • Shoot for cooking meals half the time
      • Nope. I need to work on this.
    • Do my chores list every week no matter what
      • I have been doing this. On busy days I do a very quick version, but at least something.
  • Romance
    • Schedule date night once a week at least
      • Somewhat happening. I just scheduled one for this week at least and will add to my todo list.
    • Remember to tell her that you find her beautiful
      • I've been better about this.
    • Brush her hair at night before bed as often as possible
      • I've done this a few times.
    • Remember that non-sexual, but sensual touch is a good thing
      • I have been aware of this.
Commitment to an addiction free life

  • Prioritize these lessons above all else until complete (opt out of TV, movies, reading, etc.)
    • I've been doing this. I've been spending a minimum of an hour a day on these and I'm getting about 2 per day done. I'm feeling like the momentum has been very good for my progress.
  • Meditate on what life would be like if this were wildly successful
    • I have not done this and I'm glad to see this as a reminder.
  • Create affirmation on my commitment to this process and say if often throughout the day
    • I still need to do this too.
Devotion to self actualization

  • Spend some time in meditation each day (even 5 min is far better than nothing)
    • I started doing this today. Before that I had skipped every single day.
  • Spend some time in ritual space each day (even 5 min is far better than nothing)
    • Still need to do this.
  • Spend some time reading non-fiction books related to this each day
    • I'm going to go ahead and give myself that reading these lessons accounts for this for the time being.
Develop emotional maturity

  • For now, this falls under the heading of, ‘Commitment to an addiction free life’
    • Yep, doing the hell out of these lessons.
Do the right thing

  • When faced with a dilemma, think deeply about what my intuition says is the ‘right thing’
    • I should have been doing better at this.
  • Make an action plan based on the ‘right thing’ instead of just whatever occurs to me or is easiest
    • I'm almost not sure what I meant by this. I'll have to think about this and decide what to do.
Engage with learning

  • Spend time every day learning something
    • Reading
      • Recovery lessons count for this.
    • Research into householding
    • Religious research
    • Relationship research
    • Checking out books from the library and skimming through them
Minimalism - live a simple and healthy life

  • Make a yearly audit of our stuff and remove items that are no longer relevant
    • Need to add this to todo list.
  • Maintain garden
    • This is happening, but my wife is doing the majority of the work. I should be contributing more.
Strengthening my role as householder and partner

  • Maintain list of projects around the homestead and keep making progress on them
    • I still need to create this.
  • Make some small progress each day to keep aware of what is going on
    • I have been making small progress most days.
Devotion to community (volunteer)

  • Make some time more often in smaller amounts to do this work so that it does not pile up
    • Failing at this and feeling quite bad about it.
  • Reflect occasionally on why I’m doing this work so that motivation is clear
    • I have not done this either.
Strengthen engagement with family (mother, father, sister, niece, and nephew)

  • Call each on a regular basis
    • I have not done this.
  • Send updates on what is going on for us
    • Nor this.
  • Travel to visit on a regular basis
    • No plans at this time -- our travel budget is used for the year.
  • Invite them to visit here
    • This is in the works.
Engage and appreciate natural beauty/nature

  • Go fishing at least 1x per week, in each week that I’m home all week
    • I did this a few times, but not every week.
  • Take a hike at least 1x per month
    • I have not done this yet.
  • Sit outside in the morning with coffee or tea at least 1x per week
    • I did do this one time.
  • Accept that if these are not accomplished, it does not mean I’m a failure
    • Trying, but it is hard not to look back at the entire list here and feel like I'm faling at most of it.
Engage and improve health

  • Exercise for at least 10 minutes 3x per week using kettlebells
    • Not started yet.
  • Stretch and work on mobility in the evening at least 3x per week
    • Not started yet.
  • Stay on keto diet and only allow breaks from this 1x per week
    • Mostly a success.
  • Fast by skipping breakfast and lunch at least 1x per week, when not traveling
    • I have done this.
Financial stability

  • Maintain budget process (see 4 rules at YNAB)
    • I have done this, but still need to reconcile and then keep that up each week.
  • Review budget with wife at the beginning of each month
    • Done.
  • Read a few blog posts from mrmoneymoustache.com each week
    • Only did this once.
  • Maintain bead game to keep alcohol consumption reasonable (no more than 6 drinks per week)
    • Done.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2018 12:28 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2018 11:20 am
Posts: 110
My Daily Monitoring List ( 06/09/2018 )

  1. Did I take note of compliments I received today and accept them with gratitude?
    • Noticed and accepted some, but did not write them down.
  2. Did I actively disclose any compulsive behavior today?
    • Yes
    • If no, are you aware that this should have been done and consider when you will do it.
    • If yes, did you lie by omission or minimizing?
      • No
  3. Did I initiate some kind of loving affection towards my wife today?
    • Yes
  4. Did I actively engage with my recovery lessons?
    • Yes
  5. Did I engage as a partner around the house (chores, help cook, look for things to take care of in general)?
    • Yes
  6. Did I take my wife’s safety into account and actively engage in protecting it (both from me and our surroundings)?
    • Yes
  7. Did I view my wife as a person of value and not a sex object?
    • Yes
  8. Was I nice to my wife today?
    • Yes
  9. Did I contemplate my spirituality today?
    • Yes
  10. Did I engage as a householder today?
    • Yes
  11. Did I make choices about my health that were positive today?
    • Some were positive and some were negative


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2018 10:26 am 
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Recovery Nation - Developing Emotional Maturity

Recovery Nation - Developing Emotional Maturity

Recovery Workshop: Lesson Thirty-Three

Lesson 33 Exercise:

Quote:
1. While you have no doubt already deepened the awareness of your emotions...you now want to begin the process of mastering them. You want to make it a goal of yours to turn what was once a debilitating fault into one of your greatest strengths. That can't be done by reading. It must be developed in your day-to-day life. And so, that is your assignment. To take this next week to seek out opportunities to deepen an awareness of your emotions — both as they occur and as they can be anticipated. Each day, find at least five opportunities to assess your emotions. Don't do this retroactively...as in, you are about to go to bed and so, you review the day's activities and how you felt about them...this must be done in the here and now.

Additionally, add a few opportunities for developing this awareness by anticipating, role playing common rituals surrounding your past behavior. Or possible future behavior. Consider your emotions at the height of a compulsive urge. On the death of a loved one. On the experience of a child's birth. Think of the extremes.

The insights you are searching for throughout this exercise will be in relation to the finite qualities of emotion; the lack of fear/anxiety that comes with developing confidence in being able to anticipate emotional intensity; and the confidence that comes with the same.

2. Each day over the next three, share a few insights relating to these topics in your personal thread. Insights that you have gained from that particular day's focus.

3. At the end of the week, assess the level of effort you put into this task. Did you remember to consciously seek out such developmental opportunities each of the seven days? Post your assessment in your thread.


I'll be working on this over the next three days and then week. I'll update here as I go.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2018 10:36 am 
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Recovery Nation - Obstacles to Emotional Maturity

Recovery Nation - Obstacles to Emotional Maturity

Recovery Workshop: Lesson Thirty-Four

Obstacles to Emotional Maturity

Lesson 34 Exercise:

Quote:
Immediate gratification plays the primary role in the lives of most people who struggle with addiction. In your Personal Recovery Thread, share the following:

A. Describe a time in your life when the "Immediate Gratification" principle has come into play:

Quote:
Example: When I was twenty-two, I was approached by my best friend's wife, who wanted to have an affair with me. I knew that I shouldn't, and I knew that it wasn't worth the possibility of losing my friend or my marriage, but I did it anyway. Somehow, the feeling to have sex with her was just overwhelming, and it would have caused me great stress if I had said no.

My most recent relapse was a perfect example of this. I had the urge, made the decision to do it because I wanted that instant gratification more than I wanted to the long term satisfaction or succeeding in my recovery. It pains me to say that, but my actions speak volumes about falling for the desire for instant gratification. I wanted the emotional relief of giving in to the urges and I did it.

Quote:
B. As best as you can, describe the anxiety you feel when you are trying to NOT ACT on a compulsive sexual thought or behavior. Be specific. Compare it to other feelings of anxiety that you experience. The purpose of this exercise is to begin to define the limits of your emotions — and where your compulsive urges stand within those limits.

The anxiety has several qualities: heaviness like a thick blanket over me and some part of my emotional state, numbing it out. It also feels like there is an urge coming from my genitals which is gnawing and intense. There is also a feeling of an itch that needs scratching and if not taken care of it will drive me crazy.

Quote:
C. As best as you can, describe the feeling that you experience while you are engaging in a certain compulsive sexual thought or behavior. Is it a trance-like feeling? Is it a hyper-alert feeling? If someone could get inside your mind as you were experiencing such a ritual, what would they find?

An easing of the tension and also a learning of my mind and increased energy. Hyper-Alert is a good term for it. A rush of good feeling. Moment after moment of increased satisfaction and increased energy.

Quote:
D. Share these insights in your recovery thread.

Done.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:03 pm 
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Recovery Nation - Developing Emotional Maturity

Recovery Nation - Developing Emotional Maturity

Recovery Workshop: Lesson Thirty-Three

Lesson 33 Exercise:

Quote:
1. While you have no doubt already deepened the awareness of your emotions...you now want to begin the process of mastering them. You want to make it a goal of yours to turn what was once a debilitating fault into one of your greatest strengths. That can't be done by reading. It must be developed in your day-to-day life. And so, that is your assignment. To take this next week to seek out opportunities to deepen an awareness of your emotions — both as they occur and as they can be anticipated. Each day, find at least five opportunities to assess your emotions. Don't do this retroactively...as in, you are about to go to bed and so, you review the day's activities and how you felt about them...this must be done in the here and now.

Additionally, add a few opportunities for developing this awareness by anticipating, role playing common rituals surrounding your past behavior. Or possible future behavior. Consider your emotions at the height of a compulsive urge. On the death of a loved one. On the experience of a child's birth. Think of the extremes.

The insights you are searching for throughout this exercise will be in relation to the finite qualities of emotion; the lack of fear/anxiety that comes with developing confidence in being able to anticipate emotional intensity; and the confidence that comes with the same.

  • 06/10/2018
    • 09:44AM - I’m feeling some annoyance. My dog is distracting me from this writing and thinking I want to do and I’m annoyed about it. There is also whistling coming from the next room and I’m annoyed about that. I’m sure both will pass, but that is the emotion I’m feeling right now.
    • 10:50AM - I’m feeling sense of optimism. Like, I can make progress on my goals and that recovery is actually possible.
    • 12:07PM - I’m feeling pensive because K is feeling insecure and that always makes me feel less stable.
    • 01:58PM - I’m feeling mild joy at having a fun positive interaction with K where we went through our backpacking gear to make sure it was all decluttered and so we can start using it for some day hikes this year. First one is planned for next weekend.
    • 04:18PM - Just woke from a nap after reading K’s partner recovery thread here. I’m feeling fear and disgust. There was an entry on there that talked about my voyeurism and her shock and dismay at it is intense. I feel similarly and am having a difficult time with those feelings of disgust about my own behavior.
    • 06:46PM - Interest and peace. Just had dinner and reconnected with K.
    • 09:00PM - Apprehension and acceptance. I’m feeling apprehension about talking over K’s lessons, but acceptance that it is necessary to full recovery. Also, just tired from all the processing today.
Quote:
2. Each day over the next three, share a few insights relating to these topics in your personal thread. Insights that you have gained from that particular day's focus.

See above.

Quote:
3. At the end of the week, assess the level of effort you put into this task. Did you remember to consciously seek out such developmental opportunities each of the seven days? Post your assessment in your thread.

Yet to come.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:06 pm 
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My Daily Monitoring List ( 06/10/2018 )

  1. Did I take note of compliments I received today and accept them with gratitude?
    • Yes. K said she had a nice time on our date last night.
  2. Did I actively disclose any compulsive behavior today?
    • Yes, but it just was emotional processing, no compulsions today.
    • If no, are you aware that this should have been done and consider when you will do it.
    • If yes, did you lie by omission or minimizing?
      • No.
  3. Did I initiate some kind of loving affection towards my wife today?
    • Yes. Touched her and cuddled her a bit during the day and am planning to rub her feet in bed shortly.
  4. Did I actively engage with my recovery lessons?
    • Yes. I completed two more lessons and read through more of K’s lessons.
  5. Did I engage as a partner around the house (chores, help cook, look for things to take care of in general)?
    • Yes. I started cleaning the garage.
  6. Did I take my wife’s safety into account and actively engage in protecting it (both from me and our surroundings)?
    • N/A - nothing occurred.
  7. Did I view my wife as a person of value and not a sex object?
    • Yes.
  8. Was I nice to my wife today?
    • Yes, I think so.
  9. Did I contemplate my spirituality today?
    • Yes. Brief ritual, but it did happen.
  10. Did I engage as a householder today?
    • Yes. I walked the permitter and though about drainage for the cabin.
  11. Did I make choices about my health that were positive today?
    • Yes. I had coffee instead of a cider just after lunch.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:55 pm 
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Recovery Nation - Developing Emotional Maturity

Recovery Nation - Developing Emotional Maturity

Recovery Workshop: Lesson Thirty-Three

Lesson 33 Exercise:

Quote:
1. While you have no doubt already deepened the awareness of your emotions...you now want to begin the process of mastering them. You want to make it a goal of yours to turn what was once a debilitating fault into one of your greatest strengths. That can't be done by reading. It must be developed in your day-to-day life. And so, that is your assignment. To take this next week to seek out opportunities to deepen an awareness of your emotions — both as they occur and as they can be anticipated. Each day, find at least five opportunities to assess your emotions. Don't do this retroactively...as in, you are about to go to bed and so, you review the day's activities and how you felt about them...this must be done in the here and now.

Additionally, add a few opportunities for developing this awareness by anticipating, role playing common rituals surrounding your past behavior. Or possible future behavior. Consider your emotions at the height of a compulsive urge. On the death of a loved one. On the experience of a child's birth. Think of the extremes.

The insights you are searching for throughout this exercise will be in relation to the finite qualities of emotion; the lack of fear/anxiety that comes with developing confidence in being able to anticipate emotional intensity; and the confidence that comes with the same.

  • 06/10/2018
    • 09:44AM - I’m feeling some annoyance. My dog is distracting me from this writing and thinking I want to do and I’m annoyed about it. There is also whistling coming from the next room and I’m annoyed about that. I’m sure both will pass, but that is the emotion I’m feeling right now.
    • 10:50AM - I’m feeling sense of optimism. Like, I can make progress on my goals and that recovery is actually possible.
    • 12:07PM - I’m feeling pensive because K is feeling insecure and that always makes me feel less stable.
    • 01:58PM - I’m feeling mild joy at having a fun positive interaction with K where we went through our backpacking gear to make sure it was all decluttered and so we can start using it for some day hikes this year. First one is planned for next weekend.
    • 04:18PM - Just woke from a nap after reading K’s partner recovery thread here. I’m feeling fear and disgust. There was an entry on there that talked about my voyeurism and her shock and dismay at it is intense. I feel similarly and am having a difficult time with those feelings of disgust about my own behavior.
    • 06:46PM - Interest and peace. Just had dinner and reconnected with K.
    • 09:00PM - Apprehension and acceptance. I’m feeling apprehension about talking over K’s lessons, but acceptance that it is necessary to full recovery. Also, just tired from all the processing today.
  • 06/11/2018
    • 08:32AM - Feeling annoyed at the whistling in the house, and also at having not gotten my volunteer work done at all this weekend. I’m still massively behind and it is bothering me.
    • 09:23AM - Feeling sad. Very sad. K came over and asked me how I was doing and I just wanted to cry. Tears welling up, etc.
    • 10:34AM - Sadness reduced to pensiveness. Just on edge and tired today.
    • 11:37AM - Mild anxiety. Just having a hard time feeling confident today and anything I generally find irritating (whistling, interruptions, etc.) are harder to deal with. Feeling fragile.
    • 02:18PM - Feeling moderate anxiety and urges to eat and drink too much.
    • 08:07PM - Feeling sad, but relieved. Talked with K about her journal on RN and how some of the shocking things I’ve done really hit home when reading her account of them. Tough day.
    • 08:51PM - Still feeling about the same. Exhausted and ready for sleep. What a process this is, but I’m feeling like it is actually effective at making some change in me.
Quote:
2. Each day over the next three, share a few insights relating to these topics in your personal thread. Insights that you have gained from that particular day's focus.

See above.

Quote:
3. At the end of the week, assess the level of effort you put into this task. Did you remember to consciously seek out such developmental opportunities each of the seven days? Post your assessment in your thread.

Yet to come.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:59 pm 
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Posts: 110
My Daily Monitoring List ( 2018-06-11 )

  1. Did I take note of compliments I received today and accept them with gratitude?
    • Yes. Thought bittersweet, some of the compliments from K today on my recovery were very kind.
  2. Did I actively disclose any compulsive behavior today?
    • If no, are you aware that this should have been done and consider when you will do it.
    • If yes, did you lie by omission or minimizing?
      • Yes, and no omission. Nothing happened today.
  3. Did I initiate some kind of loving affection towards my wife today?
    • Not so much, but planning on some brushing hair and snuggles tonight.
  4. Did I actively engage with my recovery lessons?
    • Yes. Worked on my emotion monitoring.
  5. Did I engage as a partner around the house (chores, help cook, look for things to take care of in general)?
    • Yes. I finally took the recycling to town to get the bulk of it out of the garage.
  6. Did I take my wife’s safety into account and actively engage in protecting it (both from me and our surroundings)?
    • N//A - nothing came up.
  7. Did I view my wife as a person of value and not a sex object?
    • Yes.
  8. Was I nice to my wife today?
    • I think so.
  9. Did I contemplate my spirituality today?
    • Yes, briefly.
  10. Did I engage as a householder today?
    • Yes.
  11. Did I make choices about my health that were positive today?
    • Somewhat.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 10:44 pm 
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Recovery Nation - Developing Emotional Maturity

Recovery Nation - Developing Emotional Maturity

Recovery Workshop: Lesson Thirty-Three

Lesson 33 Exercise:

Quote:
1. While you have no doubt already deepened the awareness of your emotions...you now want to begin the process of mastering them. You want to make it a goal of yours to turn what was once a debilitating fault into one of your greatest strengths. That can't be done by reading. It must be developed in your day-to-day life. And so, that is your assignment. To take this next week to seek out opportunities to deepen an awareness of your emotions — both as they occur and as they can be anticipated. Each day, find at least five opportunities to assess your emotions. Don't do this retroactively...as in, you are about to go to bed and so, you review the day's activities and how you felt about them...this must be done in the here and now.

Additionally, add a few opportunities for developing this awareness by anticipating, role playing common rituals surrounding your past behavior. Or possible future behavior. Consider your emotions at the height of a compulsive urge. On the death of a loved one. On the experience of a child's birth. Think of the extremes.

The insights you are searching for throughout this exercise will be in relation to the finite qualities of emotion; the lack of fear/anxiety that comes with developing confidence in being able to anticipate emotional intensity; and the confidence that comes with the same.

  • 06/10/2018
    • 09:44AM - I’m feeling some annoyance. My dog is distracting me from this writing and thinking I want to do and I’m annoyed about it. There is also whistling coming from the next room and I’m annoyed about that. I’m sure both will pass, but that is the emotion I’m feeling right now.
    • 10:50AM - I’m feeling sense of optimism. Like, I can make progress on my goals and that recovery is actually possible.
    • 12:07PM - I’m feeling pensive because K is feeling insecure and that always makes me feel less stable.
    • 01:58PM - I’m feeling mild joy at having a fun positive interaction with K where we went through our backpacking gear to make sure it was all decluttered and so we can start using it for some day hikes this year. First one is planned for next weekend.
    • 04:18PM - Just woke from a nap after reading K’s partner recovery thread here. I’m feeling fear and disgust. There was an entry on there that talked about my voyeurism and her shock and dismay at it is intense. I feel similarly and am having a difficult time with those feelings of disgust about my own behavior.
    • 06:46PM - Interest and peace. Just had dinner and reconnected with K.
    • 09:00PM - Apprehension and acceptance. I’m feeling apprehension about talking over K’s lessons, but acceptance that it is necessary to full recovery. Also, just tired from all the processing today.
  • 06/11/2018
    • 08:32AM - Feeling annoyed at the whistling in the house, and also at having not gotten my volunteer work done at all this weekend. I’m still massively behind and it is bothering me.
    • 09:23AM - Feeling sad. Very sad. K came over and asked me how I was doing and I just wanted to cry. Tears welling up, etc.
    • 10:34AM - Sadness reduced to pensiveness. Just on edge and tired today.
    • 11:37AM - Mild anxiety. Just having a hard time feeling confident today and anything I generally find irritating (whistling, interruptions, etc.) are harder to deal with. Feeling fragile.
    • 02:18PM - Feeling moderate anxiety and urges to eat and drink too much.
    • 08:07PM - Feeling sad, but relieved. Talked with K about her journal on RN and how some of the shocking things I’ve done really hit home when reading her account of them. Tough day.
    • 08:51PM - Still feeling about the same. Exhausted and ready for sleep. What a process this is, but I’m feeling like it is actually effective at making some change in me.
  • 06/12/2018
    • 08:01AM - Feeling mild anxiety while working through lessons this morning.
    • 09:42AM - I’m feeling some mild optimism (interest and serenity). When I feel that, I also feel guilty about it because there is some part of me that thinks that I should continue to feel punished for what I’ve done.
    • 11:52AM - Feeling love for K.
    • 02:22PM - Feeling some apprehension. Could be the coffee that I’m drinking, but not sure.
    • 03:52PM - Feeling a sense of boredom and distraction.
    • 04:53PM - Serenity and apprehension. Good from work being done and nervous about possibly more processing.
    • 07:53PM - Apprehension and pensiveness. Both mild, but there. Did some drinking tonight and feeling judgy of myself as a result. Also, craving snack foods super bad.
    • 08:40PM - Feeling accepting and generous. Much more so that I would usually after drinking this much.
  • 06/13/2018
    • 07:47AM - Feeling a little apprehension. I’m contemplating it and not able to come up with why other than a sense of guilt for drinking too much last night.
    • 02:33PM - Feeling a little apprehension still. K is feeling off today and that puts me on edge. I haven’t done anything or lied even by omission, but it brings up feelings as if I had (mildly, but still).
    • 03:33PM - Feeling exhausted and sleepy. Not much else right now.
    • 04:35PM - Feeling a sense of anxiety at wondering what is up with K. She is always such a positive person that when something gets to her it throws me off. I should be more stable than that.
    • 08:59PM - Feeling anxiety, sadness, and guilt tonight. Talked with K over some past trauma that I inflicted. Intense deep ones. I only wish there was a way to take it back and do it right this time, but there is not.
  • 06/14/2018
    • 02:15PM - Feeling content. Not much feeling right now.
    • 04:33PM - I’m feeling a desire to hide and be introverted. This is a classic warning sign usually. I’ll tell K here shortly.
    • 07:34PM - Feeling mild anxiety. Drawn to eating and drinking strongly tonight.
    • 08:36PM -Feeling love for K right now.
  • 06/15/2018
    • 07:09AM - I’m feeling a little pensive.
    • 10:01AM - Feeling relief. I had some mild compulsive thoughts and told K about them just a few minutes ago. Relief both from the thoughts and at how she received them.
    • 02:31PM - Feeling excitement and energy. Almost feels nervous, but not quite. Like a happy nervous -- anticipation.
  • 06/16/2018
    • 03:06PM - Feeling love for K right now and happiness at having taken a hike today.
Quote:
2. Each day over the next three, share a few insights relating to these topics in your personal thread. Insights that you have gained from that particular day's focus.

See above.

Quote:
3. At the end of the week, assess the level of effort you put into this task. Did you remember to consciously seek out such developmental opportunities each of the seven days? Post your assessment in your thread.

I really flagged at the end for writing down my emotions as you can see, but I feel like I was recognizing them and noting them mentally much more often. Overall I feel like I put a moderate amount of effort into this. I wish I had stayed consistent in writing everything down for all 7 days, but even so I learned a lot. In particular, that it is much more difficult for me to notice positive emotions than negative ones. I don’t think this is due to experiencing more of the negative side, just that I tend to tune out the positive ones or not recognize them as having positive emotions. I also liked using the emotion wheel I found as my emotion vocabulary was lacking to say the least and looking at a list of emotions each time I went to describe what I was feeling was quite helpful. I’ve kept the diagram around for easy reference in the future when trying to determine what I’m really feeling.


Last edited by alongtheriver on Sun Jun 17, 2018 9:43 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 10:49 pm 
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Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2018 11:20 am
Posts: 110
My Daily Monitoring List ( 2018-06-12 )

  1. Did I take note of compliments I received today and accept them with gratitude?
    • No. I don’t remember any right now.
  2. Did I actively disclose any compulsive behavior today?
    • No, but that’s only because I didn’t do any compulsive behavior today.
    • If no, are you aware that this should have been done and consider when you will do it.
      • N/A
    • If yes, did you lie by omission or minimizing?
      • N/A
  3. Did I initiate some kind of loving affection towards my wife today?
    • Yes, but not a lot. I could have done better with this.
  4. Did I actively engage with my recovery lessons?
    • Yes. I’m also looking forward to moving on tomorrow as I held back because the next lesson was supposed to happen after a full 14 days of these daily monitoring sessions.
  5. Did I engage as a partner around the house (chores, help cook, look for things to take care of in general)?
    • Yes. Took the final bit of recycling to the center. First time since we have lived here that the garage has been fully empty of recycling.
  6. Did I take my wife’s safety into account and actively engage in protecting it (both from me and our surroundings)?
    • I thought of it while we were recycling. Nothing needed doing, but I did think about it.
  7. Did I view my wife as a person of value and not a sex object?
    • Yes.
  8. Was I nice to my wife today?
    • I think so.
  9. Did I contemplate my spirituality today?
    • No. I forgot to do this.
  10. Did I engage as a householder today?
    • Yes. I made the recycling a priority and kept looking around for other stuff to take care of. I was at least aware of things needing to be done.
  11. Did I make choices about my health that were positive today?
    • Somewhat. I ate well but drank too much.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2018 9:56 am 
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Posts: 110
Health Monitoring II — Daily, Weekly

Recovery Nation - Health Monitoring II — Daily, Weekly

Recovery Workshop: Lesson Thirty-Five

Lesson 35 Exercise:

Quote:
1) Evolve your daily monitoring as outlined above. Post the first thing you will be monitoring in this way in your thread for feedback and, share where you will be placing the reminder. Do not wait for feedback to begin.

Today, I am going to look for opportunities to make choices that are good for my health.

I'll write this down and post it at my bedside to see it first thing in the morning.

Quote:
2) Create your weekly agenda. Post it in your Recovery Thread.

Question #1: Over the past seven days, from what areas of my life did I derive the majority of my meaning and fulfillment. Think specific actions you experienced, not general ideals. "On Tuesday, I took out my guitar and just played for my kids. Took the time to teach them a few notes. It was meaningful to me." This, as opposed to...'music, kids...'

Question #2: Over the past seven days, where did the majority of my energy go? As in, was there chronic stress/pressure I had to manage? Were there any major traumatic events? Any intense emotional events?

Question #3: Given the meaning that I derived this week and the events I had to manage — how well did I do in maintaining emotional balance through healthy means? Were there times when my life management skills were inadequate and I ended up turning to artificial means (e.g. compulsive behavior)?

Question #4: Looking ahead to the next seven days, are there any significant events that I need to prepare for, so that I am not caught off guard? Deadlines, reunions, holidays, dates, etc.

Quote:
Beyond that, monitor anything that is important to you. Your relationships, your health, your progress towards certain goals. Anything can go on your Weekly Monitoring as long as it is consistent with your emerging value system.

Did I engage with my wife in a way that strengthened and deepened our relationship?

Did I seek out opportunities to be totally honest and transparent with my wife about my compulsions?


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2018 10:59 pm 
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Posts: 110
My Daily Monitoring List ( 2018-06-13 )

Quote:
Today, I am going to look for opportunities to make choices that are good for my health.

I did look for opportunities, I just did not take most of them. I ate well for breakfast and lunch, but had some extra carbs for dinner and a glass of wine, which earlier in the day I told myself I would not have. For exercise, I did do 2 pushups on a break from work today,


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