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 Post subject: Lesson #1 New
PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2014 6:44 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Lesson 1
Building a Healthy Foundation for Change

1)
a. I have actively committed to change this time, at first to make my SO happy, Now it is for me and to share a good life with my family.
b. No more guilt or shame because of these I caused a lot of pain and betrayal.
c. At first I felt as if I had to show change right away I was only fooling my self and hurting the people around me and myself.
2)
1. I do want to be completely honest with my SO.
2. To rebuild the trust between us
3. To be respected
4. Bring the family closer together
5. Do things together as a family
6. To be there for the family
7. Not to be selfish or self centered
8. More self-esteem.
9. I choose to cherish my life and relationship.
10. To regain my trust and transparency to my SO.

3) I can remember some of the episodes of my parents divorce I can remember when my Mother would leave saying she couldn’t take it, we my brothers and I always felt that is why she faught with my father and why she would leave and not come back for days, she didn’t want to be around us and why she didn’t love us, I know that wasn’t the case she loved us she wasn’t ready yet to settle down.
I have a long way to go I am committed and motivated to change this time with a brighter out look at the end no lies or secrets to stop the pain and shame


Last edited by D_GOODS on Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:03 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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 Post subject: New lesson #2
PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 10:04 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Respect
Respect for myself and the ones I love respect and transparency to my wife and family,to be unselfish and supportive in their choices Devotion and complete honesty to my wife, to earn back her trust in me so we can build a foundation our relationship can stand on and build from for a newer better beginning,to share our emotions together. To give my SO the life she wants and deserves
to really be there for her and my family when they need me for them to be able to count on me and to have true intimacy with my SO to have a solid foundation to grow from.Lesson 2
Establishing a Healthy Vision for My Life
I have the Motivation and power to change.


Find another part time job or a better full time job, so I can provide a better home for the family. To rid myself of the addiction and build trust with my spouse I would like to take the family to the ocean they have never seen it in person. To be able to have fun with the family go places and do things to remember. Look back and say we have done this. To help other people and family, so I can say I done my best, and be honest and forth coming and generous, no surprises for the family after I am gone no secrets or lies,
In the past I was reluctant to take peoples advise, I thought I could do it on my own with bits and peaces of reading and doing it on my own, That was an excuse to fall back on when I didn’t understand something I could interpret it my own way. I want to do it right to achieve respect, not have any out standing lies I have to try to remember or secrets that come back just when you think everything is good. I want to be able to look in my SO’s eyes and see happiness not pain. I am committed to becoming healthy and free of my addiction, to be there any time needed .To be happy in the life I have chose and strive to make it better each day. I have realized that I had much more in reality than any Temp fantasy can or could give.


Last edited by D_GOODS on Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:14 pm, edited 7 times in total.

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 Post subject: Lesson 4
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 9:14 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
1) Self respect
1a) Monitor my anger learn turn it in to a possitive
1B) master my emotions define them
2) Reach my full potential
3) Integrity
4) Atonamy
5) Being Dedicated
6) Honesty
7) being Transparent
8) Responsibility
9) Strengthen my role as a partner and build trust be more informing to my wife.
10) Being connected to purpose,meaning of life
11) Guiding role for our children
12) Complete satisfaction of and for my wife
13) Organization
14) Being reliable
15)Not allowing my trauma and my fears to control my life


Last edited by D_GOODS on Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:25 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Lesson 5
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 7:49 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
1) Not allow my trauma and fears to control my life and dreams
2) Autonomy in my morals,to be able to make rational decisions.
3) Self respect, grow and mature my life
4) Responsibility
5) Respect for others
6) To build Integrity, my quality of being honest and stronger morals.
7) Transparency and Honesty
8) Reach my full potential
9) Connection to purpose and meaning for life
10) Being reliable
11)Strengthen role as a partner
12) To be a better Guiding role for our children and be there for them when they need it
13)To have better Organization in my life.
14) Being dedicated
15) Feel good about myself and have a good direction in my life


Last edited by D_GOODS on Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:18 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Retraction
PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 7:41 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
You have to remember you are not alone,I only cared about myself,I know have to gain back trust and respect from my SO
Last edited by D_GOODS on Sat Jun 21, 2014 6:34 am, edited 1 time in total.


Last edited by D_GOODS on Mon Aug 03, 2015 11:34 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Better
PostPosted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 7:20 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
I have been finding myself dumb founded at some of the lessons,I find myself not knowing the meaning of some of the words,I have to grab a dictionary to grasp the meaning,and go back in and con't the lessons, at times I dont get back to the lessons right away.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Better
PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2014 7:54 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
I have been away from this sight for some time,No i did not relapse I have been seeking other help from programs have even started seeing a therapist.I have been doing well. Haven't messed with any porn for some time I have had twinges when I have wanted to but I take a cool off time and It works for me a walk or just thinking of the good times with my SO. I will be getting back into the courses I still have alot to learn and except


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 Post subject: Re:lesson 6
PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 10:32 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Lesson 6
Active plan


Assist my wife in her healing
Communicate with her more and honestly
Show her I do care and be there for her
Listen more closely to her
To re assure her it will be all right
Do things together, walks, games


Work on my health
Take my medication required
Follow through with pain management
Complete my recovery


Work around the house
Assist in getting chores done
Helping my wife
Joining together to complete jobs side by side


Last edited by D_GOODS on Thu Aug 06, 2015 10:20 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re:Lesson 7
PostPosted: Fri Dec 26, 2014 11:09 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Getting my health back on track in two (2) ways
1) Getting my physical health taken care of to be around awhile longer.
2) Getting my emotional health on track rid self of addiction.
Check out movies and Tv shows before viewing, not just of listing
Assist the children when needed as needed.
Become closer to wife and kids. Set down for talks, play family games,go to the park. get away from computer.
have more patients and understanding with them,They are growing and learning,want knowledge.
Self respect, have more confidence and dignity in myself,read more
Learn to be more aware of others feeling and more receptive of others,not self centered.especially with wife.
earn the respect and trust of my wife,and be patient,I messed up not her.
be more positive and out spoken,not jump to snap answers,think of how i say it before I say it.
Honest forth coming transparent,One of the hardest parts of these lessons,your mind has been trained to deceive even you
Improving maintaining communications,Listen to my wife and talk to her understand her feelings
Learn from my mistakes turn them into positives
Organize and maintenance at home
Repair the things that need fixed or replaced maintenance on vehicles,mother in-laws home,yard and relationship.
Support and encouragement to my wife, be there when ever needed to comfort in any means as she has been 110 %
Explore additional options with wife,doing more things she enjoys to do.
Include wife in decision making,shopping and money spending,Things to do and places to go
Work as partners talk about and share experiences
Reach out to one another
Offer verbal conformation,Appreciation,and Admiration and Love
Support her in her judgements
Move our relationship forward be Committed and understand and share her feelings
Control my emotions not let them control me,learn to understand them,re-direct the negative emotions toward positive ones


Last edited by D_GOODS on Tue Aug 11, 2015 8:34 am, edited 5 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re:Lesson 10
PostPosted: Thu Jan 01, 2015 11:05 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Yes I wish to continue my partnership,no I don't wish to deceive or hurt her any further
I do still find myself looking at other women, just quick glances,wont let myself look back,don't want detail.Think of setting at the park,playing cards and a million other things to do.
I have been going to a therapist I have not been deceiving them I have opened up fully with my trauma,porn and voyeurizum
I need to learn trust myself

X rated DVDs in dresser draw
Down loaded porn on disks in van bedroom and basement.
4 separate flash drives with down loaded porn stashed in bedroom basement and in separate compartment in rear of van.
Several porn mags hidden on top of heat duct in basement
Several porn mags hidden under rear seat of van with rag and lotion.
Mags hidden under bottom draw in bathroom female panties hidden under drawer above it.
Voyeur pics on dvds from secret camera since been destroyed.
reminded me of a person during my trauma that was gentle and decent to me during event,I took pictures and voyeur so I would remember other person.
I can no longer allow my trauma to take blame for my actions.

Van for Private viewing of mags or lap top with DVDs then going to bath room to masturbate
Bedroom to view porn on computer.
Basement to view porn Bathroom to masturbate
Depending on person and clothing summer cloths tight stretchy pants tight tops you can see outline of bra the more skin the less to fantasize about would have fantasies of what they would look like nude,what type of panties,matching bra color sheer,lace or both.


Last edited by D_GOODS on Thu Aug 20, 2015 11:36 am, edited 4 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re:Lesson 12
PostPosted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 10:47 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
I had felt forced at first I am here now of my own choice.
Reading isn't easily understood become bored
Not to manipulate my spouse
listen
In my lessons I have learned it is for me and only I can do it. It is good to have the support.
I felt as if it wasn't a problem and I could deal with it. I could not
I blamed my trauma and the things that happened to me,and let it control my life.
I felt as if I wasn't enough,not good enough,for a relationship.
I felt as if I was damaged,unworthy not a complete man.
I kept things to myself instead of sharing
Made excuses and Lied when it wasn't needed


Last edited by D_GOODS on Tue Sep 01, 2015 11:28 am, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 8:31 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Did I act in a suspicious behavior today.
Was I attentive to my so needs
Did I have purpose, was I active in recovery today.
Did I use any deception today.
If so why and for what reason.
Was there any non sexual intimacy with my SO today.
Did I complete repairs around the house today
Did I help others
Did my SO and I set down just to talk and Interact
Did I honestly listen and respond today
Work on recognizing my triggers.
Was there a stressful point for the day if so how did it begin?
How did I deal with it?


Last edited by D_GOODS on Sun Oct 11, 2015 7:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re:Lesson 15
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 11:44 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
I have learned from a Psychiatrist My sexual and porn addiction is rooted back to my trauma wanting to do more to give pleasure and receive it with out feeling abused or the pain I took myself to and past the pain and pleasure thresh hold and even after I was no longer in that situation I kept it up for pleasure and at times to see if I could take the pain, My porn addiction had me always looking for memories at first and then just for pleasure hot out fits I liked and out fits I was forced to wear and outfits they wore everything ran together,yes I had fantasies of women I would see wearing certain panties Sheer,thong types I was forced to wear on some one else a female not me and it would give me the pleasure the arousal,I have been more sensitive to my so compliment her more. Still have problems bringing up things that feel embarrassing.


Last edited by D_GOODS on Mon Nov 09, 2015 11:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Lesson 16
PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 12:41 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Lesson 16
It helped me remember at first the thing I didn't want to forget,Some was pleasurable and some was pain, to cope with the daily moments that upset me work family problems,Money problems would all go away while I was searching
I admit I really didn't want to forget the pleasurable times.
It made me feel like a man again not an object. I was in control.


Last edited by D_GOODS on Wed Nov 11, 2015 10:53 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Lesson 17
PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 8:30 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Lesson 17

The past made me feel as if I was not and could not be in control and couldn't change the situation
Had no power to change the situation
Fear
Relief the pain wasn’t there any longer.
Time I controlled the length of the situation and the anguish.
Fantasy I would use aids (porn) and toys in my anal masturbation to replace the memories of the real thoughts and memories I
Controlled the moment
Even after the trauma was over I attempted to control the memories and fear
By remembering the people,clothing and sexual acts done to me that I began to go along with and do to myself
To do and view different things to make myself orgasm which they could not view different types of porn use larger dildos with out pain to come to an orgasm.
Pleasure I enjoyed some of the thing done to me and the attention most the time,and tried to experience it again with out the embarrassment.


Last edited by D_GOODS on Sun Nov 15, 2015 7:43 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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