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PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2018 1:50 pm 
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Lesson 13
About the Healthy Recovery Patterns that's what i have identified to( i don't if i'm using this preposition in the right place,i'm brazilian :s:):
I'm have accepted that I have struggled with certain immoral behaviors that contradicted my values, but realize that what matters is what i'm are doing, not what I did. I realize that no successful recovery ever took place by changing the past, only by changing the present.''
Yes, i actual think that what was made in past,doesn't matter, what's matter is what you doing to change it.It is very talked in Buddhism,about to live the present...
My motivation to recover comes from the desire to live a life that I can be proud of, rather than a desire to create the illusion of a life that I can be proud of.
I'm not focused on controlling/ending their past behavioral patterns, but on developing new patterns that will take the place of those related to the addiction.
In such case, i'm focused on the two things,is that right?:pe:
I'm recognize that the feelings that i'm experiencing are the same feelings that others deal with every day in many different situations. That i'm not "defective", but "deficient".
I'm see my life as a continuous process of growth and development, rather than an episodic book of starts and stops. (e.g. "When I was addicted" "After I recovered").
I took a long, hard look at anything associated with my destructive past, and voluntarily made the decision to remove these objects from my life. This refers to pornography, internet accounts, etc. It does not necessarily refer to affairs where real feelings were experienced/exchanged.
I have developed the ability to produce the same emotional stimulation from value-based actions as they once derived solely from impulse-based actions.
Everytime i have an urge or even a simple fantasy, i say to myself:''When you see pornography,you are contributing to the suffering of many people,by means of sexual abuse, suicide,DST'S.It will be a big act of compassion and generosity give up my addiction to no more contributing with all those things''.Well, it has a lot to do with my values...


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 30, 2018 3:17 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3913
Location: UK
Hello BBfM
Quote:
I took a long, hard look at anything associated with my destructive past, and voluntarily made the decision to remove these objects from my life. This refers to pornography, internet accounts, etc. It does not necessarily refer to affairs where real feelings were experienced/exchanged.


IMO you should evaluate the "affairs"/ relationships for any potential destructive events for you and those others involved before dismissing out of hand, maybe there is nothing there but looking to check would not harm


Quote:
Everytime i have an urge or even a simple fantasy, i say to myself:''When you see pornography,you are contributing to the suffering of many people,by means of sexual abuse, suicide,DST'S.


that is the shameful fact
a multi billion£/$/Euro/Yen.................... is built up and supported by our lust and yes people are being hurt
what can we do? we can make choices
choose wisely

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 30, 2018 4:33 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 6:21 pm
Posts: 38
Kenzo wrote:
Hello BBfM
Quote:
I took a long, hard look at anything associated with my destructive past, and voluntarily made the decision to remove these objects from my life. This refers to pornography, internet accounts, etc. It does not necessarily refer to affairs where real feelings were experienced/exchanged.


IMO you should evaluate the "affairs"/ relationships for any potential destructive events for you and those others involved before dismissing out of hand, maybe there is nothing there but looking to check would not harm


Quote:
Everytime i have an urge or even a simple fantasy, i say to myself:''When you see pornography,you are contributing to the suffering of many people,by means of sexual abuse, suicide,DST'S.


that is the shameful fact
a multi billion£/$/Euro/Yen.................... is built up and supported by our lust and yes people are being hurt
what can we do? we can make choices
choose wisely

Thank you for the help!


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 30, 2018 4:36 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 6:21 pm
Posts: 38
Immthe wrote:
Kenzo wrote:
Hello BBfM
Quote:
I took a long, hard look at anything associated with my destructive past, and voluntarily made the decision to remove these objects from my life. This refers to pornography, internet accounts, etc. It does not necessarily refer to affairs where real feelings were experienced/exchanged.


IMO you should evaluate the "affairs"/ relationships for any potential destructive events for you and those others involved before dismissing out of hand, maybe there is nothing there but looking to check would not harm


Quote:
Everytime i have an urge or even a simple fantasy, i say to myself:''When you see pornography,you are contributing to the suffering of many people,by means of sexual abuse, suicide,DST'S.


that is the shameful fact
a multi billion£/$/Euro/Yen.................... is built up and supported by our lust and yes people are being hurt
what can we do? we can make choices
choose wisely

Thank you for the help!
Mann, i have seen the things behind the pornography industry,and i really see how problematic this addiction is...


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 30, 2018 4:48 pm 
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Posts: 38
Guys i have a problem here,in the 14 lisson, ther's a audio, but i'm not a fluent english speaker,i can read, and translate but listen it's a little hard.Is it necessary?


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2018 4:22 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 417
Hi BBfM,

The audio clip is a 20 minute recording of CoachJon explaining how the process of Health Monitoring works and how it is likely to develop and change over time as you become more aware of self-monitoring. Whilst I found the overview helpful the detail of what he describes will be picked up in the future lessons so if you are struggling to translate it in audio form then I would not worry too much.

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L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2018 9:10 am 
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learningtorun wrote:
Hi BBfM,

The audio clip is a 20 minute recording of CoachJon explaining how the process of Health Monitoring works and how it is likely to develop and change over time as you become more aware of self-monitoring. Whilst I found the overview helpful the detail of what he describes will be picked up in the future lessons so if you are struggling to translate it in audio form then I would not worry too much.

thanks :g:


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2018 12:25 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 6:21 pm
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Lesson 15
The most important thing I learned in this workshop was to introduce my values in my life.The first thing was how to find it. :v
I've learned how to do each and every decision based on my values.And that has been extremely good to me.One of my '' anti-craving emergency tool '' is based on my values,i have talked about it in my post but is like:When a urge comes, i say to myself ''When you see pornography you are contributing to the suffering of others,by mean of sexual abuse,DST'S,sucide etc, and will be a really good act of compassion and generosity give up my addiction for no more contribut with it''
Another thing that i've learned was discipline,which is not effectly linked in the general idea of the workshop(at least until now).To do the decisions based in my values(even to do the values itself) i need discipline,right?
I've learned to not procrastinate to move myself,do things,learning about myself,Buddhism,languages, school subjects.
I could speak a lot about my values,but, the workshop just was the bridge to find it.So, say that i've learned how to go through this bridge is enough.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2018 5:33 pm 
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Lesson 16
The only positive role that addiction has played in my life was a ''compensation effect''
I was so guilted and shamed because of my addiction and i try to compensate, putting effort in my school.Which makes me have nice grades :g:


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2018 12:54 pm 
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Lesson 17
I didn't understand that lesson too much.But the only ritual i have when i ever envolved myself before a relapse with pornography is:
Fantasy>Pornography+ Masturbation>Sensory Stimulation>Orgasm


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2018 5:00 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 417
Hi BBfM,

You are starting some of the more important lessons now so it is important that you are able to understand what they are teaching you. Lesson 17 introduces the Wheel of Sexual Compulsion. Whilst we have all experienced sexual addiction the causes of the addiction and what triggers us is very different. For example, someone that is addicted to porn may be particularly driven by the Sensory element (e.g. "looking" at naked women on the internet and the "feel" of touching themselves during masturbation). Another person may be triggered by Power and Control where they see opportunities to dominate vulnerable people. The purpose of the exercise is therefore to get you to describe a common ritual that you go through and to see if you can identify the different elements of the wheel that apply to you.

From your post you seem to have identified some of the elements but I do think that you would find it useful to list your ritual out and then perhaps put the elements you identify in capital in brackets afterwards, for example it might start off with:

1. As I leave work I see a co-worker that I find attractive and try to picture her naked and picture her having sex with me (FANTASY)
2. When I get home I have got myself into an aroused state through fantasising and turn on my PC and start to watch porn and images/clips that look like the co-worker (SENSORY - visual)
3. I start to touch myself as I watch the clips and get more turned on (MASTURBATION)

and so on

I think you will find it helpful to record it this way as it will then help with the later lessons. If you are still unclear then please ask but you might find it useful to look at other peoples' threads and see how they have responded to this so that you can then apply it yourself on the same basis. I don't want to create more work for you but if you record your new response to you thread then I think you may find benefit from that.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2018 3:00 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 6:21 pm
Posts: 38
learningtorun wrote:
Hi BBfM,

You are starting some of the more important lessons now so it is important that you are able to understand what they are teaching you. Lesson 17 introduces the Wheel of Sexual Compulsion. Whilst we have all experienced sexual addiction the causes of the addiction and what triggers us is very different. For example, someone that is addicted to porn may be particularly driven by the Sensory element (e.g. "looking" at naked women on the internet and the "feel" of touching themselves during masturbation). Another person may be triggered by Power and Control where they see opportunities to dominate vulnerable people. The purpose of the exercise is therefore to get you to describe a common ritual that you go through and to see if you can identify the different elements of the wheel that apply to you.

From your post you seem to have identified some of the elements but I do think that you would find it useful to list your ritual out and then perhaps put the elements you identify in capital in brackets afterwards, for example it might start off with:

1. As I leave work I see a co-worker that I find attractive and try to picture her naked and picture her having sex with me (FANTASY)
2. When I get home I have got myself into an aroused state through fantasising and turn on my PC and start to watch porn and images/clips that look like the co-worker (SENSORY - visual)
3. I start to touch myself as I watch the clips and get more turned on (MASTURBATION)

and so on

I think you will find it helpful to record it this way as it will then help with the later lessons. If you are still unclear then please ask but you might find it useful to look at other peoples' threads and see how they have responded to this so that you can then apply it yourself on the same basis. I don't want to create more work for you but if you record your new response to you thread then I think you may find benefit from that.

Know i understand that, thank you :g: I will try again


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2018 3:04 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 6:21 pm
Posts: 38
I will follow the learningtorun method in the Lesson 17
1.Often,before a relapse, I remember a porn image or video.
2.I take my phone go to the room to search that image/video
3.I start the masturbation,with the sensory stimulation(sounds,images,even smells)
4.I get the orgasm.
This is,generally, my ritual.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2018 4:06 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 6:21 pm
Posts: 38
Lesson 18
About fantasy:In the start of fantasy,just think was enough,but with the time, i went to my room and took my pillow and hugged it which made me have a realistic impression of my fantasy like a real women was there(Intensity and Habituation).With the time i don't had a change.
About pornography and masturbation:To masturbate with the right hand was so born...so i searched for different ways to masturbate,with 2 hands, with left hand etc...And the pornography,i started to search more different types of films,orgies,oral sex,and i started to add more sensory perceptions that i never had used before, per example i started to more pay attention to the sounds.With the time i made the famous
''Edging'' which was:I masturbate myself to the ''almost-orgasm'' and stop,and then started again,to have a intenser orgasm.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2018 1:04 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 417
Hi BBfM,

Well done for repeating Lesson 17 and listing out the various parts of the ritual. Would it be fair to say that the ritual ends with you feeling bad about what you had done (otherwise why would you have come to RN?) That would also be part of the ritual. So perhaps your ritual would be (I have underlined suggested additions):

1.Often,before a relapse, I remember a porn image or video. (FANTASY)
2.I take my phone go to the room to search and find that image/video (SENSORY - sight/ACCOMPLISHMENT)
3.I start the masturbation,with the sensory stimulation(sounds,images,even smells) (SENSORY -sight/smells/touch)
4.I get the orgasm. (ORGASM)
5.I feel guilt and shame and promise myself I will not do this again (GUILT/SHAME)

I'm sorry to keep bringing you back to this lesson but I can't stress enough how important this one is. If you are able to see that your ritual is not just one event but rather a chain of different elements that are all hooked together by taking various elements of the Sexual Compulsive Wheel then you will find this really helpful as you go through the next few lessons.

You have done a great job on Lesson 18 identifying where Time/Habituation/Intensity have come into play. Well done and keep up the good work. I hope this has helped.

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L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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