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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2019 2:21 am 

Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2018 5:14 pm
Posts: 38
Lesson 28

Recent acting out behaviour:

1. Reflecting on my past behaviour - made me feel guilty and shameful.
2. Saw a woman at work and noticed she was good looking.
3. Felt guilty and anxious for finding her good looking.
4. Became more aware of my thoughts and behaviour around this person.
5. Put pressure on myself not to think anything inappropriate.
6. Felt an inevitable sense that I would create a sexual image about her.
7. Felt guilty and anxious that I was thinking of fantasising.
8. Tried to think of other things to take my mind off the urge.
9. Gave in to mounting pressure of not thinking something sexual, and pictured the woman giving me oral sex.
10. Fantasy brought feeling of power, of being desired.
11. Aware that I could become aroused by this if I let it carry on.
12. Quickly thought of something else.
13. Felt guilty and shameful for having had a sexual thought about the woman.

On reflection, a ritual like this no longer gives me pleasure, it only makes me feel worse. That said, I recognise the potential for this kind of behaviour to change my emotions in positive ways - if I was to re-engage with it properly.

Other elements I could theoretically add to increase the intensity:

- spend longer on the fantasy image
- expand the fantasy to include other sex acts with the woman
- include romantic elements to increase the feeling of being desired
- use the fantasy image at a later time to masturbate
- flirt with the woman to make myself feel desired
- stare at her feet if there is an opportunity, thus chaining two rituals

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