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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Thu Nov 07, 2019 6:12 am 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 19
Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? I did. Some anxiety over issues that I have to deal with and thought them through instead of being over reactive

Did I sacrifice authenticity for prideful behavior? In conversation I noticed sometimes I speak to hear myself.

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? No, I’m becoming more situationally aware and not feeding into it

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today?
I did, discussed/apologized for being controlling in our conversation about our son with my wife.

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today?
Listened actively about her worries about our kids dates.

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? I did.

Was I truthful in everything I discussed.
I was, Although I struggled about how to present it.

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes. Offered advice to my daughter


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment.
Decent , I need to work on better decisions ( regarding being truthful).




Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? Yes

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity ? No, I feel there is something I’m missing.

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? Sat and did nothing before dinner, could have read/studied.

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? I did. Checked on my wife , her back problems. Thanked her for being a special wife/ mom.

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today?
Yes.

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? No, difficult to accomplish with birthday dinner

Was I truthful in everything I discussed.
Yes

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes spiritually. As a husband and father. Communication


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment. Good. Still some ups and downs with secrets/truth, but it’s my decision, I can do better.


Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? I did. I notice the areas in my life that need work & I’m convicted when I fall short of addressing them.

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity ? I did , through better choices of what I listen to and allowing others points of view before mine

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? Still struggle with tv. I plan to get back into the foundations disciple book to help replace the behavior and get back into biking

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? Yes

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today?
Yes, made dinner. Asked about her day


Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? Yes

Was I truthful in everything I discussed. Yes

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes, spiritual. Father and husband and as member of our disciple group


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment.
Good. I think I need to work on “doing “ instead of thinking too much about what I need to work on.



Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? I did

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity r? I did, let others talk and listen to them instead of trying to puff up myself.

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? No.

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? I did, talked about our upcoming trip and spending time together.

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today? Helped around the home, made bfst

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? I did

Was I truthful in everything I discussed. I was

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Spiritually, husband and father


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment. Good, spent time with extended family/friends




Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? I didn’t fall into negative behavior despite the people around me.

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity r? I did in Sunday school, I was vulnerable in front of students about my past.

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? I did. I disengaged from reading or studying and watched football.

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? I did, we talked about our marriage as example for SS lesson (covenant).

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today?
I was. Helped with groceries/ clothes.

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? I didn’t, I need to plan for routine reading and studying.

Was I truthful in everything I discussed. Yes

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes, spiritually and as father/husband


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment. Good but looking for better and consistentsy




Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect? Yes, I’m seeing that through prayer and Rn the compulsive thoughts and behavior is kept at bay.

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity r? No, I still have the selfish desire for “self importance “ / to be recognized

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? Yes, tv again but did read disciple book before going to bed.

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? Yes, Talked about our camping trip and spending time together.

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today? Yes cooked. Encouraged her to get help for her back.

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? Almost.

Was I truthful in everything I discussed. Nearly everything.

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes. Spiritually, as husband and father. Asked kids about their day, offered to help them study


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment? Fair to good. I think with more focus,dedication and persistence I will continue to move forward.




Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? Yes

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity r?

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? I did (tv). Not much as before but I need to replace it with reading, exercise or studying.

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? I did, I texted her that I’m very thankful that God has blessed me with her. I need to start praying with her regularly.

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today? I was, I made dinner, washed dishes and folded clothes. Prayed for her and her meeting at church.

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? I did

Was I truthful in everything I discussed. I was.

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment. Good, I’m learning that the ebb/flow are becoming more balanced as long as I appreciate it and deal with it effectively.






Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? For the most part, had some frustrating moments I could have handled better. Didn’t lose my temper or say anything I regret.

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity r? Yes and no,

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? Yes, less than yesterday. Not much time watching tv. Was packing for trip.

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? I did. Discussed difficult discussion of attending a funeral.

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today? I was. Helped her with the above. Helped pack stuff she normally does.

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? Almost.

Was I truthful in everything I discussed. Yes.

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes.


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment. Fair to good. Could have been worse. Intentional prayer in some challenging moments helped greatly- God delivered.


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:51 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 19
Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? I did. Some anxiety over issues that I have to deal with and thought them through instead of being over reactive

Did I sacrifice authenticity for prideful behavior? In conversation I noticed sometimes I speak to hear myself.

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? No, I’m becoming more situationally aware and not feeding into it

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today?
I did, discussed/apologized for being controlling in our conversation about our son with my wife.

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today?
Listened actively about her worries about our kids dates.

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? I did.

Was I truthful in everything I discussed.
I was, Although I struggled about how to present it.

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes. Offered advice to my daughter


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment.
Decent , I need to work on better decisions ( regarding being truthful).




Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? Yes

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity ? No, I feel there is something I’m missing.

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? Sat and did nothing before dinner, could have read/studied.

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? I did. Checked on my wife , her back problems. Thanked her for being a special wife/ mom.

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today?
Yes.

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? No, difficult to accomplish with birthday dinner

Was I truthful in everything I discussed.
Yes

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes spiritually. As a husband and father. Communication


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment. Good. Still some ups and downs with secrets/truth, but it’s my decision, I can do better.


Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? I did. I notice the areas in my life that need work & I’m convicted when I fall short of addressing them.

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity ? I did , through better choices of what I listen to and allowing others points of view before mine

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? Still struggle with tv. I plan to get back into the foundations disciple book to help replace the behavior and get back into biking

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? Yes

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today?
Yes, made dinner. Asked about her day


Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? Yes

Was I truthful in everything I discussed. Yes

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes, spiritual. Father and husband and as member of our disciple group


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment.
Good. I think I need to work on “doing “ instead of thinking too much about what I need to work on.



Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? I did

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity r? I did, let others talk and listen to them instead of trying to puff up myself.

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? No.

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? I did, talked about our upcoming trip and spending time together.

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today? Helped around the home, made bfst

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? I did

Was I truthful in everything I discussed. I was

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Spiritually, husband and father


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment. Good, spent time with extended family/friends




Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? I didn’t fall into negative behavior despite the people around me.

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity r? I did in Sunday school, I was vulnerable in front of students about my past.

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? I did. I disengaged from reading or studying and watched football.

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? I did, we talked about our marriage as example for SS lesson (covenant).

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today?
I was. Helped with groceries/ clothes.

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? I didn’t, I need to plan for routine reading and studying.

Was I truthful in everything I discussed. Yes

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes, spiritually and as father/husband


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment. Good but looking for better and consistentsy




Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect? Yes, I’m seeing that through prayer and Rn the compulsive thoughts and behavior is kept at bay.

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity r? No, I still have the selfish desire for “self importance “ / to be recognized

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? Yes, tv again but did read disciple book before going to bed.

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? Yes, Talked about our camping trip and spending time together.

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today? Yes cooked. Encouraged her to get help for her back.

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? Almost.

Was I truthful in everything I discussed. Nearly everything.

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes. Spiritually, as husband and father. Asked kids about their day, offered to help them study


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment? Fair to good. I think with more focus,dedication and persistence I will continue to move forward.




Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? Yes

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity r?

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? I did (tv). Not much as before but I need to replace it with reading, exercise or studying.

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? I did, I texted her that I’m very thankful that God has blessed me with her. I need to start praying with her regularly.

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today? I was, I made dinner, washed dishes and folded clothes. Prayed for her and her meeting at church.

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? I did

Was I truthful in everything I discussed. I was.

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment. Good, I’m learning that the ebb/flow are becoming more balanced as long as I appreciate it and deal with it effectively.






Did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today? For the most part, had some frustrating moments I could have handled better. Didn’t lose my temper or say anything I regret.

Did I replace prideful behavior with authenticity r? Yes and no,

Did I engage in compulsive behavior today? Yes, less than yesterday. Not much time watching tv. Was packing for trip.

Did I initiate at least one meaningful conversation with my wife today? I did. Discussed difficult discussion of attending a funeral.

Was I attentive to my wife’s needs today? I was. Helped her with the above. Helped pack stuff she normally does.

Did I follow through with everything I said I was gonna do? Almost.

Was I truthful in everything I discussed. Yes.

Did I role play at least 1 reactive action plan today? Yes.


How would I describe my overall emotional balance and stability at the moment. Fair to good. Could have been worse. Intentional prayer in some challenging moments helped greatly- God delivered


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2019 3:28 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 19
It’s been a struggle the past two weeks with trying to be consistent with RN. I think it’s multifactorial; lack of persistence, out of routine and not following through with plans. I am thankful for situational awareness and trying figure out wrong choices, to work through to correct them, & not acting on impulse. I’m praying to “ take captive every thought and making it obedient to Christ “ & trying to do what honors God. I believe I need lots of reps.


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2019 10:52 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3893
Location: UK
Hi C

Quote:
It’s been a struggle the past two weeks with trying to be consistent with RN

the fact that you realise and admit this is positive :g:

you know that change is not easy but it is inevitable
you should also know that you get to choose the direction of change
know the benefits of a healthy value based life and the ensure that you attain it
its not easy but but it is worth it

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Mon Dec 02, 2019 5:29 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 19
Exercise 16.
Stress for sure. I can see now that being addicted to smokeless tobacco at an early age acted as a stress relief for dealing with a dysfunctional family ( dad- alcoholic and physically abusive /absentee dad. Mom- enable, not very attentive/worked nights). Not many filters at home growing up. Watched hbo, Cinemax etc. & started drinking in high school. Looking back I’m pretty sure I used both alcohol and porn as a form of release from stress and a means of comfort. “In the moment “, they also provided temporary sense of pride (false), and satisfied my emotions of sadness, frustration and anger. The alcohol and porn provided an “out” or escape from having to deal with the issues at hand. Fantasies provided a temporary feeling of self worth and power.


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2019 6:58 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 19
Exercise 17.
Suspense-taking time/denying my orgasm during intercourse with my wife to bring her to orgasm first. Stimulate her either by foreplay or try both manual and intercourse and at my heightened arousal “pull out “ to avoid ejaculation until she has an orgasm.
Accomplishment-with held as long as possible, euphoria experienced shortly after she orgasms, then I do as well.

Fantasize about tv/porn/ R movie/ actresses/ or other women. Putting different scenarios/acts together in my mind, thinking I’m the only one capable of pleasing them.
Suspense- taking time to build the images through recall, how the woman approaches me , welcomes my advances, and which position to please her most. Prolonging orgasm by limiting/taking breaks during self stimulation, thinking about different positions. Accomplishment, withheld as long as possible.


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2019 8:33 am 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 19
Exercise 18: not drawing too much attention to myself while lying next to my wife at night but making subtle hints/touches to give slight indications of sexual interest (suspense). Gradually increasing hints and at the same time (fantasizing )about how she’ll respond/what she’ll do. Allow her to stimulate me by hand (sensory) while I do for her. (Fantasize) more towards oral stimulation (sensory) from her while making hints of direction: scooting up in bed a bit (suspense). Allow the oral stimulation but only to a point where it’s possible to orgasm if any further/heightened arousal happens (sensory/suspense). If successful (accomplishment?) in prolonging my orgasm I further delay it (suspense)by giving her oral stimulation. Once she’s (accomplished) her orgasm I try and further delay (suspense)my (orgasm) entering her vagina while she stimulates herself. If I’m able to maintain control (power) of my rhythm/intensity until she has orgasmed then I will as well, hoping to time it with hers, most times out of rhythm and more forcefully or aggressive (power) in the belief that she likes it that way. (Accomplishment?)


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Tue Jan 21, 2020 5:09 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 19
I believe the early childhood sexual abuse (5 years old approximately) encounters had a major impact on my childhood. Still not sure if it was my sister (10 years older) or her female friend/babysitter, what I do remember is that it was a profound feeling , her taking my hand and placing it down her underwear. A few years later I had an aunt who visited and routinely greeted me with a kiss that was far from a peck on the cheek. I think these experience led me to a more promiscuous lifestyle around others. Once when we visiting my cousins who were close in age (year or two) of each of us it wasn’t long before we were kissing cousins and having sex before puberty. I didn’t think it was morally wrong at that age as I thought of it more as don’t get caught maybe because we “weren’t married” (excitement/danger). As I got a few years older I believe the excitement of kissing a girl probably increased my desire for more to where I’m pretty certain “going out/ dating” and developing a healthy relationship was furthest from my mind. The goal was to achieve excitement from moving from a kiss on the lips to French kissing and progressing “around the bases” as far as I could, trying to achieve the original excitement or better. Shortly after puberty A girl in the neighborhood during a dare/challenge we found ourselves in her bedroom having sex. I discovered porn in the form of hustler magazine at my cousin’s house and from that moment on whenever I got the urge which was frequent I fulfilled it by looking at pictures and masturbating. If I couldn’t find a porn magazine to masturbate with I would use my memory of the images from the last porn magazine I saw. My parents were fairly attentive, there were 6 of us children. I was the last child up until I was 10. My dad was a disciplinarian, mostly with a belt and for me a lot of times when he was drunk was the worst. When my dad was sober he was fairly good to me. My parents both worked nights so the tv was pretty much unfiltered ( hbo, cinimax showtime...), as well as my behavior outside the house ( they usually slept during the day ). So now I was able to view soft to medium core porn while my parents were at work. Sometimes even when my dad was home he didn’t seem to mind that I was watching the same risqué movies he was. As I entered my teens I only remember girls as being a means to an end (sex) if I could get it. Sure we “dated” but the only thing on my mind most of the time was going further than I did last time. Getting reassurance from guy friends helped reinforce the behavior and little instruction from my dad other than “don’t bring a pregnant girl home to your mother” basically was all the go ahead i needed. I can see how back then the need to see more vivid pictures of porn grew, although they were not always available. these progressed from simple-full frontal nudity to different positions, to oral and anal, to lesbian sex, & threesomes. This most likely resulted from not knowing behaviorally how to deal with the early sexual traumatic events and ongoing verbal, physical abuse and neglect. I believe as a got older and understood that the sexual behavior was wrong I became ashamed and had regret even though I drew excitement from the feeling when remembering. What I didn’t know was that in addition to the “cycle of behavior” I was also repressing the trauma and not dealing with it in a healthy manner. When I couldn’t watch a risqué movie I would try feed the excitement urge by looking through lingerie ads, auto magazines or whatever I could. Of course when that fell through I learned how to “ pull up” pictures of nude women in my mind and fantasize/masturbate. This would carry on into my high school years even while dating. It never seemed to be a big deal. I would see it (nudity, soft porn, masturbation..) in movies portrayed as “normal “. It was easy to use sex as a stress relief when movie scenes demonstrated such ( “c’ mon Lisa I need to go work off some stress”). I believe porn and mastubation were a means to avoid confrontation or escape at times and feel a sense of comfort. * additional post to follow *


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