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 Post subject: Re: The long road ahead!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 3:04 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 170
Thanks LTR.

I appreciate your comments.

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“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
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 Post subject: Re: The long road ahead!
PostPosted: Sat Jan 11, 2020 6:08 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 170
Lesson 41 & 42 Review
Quote:
Lesson 41)Mastering Boundary Awareness
Started the log for 1 month

Lesson 42) Mastering Rituals and Chains
I have read over the lessons 24 – 28, understand what I was doing and already feel I have moved on from them. Although will always be weary of the signs.


Lesson 41 has been one of the main ongoing topics for me:
There are situations that I have to discuss with W over the months, to make sure she knew what I was doing and why, there was occassional conflict. We have resolved these with conversation and worked out a plan each time.
For example - my SAA group allows both sexes to come to meetings although it is usually all males, but once a female did turn up without advance warning, so I told my W that evening and she was not happy! It was discussed and I agreed to leave if it happened again, I discussed this with my group so they all understood too.
It never did happen again but also W spoke to me again and it was decided that I would not have to leave but not engage in small talk with the person.
Now initially I felt frustrated by all this, because I had been honest and it would be affecting my recovery, but I also understood the issues W was still having. What I can say is that my values and boundaries , especially to W, were more important and there must have been some build up of trust for her to change her mind.

Lesson 42, As I said at the time, I have moved on, I never let myself slip back towards any rituals or chains that would lead me astray!
This has happened because of working this programme :w:

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
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T


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 Post subject: Re: The long road ahead!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 21, 2020 4:48 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 170
Lesson 44) Urge Control: Your Core Identity review

Quote:
Describe in your recovery thread the role that your core identity will play in helping you to establish/maintain a healthy life.
My core identity is making me realise what is important in my life, my marriage, my family, my work & leisure activities. In the first instance it has prevented me from even thinking about acting out, I have had no urges at all, I know the consequences are too great and for the first time in my life I think about these every day. It has given me a new lease of life.

Describe the role that value-based experiences will play in further developing your core identity.
I think about my values each morning, what is important to me and what is not, it is keeping me sober. As above I have had no urges as yet and feel good about that fact.

Take some time to examine the current state of your core identity. How in tune with it are you? When you engage in activity that is destructive, what role does your core identity play in that decision? How is it affected by the consequences of that decision?
I would say that I am totally in tune with it at the moment; one of the main things for me is openly discussing my addiction with W, and my day to day feelings right now.


I can definitely say that everything I wrote back in February has not changed.
There is one fault that sticks out for me at the moment and that is complacency, not the type that would lead me to act out, but the being proactive in my relationship. Things are just trundling along and it is my fault. W has so many issues with my past behaviours (quite rightly so)and it should be up to me to organise date nights/days or other joint activities and pull us closer together.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
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T


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 Post subject: Re: The long road ahead!
PostPosted: Sat Feb 01, 2020 9:53 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 170
Lesson 45) Urge Control: Isolating the Emotions review

I cannot say much on this topic because I have stuck to my recovery, but one quote stands out as it has been important in the way I think about things now.

Quote:
B) If I remove boredom & excitement from this, then it probably would not start at all.


It is not the case that this is the only reason I don't act out, but if you combine this with a will to not go back to the old ways, it certainly works for me.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
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T


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 Post subject: Re: The long road ahead!
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 3:52 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 170
Lesson 46) Urge Control: Isolating the Decision - review

I posted this pretty much 1 year ago and have stuck to my thoughts back then, although I have had no urges to speak of, and as commented before, I do not allow boredom to kick in.

My SAA sponsor asked my a great question last week that is kind of pertinent to this too.
" Have you changed or just learned to master your addiction?"

Well I can say for sure that I have changed and I would say still changing.
My thought processes are different and I have lost so much of my selfishness - something I am still working on.
At present I do not have to think about not acting out as it does not enter my head, no longer do I have the situation where I am alone and have to say to myself that I need to use my control measures.
I am not going to be complacent about this though, which is why I still come to RN everyday and go to my SAA group once a week.

I do get satisfaction from feeling this way and it gives me confidence going forward.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
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T


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 Post subject: Re: The long road ahead!
PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2020 4:34 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 170
The cost of porn!

In my now healthy existence, I can see things in a different light.
The amount of porn that I looked at over the years was excessive and I cannot count the number of wasted hours.
So in the first instance, the cost to my time and where it led me is incalculable!

However, there is another reality that I never cared or thought of in those dark days:
Who was making money from all this - very probably organised crime
Did the participants consent? A good question especially now as there is so much amateur stuff on the web and a recent case of rape in the news.
What does porn do to young minds? Teens and young adults that do not know better and have no idea of fantasy versus reality!
Objectification - of women especially!

I could go on & on, but it has made me realise that it is not a good thing and something I do not want to go back to.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
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